The Language of Letting Go: February 25th

Accepting Imperfection

"Why do I do this to myself?" asked a woman who wanted to lose weight. "I went to my support group feeling so guilty and ashamed because I ate half a cookie that wasn't on the diet. I found out that everyone cheats a little, and some people cheat a lot. I felt so ashamed before I came to the group, as though I were the only one not doing my diet perfectly. Now I know that I'm dieting as well as most, and better than some."

Why do we do this to ourselves? I'm not talking strictly about dieting, I'm talking about life. Why do we punish ourselves by thinking that we're inferior while believing that others are perfect - whether in relationships, recovery, or a specific task?

Whether we're judging others or ourselves it's two sides of the same coin: perfection. Neither expectation is valid.

It is far more accurate and beneficial to tell ourselves that who we are is okay and what we are doing is good enough. That doesn't mean we won't make mistakes that need correcting; doesn't mean we won't get off track from time to time; doesn't mean we can't improve. It means with all our mistakes and wandering, we're basically on course. Encouraging and approving of ourselves is how we help ourselves stay on track.

Today, I will love and encourage myself. I will tell myself that what I'm doing is good enough, and I'll let myself enjoy that feeling. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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The quest for 'perfection' is unattainable, yet, I find myself trying to BE perfect ANYWAY! I think I do that so I can give UP.............trick myself into thinking if I can't do it perfectly, don't do it at ALL! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh............OFF the hook.

What a crock.

Just the disease of addiction playing it's usual games with my head.

I reserve my feelings of 'shame' for acts that deserve shame. I will let the punishment fit the crime..........eating 1/2 a cookie is no cause for 'shame', certainly.  I was raised with shame...........all the 'fattening' foods were hidden away and counted. So, if I 'stole' a few cookies, I'd be 'caught' and made to feel like a thief and someone without any 'willpower'.  I was fat, after all, and not entitled to eat like others.  I had to be On A Diet all the time.  I had to eat carrots and celery sticks and canned tuna fish while everyone else was eating Delicious Food.  I deserved to be 'punished' because I was fat.

Then we wonder where we learned 'shame'?

There is no shame with regard to food. I am entitled to eat, just like all other human beings, and I don't have to do so over the kitchen sink, like a thief in the night, or in my car where nobody can see me, or sneaking leftovers off of dirty plates while scraping them.

For today, I approve of myself AS IS.  I will love and encourage myself. I will tell myself that what I am doing IS GOOD ENOUGH and I'll allow myself to enjoy that feeling.

For today, I will be human.