The Language of Letting Go: August 22nd

Responsibility for Family Members

I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me.
—Anonymous

For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other people's feelings had its roots in childhood and was established by members of our nuclear family. We may have been told that we made our mother or father miserable, leading directly to the idea that we were also responsible for making them happy. The idea that we are responsible for our parents' happiness or misery can instill exaggerated feelings of power and guilt in us.

We do not have this kind of power over our parents - over their feelings, or over the course of their lives. We do not have to allow them to have this kind of power over us.

Our parents did the best they could. But we still do not have to accept one belief from them that is not a healthy belief. They may be our parents, but they are not always right. They may be our parents, but their beliefs and behaviors are not always healthy and in our best interest.

We are free to examine and choose our beliefs.

Let go of guilt. Let go of excessive and inappropriate feelings of responsibility toward parents and other family members. We do not have to allow their destructive beliefs to control our feelings, our behaviors, our life, or us.

Today, I will begin the process of setting myself free from any self-defeating beliefs my parents passed on to me. I will strive for appropriate ideas and boundaries concerning how much power and how much responsibility I can actually have in my relationship with my parents.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

__________________
My Health Coach Website
My Blog

 

*********************************************************************

 

This reading resonates strongly with me. I've carried the burden of trying to make my parents happy for the past half-a-century. I always fall short of that goal........I almost get there, and then WHAM! Another failure.  

 

Awhile ago, I finally gave up thinking it was my responsibility to make them happy. I am not responsible for their feelings, nor have I been appointed The Entertainment Committee.  I do not have this power nor do I deserve to suffer guilt over not being the perfect daughter.

 

Destructive & dysfunctional beliefs have indeed been passed down to me, but it is MY responsibility to set myself free from that thinking!

How does all of this have anything to do with compulsive overeating? Every time I am in my parents' presence, it's all I can do not to run down to the crack-house grocery store and buy me a big ole bag of junk food to 'comfort' myself. Nobody on earth has the power to make me feel badly about myself like my folks.  Then, when I get to feeling that way, why not punish my 'bad self' with garbage?

I've taken my mother grocery shopping and found myself holding onto a bag of junk food, just for the feeling of security it gave me!

For today, I will strive to set boundaries my with parents; I will continue the process of setting myself free from self-defeating beliefs and negative thought processes that were passed along to me. 

For today, I will trust God to guide me accordingly. And I will trust my Food Plan to keep me on the straight & narrow.......to be my security blanket in times of stress.