Recovery Meditations: August 20th

~ I AM ~

"I yam what I yam."

Popeye, the Sailor Man


When did I start believing that being myself was bad? Was it the first time I did something 'wrong' in the eyes of an adult? Do I remember the day I went from being a bright-eyed child to a shadow of a being? Whenever it occurred, as time progressed, I began to trust that being myself was somehow shameful.

It's hardly a wonder that I turned to food and other addictions. After all, food never spoke badly of me, yet it did darken my spirit. Every compulsive bite dampened my light.

Thank God for this program! It has taught me that those people of my past, however well-meaning, were wrong. Being me is good. In fact, it's better than good. It's wonderful! Without me, this world would be a little darker, a little more lost. That is why I am here, why God created me, to be a light for the world.

One Day at a Time . . .
I realize that it is through God and this fellowship that I am able to shine.

~Debbie~

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I do remember the first time I started believing that being myself was bad. It was when I was told I was adopted, at the age of 5 years old. That knowledge tore my world apart, and left me feeling alienated and belonging to nothing and nobody. Alone in the Universe.

 

If my own mother 'didn't want' me, abandoning me after my birth, how could I possibly be worth anything?

 

I would spend the next several decades asking that question and seeking an answer.

 

Excess food helped me cope with my 'shame' and 'unworthiness.'  Food helped me cope with being different. Food helped me stuff down that which could not be processed, as a small child.  Unfortunately, food also squashed down my spirit & dampened my light.

 

I am a child of God, created by Him to be a light for the world.  I am unique and lovable, a member of the human race and I am NEVER alone in the Universe.  

 

For today, and for every other day of my life, I am good enough.