Recovery Meditations: April 8th

~ Willingness ~

I cannot change what I am unwilling to face.

James Baldwin


Before I found this program I was locked in a battle with myself. I knew I was eating too much, and I couldn't help myself. I tried to control my eating, and for a while, I was able to keep the upper hand. Then something would happen in my life, and I'd lose that control.

I couldn't face the fact that I was a compulsive eater. I couldn't bear to think that I had a disease that kept me in bondage to food. So during the time I was in denial about my eating, I continued sinking deeper into my disease of compulsion. I sought comfort in food, and did some serious damage to my body, to my self-esteem, and to my relationships.

It was only after I hit bottom that I realized that I had to face the facts. I had a disease that had me in a death grip, and there wasn't one thing I could do about it. When I found this program, I found hope. I discovered a Higher Power who could help me do what I'd never been able to do before. I slowly began to see the changes I'd tried all my life to effect on my own. But it didn't happen until I became willing to face the truth, until I became willing to ask God for help.

One Day at a Time . . .
I am willing to face my disease
and let my Higher Power help me overcome it.

~ Jeff ~

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Facing my disease means I stop fighting it.  I surrender........I wave the white flag, admitting defeat. I can't do this alone.......my disease is bigger than I am.  I am powerless over food, and my life has become unmanageable.

To admit defeat is to release myself from the bondage of addiction.  To accept the terms of it, instead of fighting it tooth and nail, means I'm finally willing to stick to a structured food plan every day, regardless of emotional upheavals or inner turmoil.

The food plan prevents me from eating due to inner turmoil.  It prevails, not me. My 'hunger' tries to convince me to overeat......and denial about COE tries to tell me I can handle 'a taste.'  I can't.

For today, I accept the terms of my disease and ask God to help me deal with it seriously.  It's a life or death situation, and I choose life, one day at a time.