Recovery Meditations: April 19th

~ HAPPINESS ~

The greatest happiness you can have
is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.

William Saroyan


How many times during my life have I said that all I want is "just to be happy." We are told early on that our legacy is "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Did you notice that our forefathers used the word "pursuit?" How very wise they were.

Happiness is not automatic. Life is difficult and it's supposed to be that way. If we expect happiness and we expect life to be easy, at some point in time we are going to be very disappointed. I thought eating food made me happy and it did ... for a short time. There were other temporary compulsions in my life that made me think I was happy ~ but again for only a short time.

As I began to work the Steps, I began to desire something other than happiness. I found myself yearning for serenity ... and I found it. The way I found it was by not expecting the world and everyone in it to make me happy. I learned that life was more of an adventure than a bowl of cherries. I learned that the more I expected from people, places and things, the more disappointed I was ... and the more disappointed I became, the less happy I was.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will not require happiness. But when I least expect it .... happiness will find me.

~ Mari ~

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Somewhere along the line, I thought I had to pursue happiness, and find it, at ANY cost.  Seeking happiness through excess food was a short lived endeavor indeed!!!!!  What started out as an extra snack quickly turned into a nightmare of binges, where there was never 'enough.'

I define happiness differently these days. Once upon a time, happiness meant pure comfort, money, excess, status and things of that nature.  Nowadays, happiness means serenity, acceptance, and relief from obsessive thinking.  A good day used to mean something totally different than it does now.

Today, a good day means that I've surrendered my life to God and listened to His guidance as it came.  It means I haven't obsessed about what to eat or when to eat it. It means I am calm and peaceful, allowing life to unfold as it will, accepting what comes.  It means being happy with what I have instead of wanting something different.

I used to look to others to make me happy.  If only YOU did THIS, then I would be happy.  Today, I look within to find my happiness.  And, by the grace of God, I do.