Recovery Meditations: April 12th

~ Recovery ~

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Fannie Lou Hamer


I used to get so disgusted with myself. I was sick and tired of trying to lose weight because I always failed. I had lost weight several times but I would still feel ugly, fat and unacceptable to everybody else. The sickness and tiredness remained because I had not changed anything inside my head, just my body size! My past was still there and it continued to haunt me, and I was filled with the guilt and shame of the past.

A friend told me about this great program where I could discover what was really making me sick and how I could recover. She said, "You will have someone with you to help continually 24 hours a day, seven days a week."

"How can this be?" I asked.

She said, "Well, this wonderful program helps you recover by teaching you what really has been bothering you. Maybe it's things you are sorry you did or didn't do in the past, people you've hurt or who have hurt you."

"Do I need to leave home or pay a lot of money?" I asked.

She said, "No. You work it at home, at work and everywhere you go. The cost is nothing, except a desire to stop eating compulsively. Your continual help is your Higher Power and he never goes to sleep, he listens and helps you when you ask for his help."

"Wow, you mean I don't have to be sick and tired any more?"

"That's right and all it takes is Twelve small but important Steps, a lot of love, hugs, acceptance, trust and sincere honesty. It's easy and works as long as you work it."

One Day at a Time . . .
I don't need to be sick and tired of myself any more. I have a wonderful program with a lot of tools, friends and my Higher Power to help me. I can achieve recovery one day at a time ... it's a matter of progress, not perfection.

~ Jeanette ~

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Losing weight, for me, was always temporary, precisely because I didn't fix what was wrong with me on the inside.  I didn't like myself with a thin body any better than I liked myself with a fat body!

I deceived myself by thinking that all I had to do was cut down my food intake for a while to get thin, and then life would be perfect. What a delusion.  The problems I had as a fat woman were still there as a thin woman, and I had few coping skills in place to deal with those problems.

Dealing with compulsive overeating by going on another diet is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound; it merely covers the surface, and you eventually bleed to death.

Working the Steps and relying on God gives me a course in learning to love myself, from the inside out. Viewing myself as worthy, lovable and kind of heart helps me stop treating my body like a garbage can.  Suddenly, the thought of stuffing myself with unhealthy foods doesn't sound quite so appealing as it once did.

Following the Steps & working the program gives me a new perspective on life.  The food/weight obsessions begin to lift, finally, and I no longer view myself as a number on the scale or clothing tag. I view myself as a child of God, with a new purpose...........to love......both myself and others.  To give back.  To get out of my own head, putting my ego aside and accepting my place in the world, finally.

For today, I am grateful for the OA program because it's given me my life back, one day at a time.  Having food in its proper perspective, and not enslaving me, is a gift more priceless than gold or silver.