Recovery Meditations: April 17th

~ FORGIVENESS ~

Forgiving is not forgetting; it's letting go of the hurt.

Mary McCleod Bethune


When I first came into the program, I was so fired up with anger and resentment that I had no space for any other emotions. After all, I had the food which would anesthetize me against any emotions I didn't want to feel. I was angry with God for all the trauma and losses that had happened to me in my life. I blamed my mother for not being the kind of mother I wanted, which was, of course, why I ate. But the person towards whom I felt the most anger and resentment was my ex-husband, who never financially supported my children, making my financial burden and my present husband's very heavy. What made it worse was that he was good to the children and they thought he was great because they would have fun with him on a weekend, while we had all the financial responsibilty and resulting worry.

But when I came to Step Eight, my sponsor gently reminded me that I needed to forgive the people towards whom I felt the most anger, namely my mother and my ex-husband. My mother had passed away and so I had to write a long letter to her, forgiving her for not being the person I wanted her to be and also making amends to her for my part in it all. I realize now that she did the best she knew how, just as I have done with my children, and I have been able to forgive her with love. When it came to forgiving my ex-husband, I knew that I wasn't able forgive him in person, but I was able to write a letter to him which I never sent. In it, I forgave him for being the irresponsible person that he is. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. When my younger daughter had her 21st birthday, I could be there for her and not spoil it as I had done before, and in fact, I could be almost friendly to her father. As a result, the relationship with all my children has improved a hundredfold, but more importantly, I'm a much better person for it.

One day at a time...
I will forgive the people who have harmed me, let them go with love, and entrust them to their Higher Power.

~ Sharon ~

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'Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.'
~Nelson Mandela 

I need to forgive others primarily for me.............holding onto resentments will damage my soul and foul up my program, leading me to overeat, and to feel justified in doing so!  What a vicious cycle!  Self-pity leads to despair, which leads to the refrigerator.


I can easily blame everyone else for my problems. It's far less truthful to point the finger outward than it is to point it inward, looking within to find the reasons for my discontent.  If it's your fault, then it isn't my fault, and I now have an excellent excuse to stuff myself with excess food.


What a crock.


OA teaches truth & honesty. Without that, there is little chance for recovery, because I live in denial where fantasy prevails.  In that 'perfect world', I live for tomorrow, when life will be perfect. 

OA teaches me that tomorrow isn't here yet, and yesterday is gone.  All I have is today, and, for the next 24 hours, I can do anything. 

For today, God grant me the ability to forgive myself & others.  Allow me to let go of my resentments & to look at all of life through the eyes of love.