For Today: January 4th

To be alive is Power

Existence in itself

Without a further function

Omnipotence enough.

Emily Dickinson

I am alive.  I can make of that fact anything I want.  I need no terms or conditions to exercise the power of life.  All I have to do is live now.  It is enough.  There may be life in the future, and there was certainly life in the past, but my footing is in the present.  Today is where the past has its meaning, and where the future is shaped.  Looking far forward, mapping out my life in the future, I waste the power of the present.  And lingering in the past, twisting its circumstances and falsifying its memory is an injustice to both past and present.  I am thankful that my past has brought me to this present, where I am learning to use all my energy and spirit to live.

For Today:  I revel in the power of being alive, and I thank God I am not afraid to exercise it to the fullest today.

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I used to live for the future..........which kept me OUT of the present, and eating compulsively. 

"Down the road" was where I wanted to be.  "When I am thin" was when life would be good; when life would be perfect, and when all my troubles would be gone.


I always had to have something 'to look forward to', because my life in the moment wasn't what I wanted it to be.


I fantasized constantly. I existed in a Never-Never land where life was as I wanted it to be, not how it actually WAS.


I developed that behavior as a child.............in an effort to cope with my imperfect life and a situation that was unmanageable and out of MY control.  I built a fantasy land and in doing so, I kept reality away.


That coping mechanism was useful to me at the time. It served a purpose; it kept me functioning and it kept me from losing my mind, literally.


That old coping mechanism is no longer useful for me today.


Today, I am all grown up and capable of living in the present; of accepting reality for what it is, and not something I want it to be.

What was useful then is no longer useful now.  To live in a fantasy world is to feed my compulsion........to wish for a better life that does not exist.


For today, I am happy to live for today. I am happy to be where I am and I'm happy to be who I am.  I no longer need to dwell in the past or live for the future. 

For today, I am thrilled to live in the moment; with no expectation for tomorrow.  While I recognize the fact that my past has served its purpose in getting me to who and where I am today, I also recognize the fact that I do not have to dwell in that place of pain and misery.


For today, I choose to be happy, abstinent, and free of a debilitating disease that sucks the life right out of me. 

I choose to live now.