For Today: October 1st

All music jars when the soul's out of tune.
Miguel de Cervantes

Being human, there comes a time when I can't seem to do anything right.  I'm out of whack and irritable.  I don't want to pray, take the steps, go to a meeting, or talk to anyone.  I feel I need relief; maybe a light snack....?

Am I still trying to prove that, like normal eaters, I can occasionally eat just for pleasure, for a "pick-me-up" or to pass the time?  Do I really believe I can handle such eating?

When I'm out of sorts and think of food, it is "nature's" way of telling me to get to a meeting----fast.

For Today:  Thinking of eating is not eating.  I can't do anything about my thoughts, but I can certainly go to a meeting, call my sponsor, read program literature or say the Serenity Prayer.

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When I'm bored at work sometimes, my first thought is What Can I Eat?  That's my instinct......which I cannot change no matter what I do.  I don't have to act on that instinct by rushing off to the vending machine though.  I stick to my food plan & that squashes any thoughts of a binge. 

I have gone off to that vending machine in the past though...........thinking Oh I Can Handle A Snack.  I was wrong, of course, because I am a compulsive overeater and as such, I never stop at Just One Snack.  One turns into 20 because I've let the beast out of his cage when I made the decision to veer off of my food plan.

Some call that the "all or nothing" mentality, which it is, but it's also the compulsive overater's routine to deal with breaking abstinence.  Well, I tell myself, I've already blown it, so why not really blow it, have a full blown binge, and start back on my food plan tomorrow?

Because "tomorrow" may never come, that's why! I may get stuck in the binge mentality & have a relapse, regain, and return to insanity.

For today, I pray to stay the course with my food plan & put abstinence NUMBER ONE in my life, where it belongs.