For Today: March 9th

For Today: March 9^th

The real fault is to have faults and not to amend them.

Confucius

Anger, resentment, jealousy, envy, as Bill W. states in the Big Book, “are dubious luxuries of normal men.” For me, a compulsive overeater, they are poison. With defects unattended, the insanity of compulsive overeating returns and that is death, spiritually and emotionally if not physically. Have I been careless with my program? Do I get into ego-driven arguments? Do I sulk in silent scorn? Am I quick to criticize with a biting tongue? These are dangerous traps. They can destroy my ability to think or act with purpose.

I know that change is possible, that I do not have to live with these crippling defects. I have steps to follow, and they lead to freedom.

For today: I am ready to change---to be rid of the faults that are hampering my recovery

"Having a grievance or a resentment is like drinking poison and thinking it will kill your enemy.”

Nelson Mandela

When I struggle with my program, it inevitably means that one of my character defects is  leading ME by the nose.  If I tend to get a bit careless with my food selections & serving sizes, I am also prone to be sulking around with some chip on my shoulder at the same time.  Maybe my husband aggravated me, and I am turning toward food to squash the resentment I may be feeling.  When I recognize what I’m doing, I can sit down with him & express my feelings; why it is that he’s aggravated me. Perhaps he’s not cleaning up after himself which makes ME feel like a servant.  It’s easy to overeat when I feel less than worthy.

Isn’t THIS a big part of what’s at the root of compulsive overeating? Feeling the need to stuff food along with feelings, rather than getting them aired out & discussed? In some ways, it’s easier TO overeat and forget about the issue at hand. But then, I sacrifice my Abstinence which always always ALWAYS leads to misery & self-flagellation.  What a cycle.

If I want freedom, I must realize it comes with a price tag. I must first ask God to clear my mind so I will be receptive to His message & His guidance in handling the issue at hand.  I will ask for direction in choosing my words carefully, so as not to use a biting tongue which ruins my attempt at  a calm, purposeful  conversation. One of my biggest character defects is a sharp tongue & I pray to be relieved of that defect.  I get nowhere when I wind up saying things in an ugly fashion, or if I wind up having to make amends for bad behavior. If that bad behavior doesn’t START, I have nothing to make amends for.

For today, I pray that all who come in contact with me will feel better for it. I pray that I may be careful not to harbor those things in my heart that put people off. 

For today, I pray for a softer, gentler way with my words.