For Today: March 24th

For Today: March 24^th

“Mad” is the term we use to describe the man who is obsessed with one idea and nothing else.

Ugo Betti

I did not like the term insanity. A weight problem, yes. But I knew that if I could only find the right diet, the right doctor….Like many an addict before me, I had to try “by every means of self-deception and experimentation” to prove myself “the exception to the rule.”  Until I was ready to give up the excess food, which I thought I needed as much as I needed legs to walk on, nothing could have brought me to OA.

“But we will be restored to sanity” when we are ready.

I’m ready. To live a life of bleak and lonely addiction is no longer for me.

Yes, I am a compulsive overeater. Admitting it is the first step to freedom.

For Today: Am I willing to admit, deep down, that I’m like other compulsive overeaters? There is unimaginable freedom in that admission.

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Living in denial of what is, prevents me from living as I was intended to live; as God created me TO live. When I allow my ego to stand in my way, it leads me to believe I ‘have this covered’….that I am in control. I am NOT in control; I must surrender my life & my addiction over to God every single day if I am to live without the disease controlling ME. My compulsive overeating is stronger than my ego, it is stronger than me, it will take over & run my life when I think I ‘have this.’

The scariest part of the disease is when it strikes out of nowhere; when it threatens to overwhelm me with desire & tricks me into thinking I can take a bite/a slice/a taste and be OK. I can’t do that & be OK at the same time; that is impossible.

I either keep my addiction in the forefront of my mind, surrender it every day, or, it leads ME by a leash.

Period.

By the time I reached rock bottom in June of 2008, I was truly ready TO give up excess food, even though I thought I needed it to survive.

I don’t.

That was the Lie of compulsive overeating that spoke, not the truth. The truth is, I DO NOT need excess food, I only desire it from time to time.

For today, I pray to never forget how it felt to be obese; how it felt to be chained to an addictive substance that is stronger than me. 

For today, I pray to remember that this addictive substance may be stronger than ME, but it is NOT stronger than God & His love.

Nothing is.