For Today: August 7th

If you will please people, you must please them in their own way; and as you cannot make them what they should be, you must take them as they are.

Lord Chesterfield

I learned early on that pleasing people can make life pleasant.  Today I realize that people-pleasing as a way of life is carrying a good and natural impulse too far.

What freedom to know I am not all-powerful---that I cannot make people play the roles I create for them, no matter how excellent the casting.  OA teaches me to take people as they are.  There will always be some whose company I do not enjoy, but there are many others whose delight in simple things gives me joy.  It is good to be around those people.

For Today:  there is no finer way to treat people than to accept them as they are.

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When I recognize the fact that I can't change someone, then I can relax & accept them for who & what they are. I may not like them.........and that's ok...........because I have the ability to pick & choose the people I want to spend time with.  I accept my family members as they are and those who make it their goal to drive me crazy, I set down boundaries with.

I am not a door-mat, nor am I all-powerful. I am ME. I am working a program of recovery & in order to be successful at it, I have to behave myself in a certain fashion.   I am not in charge of the world, nor am I responsible for taking on the burdens OF the world.  It is not my job to fix someone else; it is my job to fix ME, to keep MYSELF on track, and to work my Steps of Recovery in the best way I possibly can.

I don't compare myself to others; I am unique and 'just right' as I AM.  I am loved in God's eyes and I AM good enough.  I no longer see myself through other people's eyes: I see myself through God's eyes & the eyes of TRUTH that look back at me from within myself.

For Today: August 6th

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Author unknown

Overeaters Anonymous appeared in my life when I was ready for it.  I was not spiritually teachable until my illness forced me to look in that direction.  It was all that was left; no human power could relieve my compulsion.

I am not entirely free of the pride and arrogance that shut out growth.  The process of recovery seems to involve alternately giving up my will and taking it back.  This creates periodic setbacks, but each time it happens I learn something.

For Today:  I have three ways of checking on my teachability:  Am I open to suggestions? Do I avoid judging without investigation? Do I seek to know-------and do----God’s will?

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I had to reach rock bottom before I became ready & willing to embrace a program of recovery. Until then, I lost & gained weight, lived in denial, made lots of excuses for why I 'couldn't' lose weight, and I stayed fat & miserable.  When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Until then, it's just a waste of time & effort.

When I was running the world & in charge of everyone & everything, I was not teachable; I knew it all. Pride goeth before the fall I suppose. Nowadays, while I may not want to hear everything that's said to me, I am able to accept it and learn from it. Staying open & teachable is a gigantic key to recovery.

For today, I will work on the 'avoid judging without investigation' suggestion.

For Today: August 5th

I myself believe that the evidence for God lies primarily in inner personal experiences.

William James

The stories of many OA members disclose that the existence of God became real to them only when they experienced surrender and spiritual awakening in this program.  A number of these individuals had always believed in God, and some were active members of religious denominations before coming to OA.

One does not need prior belief, however, to have a spiritual experience. In the OA literature and at meetings, we find atheists and agnostics who describe their surrender of the problem and acceptance of a spiritual solution in the same terms.

Spiritual experience is open to all.  If it does not come immediately, be willing to wait in the knowledge that it will come as a result of working the steps.

For Today:  I believe that this is a program of spiritual recovery and that all I have been able to do thus far is evidence of God as I understand God working in my life.

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Faith; that’s what surrender & commitment to OA involves. Faith that I will look and feel better if I comply with my program of abstinence. Faith that God knows what’s best for me, even BETTER than I do. Faith that happiness & serenity await me on the other side of fear & anguish. 

Everything I’ve accomplished over the past 3 years of abstinence is due to God working in my life; of that fact I have NO doubt.  God was able to do for me what I was unable to do for myself.

Without faith, I would still be obese & unhappy, eating myself into a coma & believing, hopelessly, that there was NO way out for the likes of me.

A spiritual reawakening of this magnitude is life changing..........and mind-boggling, too.  After growing up in the Catholic church, going to parochial school & to mass about 1 million times, I wound up finding God through a program of Recovery; in other words, I found Him when I was ready TO find Him.  And the help & guidance He has given me is priceless.  For that I am so very grateful.

For Today: August 4th

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall

That wants it down.

Robert Frost

I try in all ways to be good, kind, helpful---to give people the benefit of my wisdom and advice.  This is a wall?  It is.  True giving of myself requires not advice or helpfulness, but allowing others to be, without trying to change their opinions or protect them from making mistakes.  Telling another what to do erects a wall between us.  Walls keep us apart.  When I am tempted to give advice, I need to practice the discipline of listening instead. That is real closeness, without barriers.

For Today:  I freely give to others what this program has given me, remembering the only authority here is God as each of us understands God.

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YES AND NO

“Let your ‘no’ be ‘no’ and your ‘yes’ be ‘yes.’”
The Bible, Book of James

The disease of compulsive eating really warps a person's life. Many compulsive overeaters become people-pleasers and do not know how to set boundaries. We end up not being able to say "No." However, we also end up saying "Yes" to our disease. In the depths of our disease we lose complete control in our lives.

This program of recovery helps us to set our lives back in order. When we give our disease over to our Higher Power, work the Twelve Steps and practice the principles of our program, we see that our lives can be turned around ~ and daily we have victory over our disease.

One day at a time...
I will say "No" to my disease and "Yes" to recovery by working the Twelve Steps, surrendering to my Higher Power, and living the principles of my program.

~ Jeff

For today, I pray to listen more and to give less advice!

For Today: August 3rd

Your cravings as a human animal do not become a prayer just because it is God whom you must ask to attend to them.

Dag Hammarskjold

What do I pray for?  The relief of pain?  The satisfaction of my desires, the fulfillment of my every wish?  It makes little difference what I pray for because God is in charge; I don’t sway God.  God gives me what I need, not what I want, answering prayers in surprising ways,  giving me solutions to problems I was hardly aware of, removing obsessions and excesses I didn’t want to believe I had.  God has replaced resentment with serenity, confusion with direction.  I never knew what to pray for before, but in taking the first three steps, I sought-----and received---- a way to live free of the obsession with food.

For Today:  As I grow accustomed to prayer, it becomes a part of my life.  I pray as I am moved to pray, sure that God’s love embraces me every time.

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I wasted years praying for God to turn me into a 'normal eater.' Of course, it isn't in God's plans to do that; my purpose in life is to accept the cards I have been dealt & to learn from it.  If I didn't have the blessing of being a compulsive overeater, I wouldn't have found the serenity of the Steps, nor would I be in a position to help others who struggle like I do.

What seems like a 'curse' is really a blessing.

What I pray for nowadays isn't fulfillment of my desires or wishes, but acceptance & appreciation for what I do have.  The Third Step prayer is:

God, I offer myself to Thee

To build with me

And to do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self

That I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help

Of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life.

May I do Thy will always.

This is quite a different prayer than I would have repeated back in the days of compulsive overeating. 

For today, I pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

For Today: August 2nd

The barb in the arrow of childhood suffering is this: its intense loneliness, its intense ignorance.

OliveSchreiner

One of the paradoxes of life is that,  though most of us suffered carrying degrees of childhood pain, few know how to spare their own children.  We are presented with conflicting opinions about child care.  What was thought right a few years ago is no longer in vogue today.

In the Twenties, an undoubtedly well-intentioned behavioral psychologist advocated disciplining babies by not picking them up when they cry.  Fortunately, an overwhelming number of mothers never heard of this expert or his theories.  In the next two decades researchers revealed what mothers have always known: a baby cries out of vital physical and emotional needs, which are not subject to discipline.  To deliberately refuse to respond to a baby’s needs is to instill a feeling of rejection that may color all subsequent experiences.

The heart of a mother is absolutely reliable: it tells her to show love by being loving.

For Today:  The best discipline is love.

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The purpose of life is love. With my children, I have been able to show them unconditional love and they are the only 2 people on earth who can get that from me.  I'd like to provide that unconditional love for everyone I come in contact with.....and I'm working on it. 

In OA, most of us are experts at beating ourselves up so the last thing we need is another beating from a fellow member! I believe I DO find unconditional love from other OAers.......people who can relate to me and my disease like no other. Through love I find healing, recovery & self-acceptance.  Seeing myself through the eyes of someone who loves me makes me feel SO much better about myself.

As a compulsive overeater, it can be tough to show love for others if I don't feel self-love.......that is another dichotomy of the disease. As I grow in this program, it becomes easier to express love for other people as I develop self-acceptance & self-love.

The best discipline IS love. And, for today, I strive to show that to everyone in my life, especially my children.

For Today: August 1st

Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth.

Aesop

Appearance is not everything, but it does tell the world how I feel about myself.  As my days of abstinence increase, my appearance improves.

Before OA, physical attractiveness presented problems I didn’t want to deal with.  As I practice the steps of the program, these problems diminish.  I gain spiritual fitness, mental health and physical wellbeing.  Giving one hundred percent of myself to the tasks before me each day, and applying the principles of the program in all of my affairs drives out both the obsession with food and the preoccupation with my looks.  I lose weight without making it my primary goal.

For Today:  OA promises me threefold recovery as a result of working the program to the best of my ability.  This is the only way I know to attain both outside attractiveness and inner worth.

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What good is outside attractiveness if I feel horrible on the inside? This is what led me back to obesity time & time again: inner turmoil.

I could never understand why I was feeling so horrible on the inside, either. My primary focus in life was to lose weight and to look thin, so WHY hadn't my life changed once I reached that goal?

The Steps taught me what was wrong with me on the inside.  How my behaviors led to self-hatred & my physical appearance had NOTHING to do with how I felt about myself.

I thought I didn't have a life because I was fat; turned out, I was fat because I didn't have a life.

OA taught me how to carve out a satisfying life for myself where I am not obsessed with food, or weight or outside appearances. OA taught me to give up the scale as my master & accept God as my master instead.

When I feel good on the inside because I am abstinent, working the steps & giving back, my physical appearance isn't quite as important as it once was.  Although my body looks slim, it's even more apparent that my soul is at peace & feeling content.