Recovery
Meditations: February 23rd
HUMILITY
To the humble man, and to the humble
man alone,
the sun is really a sun;
to the humble man, and to the humble
man alone,
the sea is really a sea.
G.K. Chesterton
Before I started recovery, lack of
clarity was all around me and within me. There was too much fear. I was unable
to acknowledge: This is who I am, and this is what's going on, no more, and no
less. I was afraid to name my husband's abusive behaviour. I was afraid to name
my complicity in it. I was afraid to name who I was and what I wanted and
needed, and I was afraid to name the behaviour of those around me who wanted me
to fit into their mould. My husband was scared silly that one day the world would
find out that we weren't the perfect family.
So I was not humble. I kept nurturing
the fog that covered what was really going on. And boy, was I good at it. I
kind of had an inkling that something wasn't right, so, semi-consciously, I
made sure that my denial was watertight. I knew that if we pretended that we
were a 100% perfect family, there might be suspicions. So I made sure I'd slip
in a little problem here and there.
At one point, luckily, I allowed the
bubble to burst. I started naming things, loud and clear. I named them to the
police, I named them to my friends and family, I named them in my poetry. I
started playing with another 12-step program.
But it took me another twelve years to
name that I was an overeater. In those years I gained another 70 pounds (with
some yoyo dieting thrown in, of course). Humbly admitting that, yes, really, I
was an overeater, was the best thing I've done since ridding my family of my
abusive spouse. I humbly admitted that I had been abusing myself with my eating
behaviours. Now I can see clearly. (I can also see more clearly how wounded my
ex spouse is, making it easier for me to work on forgiving him).
One day at a time ... I accept the gift
of humility. I am not afraid anymore to look reality in the eye - and what I
see is as right as the sun and the sea.
~ I.M.
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Each Day a New Beginning
I want to dance always, to be good
and not evil, and, when it is all over, not to have the feeling that I
might have done better.
—Ruth St. Denis
Our wants in life may be simple, or they may be complex. They may yet be confused in our minds, but the clarity will come if we're patient. God has a way of giving us an "inner tug" when a certain direction beckons. Our responsibility is to follow that tug and trust it, fully. Too often we look back on our lives with regret. What is done, is done. We learned lessons from those mistakes. Every day is a new beginning. And we can close every day with no regrets when we have followed our consciences, that "inner tug" that beckons.
The opportunities will come today. Opportunities to be good or evil. Opportunities for making choices over which we will feel good or full of regret at the day's close. Many of our choices will bring us closer to the satisfaction, the contentment with life that we all search for as women, as human beings. We need not fear coming to life's close, wishing we had done more or better. Living each day in good conscience, waiting for the tug and following it, will ensure a life well lived.
My ego can block out the tug, if I let it. Or I can trust.
—Ruth St. Denis
Our wants in life may be simple, or they may be complex. They may yet be confused in our minds, but the clarity will come if we're patient. God has a way of giving us an "inner tug" when a certain direction beckons. Our responsibility is to follow that tug and trust it, fully. Too often we look back on our lives with regret. What is done, is done. We learned lessons from those mistakes. Every day is a new beginning. And we can close every day with no regrets when we have followed our consciences, that "inner tug" that beckons.
The opportunities will come today. Opportunities to be good or evil. Opportunities for making choices over which we will feel good or full of regret at the day's close. Many of our choices will bring us closer to the satisfaction, the contentment with life that we all search for as women, as human beings. We need not fear coming to life's close, wishing we had done more or better. Living each day in good conscience, waiting for the tug and following it, will ensure a life well lived.
My ego can block out the tug, if I let it. Or I can trust.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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Food for Thought
Dependency
In the past, we used excess food as a crutch, and we developed a false dependency on it. We turned to unnecessary food to calm us down, to cheer us up, and to avoid facing our problems. As a cure-all, food let us down. Rather than solving our problems, overeating multiplied them.
As human beings, there are many times when we are weak and dependent. If we say we can go it alone, we are whistling in the dark and deluding ourselves. We need to rely on a Power greater than ourselves, but food is not that Power. What we need to find is the Power strong enough to sustain our dependency.
Accepting the fact that we are dependent, that we cannot manage our lives by ourselves--this is the beginning of recovery. We need to be humble, open, and willing to be led by those who have replaced their false dependency on food with a healthy dependency on God.
Lord, may I not be too proud to be dependent on You.
In the past, we used excess food as a crutch, and we developed a false dependency on it. We turned to unnecessary food to calm us down, to cheer us up, and to avoid facing our problems. As a cure-all, food let us down. Rather than solving our problems, overeating multiplied them.
As human beings, there are many times when we are weak and dependent. If we say we can go it alone, we are whistling in the dark and deluding ourselves. We need to rely on a Power greater than ourselves, but food is not that Power. What we need to find is the Power strong enough to sustain our dependency.
Accepting the fact that we are dependent, that we cannot manage our lives by ourselves--this is the beginning of recovery. We need to be humble, open, and willing to be led by those who have replaced their false dependency on food with a healthy dependency on God.
Lord, may I not be too proud to be dependent on You.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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The Language of Letting Go
Strength
We don't always have to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, God, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."
We don't always have to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, God, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Make yourself at home.
It was night, only a few months after I'd begun my skydiving adventure.One of the other skydivers was sitting in a lawn chair. The evening lights had been turned on and he was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, reading a book under the hazy glow. He was one of the full-time skydivers, who had been attracted to the gypsy lifestyle of the skydiving community as much as the sport itself.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm in my living room, reading a book," he replied. "Do you like the view of the backyard?" he asked, making a gesture toward the rolling hills that cascaded gently in the background. "Sometimes I take my sleeping bag and curl up under the stars in the landing area over there."
I looked around, almost envious of his freedom.
Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a home for ourselves that we create a structure that's too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It's good to sleep indoors. It's nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don't let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.
Stretch your arms. Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too, to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.
God, help me relax and make myself at home in your bountiful world.
You are reading from the book:
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