The Language of Letting Go: January 7th

Dealing with Painful Feelings

Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.

Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.

These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.

We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.

We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.

Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.

Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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I always remind myself, when in doubt, do NOTHING. As a compulsive person, my first inclination is to react.........then make a hasty decision about how to proceed.  That first impulsive reaction is normally wrong.............so I avoid making ANY decision until I've had a chance to process my thoughts/feelings.

It's OK to feel hurt; it's OK to feel vulnerable.........in fact, it's OK to FEEL.  I've spent decades numbing myself out, preventing myself from feeling........that I've managed to block out the JOY as well as the pain!!!

Nowadays, I try to express myself honestly..........I try to share my hurt feelings instead of stuffing them back with excess food.  I say 'try' because I am not always successful............my mother, for instance, hurts my feelings all the time but I have trouble letting HER know that.  It feels pointless......because she will argue that she's not TRYING to hurt my feelings.  But somehow she manages to hurt me anyway.  "I know I shouldn't say this but................" is one of her favorite openings. So why say it, then?  Some people feel that all they have to do is acknowledge the fact that what they're saying is hurtful before they go ahead and hurt you! Then it's somehow OK.  Sigh.

For today, I will stand up for myself in an honest fashion.  Instead of acting in haste or anger, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.

For today, I think I will be ME!