Recovery Meditations: January 25th

~ MOVING ON ~

Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind.
Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time.

Eileen Caddy


As a child, teen, and young adult, I was sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically abused. I was neglected as well. By the time I was a young woman, the "abuse" was history, and I was left dealing with a very sick family. But I could not let go of my abused past!

The abuse became the topic of every conversation I had. Anything I saw on TV or read in a book or newspaper brought to mind the past. I awoke in the middle of the night to relive my childhood nightmares for a few hours before crying myself back to sleep. I spent entire days staring at the television, eating to numb myself from my pain and anger.

Eventually, I wanted more from my life. I became disgusted with myself and what my life had become. I was led to a Twelve Step group. There I learned how to let go of the past, to work through it, to make amends for my part in things, and to forgive those who abused me.

Today, when I discuss the abuse I suffered, which is seldom, I can do so without the anger and pain bubbling up. I can help others with my story, and then I can let it go. It is my history, but it's no longer ruling my present.

Like Thomas Raddall said, "Don't brood on what's past, but never forget it either."

One Day at a Time . . .
I will make amends and forgive others, not for them, but for me. I pray to live in today, to make it the best day I can.

~ Rhonda ~

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Rhonda, the writer of this lovely passage, decided at some point to STOP being a victim...........to STOP feeling self-pity for her 'lot in life' and to use all that painful history as a tool to empower herself & heal, rather than a tool to enable & entitle her to stay addicted.

If we want recovery, we must be willing to stop using our scars as badges of honor...............we must forgive ourselves & those who created those scars, so WE can move forward & live a useful, joy filled life.

If we choose to dwell in self-pity, we will never recover or be able to find all the joy life has to offer. We'll be too bogged down in what we 'can't' have rather than appreciating all we DO have!

For today, I will get out of m OWN head by paying my blessings forward.

For today, I will not feel sorry for myself for what I don't have, but I will feel joyous for what I DO!