Recovery Meditations: January 11th

~ FOCUS ~
It takes a long time to become young.
Pablo Picasso

By the time I came to the Twelve Step program, I had forgotten how to have fun. My whole world revolved around food--eating it, planning to eat it, or not eating it (and being very aware of it). When asked to go anywhere, what first came to mind is what foods I could eat there. I would agree to go only if I were in the mood for the kind of food that would be available, and if the person going with me would be interested in eating it too. Parties were all about the food, not who I'd see and meet. Family reunions were about Aunt Betty's specialty dish and Uncle John's grilled meats.

This focus on food made me forget how to have fun. I even forgot what I liked to do, if I ever knew. The truth is that fun came to mean eating, and it was what I liked to do.

In the recovery program, I've learned that I have choices; I just couldn't see them for the food! The first time I went to a party where I didn't even think about the food, but enjoyed all the new people I met while reconnecting with old friends, I was shocked when I ended up at the refreshment table. The party was almost over, and I hadn't visited this area the second I walked in the door! What a relief! And what fun! I came home full of life and love and laughter. I hadn't felt so young in years.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will pray to keep my focus away from food and instead focus on life.

~ Rhonda ~
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I can SO identify with this reading from Rhonda! My whole world revolved around food & drink before I found recovery. I didn't even want to go anywhere if food & drink was not available. I'd worry if there would be enough (as if such a thing exists!)  I remember going to a bowling alley once & sneaking off to the bar for a double shot of bourbon because what I was able to consume in public wasn't 'enough.'  Then I'd sneak off to the snack bar & smuggle something for later in my purse. 


This was my idea of 'fun'? Sigh. How very depressing to remember those days and to admit the severity of my addictions.
My whole world was centered around food and booze.  I didn't know how to have 'fun'...........the truth was, fun meant eating & drinking to excess, and that's ALL I enjoyed doing.

By the grace of God, I now see that I have choices. Those choices were available to me always, I just couldn't see them for the food & drink.  That's all there was............my entire life was centered around my addictions and what a narrow, small world that truly IS.

For today, I am not thinking about what foods I can eat, or what cocktails I can drink, or when I can sneak in a smoke.  My world has finally opened up to let in the light of recovery.  For today, I choose to stay OUT of the darkness & to LIVE, free from the burden of addiction.

I may BE an addict, but today, I don't have to ACT like one!