Food for Thought: November 9th

Where's the Party?

Most of us have early memories of birthday parties - our own and those of other children - and as compulsive overeaters, we probably remember the food more than anything else. For as long as we can recollect, parties have meant eating and drinking. The better and more abundant the food and drink, the better the party; or so we thought.

Maintaining abstinence means that we will attend parties where we do not eat and drink, if what is available is not on our food plan. In order to do this with serenity and enjoyment, we need to redefine our idea of a party. It is no celebration if we break our abstinence and go back to compulsive overeating.

Through this program, we come to see that a party is something more than an occasion for eating and drinking. Enjoying ourselves with other people requires goodwill, mutual attraction, and the effort to communicate with and affirm each other. If these elements are present, there will be a party whether or not there is anything to eat or drink. If these elements are absent, no amount of refreshments will ensure a good time.

Thank You for fun.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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To me, a party meant I was allowed to eat & drink to my heart's content without feeling guilty.  The better & more abundant the food & drink, the better the party..........that's exactly how I felt. I used to worry that there wouldn't be enough, in fact! 

 

Once I decided to commit myself to abstinence, parties no longer felt like 'fun.' I had to redefine my idea of fun, and learn to focus on people rather than food or drink.  In reality, celebrations aren't about food anyway, but habit tells me they ARE.  What is a birthday without a cake? Christmas without 23 varieties of cookies? What good is going out to dinner without appetizers, drinks & desserts?

 

Learning to refocus myself away from the food & drink took a lot of time & patience.  I am now able to attend any celebration without drinking or overeating, and I know how to eat NOTHING, if need be, in order to preserve my abstinence.  It's not always easy, and sometimes it still feels like no fun at all.  Sometimes my inner brat stamps her feet & throws a hissy fit because SHE wants to be normal and have 'fun' like everyone else is.  But for me, taking that first 'normal' bite or that first 'normal' sip of a drink will lead me back down the road to sheer insanity. 

"Normal" is my pre-determined Food Plan, and for today, I pray to FEEL normal! And if I don't, I pray to avoid feeling self-pity and instead, be thankful for all the blessings OF abstinence. 
 

Recovery Meditations: November 8th

~ DROWNING TROUBLES ~

You can't drown your troubles,
because trouble can swim.

Margaret Millar


My feelings have always been too large for me to handle alone. Whenever I felt troubled or had a problem too big to handle, I always turned to my friend and comforter...FOOD. This friend and I went everywhere together and with it, I figured that I could handle anything thrown at me. This friend made me feel good. I was drowning my troubles one by one.

Then someone said to me, "Don't you know that eating too much, drinking too much or even working too much won't solve your problems! Troubles usually reproduce themselves rapidly when you try to drown them."

I really didn't understand what she was trying to tell me but kept the thought tucked inside my hat. My friend food and I just kept batting these troubles deeper and deeper in my sea of tears, but sure enough, they would bounce right back up at me again later only twice as bad. What was happening? I was using my friend more each time and I began to hate it. Why was food trying to hurt me? I really thought it was my friend.

Finally, after many bruises, I realized what that person was trying to tell me. She was right. My troubles were swimming and I was drowning. I was using one of my addictions to try and fight the others, and was only going in circles. I was caught in a tidal wave and unable to get out alone. Each of my other addictions were throwing me back to my primary addiction of compulsive eating...my former friend, FOOD.

But where could I go? What could I do? The wonderful person who warned me led me to my recovery meeting and stayed with me. She helped me to find a Higher Power who was always there to help. I learned to share my experiences with my recovery family of choice. I got a wonderful sponsor who also knew me as well as I know myself. Together we looked at all the problems and troubles of the past and they weren't so heavy any more. I moved out of the deep sea that I couldn't swim in, and on dryer, more sturdy ground. What a relief!

One Day at a Time . . .
I remember that my troubles are strong and can drown me in the sea of food if I try to handle them alone. Troubles may be able to swim strongly, but they are NO MATCH for me, my Higher Power, my sponsor and Program. Together, we are strong, but alone we are weak. Together we can do what we can never do alone.

~ Jeanette ~

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 We start out thinking food is a friend, and it turns out to be an enemy, as any other addiction.  A little extra turns into a series of binges that make us physically & spiritually sick.  We create more problems than we cure by drowning our troubles in addictive behavior!

I had to be brought to my knees before I saw what excess food was really doing to me.......killing me slowly, bite by bite.  I was trying to anesthetize myself from pain, and wound up feeling nothing; no pain AND no joy.

Today, I am not alone with my disease of addiction. Today I have a support system that understands me, and can help me stay the course.  When I look to other addictive behaviors to replace compulsive overeating, I can now recognize how destructive that thinking truly IS.  Shopping, drinking, gambling, eating...........none of those behaviors are going to help me cope with life.  Only my recovery program & my Higher Power can do THAT!

Recovery Meditations: November 7th

FAITH

Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.

Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)



As a child, I believed in God, but the God of my childhood was a punishing God. I often felt that the reason for all the tragedies and misfortunes that I went through was because I didn't adhere to all the traditions and rules of my given religion. Perhaps the fact that I wasn't a good enough daughter to my parents, a good enough mother to my children, or a good enough friend was another reason why I was being punished. I would pray to the God of my childhood for what I wanted, but God never answered me or gave it to me, so what was the use of praying? I eventually stopped praying because my prayers were never answered.

I now know, having been led into this beautiful fellowship of the spirit, that God is a loving and forgiving God who always gave me what I needed, even if it didn't at the time seem to be what I wanted. The trouble had always been that I was filled with fear and found it hard to believe or trust in something or someone that I couldn't see or hear. I am a logical and rational person so it was really hard for me to have faith and trust that God would take care of me. It's said that the opposite of fear is faith, and so I am now learning to let go of the fear and put my faith and trust in a Higher Power of my understanding. I realize that He knows what's best for me, and will always be there for me if I only let Him.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will trust that my Higher Power knows what's best for me, and I put my myself in His care. My faith is growing stronger each day and I am able to release fear.

Faith

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My religious upbringing taught me to fear God & to expect punishment from Him for all of my various imperfections and 'sins'.  I was fat because I was 'bad', so how could I have the nerve to ask God to help me?  He wouldn't have time for a 'sinner' like me anyway!

 

I turned away from my religion as I grew older, because I knew the dogma was distorted.......something was wrong with the entire premise! As I got further along in my disease, I knew I had to revisit the God matter, and develop faith in my OWN way, regardless of what I'd been taught as a child.  

 

When I walked in the door of my first AA meeting 20-some years ago, and the group held hands and repeated The Lord's Prayer, I knew then that I'd be able to form a relationship with the God of MY understanding instead of the mean & fearful God I'd come to know.  

 

As I grew in recovery, I came to realize that my addictions weren't 'punishments' handed to me for being so 'bad', but instead blessings in disguise. Had I not been an alcoholic & compulsive overeater, I wouldn't have grown into the person I am today; a person I very much love & respect.

I came to understand that 'sins' aren't horrible events that will lead me to "hell", but simply 'missing the point of human existence.'  The purpose of life is Love, and anything that's done in Hate or Fear is the opposite of Love.  All the 'sins' of my life were nothing more than Fear, insecurity & resentment.  I no longer dwell on going to 'hell' and burning for eternity; that is not what God wants me to dwell on.  

Instead, I focus on Now, on Today, on surrendering my life over to the loving & forgiving God I've come to know.

For today, I will trust that my Higher Power knows what's best for me, and I put myself in His loving care.  My faith is growing stronger each day as I am able to release fear.

Food for Thought: November 6th

Pain

Living without the narcotic of excess food means learning to cope with emotional pain. Uncomfortable feelings, which we have covered up by eating, begin to surface as we abstain. At first, our emotional reactions are often vague and diffuse, since we have not yet acquired enough insight to identify what it is that is bothering us.

If we are willing to stay with the emotional discomfort and pain, we will eventually gain understanding. Sometimes we have to spend time hurting before we are able to pass through one phase in our development and move on to the next. Whatever the suffering, it is preferable to the agony of a binge. Facing emotional pain is constructive; trying to bury it under food is destructive.

Our pain is often associated with events in the past, which are still troubling us unconsciously. When we are able to identify the source of the pain, we can examine it in the light of our present maturity and begin to put it behind us. As long as we avoid feeling the pain, we deny ourselves the healing which our Higher Power can give us.

May I accept the pain that is necessary for continued growth.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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When I first found abstinence, I was raw & fragile.....I cried all the time as I withdrew from the anesthetic effects of food and began to feel my pain instead of burying it.  Since I wasn't able to identify WHAT I was feeling, I had no idea what, specifically, was bothering me.  At the age of 50, I was just starting to learn about myself, after many decades of escaping pain at any cost.

 

Since I was 100% committed to abstinence, I had NO other choice but to push through my emotional discomfort and stay the course.  Doing so forced me to find new & healthy coping mechanisms instead of turning to food for comfort.  As time went on, I was able to identify the source of my emotional pain, and to address each issue as it came up.  I had a lot of old wounds that needed healing..........wounds that I hadn't addressed before Recovery.  I knew I had to get out of the Past & the Future, and learn to focus on the NOW; the Present.

 

I did a lot of writing which was very cathartic.  I put into words the pain & suffering I had endured at the hands of my disease.  I became conscious of the pain that had festered within me, and little by little, I rid myself of my past mistakes & forgave others for THEIR past mistakes.

 

The only way OUT is THROUGH, one day at a time.  When I find myself wanting to binge nowadays, I have to ask myself what I REALLY want and need? It's certainly not excess food, but perhaps a hug, or a long talk, or some understanding from a loved one.  

 

For today, I will remain abstinent & sane.  For today, I pray to accept the pain that may come up within me, realizing the necessity of dealing with it, so I can continue to grow as a human being.  For today, I put my life in God's hands. 

The Language of Letting Go: November 5th

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Let's Make a Deal

The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was okay. I just couldn't see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality.
—Anonymous

One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In barraging, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.

We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.

Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.

"If I try to be a better person, then this won't happen...If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won't have to face this loss, this change."

There are stories from members of Al Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic's drinking: "If I keep the house cleaner, he won't drink.... If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won't drink... If I buy my son a new car, he'll stop using drugs."

Adult children have bargained with their losses too: "Maybe if I'm the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be." We do big, small, and in between things, sometimes-crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.

There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.

Today, I will give others and myself the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable, but I will give myself permission to be human.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

  

Recovery Meditations: November 4th

~ SERVICE ~

When people are serving, life is no longer meaningless.

John Gardner


I used to always think that I was kind and helpful, and that I was always there for other people. Well, of course I was. I was a people-pleaser, and the payoff was to be liked. That never happened, or at least I didn't think so, and I became more resentful and full of self-pity. The truth was that I was so self-absorbed and self-seeking that I didn't know how to really be there for other people, not even my own children. I'm sure that for a long period, even though I was always doing things for them, I was emotionally absent and unavailable when they really needed me. The focus was on me and how fat I looked, or how nobody fulfilled my needs, instead of looking outside of myself to what I could REALLY do for others.

This recovery program has taught me, first and foremost, how to love myself so that I am able to love others, especially my children. I was spiritually and emotionally empty before, but now I am being constantly filled and nurtured spiritually. Now I am able to give back what has freely been given to me. I am learning for the first time the pleasure of giving of myself, of my time and my experience, strength and hope, that others may walk this beautiful road to recovery as I have. In giving what I have, I am strengthening my program and my own recovery. What a joy that has been!

One Day at a Time . . .
I remember that when I do service and give away what I have, I will experience the promises of the program on a daily basis.

~ Sharon S. ~

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Until I became involved with OA & counseling compulsive overeaters, I was SO self-absorbed! Like Sharon says, I thought I was kind & helpful, that I was 'always there' for others..........but I was a people-pleasure & the 'payoff' was to be liked.  I was emotionally unavailable for others, in reality, because I was totally focused on ME ME ME; how fat I was, how I could lose weight, what I could eat or drink, how nobody fulfilled  my needs...........how I could avoid pain & blame others for my lot in life.

 

A self-centered lifestyle is the polar opposite of what we're taught in Recovery.  Until we really SEE what what we're doing, we don't understand WHY we overeat.  When I live inside of my own head, I can't see past the tip of my own nose.

Giving service gets me OUT of my own head; truly giving back & helping others along their journey to good health.  Working on an accounting computer in an office environment only provides me with money to pay bills.  Working with COEs and being THERE for them, in their time of need, is the most rewarding work I've ever done.  In God's economy, I am fulfilling my life's purpose and that helps ME to stay the course & not obsess about myself or about food.

 

For today, I remember that when I do service & give away what I have, I will experience the promises and miracles of the program on a daily basis.

 

For today, I am grateful for fulfilling my life's purpose. 

Food for Thought: November 3rd

Learning Moderation

If we had known how to practice moderation, we would not have become compulsive overeaters. Following the abstinence guidelines enables us to eat moderately. Working the Twelve Steps teaches us moderation in other activities.

Knowing when to quit involves knowing ourselves. We tend to get carried away with our determination to finish a job today, to explain our life history to a new friend in one afternoon, to complete a major project in record time. The tendency to devour life rapidly in huge chunks can be as damaging as compulsive overeating.

It is the serenity we acquire from contact with our Higher Power that saves us from wearing ourselves out compulsively. An awareness of the quiet Power and order, which sustains all life calms our over-stimulated personalities. Dependence on God as we understand Him gives us the support and confidence we need to be content with moderate efforts and accomplishments.

Teach me to practice moderation.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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 Amen to this reading! "Moderation" is not a word in this girl's vocabulary!  My Food Plan creates moderation for me.  It is designed to keep me full but not stuffed; satisfied but not overfed.  If I want to eat more than what's on my Food Plan, I know that it's my mind that's hungry & not my stomach.  

 

My Food Plan of abstinence is designed to be my security blanket; my sanity; my hope amidst the chaos of compulsive overeating.  It's not a punishment or a curse, but a miracle handed to me by my Higher Power.

 

I'd like to say that I've 'learned' moderation in all areas of my life, including my food intake, but  I have not.  Some things can never be 'learned' or taught in a book or by a teacher.  But my Life Plan keeps me behaving moderately, and for that I am thankful.  Setting up a few rules for myself has also helped a lot.  When the washing machine is full, I run it, throw it into the dryer, fold it & put it away. That forces me not to procrastinate & overwhelm myself with facing 20 loads of laundry.  I exercise in a certain manner, for a certain amount of time, and then I'm done with exercise for the day.  That plan prevents me from feeling like I 'have to' go to the gym and kill myself every day for hours on end.  Explaining my life history to a new friend in one afternoon & completing a major project in record time I'm still working on.......:)

 

For today, I vow not to wear myself out compulsively.  For today, I will behave myself in a moderate fashion, with moderate efforts & expectations.

Recovery Meditations: November 2nd

~ TODAY ~

Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson


For a long time I went through therapy, dealing with the past. But working the Steps has helped me to focus on today. What happened is over. It is my choice how I allow it to affect my life now. When I cannot seem to let the past go, I have to remind myself that I need only to let God have the past. Yesterday is beyond my ability to change. Today is my charge.

Today I write before I eat compulsively. Today I give service to others in recovery. Today I choose to not eat compulsively and to seek all the support I can find to hold to that choice. I put aside yesterday, reflecting on the lessons learned. Like a hiker looking ahead to mark the next point on the trail, I look to the future that is stretching out before me. But it is today that I act. Today I do not worry about what I have not done, but rest in the knowledge that I have done what is before me to be done. Day after day will add up to recovery, to serenity, to living.

One Day at a Time . . .
is all the time I have within my control so I choose to live in the now.

~ Tassy~

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Sitting around, discussing the past in therapy, only keeps me rooted IN the past instead of in the NOW.  What's done is done.  All I have is this very moment; which is all that's real.  Yesterday is a memory, and memories are just images of what once WAS real.  Tomorrow is a hallucination because it isn't here yet. 

For ages I lived for tomorrow, 'when I'd be thin & life would be perfect'.  I was either dieting to GET thin, or eating out of disappointment over the fact that life WASN'T perfect when I WAS thin!!  Subconsciously, I chose to stay fat so I could blame all of my problems on my body size.  If I could blame my fat for being miserable, then I didn't have to deal with reality & change myself from the inside out. Yo yo dieting was my reality for 40-some years, although I wasn't sure WHY.  Now, thanks to the OA program, I know 'why.'

For today, I will use the tools in my toolbox BEFORE I take that first compulsive bite.  For today, I choose to stay in the reality of the moment, where I AM enough, and life is good.  For today, I refuse to dwell in the past or the future, but savor the beauty of the moment instead.

Each Day a New Beginning: November 1st

For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It is sometimes easy to get overwhelmed by our duties, forgetting that our interests fit the scheme of our lives. They are inspired by our lives and flow from them. Our interests round us out; they beckon us to become our better selves.

Our duties have their places as well. In our careers, with our families and friends, we have responsibilities. People need to be able to count on us for our part in completing their particular scheme for life.

Finding the right balance between our duties and our interests takes daily attention. It is perhaps our greatest struggle. Feeling duty-bound is common among women; putting a low value on our interests is a familiar trick we play on ourselves.

We need reminding that our interests will cull out our better, inner selves. We must stretch to become all we are meant to be. Our interests entice us to live up to God's expectations.

Each day I need to pay heed to interests as well as duties. I will let no day go by without heeding an interest.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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If I drew up a to-do list of chores, it would fill an entire note pad.  I remind myself that life is not a series of chores, but a smorgasboard of many choices; some fun MUST be had! I am allowed to pursue my interests, because I grow as a person by doing so.

 

It's easy to think the only purpose of my life is to serve others, but that isn't true. I must take care of ME along the way, or I will be of no use to anyone!

 

My life is not meant to be a series of chores, burdens & responsibilities.  For today, I pray to put a high value on my interests.  I pray to stretch myself to become all I am meant to be; to live up to God's expectations for me.

 

For today, I will rejoice in who I am and the woman I am becoming. 

Each Day a New Beginning: October 31st

It's a simple formula; do your best and somebody might like it.
—Dorothy Baker

We're never guaranteed success by others' standards. However, if we do our best according to the standards we think God has in mind, we'll be successful. And from God we'll always receive unconditional love and acceptance.

In the past many of us were haunted by fears that our best wasn't good enough. And not infrequently those fears hindered our performance, thus validating our fears. We can slip back into those immobilizing fears if we don't attend, with vigilance, to the program and its suggestions.

Our higher power will help us do whatever task lies before us. And no task will be ours except those for which we've been readied. Our job is simply to go forth, taking God as our partner, and set about completing the task. We will not falter if we remember where our strength rests, where the guidance lies.

Self-esteem is one of the byproducts of a job done with God's help. An additional byproduct is that we learn more quickly to rely on God's direction and strength the next time, thus reducing the time we give to fear.

I can be successful today, in every endeavor, if I let God manage my moves.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The opposite of Fear is Love.  When I am abstinent & working my program to the best of my ability, then I am able to love myself ........... if I am practicing addictive behaviors, the world is dark & my mind is clouded over & foggy.  I forget all about Love and begin dwelling in Fear and shame.  When I don't love myself first, how can I love God or life or humanity in general?

I keep God in my back pocket, calling on Him whenever I need guidance or help.  I know He is there with me, and I never have to struggle alone anymore.  

For today, I allow myself to feel GOOD and I allow myself to feel JOY, because I am worth it.  I put my abstinence FIRST and God takes care of the rest.

For today, I will not dwell in Fear but instead, I will treat myself & everyone else I meet with Love and Kindness. 

The Language of Letting Go: October 30th

Self Value

We have a real life of our own. Yes, we do.

That empty feeling, that senses that everyone except us has a life - an important life, a valuable life, a better life - is a remnant from the past. It is also a self-defeating belief that is inaccurate.

We are real. So is our life. Jump into it, and we'll see.

Today, I will live my life and treasure it as mine.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Who amongst us does not relate to this message!!??  I spent years of my life looking at other people, thinking THEY had a better life than  I did! I judged my insides by their outsides! Naturally, I'd come up short every single time!

 

These days, I don't compare myself to others.  I am unique because I am me; I am incomparable to anyone else.  I will not allow myself to 'fall short' anymore; my life is important, valuable and pretty darn good!

 

For today, I will live MY life and treasure it.  I am real & so is my life.  I will jump in, and, for today, I will LIVE! 

The Language of Letting Go: October 29th

Acceptance

A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.

We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.

Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.

Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.

Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.

It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.

Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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The key to happiness, I have found, truly IS acceptance.  When I put up a fight, or resist what Is, that's when the resentment, fear & unhappiness set in.  When I accept the fact that ALL events are given to me as blessings to learn from, THAT is when I thrive.  Most often, I learn more from the bad/sad events that I'm given than I do the good/happy events.  

 

The purpose of my life is to learn and to grow; I wouldn't be able to DO that without accepting ALL of the situations I find myself in.  Sometimes I resist, and it's important to accept that resistance as well. Recognition of my resistance is another form of Consciousness, and I welcome the opportunity to observe my thought patterns instead of being a slave TO them. 

 

For today, I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today; my job, my weight, my marriage, my children, my friends & my folks.  

Food for Thought: October 28th

Food Is Not Home

Breaking abstinence may be an attempt to go home emotionally. Since we associate food, and especially certain foods, with early experience, we may turn to food when we crave the emotional support of home.

Perhaps our early home life did not provide the emotional support and security we needed, causing us to attach a false significance to the food, which we were given. The habit of turning to food and eating as a substitute for love, acceptance, and security may be deeply ingrained in our psyche. We may have come to depend on food instead of people to satisfy our emotional needs.

The problem is, of course, that food is not a satisfactory substitute for love and acceptance. However much we eat, the emotional satisfaction will be only temporary and soon disintegrate into despair and self-hatred. The home we crave can best be built here and now by working the OA program and loving the people our Higher Power gives us to love today.

May I realize that food is not home.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation

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I'm sure I have attached a false significance to food.......considering IT to be love, friendship & acceptance.  When I feel emotional, I always turn to food for comfort.  I have to remind myself over & over again that no matter HOW much I eat, I will never feel satisfied when I use food in this manner.

 

Food is not a satisfactory substitute for love & acceptance, yet I still DO turn to it from time to time for this very reason.

 

Other times, it's simply habit that drives me to want to overeat.  Boredom is a big factor, as well as HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  All trigger situations that are a breeding ground to stuff myself senseless.

 

As an adult, I have an emotionally supportive home life, with plenty of security & acceptance. I no longer have to go back to my childhood, reliving all of the pain & isolation that I once felt.  I no longer have to stuff myself with food to feel love & acceptance. 

 

For today, I have a program to follow which insures my sanity.  A program that allows me to love myself, no matter what, and to stop living with the lies of the past.  

 

For today, I realize that food is not home. 

Recovery Meditations: October 27th

Living in the Present

“As long as you are seeking to find happiness somewhere,
you are overlooking where true happiness is.”
Gangaji

Happiness is always somewhere else, isn’t it? It is all too human to put off our happiness until a more appropriate or perfect time. Ideally, we know that happiness is not a matter of timing; it is a state of mind caused by even the smallest actions that we take (or fail to take) each day. However, I often used to remark to others that, “One day I will be happy when I get thin.” I got much thinner, but never thin enough, it seems. “One day I will take a night course.” I was so busy working, “on-call”, and doing things for others that I never managed to find the time.

“One day I will start this new food Plan,” I’d promised myself. It had worked for others. I truly wanted to give myself a chance to see if it could work for me too, yet I approached it haphazardly, at first. On paper, any food plan is just a diet, unless, you have a Sponsor, use the Tools, and work the Steps! I’d been told this over and over, and later--lived the actual experience of doing it my way. As long as I told myself, “One day I will find the time for me,” it didn’t come about!

One day at a time...
I now realize that as long as I keep looking to the future in order to allot myself wonderful challenges and small joys, I am choosing to postpone my happiness until my life is perfect, which is never in the realm of reality. I believe that this is why those who have gone before us in recovery suggest that we live life on life’s terms to the best of our ability just “One day at a time.”

~ January K.

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Ah, living for the moment when I will be thin & life will be perfect..........what compulsive overeater/professional dieter cannot relate to this mentality??

 

Over the course of my lifetime, I've lost a lot of weight but when I got to the 'magic number', life was still pretty much the same.  Nope, there was not pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; I still had myself and my issues to deal with, even when my body was at a 'normal' weight.

 

Nowadays, I realize the importance of allowing myself to feel happy right NOW, no matter what the number on the scale says.  If I wait for the perfect time to allow such happiness, it will NEVER come.  I've stopped using the words 'one day', 'forever' and 'never', and instead, I live in the present moment.  Today is the best day I can possibly have, and I choose to accept the gifts that are laid at my feet.

 

For today, I will not dwell on what lies ahead, but only on what lies in front of me for the next 24 hours.  For 24 hours, I can be happy; I can stick to my food plan; and I can enjoy each moment for what it IS! 

Food for Thought: October 26th

Food Is Not Fun

We have used eating as a form of recreation and have looked for excitement in food. For years, we have associated food with fun. What we need to remember constantly is that uncontrolled eating is no longer fun for us, but a trip into anguish.

All of us have unpleasant memories of painful binges, which began as attempts to experience pleasure through a small indulgence. We need to put these memories to work for us by associating them with the first compulsive bite. The idea that more and better food will bring us fun and pleasure is an illusion. We know this in our heads, but we need to feel it in our guts.

Food is nourishment for our bodies - nothing more. To experience pleasure with our minds and hearts and bodies, we open ourselves to richer interpersonal relationships, to aesthetic experiences, to sports and hobbies and work well done. Abstinence from compulsive overeating liberates us to enjoy the activities, which are fun.

Thank You for the fun and joy that abstinence brings.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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If I want to maintain abstinence, then I keep my Food Plan super-simple and not overly delicious. Otherwise, I will consider food to be 'fun' and that's a big mistake for me.  I derive some level of pleasure from eating, but not a whole lot.  If I eat a can of tuna on a bed of lettuce, just how 'fun' IS that?  I deliberately avoid overly 'yummy' foods so I don't crave more.

 

If I take that first compulsive bite of an off plan food, THAT is what begins my struggle.  Allowing myself TO take that first bite is what KEEPS me eating, and then it turns into a binge.  What starts out as 'fun' quickly turns into a nightmare where the word 'enough' does not exist! 

 

For today, I will consider food as nourishment for my body & nothing more.  For today, I will find fun & joy through people, events & activities rather than food. 

Food for Thought: October 25th

Abstaining from Harmful Relationships

Habit sometimes locks us into relationships, which are not in our best interest. It is easy to mistake dependency for love. When we stop overeating compulsively, we can evaluate our attachments to other people with greater clarity and perception than was possible when we continually escaped into food.

Our OA friends act as sounding boards for us as we try to sort out the healthy from the unhealthy relationships in our lives. We may find that for our continued growth we need to move away from old emotional entanglements, which are hampering our progress with the program. Abstaining from a harmful relationship can be as difficult at first as abstaining from compulsive overeating! The same physical restraint is necessary to keep ourselves from following old habit patterns.

By taking Step Three, we make all of our relationships with other people subject to the will of our Higher Power. When God comes first, other loves fall into their proper places.

Show me how to love.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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When we're in the fog of compulsive overeating, anesthetizing ourselves with food, we can't see the truth of ANY situation we face!  I wound up staying in an unhealthy marriage for 10 extra years because I was too frightened to get out; too bogged down in my addictions to be able to do the right thing & end it.  I knew the relationship was unhealthy, I just felt powerless to DO anything about it.

I wasn't, of course, but my addictions convinced me otherwise.  Nobody deserves to be mistreated, emotionally or physically, and we all deserve happiness and serenity. 

One of the most crucial aspects of Recovery, for me, is learning to set boundaries with other toxic people in my life.  If I let them, they will drag me right back to the bottle and the refrigerator in an effort to cope with their toxic behavior.  I draw limits; I make the phone calls and end them when I'M ready.  I schedule the visits and call the shots, on MY terms.  When I've had enough, I leave.  While I can't eliminate certain toxic relationships from my life altogether, I CAN manage them! 

These types of people are Energy Vampires; they suck the energy from our soul and we're left feeling drained & exhausted after an encounter with them.  Putting up a shield to ward off the negativity is something I do on a regular basis.  My mother fires questions at me all the time like the third degree.  When I find myself squirming with discomfort, I tell her (in a very firm voice), ENOUGH Mom.  The details of MY life are nobody's business but my own!

For today, I am grateful to have been given the tools of survival in OA.  I am no longer a victim of Energy Vampires, because I am taking care of ME for a change.

Recovery Meditations: October 24th

FEAR

“Fear is not created by the world around us,
but in the mind, by what we think is going to happen.”

Elizabeth Gawain


There are different kinds of fear. Certain fears are good, because they help preserve our lives. Babies, for example, have a fear of falling. It just seems to be a natural instinct. Any fear that protects us from harming ourselves is a good fear.

However, when fear becomes an obsession, it is getting out of hand. Why do we go looking for trouble? There is a saying, “Don’t let clouds of fear of the morrow hide today’s sunshine.” We can get so anxious about what’s going to happen in the future that we don’t enjoy living today.

Life is a precious gift to be lived one day at a time, and is to be shared with others.

One Day at a Time . . .
This is how I will live my life: One day at a time, one moment at a time, sharing my precious gift with another through Twelve Step giving.

Lizzie

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The "one day at a time" philosophy of all the 12 step programs is in place for a reason & has a deeper meaning.......it's not just an old saw.  One-day-at-a-time means that we agree to live in the NOW, to appreciate the moment and to stop projecting about the future or dwelling in the past.  For compulsive people, this is a HUGE undertaking! Many of us simply do not embrace this concept; we are so rooted in past hurts or in matters of the future that the moments of life that really matter are LOST.

We want what we want & we want it NOW.  Our self-will runs riot. We stamp our feet with impatience, waiting for a 'magical' day when life will be perfect, which usually means "When I Am Thin".  

Life IS perfect NOW.  We are perfect NOW. We are children of God and our souls are unblemished & utterly perfect right at this very moment.  All that is real is happening NOW.  What happened two minutes ago no longer exists, and what is going to happen 2 minutes from now is merely a hallucination. 

When we live for tomorrow, we are embracing fantasy.  We tend to project a future where life will be as we would like it to be, where there will be no pain & no frustration, where we will be thin & life will finally be grand.  Then, we get to that place, perhaps, and find that nothing IS as we'd hoped it WOULD be.  

Expectations breed resentments.  Living in the 'could-have-been/should-have-been/woud-have-been' mentality is to miss out on the beauty of what exists right NOW.  And that, my friends, is the ONLY reality that matters.

For today, I will appreciate all the precious moments of my life.  I will marvel at the beauty of nature, the smile of a small child, and choose to feel contentment with what is happening NOW.  Yesterday is gone & tomorrow isn't here yet, so I will focus on the Moment and enjoy it to the best of my ability.

For today, I allow myself to forget the past & the future as I focus on what is real right NOW.

Food for Thought: October 23rd

Tomorrow Is Another Day

As compulsive overeaters; we can be tormented by the urge to finish everything right now, today. That was the way we used to eat, and it may still be the way we try to operate in other areas of behavior. It is possible to exchange our addiction to food for an addiction to work or perfection.

Trying to do everything today is just another example of self will run riot. We are not super people and we cannot perform miracles. It is our Higher Power who makes possible our accomplishments, and His work is done slowly and gradually. God never expects more of us than we are able to deliver. It is our own pride that entices us to tackle the impossible.

As long as we are alive, our work will not be finished. Each day we are given new tasks to do and new experiences to enjoy. What we do not complete today can be continued tomorrow, according to the will of our Higher Power.

I leave tomorrow's tasks for tomorrow.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Being involved with weight loss for the past 4 years has shown me how impatient we all are when it comes to wanting things NOW.  We expect to lose lots of weight immediately, and we want to reach goal overnight, without putting in the time or commitment.  If the scale doesn't show a favorable number, our OCD kicks in BIG time and we're trying to 'fix' what isn't broken.  The inner brat tends to take over and makes the journey unbearably difficult.

 

What a great example of self-will run riot! We put obstacles in our way & insist we 'have to' eat what we want, when we want it.  We allow other people to influence what we eat and drink, and succumb to peer pressure left & right.  

 

Losing 100 lbs has taught me patience. What's the difference how long it takes me to reach m goal? I've committed to changing my eating habits permanently, which means I embrace a food plan for life.  So what's the rush?  The tempting food will always be there..........I don't 'need' to eat it right now, no matter how badly I'm being pushed into doing so!

I have learned to live in the moment.......for today and today only.  Yesterday is gone & tomorrow isn't here yet. 

 

 As Buddha said, "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most."

For today, I will tackle today's tasks & leave tomorrow's tasks for tomorrow.

Recovery Meditations: October 22nd

Scars

“Dwelling on the negative
simply contributes to its power.”
Shirley MacLaine

I’ve lived most of my life filled with bitterness towards people, God and myself. My mind, soul, and body were consumed by hatred, self-pity, pain, hopelessness, and a complete sense of powerlessness. I focused my energy on reviewing my scars. I counted them, checked them, nurtured them, and flaunted them. They were proof of all the wrongs I’d endured. They were my source of energy. They were my identity. They were my badge of sorrow.

As I work my recovery, I am beginning to see everything from a new perspective. Gradually my head is lifted and my eyes are turned away from my once-beloved scars. The more I allow myself to accept that my powerlessness is not a prison of doom, the more I discover that it is my doorway to faith, surrender, and serenity.

My scars are still here. There is no magic potion to remove them. What is magical, however, is that I see them so differently. I find that I have a choice to make every day: I can cherish my scars as proof of the pain I have suffered, or I can be thankful for them as evidence of things I have survived. Scar tissue forms and creates a stronger, thicker skin in its place. I can either pick at it and make it bleed, or I can welcome the lessons and endurance it has built into my life.

One day at a time...
I will choose to see my scars as proof of the difficulties I have survived. I will choose to appreciate them as evidence that God has brought me through suffering and has used all things to strengthen my faith in Him, my hope for tomorrow, and my serenity for today.

~ Lisa

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Dwelling in self-pity because of my scars 'entitled' me to practice addictive behaviors.  If I kept myself busy reviewing, counting, checking, nurturing & flaunting my scars, I chose to live in hopelessness & gloom.  My identity was a badge of sorrow & I wore it for all the world to see.

 

Nowadays, I choose to look at my scars differently.  Had I not experienced the pain that led to those scars, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And that person is strong, capable & rooted in truth & reality.  If I pick on the scabs of my scars & make them bleed, I avoid Recovery and stay rooted in self-pity for no good reason.   

 

For today, I am grateful for the lessons I've been taught in my lifetime.  I choose to see my scars as proof of my endurance & strength in God.

 

For today, I will dwell in positivity & retire my badge of sorrow.  For today, I am happy and entitled to feel that way!

Food for Thought: October 21st

New Memories

If certain times of the year and certain activities are associated in our minds with overeating, we need to create new memories to blot out the old ones. If we are hung up on past loves, hates, and hurts, we need to let go of them so that we can live in the present.

Old eating habits keep alive old wounds and frustrations. Even after we have maintained abstinence for a significant length of time, we may be troubled by unresolved conflicts from the past. The fact that we are abstaining from compulsive overeating gives us a chance to see the problems more clearly and to then walk away from them when we have done all that we can do to resolve them.

The past and the future are in the hands of our Higher Power. If we work our program now and live the best we can today, we are creating good memories, which will sustain us in the days to come.

Take charge of my memories. Lord. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Most all of the holidays are/were associated with food & drink for me.  Christmas, especially, seems to be SO focused on what to eat instead of celebrating the birth of Christ.  These days, we've changed our ways in my family.  We eat simple meals and do no baking.  I don't participate in cookie-exchanges, nor do I take part in the food fests at work.  Instead, I organize ugly Christmas sweater contests and other fun things that have no relationship to food or drink.

If I want to change my life, I have to change everything about it.  If I rely on the old memories of overeating during the holidays, I will feel resentful and angry that I am "missing out" on something I'm entitled to.  What I AM entitled to is good health & a fit body, which contributes to a fit mind & state of being.

For today, I pray to forget the old food memories associated with the holidays, and instead, concentrate on creating new ones.

Update

To all my followers;
I will be on vacation from October 5th through the 20th, and not posting my daily Recovery readings. Check back on the 21st for the next thought-provoking message.

Thanks to everyone for ALL of your support!

Food for Thought: October 4th

Friendship

Through this program, we learn that we have choices. Not only can we choose what we will eat and what we will do, but also we can choose our friends. As we become honest, unaddicted people, we are able to relate to each other on a level of mutuality and admiration rather than out of dependency and fear. We gain the self-confidence to choose those with whom we enjoy spending time and sharing, rather than slavishly catering to anyone who will notice us.

Friends in OA have a special bond, since we share a common problem and a common solution. By putting principles before personalities, we avoid dependency and childish demands. Though we love and support each other, we do not cling together, since we are each dependent on a Higher Power. Our friends give us the gift of themselves, which shows us who we are.

Thank You for friendship.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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As I became free from addictive behaviors, I stopped slavishly catering to anyone who would notice me.  I was taught to do that, from a very young age.  To pander to others, at my own expense, regardless of whether I liked the person or not! "Put on the face" and then talk about the person behind their back! I watch my mother practicing this behavior every single time I am in a social situation with her!  Over the years, and the deeper I delved into Recovery, the more I realized it is this very behavior that keeps me sick with disease. 

I have choices, believe it or not.  I am free to pick & choose my friends.  When I treat myself & others with honesty, I relate on a different, healthier level.  Instead of relating to others out of dependency & fear, I relate honestly, using my voice to speak MY truth.

Working the Steps taught me who I Am at the core, not who I 'ought to' be.  I 'ought to' be exactly who I AM, and I thank God for showing me that truth.

Childish demands brought me to my knees for the last time.  As I continue to work my Program, I am able to put aside my childishness & accept my place in society as an Adult.  When I act like a grown up, I am treated as a grown up.  When I act like a willful child, pouting when I don't get my way, I am relegated back to the depths of despair as a practicing addict.

For today, I am thankful for being alive and free from addictive thinking.

Recovery Meditations: October 3rd

TRUTH

"The truth will set you free,
but first it will make you miserable."
James A. Garfield

After years of therapy, I thought I knew myself fairly well. I prided myself on my integrity, honesty and responsible nature; however, my morbid obesity and compulsive overeating reflected the exact opposite of these values. After breaking many resolutions to myself, starting and stopping countless diets, and continuing to have no control over my eating, I began to doubt my integrity. How could I keep a commitment to everyone I knew and yet break my promises to myself over and over again? It wasn't until in a moment of frustrated clarity I blurted out, "I'm acting like an addict!" Finally I experienced my own truth.

I am an addict. I am addicted to food. I use food to fill the gaping black hole within me. I use food to anesthetize my pain. As a compulsive overeater, I stuff my face rather than face my stuff.

Working the Steps allowed me to see that even though I thought I valued honesty, I was constantly lying to myself about my compulsive eating. Becoming abstinent from compulsive eating removed the veils of delusion and dishonesty that I had over my eyes. Living this program, one day at a time, freed me from compulsive lying to myself as well as compulsive eating. Telling the truth, while sometimes very difficult, has let me live happy, joyously, and free.

One day at a time...
I will work the Steps honestly, tell the truth about my life, and be the person of integrity my Higher Power always intended for me to be.

~ Bernadette B.

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Before I found commitment to abstinence, all I did was make empty promises to myself that I continuously broke.  Instead of learning to love myself, I wound up hating myself for my lack of 'willpower'.  It wasn't 'willpower' I lacked; it was Commitment.  I was powerless over food & alcohol, but I didn't realize it.......I thought I knew myself pretty well.  When I finally admitted my addictions, only THEN was I able to treat them seriously.

 

As a compulsive overeater & alcoholic, I was stuffing my face rather than facing my stuff.  That's a very profound statement! Only when I became willing to treat myself as an addict was I able TO deal with my issues honestly.

 

I am a liar & a thief when it comes to addiction.  I can tell myself that I have a high level of integrity & character, but all bets are OFF when it comes to my addictions.  By committing myself to an abstinent lifestyle, I agreed to remove the veils of delusion, denial & dishonesty that were making me so miserable.

 

For today, I will tell the truth *to myself & others* about my life.  I will share my experience, strength & hope with others in an effort to let them know that hope DOES exist! If I can find Recovery, anyone can!

 

For today, I will be the person of integrity I was meant to be.  I will live in truth, putting my program FIRST, with faith & knowledge that all good things begin with abstinence.  

Recovery Meditations: October 2nd

COMPULSIONS

“All human actions have one or more of these seven causes:
chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire.”
Aristotle

When I was eating compulsively, it was similar to taking nitrous oxide at my dentist. Like a heavy anesthesia, the food comforted me and gave me an extraordinary sense of well-being. Like many short-term cures for what is bothering us, it took its toll. Any resemblance to reality while in the fog of compulsive eating is purely coincidental. While there may be times in my life I needed anesthesia, to use it day in and day out to block emotional pain is a burden only compulsive eaters know about.

Compulsion is self-will gone berserk. I try to think of it as the opposite of effortless abstinence. Between the two are miles and miles of varying experiences. For me there was never moderation ... only the two extremes. It took several years of squeaky clean abstinence to trust myself and begin to try moderation in eating. At that point I had learned to recognize and be aware of the dangers of that first compulsive bite. There have been times when this cunning disease always waiting to pounce has sent me straight back to hell as a result of that one single compulsive bite.

One day at a time...
I will pray that my actions are caused by anything except compulsions.

~ Mari

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So I lived my life under anesthesia, then wondered why, after getting abstinent,  I was unable to identify and process my emotions as they came up??  I was used to instant gratification; instant numbing.  Something hurts? Take a drink & eat a bowl of pasta..........make the pain go away.  Ahhhh.

 

The problem with blocking out pain is that the anesthesia also blocks out joy.  The problem with drinking & overeating to cope with life is that doing so makes me drunk & fat.  So the results of all that 'coping' are worse than the original pain I am trying to avoid.

 

Using painful techniques to block out pain causes MORE pain. And so, the vicious cycle of yo yo dieting begins.  It only ends with abstinence, and making a commitment to a food plan.  Abstinence from drinking is 100%...........simple (not easy); just don't pick up a drink; it is not necessary for survival.  Food, on the other hand, IS necessary for survival.  Junk food isn't, however.  Commitment to a food plan means commitment to healthy, nourishing eating & avoidance of trigger foods that set me on a downward spiral.

When I was in charge of running the world & playing God, I was eating & drinking compulsively; my self-will had gone berserk.  I functioned in the 'all-or-nothing' mentality where I was either starving myself or eating everything that wasn't nailed down.  Sitting on the couch like a slug or exercising like a maniac.  Moderation? What on earth is THAT? 

For today, I choose to live with the reality of my disease.  To keep it in recovery status rather than having IT run MY life. 

For today, I will not take that first compulsive bite, the same way I wouldn't take that first sip of a cocktail, because my Recovery is way more important than the temporary, numbing pleasure that food & drink promise to give me.

For today, I will let go & let God take over.  He knows what's best for me, even when I insist otherwise.

The Language of Letting Go; October 1st

Be Who You Are

In recovery; we're learning a new behavior. It's called Be Who You Are.

For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what we felt, said what we wanted, became firm about our beliefs, and valued what we needed? What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?

Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?

There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.

Before long, we begin to understand. Some people may go away, but the relationship would have ended anyway. Some people stay and love and respect us more for taking the risk of being whom we are. We begin to achieve intimacy, and relationships that work.

We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.

Today, I will own my power to be myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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"Be Who You Are"..........what a novel thought! While I was practicing my addictions, I didn't know who I was.

 

I was who YOU wanted me to be.  And the ensuing resentment drove me deeper into my addictions.

 

I was always made to feel 'not good enough'.........by my parents, my first husband, by the people in my life who mattered most.  It wasn't until I gave birth to my first child that I began to glimpse what it felt like to be 'good enough'.  This child needed me! I was able to make him smile & gurgle! I was able to care for him & help him grow..........although I still felt as though I could have been a 'better' mother..........still far from perfect.........still striving to be MORE.  My son was colicky & difficult........which must have been 'my fault', somehow.  

 

Although I was on the path to feeling good enough, I still had a long way to go. I was still trying to find Myself & establish a relationship with that woman.

 

By the time I gave birth to my daughter 8 years later, I'd gotten sober & stayed there for years.  I was at peace with myself & had a relaxing & beautiful pregnancy.  I allowed myself to love my swollen belly & to feel totally at peace for maybe the first time EVER.  I had a purpose and I was Becoming.

 

I had glimpses into Who I Was for many years before I actually unlocked the door to my Spirit.  It's been an incredible journey of self discovery to own my own Power to Be.

 

For today, I know who I am and it's plenty 'good enough'.  I am a child of God. 

Each Day a New Beginning: September 30th

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?
—Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

We choose the lives we lead. We choose sadness or happiness; success for failure; dread or excited anticipation. Whether or not we are conscious of our choices, we are making them every moment.

Accepting full responsibility for our actions is one of the requirements of maturity. Not always the easiest thing to do, but necessary to our further development. An unexpected benefit of accepting our responsibility is that it heightens our awareness of personal power. Our well being is within our power. Happiness is within our power. Our attitude about any condition, present or future, is within our power, if we take it.

Life is "doing unto us" only what we allow. And it will favor us with whatever we choose. If we look for excitement, we'll find it. We can search out the positive in any experience. All situations present seeds of new understanding, if we are open to them. Our responses to the events around us determine whatever meaning life offers. We are in control of our outlook. And our outlook decides our future.

This day is mine, fully, to delight in - or to dread. The decision is always mine.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Living the 'victim' mentality is a choice......however, not a choice that will keep me sober & at a healthy weight.  If I feel self pity that I can't have my cake & eat it too, then I will go back to overeating & drinking myself into a stupor.  If I choose sadness, failure & dread, I will justify why I 'need' to practice my addictions to stay happy.

If I do not change everything about my life, and actively seek OUT new people, places & things, I will not keep myself in recovery status. I will continue feeling sorry for myself that addiction has 'ruined' my life.  It hasn't 'ruined' my life.........it's been a huge blessing in many ways.  Had I not developed addictions, I never would have found Recovery and learned a new & BETTER way to live! I would have remained stuck in my own head, thinking the same thoughts over & over & OVER again, insisting that life was 'no good' without booze & food.  I never would have seen that I was enslaved to food & drink, having NO freedom to Be all that God intended me TO be.

Developing a new lifestyle is crucial to long term recovery.  If I want to stay sober, I will not surround myself with people who drink.  If I want to maintain a healthy body weight through abstinence from compulsive overeating, I will not cook elaborate meals in the kitchen, nor surround myself with delicious foods that I can't eat AND maintain abstinence at the same time.  I will not tempt myself unnecessarily. Tempting myself gives me license to feel self-pity.  Instead, I will give myself permission TO be happy, addiction free & living in the light instead of the darkness.

The only thing that has to change is EVERYTHING, if I am to maintain Recovery.  I know that I will have bad days, where life feels terrible. I will recognize this as a part OF Recovery, without believing the bad day will last forever. I will actively seek out new ways to re-direct my thinking towards healthful & useful pursuits.  

There are many tools I use to maintain my abstinence, but none of them is as important to me as service. I do a lot of service, but it’s not for fame or glory: I do service in order to keep my program strong.

 

For today, I will get out of my own head & give service to someone in need.

Recovery Meditations: September 29th

Togetherness

“Take my hand, and no matter how dark the night,
the light of day will come, and we will share the tomorrow.”

Ken Grant


When we first walk into our recovery rooms, we are all afraid: afraid of more rejection, afraid of more failure, and afraid of more loneliness. Once we sit and listen, we realize that we are not much different than the other people there. We ease up, start sharing, begin trusting our Higher Power and ourselves more.

Our darkness of the past is drawn out by our sharing with other addicts. We realize our deep, dark secrets are not as bad as we thought.

We are not alone! Then hand-in-hand, we begin climbing the ladder of recovery and the light of day begins to shine brighter and brighter.

One Day at a Time . . .
When we let our guard down and let Higher Power
and other people in, we learn that at the end of a
dark day is the light of our next today. We learn
that together we can do what we can never do alone.

~ Jeanette

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We are not alone anymore! We have found others who share our struggles & who 'get it'.  We are no longer the odd-man out in a world composed of normal weight individuals and/or normal eaters, although those statistics seem to be dwindling constantly! "Normal" eating has degenerated into fast food and candy bars, with children unable to recognize fruits & vegetables.  

 

With an abstinent lifestyle, we learn to CREATE 'normal' FOR ourselves, by following a structured food plan.  We draw together with other addicts, realizing our deep dark secrets are not as bad as we thought; that we ALL share them.

 

We stop isolating and feeling lost inside of our own compulsive thinking, as we reach out & share our experience, strength & hope with others who suffer.

 

We no longer worry about rejection, failure & loneliness.  We have found a better way, together, one day at a time. 

Food for Thought: September 28th

My Own Body

My body is where I live. Its size and shape is a matter between my Higher Power and me. No one else is responsible for my body. In the past, I may have permitted other people to influence what I ate and how much I weighed, but I now take full responsibility.

Other people may think that I am too fat or too thin, but that is their problem, not mine. I am learning what my body needs in order to operate at peak efficiency. I am learning to avoid the foods, which I do not handle well. What and how much I eat depends on my own preference and the requirements of my metabolism.

My body is a gift to me from my Higher Power. Maintaining it in the best possible condition is my response to God's gift. No one else can tell me how best to maintain my body, since no one else is living in it or receives its inner signals. If I honestly interpret the signals, which come from my body, I will stay abstinent and healthy.

Thank You for my body.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Other people's opinion of me is none of my business. I take full responsibility for the food that goes into my mouth every day, and nobody can influence my decision.  

As I shrunk in body size, I heard all sorts of silly comments. I was 'anorexic', I didn't eat, I was too thin, I ate like a bird, I should have 'just one bite it won't kill me', I'm too strict, I don't have fun......the list goes on and on.  Even now, after 4 years of abstinence and maintaining a normal weight, my mother says "Oh you poor thing you can't even eat."  

I don't expect non-addicts to understand MY food addiction, nor do I expect them to tell me how to best maintain my body size.  My body is where I live, and only I know how to properly fuel it & keep it running efficiently.  Only I know how important my Program is, and I don't lose sight of that fact for any reason. 

What & how much I eat is my business ONLY.  For today, I will not allow others to influence MY food choices.  That's a matter between God & me!

Food for Thought: September 27th

We Admit

Three of the Twelve Steps have to do with admitting. We admit that we are powerless over food and cannot manage our own lives; we admit our wrongs to God, ourselves, and another person; we continue to take inventory and admit when we are wrong.

Out of honest admission of our weakness comes strength. We are able to see ourselves realistically and with clarity. When we are humble enough to admit our wrongs, we get rid of the false front we had tried to maintain. This frees us to be who we are, without pretense.

When we admit our faults, we are cleansed. We no longer have to try to hide and cover up our weaknesses and mistakes. Instead of pretending to be perfect, we can be human and satisfied with progress.

We admit that we have a progressive disease, and we learn how to control it. We do not pretend to ourselves or others that we can eat like everyone else, because we are compulsive overeaters. We cannot manage our own lives, but there is One who can.

I admit that I am powerless, and I am grateful for Your Power in my life.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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I've heard many say that 4th Step work is negative.........that it's meant to keep us dwelling on our mistakes & imperfections.  In reality, as this reading discusses, admission of weakness brings strength. When we get rid of the false front we've been trying to maintain for so long, we're freed to become who we truly are, without pretense.

Admitting our faults is cleansing, and that is the purpose of much of the Step work. We no longer feel the need to hide & cover up our weaknesses & mistakes.  Instead of pretending to be perfect, we admit to being human & satisfied with progress rather than perfection.

Admitting we have a progressive disease allows us to become willing to control it.  We stop pretending to ourselves or others that we can eat 'normally', like everyone else does, because we understand & accept ourselves as compulsive overeaters. 

What a great way to look at the usefulness & purpose of Step work!  Once I rid myself of all the baggage I've carried around from past mistakes, only THEN am I free to wake up every morning with a clean slate & to live in the moment!

For today, I thank God for guiding me to Recovery, and for urging me to take an honest look within myself to figure out what brought me to addictive behaviors.  And, more importantly, what it takes to bring me OUT.

Recovery Meditations: September 26th

LETTING GO

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Joseph Campbell

It’s hard to give up old habits. Although my former solutions to dealing with stress, anger, and emotional and physical pain had never worked and only made the problems worse, they were familiar. I had high hopes the results would be different each time. I wasn’t too surprised when it didn’t happen because this was familiar ground.

Then I heard about this program, half-heartedly joined and began working the Twelve Steps. It was scary! Things began happening to me that I’d never dreamed possible. I was given abstinence! I had not planned for that to happen. How could I, when I had no idea what abstinence would really be like?

At first I felt very anxious, sure the abstinence would be snatched from me just as I was beginning to feel comfortable with it. While I enjoyed abstinence and not having to focus on my eating disorder's requirements, I often felt like I was in foreign territory without a map. I couldn't plan my life like I had before because my life was busy evolving in ways I couldn't imagine.

But the longer I worked the program, the happier my life became. To my utter shock I’ve recently discovered that I, a control freak and ultimate planner of everything, have begun to enjoy the unpredictability that my Higher Power has so graciously put in my life.

Before the program I never appreciated spontaneity; I couldn’t. Now, a day without plans is an opportunity.

One day at a time...
I will pray to let go of my will
and instead to be open to my Higher Power's will for me.

~ Rhonda

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Expectations breed resentments. When I was in charge of running the world & planned every minute of my life, nothing ever worked out 'right'.  I was constantly aggravated as a result.

 

When I give UP is when I stop giving IN! I surrender my powerlessness over food & alcohol every single day, and every single day, the need to 'use' is removed, and I am blessed with abstinence.  Since I no longer have to play God, I can leave that role to Him and just be an ordinary human being.  What a relief!

 

I like this statement; "While I enjoyed abstinence & not having to focus on my eating disorder's requirements, I often felt like I was in a foreign territory without a map." My eating disorder's requirements.............boy oh boy.........those were SOME requirements, too!!!!!! Living a life focused on what I 'had to' eat next was wasting the beauty OF that precious life! The requirements of compulsive overeating are absolutely ENDLESS! What to eat, how to hide it, where to buy it, how to prepare it, how to get rid of the evidence, cooking shows, eating out............holy cow, what a colossal waste of time & my God-given talents!!!!!

 

Only through abstinence have I been able to SEE the insanity of compulsive overeating, and to want to be RID of the symptoms.  I will go to ANY length required to maintain my sanity through recovery.

 

For today, I am grateful for a day without too many plans, especially plans for getting my next fix.