Recovery Meditations: November 7th

FAITH

Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.

Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)



As a child, I believed in God, but the God of my childhood was a punishing God. I often felt that the reason for all the tragedies and misfortunes that I went through was because I didn't adhere to all the traditions and rules of my given religion. Perhaps the fact that I wasn't a good enough daughter to my parents, a good enough mother to my children, or a good enough friend was another reason why I was being punished. I would pray to the God of my childhood for what I wanted, but God never answered me or gave it to me, so what was the use of praying? I eventually stopped praying because my prayers were never answered.

I now know, having been led into this beautiful fellowship of the spirit, that God is a loving and forgiving God who always gave me what I needed, even if it didn't at the time seem to be what I wanted. The trouble had always been that I was filled with fear and found it hard to believe or trust in something or someone that I couldn't see or hear. I am a logical and rational person so it was really hard for me to have faith and trust that God would take care of me. It's said that the opposite of fear is faith, and so I am now learning to let go of the fear and put my faith and trust in a Higher Power of my understanding. I realize that He knows what's best for me, and will always be there for me if I only let Him.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will trust that my Higher Power knows what's best for me, and I put my myself in His care. My faith is growing stronger each day and I am able to release fear.

Faith

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My religious upbringing taught me to fear God & to expect punishment from Him for all of my various imperfections and 'sins'.  I was fat because I was 'bad', so how could I have the nerve to ask God to help me?  He wouldn't have time for a 'sinner' like me anyway!

 

I turned away from my religion as I grew older, because I knew the dogma was distorted.......something was wrong with the entire premise! As I got further along in my disease, I knew I had to revisit the God matter, and develop faith in my OWN way, regardless of what I'd been taught as a child.  

 

When I walked in the door of my first AA meeting 20-some years ago, and the group held hands and repeated The Lord's Prayer, I knew then that I'd be able to form a relationship with the God of MY understanding instead of the mean & fearful God I'd come to know.  

 

As I grew in recovery, I came to realize that my addictions weren't 'punishments' handed to me for being so 'bad', but instead blessings in disguise. Had I not been an alcoholic & compulsive overeater, I wouldn't have grown into the person I am today; a person I very much love & respect.

I came to understand that 'sins' aren't horrible events that will lead me to "hell", but simply 'missing the point of human existence.'  The purpose of life is Love, and anything that's done in Hate or Fear is the opposite of Love.  All the 'sins' of my life were nothing more than Fear, insecurity & resentment.  I no longer dwell on going to 'hell' and burning for eternity; that is not what God wants me to dwell on.  

Instead, I focus on Now, on Today, on surrendering my life over to the loving & forgiving God I've come to know.

For today, I will trust that my Higher Power knows what's best for me, and I put myself in His loving care.  My faith is growing stronger each day as I am able to release fear.