Recovery
Meditations: October 29th
Trial and Error
“Anything worth doing
at all is worth doing poorly.”
Joachim de Posada
Imagine my shock the first time I heard this statement,
which happened to be in a Twelve Step (OA) meeting. I had been reared in an
environment in which anything worth doing at all was worth doing well. In fact,
in my world this concept was practiced as if it had religious authority. It was
perfectionism given flesh and bones.
Perhaps the idea that “anything worth doing at all is worth
doing well” worked for some folks. For me, it was paralyzing. There were many
things that I needed to do that I simply could not do well. These included
things like trimming the hedge, praying, and making good investment choices. So
how did my sick, obsessive-compulsive self respond? Predictably, of course: I
just didn't do those things I felt I couldn’t do well. I was rarely willing to
take the chance of acting and being wrong, so I did not act at all. Soon I was
living a very restricted life -- a life hemmed in by the fear of messing up. I
needed to be perfect or just not be at all.
Then I found the program. There I learned that I am human
and that making mistakes is part of being human. I even learned that making
mistakes is a good thing, because in doing so I have acted. This is a program
of action. I learn by acting and by making mistakes. How liberating! How
freeing. I can't tell you how much my constricted, warped life began to open
up. I acted and did things poorly, and people responded warmly and in a helpful
manner. I took their advice and I joined the human race. I now consider this
simple concept -- act, even if it means doing a thing poorly -- as one of the
greatest gifts of the program. My life is really my life now. Perfectionism
occasionally rears its ugly head, but when it does, I simply remember where I
came from and then I go ahead and make a mistake and set myself free again.
One day at a time...
Today I will do what
I need to do, and I will do it as well as I can. When I make a mistake I will
not conclude that I am a mistake. I will accept that I am human and I will ask
for help. Perfection has never been a goal of this program and it is not a goal
for my life.
~ Pete M.
***************************************
Each Day A New Beginning
—Eileen Mayhew
Letting down our guard, releasing the tension that keeps us taut, often invites our tears, tears that soften us, melt our resistance, and reveal our vulnerability, which reminds us that we are only human. So often we need reminding that we are only human.
Perfectionism may be our bane, as it is for so many of us in this program. We've learned to push, push harder, and even harder yet, not only ourselves but also those around us. We must be better, we think, and we tighten our hold on life. The program can teach us to loosen our grip, if we'll let it. The magic is that when we loosen our grip on this day, this activity, this person, we get carried gently along and find that which we struggled to control happening smoothly and naturally. Life is a series of ironies.
We should not hide from our tears. We can trust their need to be present. Perhaps they need to be present for someone else, as well as ourselves. Tears encourage compassion; maybe our assignment in life, today, is to help someone else experience compassion.
My tears will heal. And the wounded are everywhere.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Food For Thought
Overeating covered up the truth. We fed our illusions with food, which harmed our bodies. The illusions grew bigger and stronger until our minds were fog bound by the illusions instead of illuminated by truth.
Giving up our illusions is frightening and painful, but in the long run it is less difficult than trying to live with them and by them. It is impossible to get rid of our illusions by ourselves. The Higher Power leads us to truth by means of the Twelve Steps and the OA program. Abstinence from compulsive overeating is necessary in order to stop feeding our illusions and let the truth come through.
Knowing the truth sets us free. We no longer have to cling to old dependencies and self-defeating habits. Our Higher Power gives us as much truth as we are willing to work for and accept. We are not overwhelmed, but are gradually able to assimilate the reality of our situation. By accepting reality and refraining from using food as an escape, we are able to live with truth instead of illusions.
Lead me by the Power of truth.
From Food for
Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992
by Hazelden Foundation.
The Language of Letting Go
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.
From The
Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Let everyone sweep in front of his [or her] own door, and the whole world will be clean.
--Goethe
Taking care of ourselves rather than trying to control others may be difficult. Our character defects may lead us to believe we should take responsibility for the actions of others. Sometimes we may feel we know how a spouse, co-worker, or friend should act. We may even go so far as to tell someone what he or she should do or do it for them.
Tonight we can reflect on our actions of today. Did we cover up another's behavior, or tell someone what to do, or take control of something that was not our responsibility? We need to realize that taking charge of another's life is not beneficial to anyone. Focusing on another's life keeps us from looking at ours. Doing for others what they should be doing for themselves takes away valuable lessons for growth.
What would happen if everyone in a classroom were the teacher? Who would listen and learn? Who would mature and grow? The teacher in our lives is our Higher Power. Let us respect our instructor and let our Higher Power do the guiding while we grow.
Help me listen and learn and let go of controlling others.
Let everyone sweep in front of his [or her] own door, and the whole world will be clean.
--Goethe
Taking care of ourselves rather than trying to control others may be difficult. Our character defects may lead us to believe we should take responsibility for the actions of others. Sometimes we may feel we know how a spouse, co-worker, or friend should act. We may even go so far as to tell someone what he or she should do or do it for them.
Tonight we can reflect on our actions of today. Did we cover up another's behavior, or tell someone what to do, or take control of something that was not our responsibility? We need to realize that taking charge of another's life is not beneficial to anyone. Focusing on another's life keeps us from looking at ours. Doing for others what they should be doing for themselves takes away valuable lessons for growth.
What would happen if everyone in a classroom were the teacher? Who would listen and learn? Who would mature and grow? The teacher in our lives is our Higher Power. Let us respect our instructor and let our Higher Power do the guiding while we grow.
Help me listen and learn and let go of controlling others.
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