Today's thought from Hazelden: September 13th

Communicating

…when I finally gave up on my partner.

He believed that the love of his life, if he ever found the Right One, would fill all the gaps of his own personality. She dreamed that her perfect match would always respond gently, never willfully. After the honeymoon phase they naturally began to find imperfections and disappointments. Both wondered if they had chosen the Wrong One. But in a sense, there is no Right One for anyone. In another sense, there may be millions of Right Ones.

The closeness of a partnership will always reveal weaknesses and disappointments that were not obvious at first. No partner will match all the inventions of our own mind or so completely fit our needs that we have no remaining emptiness inside. One person said, “It felt like a terrible day when I finally gave up on my partner. But it became the first day of reality for me. Only after that did I discard the images I had invented for her and begin to get acquainted with who she really was.”

For today, put all your ideas and desires for who your mate should become on the shelf and go only with who your mate is.

You are reading from the book: The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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 When dealing with people and all of their idiosyncrasies, we must remember this: We can't change THEM, it is only OURSELVES we are capable of changing.

Choose Again: Choose a new perception of the person you're in conflict with. When we look at others through the lens of our OWN eyes, we see them as we feel they SHOULD be, rather than how they actually ARE. Choose to see this person as a partner in discovery..............difficult people are put into our lives to teach us something. Oftentimes, we are so aggravated with them that we miss the lesson we're intended to receive.  Take yourself out of victim mode, and look at this person as a spiritual being rather than aggravating yourself with their behavior.

Listen Again: Begin listening to this person in a new way, ignoring your OWN judgments and opinions. Perhaps what you will hear is yearning, pain, confusion or groping.  Listen, for real, and allow yourself to HEAR what this difficult person is actually saying.

Speak Again: Speak in a new way...........purposefully, with no hint of attack in your voice. This opens up the possibility for learning. By speaking differently, you close a rift rather than opening it up even wider. Conduct yourself at all times as a higher spiritual being. Spirituality has no ego.........and a wounded ego = a victim.

Give Again: In order to receive more good, we must give more good. Open your heart to a deeper truth........even when you feel that something has been taken from you, give again. And again. The more good we dole out to others, the more good comes back to us.

Forgive Again: Let all of your anger & hostilities GO, like dust in the wind.  Even if you don't approve of what the difficult person is saying or doing, forgive him anyway. When we forgive, we allow OURSELVES to heal and to move forward, rather than keeping ourselves in the 'victim' mentality, where we feel 'entitled' to our anger.  


"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."
~Nelson Mandela 

For today, I will not allow MY ego to stand in the way of treating others with loving kindness.