Recovery Meditations: September 11th

The Present

"Real generosity towards the future
consists in giving all to what is present."

Albert Camus


Fear ruled my life until two years ago. I was paralyzed with fear about the future and what would happen when they discovered how bad I really was and how little they could trust me. I was terrified that the past would catch up with me and I'd be found out. The guilt and shame of my last binge came along for the ride as I replayed the scene compulsively and beat myself up for screwing up yet again. This made it impossible for me to stay in the present.

In program I learned that I wasn't really paralyzed by the past nor the future; rather, I was paralyzed by fear of losing control. The only way to release that fear was to admit, every hour of every day, that I was powerless over people, the past, the future and the food. When I wrote it down and put it in my God box, I could live in the present time. It was hard at first, and I'd grab it back when the fear crept in. But I'd let it go a little more each time, allowing me to be free of fear and enjoy moments of the day. The moments turned into hours and soon I was experiencing a full day without fear. The fear of the past and the future held less sway over me as I worked the Steps, surrendered my fears, and did service.

Service is the most important tool for me. The more service I do, the more I am fully alive in the present and I worry less about the past and the future. The peace and serenity that replaced the fear are blessed gifts allowing me to explore more of the present day. With them, I can honestly share myself with others and rebuild relationships. I now know the freedom of  "giving all to what is present" and I pray for the willingness to stay in the present and be generous toward my future.

One day at a time...
I live fully in the present, easily and effortlessly surrendering the past and the future to my Higher Power.

~ Anne L.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Learning to live in the present moment is perhaps THE biggest change I've made in my life. As a compulsive overeater, fear ruled me because I was constantly living in the past (when I had binges), or in the future (when I might have MORE binges) and so, the beauty of the moment was lost on me. 

As a compulsive overeater, I am powerless over food, and as an alcoholic, I am powerless over alcohol. I no longer fear 'losing control' because abstinence is #1 on my priority list. Should I lose my abstinence and/or sobriety, I have a program to return to, and I refuse to worry about the 'what if's' of the future......the future isn't real, and cannot harm me since it doesn't exist. For today, my programs are intact and strong, thank God, and that's all I need to concern myself with.

For today, I will give of myself to the best of my ability. I will share my experience, strength & hope with others who suffer.  I send up a prayer for all who were affected by the happenings of 9/11/01........which translates to the entire PLANET. All of humanity was forever changed by the events of that day.