The Language of Letting Go: September 29th

The Importance of Money

We cannot afford to allow our focus in life to be money. That will not lead us into the abundance we're seeking. Usually, it will not even lead to financial stability.

Money is important. We deserve to be paid what we're worth. We will be paid what we're worth when we believe we deserve to be. But often your plans fail when our primary consideration is money.

What do we really want to do? What do we feel led to do? What are our instincts telling us? What do we feel guided to do? What are we excited about doing? Seek to find a way to do that, without worrying about the money.

Consider the financial aspects. Set boundaries about what you need to be paid. Be reasonable. Expect to start at the bottom, and work up. But if you feel led toward a job, go for it.

Is there something we truly don't want to do, something that goes against our grain, but we are trying to force ourselves into it "for the money?" Usually, that's a behavior that backfires. It doesn't work. We make ourselves miserable, and the money usually goes wrong too.

I have learned that when I am true to myself about work and what I need to be doing, the money will follow. Sometimes it's not as much as I want; sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised, and it's more. But I'm content, and I have enough.

Money is a consideration, but it cannot be our primary consideration if we are seeking spiritual security and peace of mind.

Today, I will make money a consideration, but I will not allow it to become my primary consideration. God, help me be true to myself and trust that the money will follow.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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Big Change Is In The Air! Blog, 8/23/13

When I had my cell phone stolen this past Saturday, I felt that it was the tip of an unknown iceberg..........that change was in the air, somehow. When an event occurs in life that we label "Bad", we must always KNOW that there is a lesson to be had from it.  The "Bad" often leads to "Good", which is what this story illustrates.

Having my cell phone stolen led me to make an important decision that's life changing.  Tuesday afternoon contained an event in the office that constituted "The Last Straw." Because I had no cell phone, I brought my Tablet to work instead, and that set my boss off on a huge tirade, which is going to be the LAST one I have to endure. I've decided to quit my full time job and put my resignation in tomorrow. I've already alerted my Contractor in D.C., so it's just a matter of notifying my direct supervisor in the local office. I've worked in a toxic environment for the past 4 years & 4 months, with a boss that dislikes me immensely.  I always joke to myself, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," but in reality, there is nothing funny about discriminatory treatment. I've been singled out as The Bad Guy, and given 80% of the workload, which is still 'not enough'.  Every day I've gone into that office dreading the next blow.......the next 'injustice'........the next problem that she would invent.  The drama runs high, and the ONLY positive with this job is the paycheck. And even that isn't so great, since I took a large pay cut last October.  Half the pay & twice the workload. Working at a job ONLY for the pay check is always a big mistake.

Having my cell phone stolen led me to have a quick temper with my toxic Mother whilst on the phone with her Sunday.  She accused me of 'always being against her', as I try *in vain* to stick up for my father who's the bane of her existence.  When I hung up the phone with her, I thought to myself, "She's right. I am always against her."  I've allowed old resentments to build up inside of me, and it shows in the way I speak to her.  I've had a misdirected need to 'fix' her life..............to take care of her never-ending, self-invented problems, for way too long now. Somehow, I've carried the notion that it's my job to fix her? Oh baby, so NOT gonna happen.  At 86, chronic complaining & a negative attitude towards everyone and everything is just the way it is. Period. It's up to me to change me, not her.  My reaction to her words has got to change, if I am to enjoy any level of peace & serenity in MY life. 

So I sat DH down & told him my game plan: I'm going to agree with EVERYTHING Mom says, right or wrong, and I'm going to always sympathize with her plight, real or imagined. What she needs from me is understanding.......not judgment or an attempt to 'fix' the situation. Just an acknowledgement that she's born under an unlucky star & the world is out to get her. That's ALL. Why have I fought this off for so long? I've wound up making my life a torture chamber, from all the pent up resentments, and harming myself in the process!

Ridiculous.

Since employing this new technique, things have settled down dramatically inside of my soul.  I was pouring gasoline on a fire instead of using an extinguisher, and my only regret is that it's taken me SO long to figure that out. 

I've taken the past 2 days off from work, to think things through, and to remove myself from a toxic environment that makes it hard to function.  On Tuesday night, I was sitting here in my office, pumped up with adrenaline, feeling excited and hopeful for the future, and antsy at the same time. The house was dark & quiet, my husband sleeping in bed.  I got up to go into the kitchen for a glass of water & noticed something flying around my dining room.  I turned on the light and saw the most beautiful & unusual butterfly land on the carpet at my feet. It was large and white, with bright orange colors on its wings, and it just sat there, dying on the rug in front of me.  How did such a thing get into the house?? I was immediately struck by the symbolism of such a thing........how a butterfly represents Transformation.  The insect took off after a brief rest, never to be seen again. The appearance of this lovely butterfly at such a crossroads point in my life was, to me, a sign from God that I'm doing the right thing.  That it's time for me to do MORE with my life than waste time at a bad job and spend over 2 hours a day commuting in heavy traffic. 

The butterfly cemented the deal in my mind. I will stay home for the time being, and work on a book I intend to have published, A Fat Girl Blogs. I will work on my TSFL business, focusing my energy on positivity and helping others, which brings me great joy rather than anxiety & distress. I may downsize my various collections and sell them on Ebay.  I may get a part time job as a temp.  I may not.  I will walk my dog in the early morning, when the light is so fresh and beautiful, and I will join a gym, which I've never had time for.  I am having my acrylic nails removed today, and I will use that savings to cover a gym membership. Certainly, a fit body is more important than perfect fingernails.  I will donate the majority of my wardrobe to Goodwill, and run a few garage sales before the cold weather sets in.  I will de-clutter my house, which I've never had time to do before now, with the intent of selling it one of these days. I have the need to downsize my LIFE these days, and my Aha moment began with a crime: having my cell phone ripped off.

The next time something "Bad" happens in life, look at it as a opportunity instead of a burden. Figure out what "Good" you can take out of the ashes of the "Bad", realizing that the labels we attach to events are often completely wrong.  Don't misunderstand or ignore the lessons you are blessed enough to receive. Listen to your inner voice and go with it, my friends, because the gut never lies. Stay conscious & aware of what's going on in your own life, lest it pass you by while you weren't watching.