The Language of Letting Go: September 30th

Not a Victim

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .

You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what's good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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I know people who look for the misery in every situation, not allowing joy into their souls, afraid it will be a 'jinx', and waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' when good times DO show up for a visit.  Living life in the victim mentality is a choice, and a poor one at that.  If I choose to live as a victim, I refuse to find joy, looking instead for the misery and dwelling on IT. 

We were created as children of God to maximize our life experience. We were not put here as victims, or to dwell in self-pity, searching out the despair & negativity everywhere! Our job is not to point fingers & place blame, because that won't change our situation, but only exacerbate it. What's the use in blame? Does it change MY situation?

The best way to ditch the victim mentality is to put Ego aside and give service to others.  When I get out of my OWN head is when I am functioning best. 

If someone is treating me badly, I won't sit back & lick my wounds, feeling sorry for myself. I will SPEAK my MIND to that person, using kind but firm words, to let that person know it's NOT ok to hurt my feelings! In the days of practicing my addictions, instead of speaking my mind, I'd eat or drink my emotions away, trying to shut DOWN instead of piping UP! I'd feel 'entitled' to soothe myself with excess food and/or drink, because 'life wasn't fair' and people weren't fair and Oh Poor Me I Deserve To Eat.

When I shut my emotions down and refuse to feel them, I am not living an honest life. I am functioning in Denial instead of Truth, and that is NO way to live.

For today, I am not a victim. If circumstances arise that lead me to feeling like a Victim, I will step BACK and assess the situation with honesty.  What can I do to cope with this situation where I'm not hurting or punishing myself? Not closing down but opening UP, seeing reality for what it truly IS instead of interpreting the situation as a personal affront.

For today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak or act like a victim.  Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.

The Language of Letting Go: September 29th

The Importance of Money

We cannot afford to allow our focus in life to be money. That will not lead us into the abundance we're seeking. Usually, it will not even lead to financial stability.

Money is important. We deserve to be paid what we're worth. We will be paid what we're worth when we believe we deserve to be. But often your plans fail when our primary consideration is money.

What do we really want to do? What do we feel led to do? What are our instincts telling us? What do we feel guided to do? What are we excited about doing? Seek to find a way to do that, without worrying about the money.

Consider the financial aspects. Set boundaries about what you need to be paid. Be reasonable. Expect to start at the bottom, and work up. But if you feel led toward a job, go for it.

Is there something we truly don't want to do, something that goes against our grain, but we are trying to force ourselves into it "for the money?" Usually, that's a behavior that backfires. It doesn't work. We make ourselves miserable, and the money usually goes wrong too.

I have learned that when I am true to myself about work and what I need to be doing, the money will follow. Sometimes it's not as much as I want; sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised, and it's more. But I'm content, and I have enough.

Money is a consideration, but it cannot be our primary consideration if we are seeking spiritual security and peace of mind.

Today, I will make money a consideration, but I will not allow it to become my primary consideration. God, help me be true to myself and trust that the money will follow.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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Big Change Is In The Air! Blog, 8/23/13

When I had my cell phone stolen this past Saturday, I felt that it was the tip of an unknown iceberg..........that change was in the air, somehow. When an event occurs in life that we label "Bad", we must always KNOW that there is a lesson to be had from it.  The "Bad" often leads to "Good", which is what this story illustrates.

Having my cell phone stolen led me to make an important decision that's life changing.  Tuesday afternoon contained an event in the office that constituted "The Last Straw." Because I had no cell phone, I brought my Tablet to work instead, and that set my boss off on a huge tirade, which is going to be the LAST one I have to endure. I've decided to quit my full time job and put my resignation in tomorrow. I've already alerted my Contractor in D.C., so it's just a matter of notifying my direct supervisor in the local office. I've worked in a toxic environment for the past 4 years & 4 months, with a boss that dislikes me immensely.  I always joke to myself, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," but in reality, there is nothing funny about discriminatory treatment. I've been singled out as The Bad Guy, and given 80% of the workload, which is still 'not enough'.  Every day I've gone into that office dreading the next blow.......the next 'injustice'........the next problem that she would invent.  The drama runs high, and the ONLY positive with this job is the paycheck. And even that isn't so great, since I took a large pay cut last October.  Half the pay & twice the workload. Working at a job ONLY for the pay check is always a big mistake.

Having my cell phone stolen led me to have a quick temper with my toxic Mother whilst on the phone with her Sunday.  She accused me of 'always being against her', as I try *in vain* to stick up for my father who's the bane of her existence.  When I hung up the phone with her, I thought to myself, "She's right. I am always against her."  I've allowed old resentments to build up inside of me, and it shows in the way I speak to her.  I've had a misdirected need to 'fix' her life..............to take care of her never-ending, self-invented problems, for way too long now. Somehow, I've carried the notion that it's my job to fix her? Oh baby, so NOT gonna happen.  At 86, chronic complaining & a negative attitude towards everyone and everything is just the way it is. Period. It's up to me to change me, not her.  My reaction to her words has got to change, if I am to enjoy any level of peace & serenity in MY life. 

So I sat DH down & told him my game plan: I'm going to agree with EVERYTHING Mom says, right or wrong, and I'm going to always sympathize with her plight, real or imagined. What she needs from me is understanding.......not judgment or an attempt to 'fix' the situation. Just an acknowledgement that she's born under an unlucky star & the world is out to get her. That's ALL. Why have I fought this off for so long? I've wound up making my life a torture chamber, from all the pent up resentments, and harming myself in the process!

Ridiculous.

Since employing this new technique, things have settled down dramatically inside of my soul.  I was pouring gasoline on a fire instead of using an extinguisher, and my only regret is that it's taken me SO long to figure that out. 

I've taken the past 2 days off from work, to think things through, and to remove myself from a toxic environment that makes it hard to function.  On Tuesday night, I was sitting here in my office, pumped up with adrenaline, feeling excited and hopeful for the future, and antsy at the same time. The house was dark & quiet, my husband sleeping in bed.  I got up to go into the kitchen for a glass of water & noticed something flying around my dining room.  I turned on the light and saw the most beautiful & unusual butterfly land on the carpet at my feet. It was large and white, with bright orange colors on its wings, and it just sat there, dying on the rug in front of me.  How did such a thing get into the house?? I was immediately struck by the symbolism of such a thing........how a butterfly represents Transformation.  The insect took off after a brief rest, never to be seen again. The appearance of this lovely butterfly at such a crossroads point in my life was, to me, a sign from God that I'm doing the right thing.  That it's time for me to do MORE with my life than waste time at a bad job and spend over 2 hours a day commuting in heavy traffic. 

The butterfly cemented the deal in my mind. I will stay home for the time being, and work on a book I intend to have published, A Fat Girl Blogs. I will work on my TSFL business, focusing my energy on positivity and helping others, which brings me great joy rather than anxiety & distress. I may downsize my various collections and sell them on Ebay.  I may get a part time job as a temp.  I may not.  I will walk my dog in the early morning, when the light is so fresh and beautiful, and I will join a gym, which I've never had time for.  I am having my acrylic nails removed today, and I will use that savings to cover a gym membership. Certainly, a fit body is more important than perfect fingernails.  I will donate the majority of my wardrobe to Goodwill, and run a few garage sales before the cold weather sets in.  I will de-clutter my house, which I've never had time to do before now, with the intent of selling it one of these days. I have the need to downsize my LIFE these days, and my Aha moment began with a crime: having my cell phone ripped off.

The next time something "Bad" happens in life, look at it as a opportunity instead of a burden. Figure out what "Good" you can take out of the ashes of the "Bad", realizing that the labels we attach to events are often completely wrong.  Don't misunderstand or ignore the lessons you are blessed enough to receive. Listen to your inner voice and go with it, my friends, because the gut never lies. Stay conscious & aware of what's going on in your own life, lest it pass you by while you weren't watching.

Food for Thought: September 28th

My Own Body

My body is where I live. Its size and shape is a matter between my Higher Power and me. No one else is responsible for my body. In the past, I may have permitted other people to influence what I ate and how much I weighed, but I now take full responsibility.

Other people may think that I am too fat or too thin, but that is their problem, not mine. I am learning what my body needs in order to operate at peak efficiency. I am learning to avoid the foods, which I do not handle well. What and how much I eat depends on my own preference and the requirements of my metabolism.

My body is a gift to me from my Higher Power. Maintaining it in the best possible condition is my response to God's gift. No one else can tell me how best to maintain my body, since no one else is living in it or receives its inner signals. If I honestly interpret the signals, which come from my body, I will stay abstinent and healthy.

Thank You for my body.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Turning Your Accomplices Into Allies, Blog 9/3/12

We all have people in our lives who want to make us happy, even when their actions are not in our best interest.  We can call these people Accomplices. 

In order to facilitate a lifestyle change of this magnitude, we should figure out how to turn these well-meaning Accomplices into Allies. 

Sometimes our friends or members of our family urge us to eat food that is not part of our plan. If we allow ourselves to be manipulated into eating something to please someone else, we are in danger of losing a very important part of our lives: getting healthy.   Anyone who tries to make us feel uncomfortable because of our quest  is acting as an enemy, rather than a friend.

To some people close to us, an explanation of our food plan may be helpful. Repeated discussions, however, are usually unnecessary and unproductive. We alone are responsible for what we put into our mouths. If those around us cannot or will not understand, then that is their problem, not ours.

When confronted with food, which we know is harmful to us, the simplest response is a firm "No, thank you." When we ourselves are determined to reach our goals, no one else, whether friend or enemy, can prevent us from following our plan.

Your loved ones who live with you need to step UP and help you stay the course with your journey, rather than hindering your progress by bringing you boxes of chocolates or making reservations at fancy French restaurants. If we have to scrape all that marvelous sauce off of the coq au vin, leaving a dry chicken breast on the Limoges china, what’s the point in paying $35 for it?  

Similarly, if the credit card is being charged $100 and you’re refusing to eat the beautiful pastry sitting in front of you, you may wind up feeling GUILTED into eating it.

“It is better to keep a friend from falling than to help him up”

~Sit down with your loved ones for a heart-to-heart talk. Tell them you need their assistance, because you are on a quest to change your life; to get healthy & to be there for them for many years to come.

~Ask them NOT to bring in pizza for a while.  Pizza is one of those foods with SUCH an incredible aroma, you’ll wind up having to leave the house in order to stay OP.  Some temptations are just TOO MUCH. 

~Ask your loved ones to eat their pizza OUT for the first few months of your program, so you won’t have to go through a bottle of Fabreze to get rid of the lingering smell throughout the house.

~Ask them to bring in single serving sizes of junk foods, like candy bars for instance, so you aren’t tempted to eat ‘just one’ out of a bag of miniatures. 

~Most people are happy to help us, but they have to know we NEED their help!  Share yourself with your loved ones, letting them know exactly what YOU need to stay focused. If you don’t tell them, and expect them to read your mind, you may wind up off plan & seriously annoyed with your lack of commitment.

~Keep saying No Thank You EVERY time your loved one offers you ‘just ONE bite’ of whatever he’s eating.  If you say OK, even ONCE, he won’t believe you’re seriously committed to making a permanent change.  And he’ll KEEP asking you.  And, chances are, you’ll KEEP saying OK.  Once we break the strict on-plan mindset, it gets A LOT easier to KEEP breaking it.

“A friend is someone who helps you up when you're down, and if they can't, they lie down beside you and listen.”

~Talk to your eating buddies about your new goals to develop healthy habits. Not to make them painfully aware of THEIR bad eating habits, but to get them on board & pulling FOR your success.  Yes Mary, I’d love to meet you for coffee, but lunch at The Cheesecake Factory is just too much for me to bear right now. Maybe in a few months I’ll be STRONGER, but right now, I’m feeling like a bit of a marshmallow.”  Who wouldn’t empathize with you when you’re using that language?

~If your husband brings you a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, don’t feel required to EAT them! Tell him Thanks, but chocolates are NOT part of your healthy eating habits but flowers have NO calories! Proceed to either flush those nuggets down the disposal, or walk them next door to your neighbor.  You love HIM, but you’re not willing to compromise YOUR program for anyONE or anyTHING.  Hubby may lick his wounds for a while, but hey, he wasn’t really paying attention if he bought you chocolates to begin with.

~If your toddler is insisting you ‘share’ her lunch of chicken nuggets & fries, pretend you are eating.  Cut up your food and push it around the plate, bringing the fork up to your mouth several times w/o actually eating anything. The exception to the Ally rule is where toddlers are concerned. It’s a lot easier to make believe you’re sharing their lunch than it is to explain your new eating program!!!!  If your child is older and able TO understand, then elicit his help, by all means.

~Explain to your children the necessity of getting healthy.  You’re setting a GREAT example for them by eating wholesome foods, and you’re teaching THEM the difference between spinach & kale.

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

~Albert Camus

Each Day a New Beginning: September 27th

The wisdom of all ages and cultures emphasizes the tremendous power our thoughts have over our character and circumstances.

—Liane Cordes

"As we think, so we are." We are gifted with the personal power to make thoughtful choices and thus decide whom we are. Our actions and choices combine to create our character, and our character influences the circumstances of our lives.

Our personal mind power will work to our advantage when we think positively, or it will contribute to our disadvantage. Imagining our good fortunes will prepare us for them. Imagining the successful completion of a task heightens and strengthens the commitment we must make daily to it. Imagining the steps necessary to the successful accomplishment of any goal directs our efforts so we don't falter along the way. Our minds work powerfully for our good. And just as powerfully to our detriment, when fears intrude on all our thoughts.

The program has given me positive personal power; it lies in the relationship I have with my higher power. My outlook and attitude toward life reveals the strength of my connection to God. I will work with God and imagine my good fortune today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Guided Imagery: Joy

 
Joy is our natural state of being. A
practice I enjoy thoroughly is a loosely
guided imagery called “My Favorite
Things.” I hear the Luther Vandross version
of the song “My Favorite Things” playing in
my head. Try it now. Use the Julie Andrews,
instrumental by John Coltrane, or Glee
version.

Hum the melody while you see my
favorite things. Rainbows and pages where
nothing is written; time with a loved one
when I felt quite smitten; walking with
Sunny, the fragrance of spring——these are a
few of my favorite things. Keep humming!
Cozy, socked winters and long, puppy
kisses; beautiful weddings for misters and
misses; oldies but goodies that just make me
sing—these are a few of my favorite things.
One more verse!

Fresh coffee brewing and white sandy
beaches; smiles on young faces or just eating
peaches; shiny, gold jewelry surrounded
with bling——these are a few of my favorite
things.

These lyrics make me smile, and that is
the entire point of this imagery: to come
up with images that stir the senses and
bring joy and cheer to the moment. This is
a great time to enter the consciousness of
“all is well” and deepen the knowing that
God is life, this life is the life of God. From
this joy-filled place, we can create an even
greater feeling of aliveness and more joy.

Imagination has
helped me get rid
of reality momentarily,
to dream and
escape to a different
consciousness
where joy, peace,
and happiness are
real and where I
can create from
that space.
—
Rebecca Farrell

Healing includes
emancipation of the
mind from every
form of bondage
through a new concept
of God, which
causes the heart to
beat with joy and
gladness.

Affirmation
I live and create
from joy. I make time
to remember the
things that bring me
joy.

The Language of Letting Go: September 26th

Feeling Protected

Our task is not a naive one of feeling safe, of living and loving in a utopian world. One woman commented that our task is making ourselves feel safe while learning to live and love in a world that is unsafe.

We do not want to dwell on the danger for that gives power to the negative. Neither do we want to ignore them or pretend they don't exist.

If we were going to sunbathe, we would not be naive about the dangers from the sun. We know that harmful rays can burn. We would take steps to protect ourselves, so that we could enjoy the benefits of the sun.

That is our task in recovery.

This is what a woman, a helping professional, told me:

Picture a sunscreen surrounding you. Place it around yourself - not too heavy and thick so no light can penetrate, and not so thin that you are exposed to danger.

See yourself protected by a sunscreen that is effective. Make certain that the screen is open to the good. For a while, your screen was too heavy. It held back what you wanted. Now change it to let the good come through.

This is your screen for life and the world. See it. Imagine it surrounding you always. It wraps you in love, in comfort, in protection. No harm can enter. No negative energy can penetrate the screen.

Go in peace; go in safety. Go now, knowing you are protected. Go anywhere you need to go. The evil has been blocked; the goodwill comes pouring forth. You do not have to work so hard at protecting yourself. You can relax and enjoy life trusting that you are safe. Go without fear, for you are wrapped in love and protection. And you shall always be.

Today, I will envision myself wrapped in a shield that blocks the negative and harmful rays of the world, but it is constructed so that the good can enter.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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I love this reading, it is so spot-on! We compulsive eaters tend to build walls to protect ourselves, but walls keep people OUT.  We are working towards allowing others INTO our lives nowadays, so the sunscreen analogy is an excellent one.

As we break down the walls, brick by brick, we can replace that wall with a screen...........to filter out the negative but allow the positive to get in.  God will protect us & wrap us up in love while we go about our daily business. We no longer have to live in fear & negativity, but with faith & a whole new zest for life.

For today, I will envision myself wrapped in a shield that blocks the negative & harmful rays of the world, but is constructed so that the good can enter.  

 What you can do with now

Even when the day gets off to a bad start you can still give it a good ending. Just because you have been unproductive doesn't mean you have to stay that way.

Look back at the opportunities you've missed just long enough to give yourself a little inspiration. Then look ahead to the opportunities that you now can fulfill.

What's important now is what you can do with now. This is the first moment of a more effective, more productive, more purposeful you.

The delays, setbacks and disappointments are over. It is now time to leave the excuses behind as you move persistently ahead.

Sit still for a moment and absorb the amazing energy of opportunity that is now yours. Then stand up and get busy making meaningful use of all that opportunity.

What you can do with now is whatever you choose. Choose the best, and find real joy in lifting your whole world higher.

Ralph Marston - The Daily Motivator

The Language of Letting Go: September 25th

Peace with the Past

Even God cannot change the past.
  —Agathon

Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.

"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.

"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.

"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.

I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.

"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.

"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.

"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.

"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.

"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."

We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.

Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

Each Day a New Beginning: September 24th

Woman must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression.

  —Margaret Sanger

Let us not stifle ourselves any longer. Let us dare to dream and realize those dreams. Let us dare to take risks, having faith that to advance in any respect implies taking risks. Fortunately, we have the support of the program and one another to cushion the fall, if it should come. But more important, we have one another's example to inspire us as we contemplate our own agenda for self-expression.

Many of us for far too long passively watched others move forward. No longer need we be passive observers, but the familiarity of no action, no choice making, and irresponsibility, makes passivity attractive at times. We must remember responsible choices, for only those make possible our very special contributions.

Not every day do we awaken with the strength needed to "do our part." But the strength will be available just as quickly as we call for it. Alone, we are strugglers; however, we have a ready partnership, and it guarantees us guidance, wisdom, and strength when we ask for it.

I have so much to offer other women. And I need another's example. Every expression of my strength will boost another woman's strength. I will give.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Think of the mornings when you are still half asleep.  You get up and open your underpants drawer.  The pants with going-bad- elastic is on the top of the pile.  You grab those underpants, put them on and go out the door to your life.

And all day long, you have to adjust your underpants.

They slip.

They slide.

The legs crawl up.

The top slides down.

You can feel them, NOT IN THE RIGHT PLACE, shifting around under your clothes.
The expiring elastic is not keeping the underpants in the right spot.

Whenever you get up, you have to pull at something.  Or push at something. Or jiggle something
It is time to adjust your underpants!

When you get home, at the end of the day, you throw the underpants in the trash instead of the laundry bin.  They have expired for good.

So prepare, all week long, to adjust the underpants of your life.

All week long. Adjust. Adjust. Adjust.

Adjust the underpants of your life.

Each Day a New Beginning: September 23rd

Who will I be today? The "Cosmopolitan" woman, the little girl, the scholar, the mother? Who will I be to answer the needs of others, and yet answer the needs of me?
—Deidra Sarault

We wear many hats. One aspect of our maturity is our ability to balance our roles. It's often quite difficult to do so; however, the program offers us many tools for balancing our lives.

Fulfilling some of the needs of significant others in our lives brings us joy. Our own needs must be given priority, though. We cannot give away what we don't have, and we have nothing unless we give sincere attention and love to ourselves.

In years gone by, we may have taken too little care of others, or we overdid it. In either case, we probably neglected ourselves. Most of us starved ourselves spiritually, many of us emotionally, a few physically. We were all too often "all-or-nothing" women.

Today we're aware of our choices. We've been making a number of good ones lately: We're abstinent. We're living the Steps. And we're choosing how to spend our time, and what to do with our lives. But no choice will turn out very well if we haven't taken care of ourselves.

I will center on myself. I will nurture the maturing woman within and then reach out.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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The "All-Or-Nothing" Mentality Is The Killer (Blog)

The ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality kills us every single time we try to lose weight or to embrace a lifestyle change, doesn’t it?  We tell ourselves we either have to be perfect or we won’t do anything at all. We’re either fat or desperately trying to lose weight overnight. We want it yesterday & we won’t take no for an answer. Are you nodding your heads here? 

 

We’re going to throw ourselves into a back-breaking exercise routine that we can’t possibly keep up with on a daily basis or else we’re hopeless couch potatoes unwilling to move a muscle. We’re either starving ourselves mercilessly or eating like animals. We’re either 100% obsessed with counting every piece of gum that goes into our mouths or we’re eating an entire cake straight from the box. This is the ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality I’m referring to. I’d venture to guess we’re all guilty of this behavior or we have been at some point in our endless battle with food & weight control.  I myself have had this mentality my whole life & it’s just recently I’ve come to the conclusion that it must end. Now. 

If I get a flat tire, I have it fixed...........I don't slash the other 3.

The all or nothing mentality killed me in maintenance countless times over the years. If I ‘blew’ the diet, I’d continue to blow it & ditch my whole program. Cuz hey, I blew so I’m finished. How ridiculous is that way of thinking?? If I have a bad day now, I get right back on plan & minimize the damage…I don’t continue that crazy eating behavior & throw in the towel! That’s why I’m successful this time in maintenance but never before! That’s it in a nutshell.

We have people here who insist on perfection at all times…..insist that it’s vital to stay 100% on plan 100% of the time in order to be a true ‘success’. We have others who insist it’s perfectly fine to go off plan from time to time & still be a ‘success’. Whatever your strategy is isn’t the issue here. There are people who stay 100% on plan all the time in 5/1 & wind up gaining every pound back they lost & more. There are people who go off plan once in awhile & still get to goal & keep the weight off. I truly don’t think staying on plan or going off plan during the 5/1 is an accurate indicator of how you will handle yourself in maintenance, I really don’t. What I do think is vital for long term success is finding a way to ditch that all or nothing mentality & come to terms with the fact that weight management is an ongoing process. You will spend the rest of your life being aware of what you eat & avoiding your trigger foods if you want to keep the weight off, let’s face it. Does an off plan eating event mean you’re finished with the process? Of course not!!! 

I’ve been pretty darn vigilant in maintenance  but yeah, I have had my moments of eating too much…believe me. What do I do when that happens? I get right back on plan & into my usual routine immediately & act like nothing happened. That’s not to say I’m unaware of what I did….I just don’t let it get me down or totally off track…that’s the difference. 

I jog in place for 15 minutes every day. I walk 4 flights of stairs 4 times per day 5 days per week, and I do some floor exercises & 10 minutes on the Crazy Fit. I’m better off exercising a little every day than I am forcing a grueling workout on myself. I don’t respond well to backbreaking exercise. I’m liable to feel sorry for myself if I do that & I may feel ‘entitled’ to eat more as a result. So I don’t do it. I have figured out what works for me & I do it.

I’m not sure there is any ‘right or wrong’ when it comes to making a lifestyle change except for one: that all or nothing mentality is wrong. It will kill you every single time & prevent you from getting to goal or keeping the weight off. Ditch it. Don’t dwell on making yourself into a perfect creature, it ain’t gonna happen. 99% or more of us will fall off plan during the 5/1 or sometime afterwards. We will relapse. Period. That’s not a figment of my imagination, that is reality. How will we handle that relapse is what I’m asking you to ask yourself. What is your plan of action to rebound after you eat too much? What is your plan to get back on track after you fall off? One bite does not have to lead to another unless we allow it to. And if we do allow it to, then we pick ourselves up & get back to the routine we’ve developed that will allow us to get where we’re going & to stay there. 

I’ll end by saying yes, it’s a good idea to stay on plan all the time so you can allow those new eating habits to sink in. Remember one thing though: those old eating habits won’t get erased from your memory….you can call on them any time & they’ll be happy to come out & play. Those bad habits will, however, stay in remission while you stay OP. Make it your goal to accomplish 2 things here: to stay OP every day and to ditch the all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to food.

For today, I am not going to starve or binge.  For today, I am not going to kill myself exercising or act like a couch potato.

For today, I am going to live in moderation & strive to find balance in all of life. Amen.

Food for Thought: September 22nd

Scales

During our dieting days, we probably spent much time getting on and off the scales. In OA, we are advised not to weigh more than once a month. Though we want to get rid of excess weight, we do not want to be obsessed with pounds and ounces. This program involves much more than weight control, and to make the scales our ultimate judge is to miss the mark.

If we are honestly abstaining from compulsive overeating and working our program, we will lose weight. The rate of loss will vary from person to person and from week to week. Even, and especially, when the scale registers what we want it to register, we continue to honestly abstain and work the OA program.

In OA, we are more concerned with the progress we make in controlling our disease than we are with our specific weight on any particular day. If our illness is under control, weight control will follow. Scales are useful for measuring physical progress, but they are not a god.

May I use the scales wisely.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Can I hear an AMEN?!!!!!!!!!

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

While compulsively dieting, the scale is my god. It dictates what I eat & how much I eat. If the scale shows a low number, that 'entitles' me to overeat because I've been 'so good on my diet'.  If the number isn't a good one, then I must punish myself and starve.  



Compulsive weighing leads to more compulsive behavior, and our goal here is to STOP behaving compulsively and to find some sort of balance with life in general.

Try telling THAT to someone who professionally diets! It goes over like a lead balloon. Sigh.


When I am abstinent and following my Food Plan, IT is in charge, not the scale.  The Food Plan dictates what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat.



When I am abstinent and following my Food Plan, God is my god, not the scale.


When I am abstinent and following my Food Plan, God is directing my life and guiding me through it on a daily basis.



When I am compulsively dieting, Food is my god, and the scale directs my behavior entirely.


When I am abstinent and following my Food Plan, I ditch the 'all or nothing' mentality and avoid extreme behaviors of ALL kinds.  My goal is to find balance, and not to be addicted to ANYTHING, including numbers on the scale or in clothing tags.





If I allow the scale to rule my life, how will I feel when I reach my desired weight? What will I DO now? How will I handle myself now that the numbers are not intended to move anymore?  What I will do is go back to my old ways, trying to manipulate what I eat & how much I eat, based on the scale number.  If the number is good, then I will overeat.  If the number is bad, and my disease has been let out of the cage, I will probably CONTINUE to eat because my addiction is now running my life.



In OA, I am more concerned with the progress I make in controlling my disease than I am with my specific weight on any particular day. If my illness is under control, weight control will follow. Scales are useful for measuring physical progress, but they are not a god.

Recovery Meditations: September 21st

~ New Worlds ~

Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Anais Nin


Most of us are so compulsive at almost everything we do, that allowing people in to know our garbage of the past and present is unheard of.

You go to a meeting, find a new recovery friend and that friend opens a new door. You and that friend step through and WOW ... the world in that room looks great! Later at another meeting, you meet another recovery friend and another door is opened. You and your two new friends step through and you find an even better world view. This continues to happen meeting after meeting, step after step, room after room and your personal lives begins to look much brighter and more beautiful, like there really is hope.

Funny how it's still the same world but friends, recovery and Higher Power make it a much better worldly view.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will never end this beautiful cycle of finding new worlds as long as I never lose sight of my Higher Power, my recovery friends and my recovery program.

~ Jeanette ~

My Certified Health Coach Website

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A truly great day

What makes the day great is not what it brings you. What makes the day great is what you choose to do with it.

What makes the moment memorable is not the situation. What makes the moment memorable is the way you handle the situation.

You can make any day a great day. And that most certainly includes this one.

Think back to the truly great days you have experienced. You'll see that those were the days when you were living most authentically, and giving the best of yourself to life.

You can choose to do the same thing today and every day. There's no need to wait for some special circumstance or condition.

Life is yours, right here and now, and you can make it great. Be yourself, give of yourself, and make for yourself a truly great day.

Ralph Marston - The Daily Motivator

The Language of Letting Go: September 20th

Spontaneity

In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous.

Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don't have fun; and always be in control.

We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self destructive, or irresponsible manner.

That's not what we're talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are - in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn't hurt us, and doesn't infringe on the right of others.

We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self-awareness and self esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.

Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control others and ourselves and fully and freely enter into the present moment.

Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you're wrong? Relish your imperfections. Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!

We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.

Today, I will throw out the rulebook and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, others, and myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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For years I've wanted to go zip-lining.  But at 225 lbs, I lived in fear and wouldn't step out of my comfort zone to try new things.  I would entertain thoughts of being spontaneous, but never put those thoughts into action. Instead, I'd tell myself I 'couldn't' and climb back into bed, pull the covers over my head, and hide out with a bag of junk food instead.

Recovery means stepping out of one's comfort zone and stepping out of one's HEAD and into life instead.

  

Recovery means replacing Fear with Faith.

 “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear”.  ~Mark Twain

Yesterday, my husband purchased 2 Groupon tickets to go zip-lining here locally! We have until April to use the tickets, but I want to do it ASAP!

Sure I feel a bit anxious. But moreover, I feel exhilarated!!! I'm LIVING my life now, rather than sitting on the sidelines looking in!

I've chosen to take my life back and in doing so, I choose to LIVE it to the fullest, one day at a time. 

Food for Thought: September 19th

Know Yourself

The OA program fosters self-knowledge on a practical, physical level as well as on the more abstract emotional and intellectual levels. We come to know what foods we can handle comfortably, how we can arrange our day so that we do not get exhausted, and which people we need to avoid if we are to maintain our serenity.

We had so little self-confidence when we were overeating that we were inclined to accept other people's ideas of who we were and what we should do. By trying to be and do what others expected, we may have lost sight of our inner selves. The emptiness caused by not knowing and respecting ourselves led in turn to more overeating as we tried to fill the inner void with food.

Self-knowledge requires courage and honesty. It involves admitting our weaknesses and mistakes, rather than pretending to be perfect. As we come to know ourselves - our preferences, needs, and goals - we gain strength and integrity. The Power greater than ourselves gives us the insight to know who we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Thank You for self-knowledge.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation

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My ID Says: FAT GIRL (My Blog)

After losing a lot of weight, I had my identity stolen.

In this particular case, however, I couldn’t call the police to report the theft, because I myself was the responsible party.

Isn’t that what happens, literally, when a person loses a large amount of weight, transforming  from the Fat Girl into the Thin Girl?

I suffered an identity crisis of epic proportions is what really happened after losing 100 lbs.

I thought of myself as the Fat Girl, and my mind identified with that image…..for 40 years I was fat, it was who I was. I was a size 2X.  I was 225 lbs.  I was the out-of-control woman who was judged by others for her size, primarily.  Whether others really DID judge me for my size, I don’t know, but that was MY perception of how it was.

And perception becomes one’s reality.

My Perception. My self-image, my Ego, dictated who I thought I WAS: The Fat Girl image superimposed itself over all of my other qualities, and took on a life of its own.  I over-compensated for my weight by bending over backwards to please others, oftentimes at my own expense.

Because I was worthless, after all, wasn’t I? I had to make people LIKE me, somehow……didn’t I? They would scoff at me for my body size, so my personality would have to shine to make up for it. Or, I’d have to do something extra special for you, even if I didn’t like you……even if I didn’t feel like it, to prove my worth.

As The Fat Girl, I was a combination of every quality I THOUGHT I SHOULD be.  I viewed myself as I was viewed by OTHERS. Ok, if YOU think I’m funny & charming, then I must BE! If you think I’m kind hearted for going out of my way for you, then I MUST BE! Phew! Thank you for helping me figure out who I Am.

What about all the OTHER things I was besides Fat? Those qualities fell by the wayside, because all I could see was my Body.  I’d neglected my soul, my spirit, and my light…..squashing it down with excess food, not recognizing it at ALL.

When I transformed into a person who appeared to be different on the outside, I’d get overcome with a ‘feeling’ that I wasn’t able to pinpoint, or put a name to.  What was it? I blogged about ‘the feeling’ a few times last April, seeking an answer from my fellow MFers.  One gal who’d searched high & low for an answer to ‘the feeling’ but never found one, in spite of extensive therapy, described it as ‘trying to hold a beach ball under water’.  Whatever ‘the feeling’ was, it wanted desperately to come UP, but every time it tried, I became frightened.  Fear of the unknown….what on earth IS it??  I couldn’t identify ‘the feeling’, so it would scare me, leading me back down the road to regain.  Every time I’ve lost weight, this ‘feeling’ came up, and every time it did, I’d head back to my old ways.

It’s taken me over a year after writing that blog to finally identify ‘the feeling.’  It’s been my Spirit trying, and trying and trying to come UP, to be acknowledged & accepted. The Real Me, in other words.  I never knew her before, so how could I recognize her when she came knocking?

When I’d lose weight & lose my identity in the process, I was never able to figure out WHO I was…….how could I form a NEW identity?  Before, it was easy to know who I was; even though I didn’t LIKE it, it was familiar.  But now……….jeez……..now what?

It took me 1 full year to see myself as I truly WAS when I looked in the mirror. Why? Because my MIND had developed a certain identity FOR me: the Fat Girl. Even though I wasn’t fat anymore, I still SAW fat because that’s what my mind TOLD me to see.

I had changed, but my perception of myself did NOT. My ego…….the way my Mind viewed things, still saw me as The Fat Girl.

The human mind desperately wants to attach labels and find identities.  My neighbor ties herself to her Corvette; that’s what establishes her image. Those who hoard attach THEMSELVES to their stuff………it establishes their identity. Who would I be without my Stuff? (((Shivers))))

When I had a gigantic house & drove a Range Rover, I was The Wife Of A Big Business Executive. Albeit a FAT one, but somehow, my ego could overlook the Fat part a tiny bit MORE. Strip me of my gigantic house & Range Rover, and all that’s left is a Fat Girl.

Strip me of my Fat Girl identity, and THEN WHAT??????????????

Once my ego (my Sense of Self) shattered into so many little pieces, all that remained was my Soul; unfamiliar to me in every way.

Who was I at the core? My energy? My light? My Being……my Essence? I had no idea, but I was about to find out. Unless I wanted to go back to the old identity of The Fat Girl.

But staying true to my food plan forced me to see things clearly; the illusions no longer prevailed.

My Spirit wanted to come up & STAY up. Without a lot of ‘stuff’ to anchor me down, without a Fat Suit to protect me from life, with no fancy house or large bank account to define Me, all I had left was my Spirit.

I’d try to tamp It DOWN, like I would a beach ball in the ocean, but UP it would pop. It would be held down no longer.

It was sink or swim time for me, and I chose to swim.

Many times in the past, I’d choose to sink, because I didn’t know WHAT was happening.

Now I do.  I am not My Stuff. I am not My Body. I am not even My Thoughts and I’m certainly not defined by who Others THINK I am!  I am My Soul, the life force that sustains me, even when my body ultimately breaks down with age & eventual illness.

My Spirit is Who I Am.

And it’s been an awfully long journey trying to find It.

We come to a place like Medifast, wanting to lose some weight, to change our appearance from what we consider ‘ugly’ into something we consider ‘beautiful.’  We tend to think it’s all about food. The consumption of excess food is the SYMPTOM of the underlying condition that brought many of us TO obesity: not acknowledging or understanding the Essence of who we ARE. Our Spirit is buried, way down deep, under mountains of food, but it’s still alive & well, thriving in SPITE of our ‘failures’ and our ‘shortcomings’.

In reality, this journey hasn’t been about my Body at ALL.  It’s been about my Soul.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ~Pierre DeChardin

 

The Language of Letting Go: September 18th

Letting the Good Stuff Happen

Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!
—Anonymous

I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid it won't be. Sometimes, I'm frightened it might be.

The good stuff can scare us. Change, even good change, can be frightening. In some ways, good changes can be more frightening than the hard times.

The past, particularly before recovery, may have become comfortably familiar. We knew what to expect in our relationships. They were predictable. They were repeats of the same pattern - the same behaviors, the same pain, over and over again. They may not have been what we wanted, but we knew what was going to happen.

This is not so when we change patterns and begins recovering.

We may have been fairly good at predicting events in most areas of our life. Relationships would be painful. We'd be deprived.

Each year would be almost a repeat of the last. Sometimes it got a little worse, sometimes a little better, but the change wasn't drastic. Not until the moment when we began recovery.

Then things changed. And the further we progress in this miraculous program, the more we and or circumstances change. We begin to explore uncharted territory.

Things get good. They do get better all the time. We begin to become successful in love, in work, in life. One day at a time, the good stuff begins to happen and the misery dissipates.

We no longer want to be a victim of life. We've learned to avoid unnecessary crisis and trauma.

Life gets good.

"How do I handle the good stuff?" asked one woman. It's harder and more foreign than the pain and tragedy."

"The same way we handled the difficult and the painful experiences," I replied. "One day at a time."

Today, God, help me let go of my need to be in pain and crisis. Help me move as swiftly as possible through sad feelings and problems. Help me find my base and balance in peace, joy, and gratitude. Help me work as hard at accepting what's good, as I have worked in the past at accepting the painful and the difficult.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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As a creature of habit, I'd grown accustomed to having pain and turmoil running my life. I viewed myself as a victim of life, creating unnecessary crisis and drama when it didn't arise naturally. I thrived in dysfunction, I guess you could say, because I knew no other way to live.

I was raised by a woman who thrives on creating drama and exaggeration.  I was taught there was ALWAYS something to worry about, something to judge, something to find disappointment & misery in.............and I thought that was normal human behavior. I didn't realize that it was OK to be happy and not scared to death all the time!

Living in painful turmoil becomes a vicious cycle that's hard to get OUT of! When I'm feeling pain, it entitles me to eat or to use addictive behaviors to cope.  So, if there is no drama, let's CREATE it so I have an excuse to 'use'.  Then I hate myself for being so 'weak', and so the vicious cycle is born, along with the yo yo dieting madness.

Today, I know it's ok to feel good.  Today, I can allow myself to be happy.  I don't have to create drama and crisis and problems in my life to feel normal.  My new norm is to feel peace and joy and gratitude.  I choose happiness over pain & conflict, and it's OK to do so, because God told me so.

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 Free of painful regrets

Your biggest regrets are for opportunities missed. Today is an opportunity, so make sure you don't miss it.

The way to avoid regret is to take action. Go beyond merely hoping, planning, or wishing, and do it.

Yes, your actions may sometimes bring disappointing results. Even so, you will be much better off knowing you made the attempt.

Instead of always wondering whether or not you could have, find out for sure that you can. Act, learn, adjust and act again, and eventually you will get the results you desire.

Regret for opportunities missed is a pain that is almost impossible to escape. So make the choice today not to create that pain in the first place.

Make full use of the opportunity that is right in front of you right now. And make yourself a life free of painful regrets.

Ralph Marston - The Daily Motivator

The Language of Letting Go: September 17th

New Relationship Behaviors

We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.

While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call "dysfunctional relationships."

These behaviors are our new relationship behaviors. They help us in stressful relationships. They can help us get through times of stress in healthy relationships.

The recovery behaviors we are learning are tools - healthy relationship skills - that help us improve the quality of all our relationships.

Recovery means self-care - learning to take care of ourselves and love ourselves - with people. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will become. And we'll never outgrow our need for healthy behaviors.

Today, I will remember to apply my recovery behaviors in all my relationships - with friends and co-workers, as well as in any special love relationship. I will work hard at taking care of myself in the troublesome relationships, figuring out which skill might best apply. I will also consider ways that my healthy relationships might benefit from my new relationship skills.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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I know some of you are not going to "get" what I am about to say but please hear me through before you judge my thoughts. I am done being accommodating. I spent 37 years being good, following the "rules" and being graciously accommodating to everyone around me. I'm over it! Graciously accommodating has not made me overweight as only I can do that to myself but it has given me the guilt and the mindset to put me last. This guilt has made me eat what was put on the plate in front of me. Be it at a restaurant, party or home. Heaven forbid I wouldn't want to hurt feelings by not tasting their treats or insult them by not having their food. It has had me put others before my health. I would take a call at a scheduled workout time just because the phone rang and again I didn't want to offend. I have accepted peoples passive aggressive insults as I lose weight and they don't . The last year I have watched how people treat me as I lose weight. The ones who like to fill my plate or fill my mind truly only have issues with themselves. Sometimes it's easier to live in a world where everyone is like you. I'm sorry but it's not my problem. I have risen above all of those issues and I truly hope that someday everybody does. This is something that doesn't have a magic wand though. It happens with time and a healthy awakening. Now that I have entered year 39 I am declaring a few changes permanent. If I go to a dinner I will eat what I like. No, thank you. Will be acceptable. I will no longer be guilted into eating something just to make someone feel good. If a plate comes to me at a restaurant and it's wrong - I'm going to nicely send it back. If I'm on a run and my phone rings unless you are my husband, child or father - I'm not answering it. 99% of most calls can wait one hour. If you call me back two times in a row - you might just have to wait two hours though - lol! Finally, if you truly are a friend you will be happy for me for the major changes I have made not only physically but mentally in my life. You will be proud of me as I always am of my friends. If you feel the need for passive aggressive comments.. You will quietly be directed to the door because nobody has time for THAT! There was a time when I thought putting myself first with those I love was outrageous. Now I know it is the only way! In doing this I have become a better wife, mother, daughter and friend. You can be your own worst enemy or best friend - you can choose for yourself - your happiness depends on it.

The Language of Letting Go: September 16th

Revenge

No matter how long we've been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.

We want revenge.

We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.

Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it's not our job to deal justice.

We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.

We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.

Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.

Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness - not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.

Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness - forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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"Resentment is like drinking poison & then hoping it will kill your enemies."
~Nelson Mandela

Forgiveness is what sets us free. When we hold onto resentment like a trophy, we wind up hurting OURSELVES in the process.  Nothing will lead us to the refrigerator faster than holding onto a bunch of anger & resentment. As compulsive overeaters, we must realize this fact and work the Steps as a road map to recovery.  

It takes TWO to play a game.  Once I feel my anger, I let go of it and refuse to play the game any longer. With no audience, there is no drama.

For today, I forgive those who have hurt me by their actions, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because I deserve peace.