Recovery
Meditations: August 23rd
FAILURE
“Accept that all of us
can be hurt,
that all of us can –
and surely will at times – fail.
Other vulnerabilities,
like being embarrassed
or risking love, can
be terrifying, too.”
Dr. Joyce Brothers
The prospect of failing ~ or worse yet, “ Being A Failure” ~
was a crippling monster which held me in its cold and unforgiving stranglehold.
If I thought I could not do a thing perfectly, I would not do it at all. If I
didn’t know the “Right” way to act or to be, I was paralyzed. One day my
therapist shocked me by suggesting I make a mistake on purpose. She wanted me
to practice giving myself permission to make mistakes and to survive the
experience.
I vividly recall intentionally dropping a gum wrapper on the
ground and leaving it there. The Fearful Perfectionist inside of me screamed,
“Pick it up! You never litter! This is wrong!” Yet I also heard a whisper
welling up from within: “It will be alright. Just let it go.”
As part of my Recovery, I am exploring with brutal honesty
the mistakes I’ve made in my life: the ways and the people that I’ve failed.
Though doing so is embarrassing, humbling, and frightening, I am surprised to
find a budding sense of relief. My attempts to avoid Failure never made me
Perfect; rather, they caused me to be more entrenched in my pride,
insecurities, fears, and stunted growth. A young girl I know is an expert
skater. I asked her how she learned, and her answer stopped me in my tracks:
“Mostly by falling down.”
One day at a time...
I will practice
accepting my failures as necessary steps towards my healing. I will remember
that the word “practice” honors the fact that we gain our progress by making
attempts, failing, and learning from our mistakes.
~ Lisa V.
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Each Day a New Beginning
Were our
knowledge of human relationships a hundredfold more reliable than it is
now, it would still be foolish to seek ready-made solutions for problems
of living in the index of a book.
—Mirra Komarovsky
The problems each of us experience have within their own parameters the solutions most fitting. And we each must discover those solutions, understand their appropriateness, and absorb them into the body of information that defines who we are and who we are becoming.
We learn experientially because only then is our reality significantly affected. Others' experiences are helpful to our growth and affirm how similar is our pain, but each of us must make our own choices, take responsible action in our own behalf.
How fortunate that we are now in a position to make healthy decisions about our relationships! No longer the victim, we have the personal power to choose how we want to spend our time and with whom. Through active participation in all our relationships, we can discover many of the hidden elements in our own natures and develop more fully all the characteristics unique to our personhood. Our growth as recovering women is enhanced in proportion to our sincere involvement within the relationships we've chosen.
I can inform myself about who I am within my relationships. Therein lie the solutions to my problems.
—Mirra Komarovsky
The problems each of us experience have within their own parameters the solutions most fitting. And we each must discover those solutions, understand their appropriateness, and absorb them into the body of information that defines who we are and who we are becoming.
We learn experientially because only then is our reality significantly affected. Others' experiences are helpful to our growth and affirm how similar is our pain, but each of us must make our own choices, take responsible action in our own behalf.
How fortunate that we are now in a position to make healthy decisions about our relationships! No longer the victim, we have the personal power to choose how we want to spend our time and with whom. Through active participation in all our relationships, we can discover many of the hidden elements in our own natures and develop more fully all the characteristics unique to our personhood. Our growth as recovering women is enhanced in proportion to our sincere involvement within the relationships we've chosen.
I can inform myself about who I am within my relationships. Therein lie the solutions to my problems.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
******************************************
Food for Thought
Envy
When my inside looked at your outside, I overate. Envy of what others seemed to be and of the possessions they had was a prime trigger for overeating, turning to food to compensate for an apparent lack. No amount of food can satisfy envy.
Why is it that the other person seems so much more fortunate, or talented, or happier than we? We are painfully aware of our own inadequacies and quick to envy whoever appears to "have it together." Looking at the outside image or mask is deceptive, however, and prevents us from seeing that underneath is a fellow human being beset with problems and difficulties just as we are.
Who we are, where we are, and what we have is God's gift to us. What we do with ourselves is our gift to God. The more we seek to do His will, the less we envy our neighbor's abilities and possessions. The peace of mind we receive through this program fills us with such gratitude that there is increasingly less room for envy.
Take away my envy, I pray.
When my inside looked at your outside, I overate. Envy of what others seemed to be and of the possessions they had was a prime trigger for overeating, turning to food to compensate for an apparent lack. No amount of food can satisfy envy.
Why is it that the other person seems so much more fortunate, or talented, or happier than we? We are painfully aware of our own inadequacies and quick to envy whoever appears to "have it together." Looking at the outside image or mask is deceptive, however, and prevents us from seeing that underneath is a fellow human being beset with problems and difficulties just as we are.
Who we are, where we are, and what we have is God's gift to us. What we do with ourselves is our gift to God. The more we seek to do His will, the less we envy our neighbor's abilities and possessions. The peace of mind we receive through this program fills us with such gratitude that there is increasingly less room for envy.
Take away my envy, I pray.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
*************************************************
The Language of Letting Go
Self Care
When will we become lovable? When will we feel safe? When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve? We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves.
—Beyond Codependency
The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be confusing, especially if we have spent many years not knowing that it's okay to take care of ourselves. Taking our energy and focus off others and their responsibilities and placing that energy on to our responsibilities and ourselves is a recovery behavior that can be acquired. We learn it by daily practice.
We begin by relaxing, by breathing deeply, and letting go of our fears enough to feel as peaceful as we can. Then, we ask ourselves: What do I need to do to take care of myself today, or for this moment?
What do I need and want to do?
What would demonstrate love and self-responsibility?
Am I caught up in the belief that others are responsible for making me happy, responsible for me? Then the first thing I need to do is correct my belief system. I am responsible for myself.
Do I feel anxious and concerned about a responsibility I've been neglecting? Then perhaps I need to let go of my fears and tend to that responsibility.
Do I feel overwhelmed, out of control? Maybe I need to journey back to the first of the Twelve Steps.
Have I been working too hard? Maybe what I need to do is take some time off and do something fun.
Have I been neglecting my work on daily tasks? Then maybe what I need to do is get back to my routine.
There is no recipe, no formula, no guidebook for self care. We each have a guide, and that guide is within us. We need to ask the question: What do I need to do to take loving, responsible care of myself? Then, we need to listen to the answer. Self-care is not that difficult. The most challenging part is trusting the answer, and having the courage to follow through once we hear it.
Today, I will focus on taking care of myself. I will trust myself and my Higher Power to guide me in this process.
When will we become lovable? When will we feel safe? When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve? We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves.
—Beyond Codependency
The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be confusing, especially if we have spent many years not knowing that it's okay to take care of ourselves. Taking our energy and focus off others and their responsibilities and placing that energy on to our responsibilities and ourselves is a recovery behavior that can be acquired. We learn it by daily practice.
We begin by relaxing, by breathing deeply, and letting go of our fears enough to feel as peaceful as we can. Then, we ask ourselves: What do I need to do to take care of myself today, or for this moment?
What do I need and want to do?
What would demonstrate love and self-responsibility?
Am I caught up in the belief that others are responsible for making me happy, responsible for me? Then the first thing I need to do is correct my belief system. I am responsible for myself.
Do I feel anxious and concerned about a responsibility I've been neglecting? Then perhaps I need to let go of my fears and tend to that responsibility.
Do I feel overwhelmed, out of control? Maybe I need to journey back to the first of the Twelve Steps.
Have I been working too hard? Maybe what I need to do is take some time off and do something fun.
Have I been neglecting my work on daily tasks? Then maybe what I need to do is get back to my routine.
There is no recipe, no formula, no guidebook for self care. We each have a guide, and that guide is within us. We need to ask the question: What do I need to do to take loving, responsible care of myself? Then, we need to listen to the answer. Self-care is not that difficult. The most challenging part is trusting the answer, and having the courage to follow through once we hear it.
Today, I will focus on taking care of myself. I will trust myself and my Higher Power to guide me in this process.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
***********************************************
Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
As the twig is bent, the tree inclines.
A positive self-image is critical to our recovery. Why? Because it is the glasses through which we look, the gloves with which we touch, the door by which we enter into a relationship with life. Self-image is not who we really are, but a combination of what we wish we were, who we're afraid we are, and who we imagine other people think we are.
We act out in detail the role we've assigned ourselves in this world. That role, our self-image, works like a key that either fits or doesn't fit a world full of locked doors. Different keys open different doors. And some doors lead to bad places, as we all know. It isn't easy to change keys, but it is infinitely worth it. One reason is that we always pass our self-image on to our children; they know us too well to be fooled. If we want our children to walk tall, laugh happily, and sing joyously - we ourselves must do these things for them to see.
Today, I pray for the courage to challenge my tendency to discount myself. All my strong points will be very clear to me today.
As the twig is bent, the tree inclines.
A positive self-image is critical to our recovery. Why? Because it is the glasses through which we look, the gloves with which we touch, the door by which we enter into a relationship with life. Self-image is not who we really are, but a combination of what we wish we were, who we're afraid we are, and who we imagine other people think we are.
We act out in detail the role we've assigned ourselves in this world. That role, our self-image, works like a key that either fits or doesn't fit a world full of locked doors. Different keys open different doors. And some doors lead to bad places, as we all know. It isn't easy to change keys, but it is infinitely worth it. One reason is that we always pass our self-image on to our children; they know us too well to be fooled. If we want our children to walk tall, laugh happily, and sing joyously - we ourselves must do these things for them to see.
Today, I pray for the courage to challenge my tendency to discount myself. All my strong points will be very clear to me today.
You are reading from the book:
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