The Language of Letting Go: October 13th

Substance over Form

I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I'm finally getting to the truth. It's substance that counts.
  —Anonymous

There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.

Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know how to focus on substance.

Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.

Now, in recovery, we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like.
 
Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person - me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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I was taught that life is all about 'the show'. Never let anyone see the 'real' me, and put a false face on everything. I didn't even know what it meant to be 'authentic' until I reached middle-age. In fact, I didn't know who the 'real me' even WAS!  Living with a mask on all the time is exhausting, and prevents me from discovering who I really am, in the inside.  If I behave like a chameleon, changing my opinions to suit someone else, then I am living a lie. 

Money is good for nothing but keeping a roof over my head & simple food on my table. "Stuff" just needs dusting all the time, and doesn't compensate for lack of substance within ME.  When I began to find the real ME lurking out under all the STUFF, only THEN did I begin to truly live my life the way God intended me TO live.

For today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person: ME. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.