Recovery Meditations: October 6th

LONGINGS

"The great question - which I have not been able
to answer - is, 'What does a woman want?'"
 Sigmund Freud

All my life I have been searching for what I "really want". I tried sports, different jobs, friends, lovers and traveling. I even tried therapy. None of these ever worked. Once I had what I thought I wanted, I didn't want it anymore. The urge to want -- to long for the best things -- was an inner, unsatisfied hunger. Excessive food became my sedating drug. When using food, I was numb to my longings. I felt it was impossible to fill this void. It seemed I would never know or receive what I wanted.

The 12 step program of recovery taught me that I could have anything I wanted -- if God gave it to me. When I stopped wanting everything so badly, and I surrendered to be His child and employee, I learned that what I'd thought of as "wanting", was actually what I was "missing". I missed everything important in my life, so I wanted everything. It was never enough ~ never the right thing or the right person. I felt that even I was "wrong" because I was without love, patience, tolerance or companionship. In OA I found all of that. With God's help, I now have those things in my life every day when I ask for it and accept it as part of me today.

One day at a time...
I no longer want so much, and I am thankful for what I receive. I am receiving more than I have ever dreamed of.

~ Trine

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"Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won't have to hunt for happiness." - William E. Gladstone  

Being Happy With What You Have

The world's concept of happiness is getting what we want.
All merchandising is based on this concept.
People today see this life as a pleasure jaunt.
When the Smith's fell behind the Jones's, they wept!

As I grew up I watched commercials and read the ads.
I pursued the latest fashions and was suckered into the latest fads.
I had to have the latest gizmo and the most fancy doodads.
I bought the line that mine had to be better than other guys' pads.

Like everyone else, "I must be rich," I thought.
To be happy is owning more than others own.
I thought it was all in what I'd bought.
I didn't have a clue as to what makes a good home.

Then I read this great poem called Desiderata
Which has in it much excellent advice.
It began by saying silence has its place in life's strata.
As I read it I began to think twice.

Be considerate of all as much as you can;
And listen to the story of every one.
Advice I did not at first take in hand,
But since I have, more friends I have won.

Desiderata discouraged comparison to others.
Just be yourself and enjoy your achievements.
I began to decide that if I had my druthers
I would focus on what I have without bereavements.

Enjoy what you have and look for the good.
There is good in this life all around us.
Being on guard for trickery is understood,
And do not be the one who starts a fuss.

Listen to the older, wiser ones.
Don't be immature when you are grown.
Maintain your self-respect and stick to your guns.
Make excessive pride or pity in you unknown.

Be humble and gentle and do not worry.
Hold to peace within yourself always.
Do not be, as others, in such a hurry,
But calmly go through all your days.

Now I fully appreciate what I already have.
I now experience new joys in life.
Love for all is a soothing salve
That gets you over the pointless competitive strife.

With all our failings this world is still beautiful.
I now don't find consideration for others sappy.
Now without desire for more my life is full.
This poem has shown me how to be cheerful and happy!


--Ellis