Recovery Meditations: October 29th

Trial and Error

“Anything worth doing at all is worth doing poorly.”
Joachim de Posada

Imagine my shock the first time I heard this statement, which happened to be in a Twelve Step (OA) meeting. I had been reared in an environment in which anything worth doing at all was worth doing well. In fact, in my world this concept was practiced as if it had religious authority. It was perfectionism given flesh and bones.

Perhaps the idea that “anything worth doing at all is worth doing well” worked for some folks. For me, it was paralyzing. There were many things that I needed to do that I simply could not do well. These included things like trimming the hedge, praying, and making good investment choices. So how did my sick, obsessive-compulsive self respond? Predictably, of course: I just didn't do those things I felt I couldn’t do well. I was rarely willing to take the chance of acting and being wrong, so I did not act at all. Soon I was living a very restricted life -- a life hemmed in by the fear of messing up. I needed to be perfect or just not be at all.

Then I found the program. There I learned that I am human and that making mistakes is part of being human. I even learned that making mistakes is a good thing, because in doing so I have acted. This is a program of action. I learn by acting and by making mistakes. How liberating! How freeing. I can't tell you how much my constricted, warped life began to open up. I acted and did things poorly, and people responded warmly and in a helpful manner. I took their advice and I joined the human race. I now consider this simple concept -- act, even if it means doing a thing poorly -- as one of the greatest gifts of the program. My life is really my life now. Perfectionism occasionally rears its ugly head, but when it does, I simply remember where I came from and then I go ahead and make a mistake and set myself free again.

One day at a time...
Today I will do what I need to do, and I will do it as well as I can. When I make a mistake I will not conclude that I am a mistake. I will accept that I am human and I will ask for help. Perfection has never been a goal of this program and it is not a goal for my life.

~ Pete M.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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I had to make an awful lot of mistakes before I became willing to surrender and accept the terms of abstinence. My mistakes, however, brought me to my knees, to rock bottom, which is exactly where I need to BE in order to finally give UP.  Once I gave UP, that is when I stopped giving IN.

I am not perfect with my abstinence, by any means. But I don't use that as an excuse to stop working my program, either. There is a fine line between agreeing to be 'imperfect' and not working my program at all. The only thing I have to do every day is agree to stay committed to my Food Plan. When I put abstinence on the TOP of my priority list is when I thrive.  Everything good in life flows FROM the abstinence, when IT is #1.

While I am not perfect by any means, I AM committed to working my Food Plan and avoiding sugar & white flour entirely. Whatever other imperfections exist within me, they are ok..........as long as I am adherent to the one major non-negotiable rule in my life: abstinence.

For today, I will do what I need to do, and I will do it as well as I can. When I make a mistake, I will not conclude that I am a mistake. I am a child of God and as such, I am a perfect soul.  While my goal in life is not to do everything perfectly, it IS my goal to put abstinence FIRST.  Recovery is just THAT important.