Food for Thought

Strength

In the past, we relied on our own strength to get us where we thought we wanted to go. We were afraid, since deep down we knew how weak and undependable our own strength really was.

When we turn our lives over, we no longer have to go it alone. We have tapped the limitless reservoir of strength provided by our Higher Power, and when we are operating under His guidance we feel confident. What we could not do ourselves can be done when we admit our weakness and ask for help.

Through working the OA program and through closer contact with our Higher Power, we may find that we are going in a new direction. The things we thought we wanted may turn out to be unnecessary, and we may have new goals. Wherever our journey leads, we will have the strength we need, since it does not come from ourselves but from a Power greater than ourselves.

I need Your strength, Lord.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Without help from God, my Higher Power, my disease would take over and chaos would prevail.

I Deserve To Take A Break: Inside the Mind of a Compulsive Overeater 

 

I think I’ll ditch my food plan today………hell, I’ve been ‘good’ for nearly 5 years now, I deserve a break!  I’ll eat whatever I want, just for today, and hop right back on plan tomorrow. 

But wait. Tomorrow is Thursday, and I’ll be feeling horrible from eating all that sludge on Wednesday, hungry & headachy & bloated, BLAH…….and then on Friday night we’re taking my folks out to dinner.  They’ll want Italian, no doubt, and will I want to ‘deprive’ myself of something sinfully delicious?……..Probably not, since I already blew it on Wednesday.... .I've changed my mind-set.

Holy cow, I forgot!!!!!!!!!!  On Saturday, hubby reserved a suite for us at a romantic little inn up in the mountains.  With dinner that evening at an extra special place called The Cliff House.  The Romance Package includes chocolate covered strawberries for two and a bottle of wine!!!!!!

Well, that’s FRUIT, primarily………what’s the harm in feeding some to one another?  The wine we won’t bother opening, since neither one of us drink………..that rule canNOT be broken.  But other rules about some silly food?

Hmmmmm.  After over-eating on Wednesday & Friday, & devouring all that FRUIT on Saturday afternoon, I’ll simply HAVE to try all the chef’s specialties while dining at SUCH a romantic place with my husband that evening! 

PUH-LEEEZE! It would be rude not to! Not to mention wasting all that money by eating like a bird!

Sounds like I’ll be eating myself into a frenzy ALL weekend, so I’ll be ‘good’ again on MONDAY!

Uh oh.  Monday is donut-day at work! Yep. Someone brings in gigantic boxes of those oh-so-amazingly-delicious Krispy Kremes!!!!!!!! They are SO ‘light’ and fluffy, hard to believe each light-as-a-feather treat will cost me 260 calories & 37 carbs! But hey, who’s counting calories right now……….I’m determined NOT to know, in fact, since I’m SO far off plan ANYWAY.

Tuesday. Tuesday’s the day to get serious & back on track.  I swear I will completely ignore those 8” sub sandwiches that Jimmy John’s drops off in the lunchroom every frickin’ Tuesday, FREE of charge!

I wonder who’s birthday it is at the office this week? I paid $10 towards purchasing a Costco birthday cake AND Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches for everyone here.  Let me check the list……

UGH!!!!!!! There are two birthdays in April, and FOUR in May!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Have you ever TASTED one of those incredibly divine cakes from Costco, though? I mean, REALLY!

Shhhhhhhhh! What’s that noise? UGH, my co-worker is loading the candy dish with M&Ms again.

Just one of 7 or 8 candy bowls lying around this office……….I wonder if Penny’s restocked my favorites: the mini chocolate bars?

Has the vending machine guy been by lately to fill-er-up?  Should I sneak down to the 3^rd floor, so none of my co-workers will see me buying 3 or 4 bags of M&M peanuts and secreting them away in my pockets? To eat later, when nobody’s looking, of course………..I do not overeat in public for Petesake.

As I drive home, I may as well make a pit-stop at the gas station.  I need gas.  I also feel like I ‘need’ a Dove ice-cream bar, screw these “Skinny Cow’s”, HAH, and a few packages of assorted cookies & candy bars.  My house is about 1 mile away from the gas station……………I wonder if I’ll have time to binge AND discard all the evidence before I drive into the garage?

Don’t forget to wipe your mouth off & freshen your chocolate-breath with an Altoid.!!!! Sugar-free, of course.

I lie awake in bed, waiting for the rest of the household to get quiet so I can sneak into the kitchen to forage.  

For more.

Always more. Always. More.

And Never Enough.

I now find myself asking, What Is The Point?  The point of trying again…….of trying to relieve the obsession, to start playing the game yet AGAIN. Isn’t it easier to wear sweat-pants & not even KNOW what size I am?

A better question to ask myself is……what’s the point of ditching your food plan to BEGIN with?

No point at all.

Because those Monday’s turn into Tuesdays, which turn into seasons, which turn into years.  All the Monday’s that never come.

There have been 2844 Mondays in my nearly 55 years on earth. So far, I’ve spent 200+ Mondays on track with my eating & feeling good about myself.  I’d like to forget the 2000+ I spent making false promises.

Do I want to waste one more Monday, waking up & feeling like a failure?

Not this time.

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I wrote that blog from my heart.........from the light of truth with regard to compulsive overeating. For today, I will hold onto my abstinence like the GOLD that it IS, so I don't have to live in the despair of the disease.

For today, I thank God for the peace of abstinence.