Recovery Meditations: November 16th

HONESTY

"Whatever games are played with us,
we must play no games with ourselves,
but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I began to study step one in OA I learned that the principle behind the step was honesty. That was difficult for me because I had spent so much time lying to myself and others about my eating. I was so ashamed of my eating habits and behaviors that when asked about them, it never occurred to me to tell the truth. I couldn't conceive of being accepted, or even cared for, if anyone knew the truth.

Then I came into the program and began to hear people share. The denial and shell of lies began to melt. For the first time I found myself in a fellowship where I felt like I could tell the truth because I was surrounded by people whose stories were similar to mine. Most importantly, the people in the fellowship loved me and cared for me when I told my truth, no matter how ugly it seemed to me. I call this the magic of the fellowship. It makes me want to be that kind of loving, caring person for the newcomer taking his or her first step.

One day at a time...
I will honestly confront the reality of my compulsive eating, knowing that I am in a fellowship where I am unconditionally loved and cared for.

~ Carolyn H.

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Honesty doesn't come naturally to me as a compulsive overeater.  Sharing my story makes me feel vulnerable, and that nobody could ever love me because of my eating habits.  Sneaking food was a behavior that I felt I HAD to practice for that very reason.

 

Sharing myself and my story with other COEs allows me to realize I am NOT alone.  Sharing my story helps others who behave in the same way towards food. Eventually, I come to believe that I AM lovable, regardless of what I eat or don't eat.

 

When I live in denial & lies is when my disease is in control.  Truth & honesty set me free........to be the person I was meant TO be.

 

For today, I pray to stay honest with myself and others.  Hiding behind a wall of food & fat is no longer an option for me.  For today, I pray to stop hiding & to continue living in peace, one day at a time.