Recovery
Meditations: November 21st
~ WILLINGNESS ~
If you have decided
you want what we have
and are willing to go
to any length to get it
then you are ready to
take certain steps.
Big Book of Alcoholics
Anonymous
Willingness was one of the hardest concepts to get through
my disease thinking. I was only willing to have my disease cured so I could
continue indulging in my allergic substances of choice. According to the
dictionary, the definition of will is "the power of choosing what one will
do" and "willing, favorably inclined; ready." My disease was in
control and chose for me.
I didn't want to stay stuck in the food. Then I found this
program. Still, I had trouble with the concept of willingness. Then I relapsed,
but the food didn't cure anything. This program, like the Big Book says, had
ruined it for me. So, when I found some online recovery loops I found renewed
hope. Hope led me to learning about willingness from others' sharing. Then I
figured, ok God, I don't want to give up the allergic substances, they are too
strongly imbedded in my fibers, but I am willing to ask You to grant me the
willingness to let go of those substances that aren't healthy for me.
I kept up this prayer for weeks. One day I discovered that
it had been a week since I had thought about or eaten one of those allergic
substances. I figured this must be what was meant by God doing for me what I
can't do for myself. So I changed my prayer and asked God to keep making me
willing, just for today, to go without those foods. It is working, not because
of me, but because I was finally ready to ask for willingness. As the saying
goes, "Try it, you'll like it!" I tried it and I liked the results...
A God-given abstinence. Now, as I go about my day, it's becoming easier to be
willing to turn more and more of my will over to the God of my understanding.
One Day at a Time . .
.
I will go to the God
of my understanding and ask for the willingness to live according to His will
for me; so that I may have a life, and not self-will run riot.
Judy
**************************************
Each Day A New Beginning
. . . as awareness increases, the need for personal secrecy almost proportionately decreases.
—Charlotte Painter
We hang onto secrets when we're unsure of ourselves and the role we're asked to play - secrets about our inner thoughts, our dreams and aspirations, our feared inadequacies.
Because we strive for perfection, assume it's achievable, and settle for no less in all our activities, we are haunted by our secret fears of not measuring up. The more committed we become to this program; the greater is our understanding of the fallacy of this way of thinking. And as our awareness increases, the more accepting we become of our human frailty, and the less need we have to cover it up. Our mental health is measurable by the openness we offer to the world. Secrets belie good health and heighten the barriers to it.
The program's Fourth and Fifth Steps are the antidotes to being stuck in an unhealthy state of mind. They push us to let go of our secrets, freeing us from the power they wield. Practicing the principles of the program offers the remedy we need for the happiness we deserve.
I will share a secret today and be free of its power over my life.
—Charlotte Painter
We hang onto secrets when we're unsure of ourselves and the role we're asked to play - secrets about our inner thoughts, our dreams and aspirations, our feared inadequacies.
Because we strive for perfection, assume it's achievable, and settle for no less in all our activities, we are haunted by our secret fears of not measuring up. The more committed we become to this program; the greater is our understanding of the fallacy of this way of thinking. And as our awareness increases, the more accepting we become of our human frailty, and the less need we have to cover it up. Our mental health is measurable by the openness we offer to the world. Secrets belie good health and heighten the barriers to it.
The program's Fourth and Fifth Steps are the antidotes to being stuck in an unhealthy state of mind. They push us to let go of our secrets, freeing us from the power they wield. Practicing the principles of the program offers the remedy we need for the happiness we deserve.
I will share a secret today and be free of its power over my life.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Food For Thought
Moods
We used to allow our moods to determine what and how much we ate. If we were feeling good, charged up with enthusiasm, we were usually able to focus our energy on some activity other than eating. Perhaps being in a particularly good mood made it possible for us to stick to some kind of diet for a few days.
When the bad moods struck, we invariably turned to excess food for consolation, and we attempted to make the bad moods go away by eating to excess. Any sort of psychic distress became a signal for food.
Then, too, some of us found ourselves overeating in times of elation, because we had no other way to express our joy.
When we are committed to abstinence, we have a rock like foundation for our eating habits, which no shifting mood can destroy. No matter how we may feel at a given moment, we abstain from eating compulsively. Moods change and pass away, but abstinence remains.
Make firm my commitment to abstinence.
We used to allow our moods to determine what and how much we ate. If we were feeling good, charged up with enthusiasm, we were usually able to focus our energy on some activity other than eating. Perhaps being in a particularly good mood made it possible for us to stick to some kind of diet for a few days.
When the bad moods struck, we invariably turned to excess food for consolation, and we attempted to make the bad moods go away by eating to excess. Any sort of psychic distress became a signal for food.
Then, too, some of us found ourselves overeating in times of elation, because we had no other way to express our joy.
When we are committed to abstinence, we have a rock like foundation for our eating habits, which no shifting mood can destroy. No matter how we may feel at a given moment, we abstain from eating compulsively. Moods change and pass away, but abstinence remains.
Make firm my commitment to abstinence.
From Food for
Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992
by Hazelden Foundation.
The Language of Letting Go
Financial Fears
I sat in the car, looking at the sign on the door of the food shelf office: "Closed until Friday." It was Wednesday. I had two hungry children and myself; I had no money.
I laid my head on the steering wheel. I couldn't take it anymore.
I had been so strong, so brave, so trusting for so long. I was a single parent with two children, recently divorced. I had worked so courageously at being grateful for what I had, while setting financial goals and working at believing I deserved the best.
I had put up with so much poverty, so much deprivation. Daily, I worked the Eleventh Step. I worked so hard at praying for knowledge of God's will for me only, and the power to carry it through. I believed I was doing what I needed to do in my life. I wasn't lollygagging. I was doing my best, working my hardest.
And there just wasn't enough money. Life had been a struggle in many ways, but the financial struggle seemed endless.
Money isn't everything, but it takes money to solve certain problems. I was sick of "letting go" and "letting go" and "letting go." I was sick of "acting as if" I had enough money. I was tired of having to work so hard daily at letting go of the pain and fear about not having enough. I was tired of working so hard at being happy without having enough. Actually, most of the time I was happy. I had found my soul in poverty. But now that I had my soul and my self, I wanted some money too.
While I sat in the car trying to compose myself, I heard God speak to me in that silent, still voice that whispers gently to our souls.
"You don't ever have to worry about money again, child. Not unless you want to. I told you that I would take care of you. And I will."
Great, I thought. Thanks a lot. I believe you. I trust you. But look around. I have no money. I have no food. And the food shelf is closed. You've let me down.
Again I heard His voice in my soul: "You don't have to worry about money again. You don't have to be afraid. I promised to meet all your needs.
I went home, called a friend, and asked to borrow some money. I hated borrowing, but I had no choice. My breakdown in the car was a release, but it didn't solve a thing - that day. There was no check in the mailbox.
But I got food for the day. And the next day. And the next. Within six months, my income doubled. Within nine months, it tripled. Since that day, I have had hard times, but I have never had to go without - not for more than a moment in time.
Now, I have enough. Sometimes I still worry about money because that seems to be habitual. But now I know I don't have to, and I know I never did.
God, help me work hard at what I believe is right for me in my life today, and I'll trust You for the rest. Help me let go of my fears about money. Help me turn that area over to You. God. Take away the blocks and barriers in my life to financial success.
I sat in the car, looking at the sign on the door of the food shelf office: "Closed until Friday." It was Wednesday. I had two hungry children and myself; I had no money.
I laid my head on the steering wheel. I couldn't take it anymore.
I had been so strong, so brave, so trusting for so long. I was a single parent with two children, recently divorced. I had worked so courageously at being grateful for what I had, while setting financial goals and working at believing I deserved the best.
I had put up with so much poverty, so much deprivation. Daily, I worked the Eleventh Step. I worked so hard at praying for knowledge of God's will for me only, and the power to carry it through. I believed I was doing what I needed to do in my life. I wasn't lollygagging. I was doing my best, working my hardest.
And there just wasn't enough money. Life had been a struggle in many ways, but the financial struggle seemed endless.
Money isn't everything, but it takes money to solve certain problems. I was sick of "letting go" and "letting go" and "letting go." I was sick of "acting as if" I had enough money. I was tired of having to work so hard daily at letting go of the pain and fear about not having enough. I was tired of working so hard at being happy without having enough. Actually, most of the time I was happy. I had found my soul in poverty. But now that I had my soul and my self, I wanted some money too.
While I sat in the car trying to compose myself, I heard God speak to me in that silent, still voice that whispers gently to our souls.
"You don't ever have to worry about money again, child. Not unless you want to. I told you that I would take care of you. And I will."
Great, I thought. Thanks a lot. I believe you. I trust you. But look around. I have no money. I have no food. And the food shelf is closed. You've let me down.
Again I heard His voice in my soul: "You don't have to worry about money again. You don't have to be afraid. I promised to meet all your needs.
I went home, called a friend, and asked to borrow some money. I hated borrowing, but I had no choice. My breakdown in the car was a release, but it didn't solve a thing - that day. There was no check in the mailbox.
But I got food for the day. And the next day. And the next. Within six months, my income doubled. Within nine months, it tripled. Since that day, I have had hard times, but I have never had to go without - not for more than a moment in time.
Now, I have enough. Sometimes I still worry about money because that seems to be habitual. But now I know I don't have to, and I know I never did.
God, help me work hard at what I believe is right for me in my life today, and I'll trust You for the rest. Help me let go of my fears about money. Help me turn that area over to You. God. Take away the blocks and barriers in my life to financial success.
From The
Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Slow motion gets you there faster.
--Hoagy Carmichael
"One of the hardest lessons for me to learn is patience," admitted a fellow. "I've been in a race all my life. I suppose I could compare myself to the hare in the fable of ‘The Tortoise and the Hare.' I jump into things, rush at them, and never seem to cross the finish line. I get side-tracked by other things that seem to need immediate attention. I never have a sense of peace. Everything has to be done by yesterday.
"I was even in a hurry in my marriage - which is one reason I'm divorced now. I wanted my wife to race with me. I wanted her to be perfect overnight. I nagged at her constantly. I was too impatient to let her grow at her own speed. Because I couldn't slow down, I couldn't allow her to be at peace either.
"I thought I was doing all the changing and growing. When, in reality, all I was doing was bombarding my problems and projects with a lot of momentum and very little common sense."
Today I will slow down. I only increase my difficulties when I try to solve them in a hurry.
Slow motion gets you there faster.
--Hoagy Carmichael
"One of the hardest lessons for me to learn is patience," admitted a fellow. "I've been in a race all my life. I suppose I could compare myself to the hare in the fable of ‘The Tortoise and the Hare.' I jump into things, rush at them, and never seem to cross the finish line. I get side-tracked by other things that seem to need immediate attention. I never have a sense of peace. Everything has to be done by yesterday.
"I was even in a hurry in my marriage - which is one reason I'm divorced now. I wanted my wife to race with me. I wanted her to be perfect overnight. I nagged at her constantly. I was too impatient to let her grow at her own speed. Because I couldn't slow down, I couldn't allow her to be at peace either.
"I thought I was doing all the changing and growing. When, in reality, all I was doing was bombarding my problems and projects with a lot of momentum and very little common sense."
Today I will slow down. I only increase my difficulties when I try to solve them in a hurry.
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