~ UNITY ~
Separate needs are weak and easily broken;
but bound together they are strong and hard to tear apart.
The Midrash, Judaic Text
For most of my life before coming into the program, I was a bit of a loner. I never had a lot of friends, perhaps because of my feelings of inadequacy, and was never good at sports, especially team sports. So I buried myself a lot in books, in academic achievements at which I excelled, mainly because I could do that on my own. I lived in a fantasy world where a knight in shining armor would come and rescue me, and my life would then be perfect. I had never even had a serious long-term relationship until I met my first husband, so it was hardly surprising that I made a bad choice and after having three children and much heartache, got divorced.
When I first came into program, it was the first time I had ever felt part of a big group, and most importantly they all spoke my language. Their experiences were my experiences. These wonderful people became my family. There was, and still is, for me an incredible sense of belonging in the fellowship. No longer do I have to brave it on my own as there will always be someone on the other end of the line or in a meeting who can identify and share with me what I am going through. The strength that I feel when I come into the meeting rooms or speak to a fellow member on the phone is a powerful sustaining force for me that has helped me through countless difficult situations and continues to do so.
One Day at a Time . . .
I only need to reach out and join hands with others in the fellowship to gain the strength to do things I could never do before. It is only with their help, support and love that I am fully able to recover.
~ Sharon ~
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Each Day a New Beginning
. . . suffering . . . no matter how multiplied . . . is always individual.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Knowing that others have survived experiences equally devastating gives us hope, but it doesn't diminish our own personal suffering. Nor should it; out of suffering comes new understanding. Suffering also encourages our appreciation of the lighter, easier times. Pain experienced fully enhances the times of pleasure.
Our sufferings are singular, individual, and lonely. But our experiences with it can be shared; thereby lessening the power they have over us. Sharing our pain with another woman also helps her remember that her pain, too, is survivable.
Suffering softens us, helps us to feel more compassion and love toward another. Our sense of belonging to the human race, our recognition of the interdependence and kinship of us all, are the most cherished results of the gift of pain.
Each of our sufferings, sharing them as we do, strengthens me and heals my wounds of alienation.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Knowing that others have survived experiences equally devastating gives us hope, but it doesn't diminish our own personal suffering. Nor should it; out of suffering comes new understanding. Suffering also encourages our appreciation of the lighter, easier times. Pain experienced fully enhances the times of pleasure.
Our sufferings are singular, individual, and lonely. But our experiences with it can be shared; thereby lessening the power they have over us. Sharing our pain with another woman also helps her remember that her pain, too, is survivable.
Suffering softens us, helps us to feel more compassion and love toward another. Our sense of belonging to the human race, our recognition of the interdependence and kinship of us all, are the most cherished results of the gift of pain.
Each of our sufferings, sharing them as we do, strengthens me and heals my wounds of alienation.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation
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Food for Thought
Failure
If the OA program demanded perfection, then we would all be failures. Our goal is progress, not perfection, since none of us will ever be perfect.
It is said that the only time we fail in OA is when we do not try again. When we stumble or slip in our physical abstinence or in our emotional and spiritual life (and the three are always interrelated), the important thing is to pick ourselves up and keep going. We may lose battles here and there, but if we rely on our Higher Power, we will win the war.
None of us is free from temptation. Even when we abstain from compulsive overeating we may indulge in self-pity, envy, or anger. There is always the danger of pride and self-will. Perhaps it is through our failures that we become humble enough to seek and accept God's help. If we could manage by ourselves, we would have no need for a Higher Power. A failure is an opportunity to start again.
From failure, may I humbly learn to walk more closely with You.
If the OA program demanded perfection, then we would all be failures. Our goal is progress, not perfection, since none of us will ever be perfect.
It is said that the only time we fail in OA is when we do not try again. When we stumble or slip in our physical abstinence or in our emotional and spiritual life (and the three are always interrelated), the important thing is to pick ourselves up and keep going. We may lose battles here and there, but if we rely on our Higher Power, we will win the war.
None of us is free from temptation. Even when we abstain from compulsive overeating we may indulge in self-pity, envy, or anger. There is always the danger of pride and self-will. Perhaps it is through our failures that we become humble enough to seek and accept God's help. If we could manage by ourselves, we would have no need for a Higher Power. A failure is an opportunity to start again.
From failure, may I humbly learn to walk more closely with You.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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The Language of Letting Go
Anger at Family Members
Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage - anger that seems to go on year after year.
For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive - mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually - by certain family members.
It is important to allow ourselves to feel - to accept - our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.
We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.
Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.
Think loving thoughts; think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.
At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.
Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.
Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.
Trust that a healing is taking place, now.
Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on my family and me. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.
Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage - anger that seems to go on year after year.
For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive - mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually - by certain family members.
It is important to allow ourselves to feel - to accept - our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.
We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.
Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.
Think loving thoughts; think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.
At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.
Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.
Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.
Trust that a healing is taking place, now.
Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on my family and me. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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Listening well
Learning to really listen to another human being - beyond just his or her words - is critical to good communication. Valuable exchanges between human beings can occur only when each listens carefully to the other and tries sincerely to understand the other person's meaning. Much anger and frustration with others could be avoided if we truly understood one another.
Constant thoughts running through our minds is a form of talking, and we can't listen to another (including our Higher Power) if we are still talking.
Do I really listen?
Higher Power, help me be quiet enough within to listen to others today. By trying to understand another, let me learn something about myself.
You are reading from the book:
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