~ RELATIONSHIPS ~
And let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of Spirit.
Kahlil Gibran
My initial experience of relationships in recovery was one of wonder and relief. I was so amazed to find that there actually were other people who understood life as I lived it! Until I walked into the rooms of recovery, I felt so alone and different from other people. Finding people who had also lived the nightmare of compulsive eating, helped my isolation fade away. Seeing that they had found a new way of living gave me hope!!
As I began to share more deeply with my sponsor and other people in recovery, I discovered a deeper gift of friendship in recovery. I received unconditional love and focused guidance toward the steps of recovery which would transform me completely. This was the greatest gift of relationship that I had ever known. This was the beginning of the transformation that invited me to share the Spirit of recovery with others.
As I carry the principles of recovery into all aspects of my life, I find my relationships with all people are transformed. My character defects no longer stand in the way of my honesty, and fear no longer holds me prisoner. The Spirit of recovery which has been so generously shared with me, continues to be shared joyously through me.
One Day at a Time . . .
I will be carried by the Spirit of recovery into all of my relationships.
~ Cate ~
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Each Day a New Beginning
So much to say. And so much not to say! Some things are better left unsaid. But so many unsaid things can become a burden.
—Virginia Mae Axline
The occasions are many when we'd like to share a feeling, an observation, perhaps even a criticism with someone. The risk is great, however. She might be hurt, or he might walk away, leaving us alone.
Many times, we need not share our words directly. Weighing and measuring the probable outcome and asking for some inner guidance will help us decide when to speak up and when to leave things unsaid. But if our thoughts are seriously interfering with our relationships, we can't ignore them for long.
Clearing the air is necessary sometimes, and it freshens all relationships. When to take the risk creates consternation. But within our quiet spaces, we always know when we must speak up. And the direction will come. The right moment will present itself. And within those quiet spaces the right words can be found.
If I am uncomfortable with certain people, and the feelings don't leave, I will consider what might need to be said. I will open myself to the way and ask to be shown the steps to take. Then, I will be patient.
—Virginia Mae Axline
The occasions are many when we'd like to share a feeling, an observation, perhaps even a criticism with someone. The risk is great, however. She might be hurt, or he might walk away, leaving us alone.
Many times, we need not share our words directly. Weighing and measuring the probable outcome and asking for some inner guidance will help us decide when to speak up and when to leave things unsaid. But if our thoughts are seriously interfering with our relationships, we can't ignore them for long.
Clearing the air is necessary sometimes, and it freshens all relationships. When to take the risk creates consternation. But within our quiet spaces, we always know when we must speak up. And the direction will come. The right moment will present itself. And within those quiet spaces the right words can be found.
If I am uncomfortable with certain people, and the feelings don't leave, I will consider what might need to be said. I will open myself to the way and ask to be shown the steps to take. Then, I will be patient.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation
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Food for Thought
Food Is No Cure all
In spite of what we compulsive overeaters may have believed, food does not solve our emotional or spiritual problems. Food cannot fill our hearts with love, no matter how much we eat. Rather than erasing our difficulties with family, friends, and self, overeating multiplies them.
If our problem were that of not having enough to eat, food would be the solution. It is possible for us to be overweight and undernourished at the same time, if we are eating the wrong foods. For most of us, though, the difficulty is simply that we like to eat too much. The only cure all for that problem is eating less!
The good news for compulsive overeaters is that a life of abstinence and control is possible. We do not have to be destroyed by our disease. When we recognize that we have been using food to do what only our Higher Power can do, we are on the way to recovery. Instead of turning to food to ease our aches and satisfy our cravings, we turn to God.
Thank You for being there for me.
In spite of what we compulsive overeaters may have believed, food does not solve our emotional or spiritual problems. Food cannot fill our hearts with love, no matter how much we eat. Rather than erasing our difficulties with family, friends, and self, overeating multiplies them.
If our problem were that of not having enough to eat, food would be the solution. It is possible for us to be overweight and undernourished at the same time, if we are eating the wrong foods. For most of us, though, the difficulty is simply that we like to eat too much. The only cure all for that problem is eating less!
The good news for compulsive overeaters is that a life of abstinence and control is possible. We do not have to be destroyed by our disease. When we recognize that we have been using food to do what only our Higher Power can do, we are on the way to recovery. Instead of turning to food to ease our aches and satisfy our cravings, we turn to God.
Thank You for being there for me.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation
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The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of the Need to Control
The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.
—Codependent No More
Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.
If we weren't trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?
What would we do that we're not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?
What decisions would we make?
What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?
If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another person's behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?
What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that we'd stop?
How would we treat ourselves differently?
Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?
If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.
Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren't trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.
The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.
—Codependent No More
Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.
If we weren't trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?
What would we do that we're not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?
What decisions would we make?
What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?
If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another person's behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?
What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that we'd stop?
How would we treat ourselves differently?
Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?
If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.
Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren't trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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I get a massage almost every week no matter where I am, eat a healthy diet, schedule time alone, and if I get to a point where I feel I need a block of time...I'll cancel.
-- Anne Wilson Schaef
Do we love and care for our body as well as we love and care for our home and car? Do we feel our body deserves full attention and a loving maintenance plan?
Taking our body for granted is easy because of its remarkable durability and regenerative power. We may get lulled into a false sense of "nine lives" body security, believing our physical being will fix itself no matter what.
Self-care takes time and priority planning to be successful. We may find we put off our exercise and nutritional needs saying, "Tomorrow I'll start taking better care of myself." But sooner or later tomorrow comes, and our body produces symptoms that demand attention.
Learning to love and nurture our body brings rewards without measure. We deserve to reap the benefits starting today.
Today let me realize that respect for my body builds a healing temple in which the rest of my life can grow.
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