The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Shame

Shame is that dark, powerful feeling that holds us back. Yes, shame can stop us from acting inappropriately. But many of us have learned to attach shame to healthy behaviors that are in our best interest.

In dysfunctional families, shame can be tagged to healthy behaviors such as talking about feelings, making choices, taking care of ourselves, having fun, being successful, or even feeling good about ourselves.

Shame may have been attached to asking for what we want and need, to communicating directly and honestly, and to giving and receiving love.

Sometimes shame disguises itself as fear, rage, indifference, or a need to run and hide, wrote Stephanie E. But if it feels dark and makes us feel bad about being who we are, it's probably shame.

In recovery, we are learning to identify shame. When we can recognize it, we can begin to let go of it. We can love and accept ourselves - starting now.

We have a right to be, to be here, and to be who we are. And we don't ever have to let shame tell us any differently.

Today, I will attack and conquer the shame in my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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I was raised in a shame-filled environment, where every action was closely scrutinized  to determine how it would look to others. A happy, 'normal' face always had to be portrayed to the outside world, in spite of what was really going on on the inside. I grew up watching a mother who'd run into the closet to hide when she was upset.............fortunately, something told me that wasn't the right behavior, and not to internalize it or believe it was 'normal' to do such things.  Fortunately, I didn't grow up to be an adult who goes into the closet to hide out in shame.

I don't blame my mother for her behavior, because she herself was raised in paralyzing fear, to mistrust everyone, including her own family.  I am proud to have broken that cycle of dysfunction with my own kids, rather than perpetuate it throughout the generations.

For today, I am able to identify shame & let go of it, agreeing instead to love myself AS IS.

I have a right to be here and to be who I am.  Today, I will attack & conquer the shame in my life.