The Language of Letting Go: August 2nd

In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.

One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we're in between.

Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Weight loss leaves us in a state of 'in-between' BIG time! In fact, we don't know who we are or who we're going to be once the fat suit comes off.  Fear of the unknown can hold us back........and our sub conscious minds tend to drive us backwards, into the comfort zone of obesity.  As much as we don't like a large body size, it's a known quantity. Not much is expected of us when we're overweight, nor do WE expect much of OURSELVES!

Weight loss is a transformation, physically, emotionally & spiritually...........we go from the ugly duckling into the beautiful swan, and it's not so easy.  

The Transformation From Caterpillar to Butterfly

 

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively.  “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
-Trina Paulus

 

Change can be a frightening thing.  Who knows that more intimately than most of us, who have been bogged down with excess body weight for who-knows how long?

That excess body weight is often used as a cushion, literally, to shield us from life. To keep us safe in our little butterfly cocoon where everything is warm & familiar.

Losing weight is like shedding that protective cocoon, a transition to a different state of being & sometimes, a different state of consciousness where we continue the journey of growth & self-awareness. The actual weight loss itself is just one small piece of a much larger picture.

To say that weight loss simply means that we can go from wearing a 2X to wearing a size 6 is like saying the only difference between a butterfly & a caterpillar is his ability to fly.  The caterpillar may be frightened to fly…..it’s a big change from his previous existence and so, it’s the Great Unknown.

So is weight loss the Great Unknown.

Our friends & family members may be worried, too. Who  are we going to become? Will that sweet little shrinking violet suddenly turn into the Venus Flytrap??

Fear of the unknown is real.  We know who we are when we’re overweight, as much as we may not like ourselves, so that is a known quantity.

We read blogs frequently where we’ve stopped ourselves from losing weight at a certain point. Like the gal who’s afraid to get into Onederland and stays stuck at just over 200 lbs for quite some time. She doesn’t know what it will feel like to see the 100’s because she hasn’t been there for ages.

Or, suddenly, the compliments start coming in fast & furious and we don’t know how to handle them. What do we say when someone tells us how wonderful we look? Are we to think we looked so horrible before, but now we’re looking more human? Like we were beached whales then?

A journey of this magnitude is huge. Sometimes we don’t even realize just how huge it really is.

We start out thinking we need to lose some weight and we wind up taking on a project that may be way more than we had originally bargained for. We watch ourselves morph from the ugly duckling into the beautiful swan and really, that transformation is mind-boggling in many cases.

We’re starting to find our voice, to speak up for ourselves instead of blending in with the wallpaper.  Where did that come from, we may wonder?? Sheesh, who is this woman I’m turning into??

Fear can easily set in & sabotage our best efforts at this point.

So, now is the time to pull out the Fat Clothes! Put on an old, shapeless sweat suit & hide out in it for a while.  Don’t force yourself to look like a diva & dress up 24/7. That’s not the real purpose of this journey….to look like a glamour queen.  It’s not who we are.  Oh sure, I like to dress up, put make-up on & bling myself out; but I don’t feel like I have to do that 7 days a week. On the weekends, I pull on a floppy hat & my warm-up suit, brush my teeth & I’m good to go!  The lipstick & the accessories stay in their place while I go out and do my thing, plain & frumpy as you please.

It’s kind of therapeutic to do that; to take some plain-Jane time for myself, where I can be 200 lbs or 100 lbs, and nobody would know the difference based on my clothing.

I lost weight primarily to get healthy & to get off of a bunch of medications. The cute clothing is great, don’t get me wrong, but it is not who I am.

 

Who I am is still something I’m in the process of figuring out, as a matter of fact. Being cocooned up for so long in so many layers of protective fat has prevented me from knowing myself.

This journey is complex in many ways, even more so than we realize.

Our relationships can change; our friendships can fall by the wayside & new ones can crop up; those we thought of as buddies can turn out to be a bit too toxic for our new lifestyles. That can be scary, and that can hurt; to say goodbye to someone who’s been a part of our lives for ages. But, if that person only wants a yes-man or an eating buddy, he may have to GO if we are to maintain our new goals in life.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming, doesn’t it?

If you feel that way, you are not alone. We all transform along the way here. Some of us make it and some of us don’t. Some of us get too bogged down in the Fear Factor to allow ourselves to make it. And some of us just get tired of the grind of the meal plan and go back to their old ways.

I strongly believe that we can ALL do this, IF we realize that Fear plays a large role in this game of weight loss.

I believe that most people don’t quit the program because they’re sick & tired of packets, but because they’re truly frightened of becoming a different person.

 

Even if we don’t love ourselves when we’re overweight, we know ourselves. It’s ok to be scared now, it’s ok to worry about the future, it goes with the territory. 

 

Is it time to go hide out in your fat clothes for a bit while you adjust to your new body image? Don’t take a break from the program, take a break from your Appearance for a while. Recognize what’s happening in your head & treat yourself with love & gentleness  for now.  This is not a race to some non-existent finish line; this is our LIFE we’re living, one packet at a time, one day at a time. And, if we start living for today only, then all we have to concern ourselves with is the next 24 hours. And for that period of time, we can do ANYTHING!