The Language of Letting Go: April 30th

Balance

The goal is balance.

We need balance between work and play. We need balance between giving and receiving. We need balance in thought and feelings. We need balance in caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.

A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work. There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance.

Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our need for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, recovery time, and spiritual time - time with God. If we get out of balance, our inner voice will tell us. We need to listen.

Today, I will examine my life to see if the scales have swung too far in any area or not far enough in some. I will work toward achieving balance.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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The "All-Or-Nothing" Mentality Is The Killer (blog June, 2012)

 

 The ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality kills us every single time we try to lose weight or to embrace a lifestyle change, doesn’t it?  We tell ourselves we either have to be perfect or we won’t do anything at all. We’re either fat or desperately trying to lose weight overnight. We want it yesterday & we won’t take no for an answer. Are you nodding your heads here? 

We’re going to throw ourselves into a back-breaking exercise routine that we can’t possibly keep up with on a daily basis or else we’re hopeless couch potatoes unwilling to move a muscle. We’re either starving ourselves mercilessly or eating like animals. We’re either 100% obsessed with counting every piece of gum that goes into our mouths or we’re eating an entire cake straight from the box. This is the ‘all-or-nothing’ mentality I’m referring to. I’d venture to guess we’re all guilty of this behavior or we have been at some point in our endless battle with food & weight control.  I myself have had this mentality my whole life & it’s just recently I’ve come to the conclusion that it must end. Now. 

If I get a flat tire, I have it fixed...........I don't slash the other 3.

The all or nothing mentality killed me in maintenance countless times over the years. If I ‘blew’ the diet, I’d continue to blow it & ditch my whole program. Cuz hey, I blew so I’m finished. How ridiculous is that way of thinking?? If I have a bad day now, I get right back on plan & minimize the damage…I don’t continue that crazy eating behavior & throw in the towel! That’s why I’m successful this time in maintenance but never before! That’s it in a nutshell.

We have people here who insist on perfection at all times…..insist that it’s vital to stay 100% on plan 100% of the time in order to be a true ‘success’. We have others who insist it’s perfectly fine to go off plan from time to time & still be a ‘success’. Whatever your strategy is isn’t the issue here. There are people who stay 100% on plan all the time in 5/1 & wind up gaining every pound back they lost & more. There are people who go off plan once in awhile & still get to goal & keep the weight off. I truly don’t think staying on plan or going off plan during the weight loss phase is an accurate indicator of how you will handle yourself in maintenance, I really don’t. What I do think is vital for long term success is finding a way to ditch that all or nothing mentality & come to terms with the fact that weight management is an ongoing process. You will spend the rest of your life being aware of what you eat & avoiding your trigger foods if you want to keep the weight off, let’s face it. Does an off plan eating event mean you’re finished with the process? Of course not!!! 

I’ve been pretty darn vigilant in maintenance  but yeah, I have had my moments of eating too much…believe me. What do I do when that happens? I get right back on plan & into my usual routine immediately & act like nothing happened. That’s not to say I’m unaware of what I did….I just don’t let it get me down or totally off track…that’s the difference. 

I jog in place for 15 minutes every day. I walk 4 flights of stairs 4 times per day 5 days per week, and I do some floor exercises & 10 minutes on the Crazy Fit. I’m better off exercising a little every day than I am forcing a grueling workout on myself. I don’t respond well to backbreaking exercise. I’m liable to feel sorry for myself if I do that & I may feel ‘entitled’ to eat more as a result. So I don’t do it. I have figured out what works for me & I do it.

I’m not sure there is any ‘right or wrong’ when it comes to making a lifestyle change except for one: that all or nothing mentality is wrong. It will kill you every single time & prevent you from getting to goal or keeping the weight off. Ditch it. Don’t dwell on making yourself into a perfect creature, it ain’t gonna happen. 99% or more of us will fall off plan during the 5/1 or sometime afterwards. We will relapse. Period. That’s not a figment of my imagination, that is reality. How will we handle that relapse is what I’m asking you to ask yourself. What is your plan of action to rebound after you eat too much? What is your plan to get back on track after you fall off? One bite does not have to lead to another unless we allow it to. And if we do allow it to, then we pick ourselves up & get back to the routine we’ve developed that will allow us to get where we’re going & to stay there. 

I’ll end by saying yes, it’s a good idea to stay on plan all the time so you can allow those new eating habits to sink in. Remember one thing though: those old eating habits won’t get erased from your memory….you can call on them any time & they’ll be happy to come out & play. Those bad habits will, however, stay in remission while you stay on plan. Make it your goal to accomplish 2 things here: to stay on plan every day and to ditch the all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to food.

For today, I am not going to starve or binge.  For today, I am not going to kill myself exercising or act like a couch potato.

For today, I am going to live in moderation.

The Language of Letting Go: April 29th

Initiating Relationships

Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.

As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.

What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we're attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.

The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn - no matter how long we've been recovering.

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.

We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.

We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.

We can learn to look for what's good for us, instead of what's good for the other person.

God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it - even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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In my first marriage, I was attracted to a dysfunctional man who needed a mother, not a wife. He needed excessive caretaking, and I married him.  I wound up taking care of HIM and eating/drinking/smoking MYSELF into oblivion! 22 years later, I filed for divorce.  After finding my biological family, I finally felt 'real' and I no longer wanted to stay in such a troubled relationship.

I still found myself attracted to dysfunctional people when I started dating after the divorce! I knew I did NOT want another caretaking relationship, however, so I didn't get involved with men I'd need to mother.

Then one day God sent me my soul mate; a man I did not have to take care OF, but who would share my life with me and help me and care for ME! A man who is not dysfunctional in the least, as a matter of fact.  A true miracle.........:)

Even though I didn't feel 'worthy' of him, I KNEW for a fact that God shoved him into my life for a reason and so I allowed him into my heart.

We will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary in September.

He's helped me overcome my addiction to food, alcohol & cigarettes, and to finally love myself for who I am on the inside.

I am enjoying a healthy relationship, finally, and distancing myself from the toxic, dysfunctional ones.

For today, I thank God for sending me the courage and the self-respect to accept the gift of love.

Food for Thought: April 28th

Failure

If the OA program demanded perfection, then we would all be failures. Our goal is progress, not perfection, since none of us will ever be perfect.

It is said that the only time we fail in OA is when we do not try again. When we stumble or slip in our physical abstinence or in our emotional and spiritual life (and the three are always interrelated), the important thing is to pick ourselves up and keep going. We may lose battles here and there, but if we rely on our Higher Power, we will win the war.

None of us is free from temptation. Even when we abstain from compulsive overeating we may indulge in self-pity, envy, or anger. There is always the danger of pride and self-will. Perhaps it is through our failures that we become humble enough to seek and accept God's help. If we could manage by ourselves, we would have no need for a Higher Power. A failure is an opportunity to start again.

From failure, may I humbly learn to walk more closely with You.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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What learning or growth ever comes from the good times?  It is through the hard times that wisdom and strength is developed, isn't that true?

None of us are perfect, nor should we expect ourselves to be. Out of the demand for perfection comes misery and the feeling of chronic failure. I was a perfectionist for decades..........I'd set myself up for disappointment NO MATTER WHAT, since perfection is an impossible goal to achieve.  Feeling like a failure all the time entitled me to practice my addictive behaviors.  See the connection? :)

For today, I give up my goals of perfection and accept & love myself as I am. Imperfect, but perfectly human.

Food for Thought: April 27th

Food Is No Cure All

In spite of what we compulsive overeaters may have believed, food does not solve our emotional or spiritual problems. Food cannot fill our hearts with love, no matter how much we eat. Rather than erasing our difficulties with family, friends, and self, overeating multiplies them.

If our problem were that of not having enough to eat, food would be the solution. It is possible for us to be overweight and undernourished at the same time, if we are eating the wrong foods. For most of us, though, the difficulty is simply that we like to eat too much. The only cure all for that problem is eating less!

The good news for compulsive overeaters is that a life of abstinence and control is possible. We do not have to be destroyed by our disease. When we recognize that we have been using food to do what only our Higher Power can do, we are on the way to recovery. Instead of turning to food to ease our aches and satisfy our cravings, we turn to God.

Thank You for being there for me.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution. I have been 'hungry' so few times in my life, I can barely remember what the sensation feels like!  As a compulsive overeater, I've treated hunger as an emergency, overeating to ward off the POSSIBILITY of hunger!!!  Sigh.

Abstinence teaches me that hunger is NOT an emergency, and that I do not have to overeat or hoard food in an effort to ward off potential hunger. Hunger will not kill me, but obesity will.

For decades I believed that food solved my emotional & spiritual problems.  But what I found was, no matter HOW much I ate, it was never 'enough'!  Satisfaction would come 'in the next bite', but it never did! So the binges got bigger and bigger, and reached the point of insanity, and STILL did not satisfy me! When I try to fill a spiritual void with food, I will always fail.  I did the same thing with booze........reaching the point where 2 or 3 bottles of wine wasn't enough.  I realized I would have to stop practicing excess in all areas of my life if I wanted peace & serenity, and to stop being a slave to my desires which refused to be satisfied.

Every day I thank God for leading me back to AA/OA and showing me the way to happiness is through abstinence & sobriety.  I now rely on God to fill me up instead of excess food or booze of any kind. I even managed to kick my smoking addiction to the curb, with His help, and now rely on NO outside stimuli to make me happy. I draw my happiness from within, one day at a time.

For today, I will rely on God for my nourishment and stick to my food plan for fuel. Because, hey, one is too many and a million is not enough.

The Language of Letting Go: April 26th

Negativity

Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pent up anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns.

Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we're struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it's okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves.

We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them.

Today, God, help me to know that I don't have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity - even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it's okay to take care of myself. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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The more recovery I have under my belt, the less tolerant I become of Energy Vampires........those negative Nellie's that Hoover the life right OUT of a person.  My mother is an extremely negative individual, and I speak to her every single day because she is elderly and I am an only child. I love her, I just have trouble dealing with the chronic flow of negativity & judgment that she passes out.  I choose NOT to internalize all of that negativity, or to judge her for it, either. She does the best she can with what she's got.  I, on the other hand, have worked mighty hard to get OUT of that mindset and to live in the light of love & positivity.

I do not have to listen to more negativity than what I can tolerate. It's okay to set boundaries and to remove myself from a toxic situation before I absorb it!

For today, may I practice the art of forgiveness, which is self-love.

For today, may I choose to maintain positive energy & balance.

For today, may I choose to protect myself & walk away when the toxicity gets overwhelming.

Food for Thought: April 25th

Forgetting Food

Abstinence enables us to stop being preoccupied with food. We decide that we will have three meals a day with nothing in between, and we have a definite plan for those meals. Whenever cravings or thoughts of food begin to distract us, we put them out of our mind. We remember that food has proved to be a false friend, and we no longer permit it to control our life.

Through OA, we have found new interests and activities. We have friends to call when we are lonely or upset. When we are feeling shaky, we can go to a meeting. Perhaps our new energies have led to involvement in community activities, new jobs, hobbies and projects.

Each of us faces a certain amount of sluggishness and inertia when we decide to get involved in something new. It is easier to stay in the same old rut, since we often fear what is untried and unknown. Let us not permit apathy or anxiety to weaken our resolution. Escape into food and overeating is no longer an option.

Keep my thoughts on the new possibilities, which You have opened for me.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation

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My food plan for abstinence is a bit different than the traditional 301 OA plan of 3 meals a day, nothing in between, one day at a time. My food plan is 6 small meals a day at 8 am, 11, 2, 5, 7 & 10 pm. The meals are pre-determined & measured, and eaten as fuelings at those times. Period. Sugar & white flour is not part of my food plan because they are trigger foods that lead me to binge. If I want to live life without the burden of food addiction weighing me down, then I use a Food Plan to dictate what goes into my mouth. Period.

I can fight the addiction, but then IT will win.  I can try to fool myself into thinking there is an easier, softer way to keep the addiction in remission, but I will be brought to my knees yet again, when the truth smacks me in the face.  I can convince myself that food addiction is not quite as serious as the other substance addictions, but that is a lie which will come back to haunt me over & over again.

After 4 decades of yo yo dieting and fighting the truth, here is where I find myself. In the end, it is easier to accept a Food Plan of abstinence than it is to fight & bargain with an addiction that cannot BE fought or bargained with.

Abstinence allows me to explore new possibilities for myself. It allows me to get OUT of my own head and INTO the joy of life, instead of sitting on the sidelines, devoted to food, which gives me no real pleasure.

 We must each discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth for ourselves.

We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated. That's how we break through our struggle; that's how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.

We can share information with others. Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, and our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.

But we can and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier. They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours.

Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each person has truth available - appropriate to each situation - is what will help.

Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed. Don't give up until you find it - for yourself.

We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not alone.

Today, I will search for my own truth, and I will allow others to do the same. I will place value on my vision and the vision of others. We are each on the journey, making our own discoveries - the ones that are right for us today.

Food for Thought: April 24th

Hungry or Bored?

When we ate compulsively, we often interpreted boredom to be hunger. When there seemed to be nothing else to do, we could always eat! Unstructured time may have made us anxious; we thought we could fill up with food and allay our anxieties.

To be egotistical and self-centered is to be bored. If we are always the center of our awareness, we will soon tire of ourselves, since none of us is all that fascinating. In order to escape boredom, we need to turn our attention outward and focus on something besides self.

When we give our lives to our Higher Power, we are making a commitment of service. We are asking that His will be done and that He use us as He sees fit. By relieving us of our obsession, God frees us from slavery to our appetites. If we are to remain free, we need to serve Him instead of ourselves. Day by day, He shows us our tasks and as we become absorbed in them, we lose our boredom along with our false hunger.

May I know the true nourishment of doing Your will.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Boredom has always been a huge trigger for me to overeat. I don't interpret boredom as 'hunger', but as a pastime...........something to DO to stay occupied.  How very destructive & self-centered!

Focusing my attention outward is the thing to do..........to stop being egotistical and living inside of my own head! If I am to be freed from the slavery of my appetite, I have to trust in my Higher Power and make a commitment to serve Him instead of myself.

For today, I will take my nourishment from God and from serving others.  I will stick to my measured Food Plan which provides me with plenty of nourishment for my body to run efficiently. 

For today, I will not use food to satisfy my boredom, and I will not succumb to false hunger!

Recovery Meditations: April 23rd

~ BIRTHRIGHT ~

I've continued to recognize the power individuals have
to change virtually anything and everything in their lives in an instant.
I've learned that the resources we need to turn our dreams into reality are within us,
merely waiting for the day when we decide to wake up and claim our birthright.

Anthony Robbins


I have divine origins because I am part of my Higher Power. Whether I see my Higher Power as a male, female or neither; no matter if I experience my Higher Power as a Heavenly Parent, a Divine Friend, or a Great Spirit; whether I find my Higher Power in a temple, in the mountains, or in my child's eyes ... I am connected to something greater than myself, my problems, and my fears. The who, what, where, when, and how of my Higher Power are not important. I don't have to completely understand HP because my HP understands me.

I have been endowed with all the things I need to be successful in recovery and in life. All I have to do is step up and claim them. I have intellect, I have emotion, and I have a spirit. All of those things have a direct line to my Higher Power. What I can't yet access is given to me as a gift when I claim my divine birthright by simply saying, "I can't. You can. I think I'll let You." What greater power is there than to give our power to our Higher Power? Knowing when I can't do it alone is a gift!

One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember I come from royalty. I will remember my divine birthright and step up to claim it. Today I will not sell my divine birthright for a mess of pottage.

~ Sandee ~

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'Today I will not sell my divine birthright for a mess of pottage.' How PROFOUND is that statement!!!!!!!!??????  Whenever we are faced with a heap of junk food or a plate of sludge, we need to ask ourselves if we are willing to ditch our birthright, to sell out, for a mess of FOOD!!!!!!

That's what it all boils down to, too, doesn't it? What we are willing to give UP to stay healthy & at peace, mentally.  We can't have everything we want to eat AND stay slim & healthy. So what are we willing to give UP?

I have the power to change everything in my life in an instant. Do I have the courage to? Do I trust my Higher Power to hold me up through the rough spots, to carry me when I can't carry myself?

I have been endowed with all the things I need to be successful in recovery & in life. All I have to do is step up and claim them. 

For today, I will not sell out for a mess of pottage.

Recovery Meditations: April 22nd

COMPULSIONS

“Compulsive urges to overeat, gorge or purge
are inadequate coping mechanisms.
Compulsion is loss of control
and continuation of the behavior
despite the consequences.”
Gloria Arenson


Compulsive overeating is not a moral dilemma. It is not about “right” or “wrong.” It is not a black-and-white situation. I learned at a pre-verbal stage that compulsive overeating is a coping mechanism. When I cried to be held, I was fed. When I cried because I was wet, I was fed. When I cried because I was in pain, I was fed. When life was good, I was fed. Is it any wonder I came to reach for food when life was happening around me?

This program teaches me better ways to cope with life. Instead of reacting to life, I have learned through the Steps how to take action. I did not choose this disease, but I do choose recovery. Through the help of my Higher Power, the program, and other program members I can recover. I can live in the solution one day at a time and one meal at a time.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will have a program. I choose recovery, health, love and life.

~ Sarah H.

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We are not 'bad' people trying to get 'good', we are sick people trying to get well. Eating too much food is a form of self punishment..........a way to cope with stress.........a way to escape what's happening & 'hide out' someplace else.

We were taught from birth to reach for food when we felt discomfort, as this reading says. My own mother fed me until I threw up and then she'd feed me again.  I was thoroughly trained to overeat and to enjoy the feeling of an overstuffed stomach. That was my 'norm' as a child & I carried it with me into adulthood.

Nowadays, I've learned a few coping techniques that are more useful than overeating.  Through the help of God, my program friends, and my Food Plan, I am able to choose the healing light of recovery instead of the black pit of addiction.

For today, I will take action towards reaching my goals. For today, I will have a program intact, and I will choose recovery, health, love & life!

Food for Thought: April 21st

New Skills

When we stop eating compulsively, we get out of ruts that we may have been in for years. Our schedules change, since we spend less time eating. The confidence we gain encourages us to try new activities, and we discover skills we never knew we had.

Because we are no longer disgusted with ourselves, we get along better with those around us. As we learn to give up fear and self-centeredness, we find ourselves turning out better work and performing well in areas where before we had been weak.

Spiritual growth is the key to the new developments in all parts of our lives. We have become more closely connected to the source of creativity, so we are more alive. Others respond positively to our new sincerity and enthusiasm.

That we may continue to grow and learn gives us quiet satisfaction. For this, we are grateful to OA and our Higher Power.

Thank You, Lord, for newness of life.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

The Language of Letting Go: April 17th

Taking Care of Ourselves

We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as self-care. Self-care is not, as some may think, a spin off of the Me generation. It isn't self-indulgence. It isn't selfishness - in the negative interpretation of that word.

We're learning to take care of ourselves, instead of obsessively focusing on another person. We're learning self-responsibility, instead of feeling excessively responsible for others. Self-care also means tending to our true responsibilities to others; we do this better when we're not feeling overly responsible.

Self-care sometimes means, me first, but usually, me too. It means we are responsible for ourselves and can choose to no longer be victims.

Self-care means learning to love the person we're responsible for taking care of - ourselves. We do not do this to hibernate in a cocoon of isolation and self indulgence; we do it so we can better love others, and learn to let them love us.

Self-care isn't selfish; it's self-esteem.

Today, God, help me love myself. Help me let go of feeling excessively responsible for those around me. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself and be appropriately responsible to others.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Many times, I hear others worry that abstinence means 'selfishness'. If it DOES mean that, then FINE! If we are finally willing to BE a bit 'selfish' in order to find recovery, then Bring. It. On!

As it says in this lovely ready, self-care is not self-indulgence or selfishness. Self-indulgence is overeating, going on binges, hiding out in the car with a bag of junk food from the gas station, stuffing it all away in short order and disposing of the 'evidence' before driving into the garage. 

Addiction is the definition of 'selfishness'.  Addiction means, "To the exclusion of all else."  When we are practicing addictive behavior, we ignore everyone and everything while in hot pursuit of what we can eat next.  Children are ignored, husbands, family, jobs, responsibilities............the ONLY thing that matters is the next FIX.  THAT, my friends, is truly 'selfish'.

Self-care, on the other hand, means I am accepting responsibility for myself AND my behavior.  I choose to no longer be a victim. I choose to have enough self-esteem to STOP treating my body like a dumpster and start treating it like the holy vessel it truly IS!

When I respect & love MYSELF, I respect and love God.  When I choose to care for myself properly, I choose the healing light of recovery and faith.  When I practice faith, I wipe out fear, and choose LIFE, one day at a time.

The Language of Letting Go: April 16th

Letting Things Happen

We do not have to work so hard at gaining our insights. Yes, we're learning that painful and disappointing things happen, often for a reason and a higher purpose. Yes, these things often work out for good. But we don't have to spend so much time and energy figuring out the purpose and plan for each detail of our life. That's hypervigilence!

Sometimes, the car doesn't start. Sometimes, the dishwasher breaks. Sometimes, we catch a cold. Sometimes, we run out of hot water. Sometimes, we have a bad day. While it helps to achieve acceptance and gratitude for these irritating annoyances, we don't have to process everything and figure out if it's in the scheme of things.

Solve the problem. Get the car repaired. Fix the dishwasher. Nurse yourself through the cold. Wait to take the shower until there's hot water. Nurture yourself through your bad day. Tend to your responsibilities, and don't take everything so personally!

If we need to recognize a particular insight or awareness, we will be guided in that direction. Certainly, we want to watch for patterns. But often, the big insights and the significant processing happen naturally.

We don't have to question every occurrence to see how it fits into the Plan. The Plan - the awareness, the insight, and the potential for personal growth - will reveal itself to us. Perhaps the lesson is to learn to solve our problems without always knowing their significance. Perhaps the lesson is to trust ourselves to live, and experience, life.

Today, I will let things happen without worrying about the significance of each event. I will trust that this will bring about my growth faster than running around with a microscope. I will trust my lessons to reveal themselves in their own time. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Compulsive overeaters seem to work too hard with everything..........we micro manage.............we obsess...........we dwell on the tiniest details but wind up procrastinating & ignoring the LARGE details!
Compulsive overeating is a disease of BEHAVIOR, not one of 'gluttony'.  Sure, we behave ourselves in a gluttonous fashion, but it's because our behaviors are so erratic and our thinking is so confused!

Let go & let God is the best thing we can possibly do. We can stop micro managing the small details of life and allow God to guide us through our lives. We don't have to figure out the purpose of everything that happens, we just have to ACCEPT what comes our way as part of the master plan.

For today, I will let things happen.  I will allow myself to grow and to blossom into what God intends for me to be.

Food for Thought: April 15th

A Daily Reprieve

Through the grace of our Higher Power and by means of the OA program, we compulsive overeaters are given a daily reprieve from our disease. This reprieve, however, is dependent on our spiritual condition. If we do not stay in touch with our Higher Power and if we do not practice the OA principles each day, we lose the reprieve and fall into compulsive overeating.

Our program comes first; other concerns are secondary. OA is not something which we can tack on to our schedule when it is convenient. To be effective, it requires top priority. This does not mean that we spend all of our time involved in OA activities. It does mean that all of our activities are guided by spiritual principles.

Impossible? Only if we refuse to turn our lives over to our Higher Power. When He is in control, our work, recreation, and rest all come under His direction. We are spiritually in tune each day and safe from our disease.

Thank You for saving me from my disease today.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Abstinence MUST come first in my life; everything else that's good trickles down from THERE.  Going to any length to preserve my program means just that: I will go to ANY length to keep abstinence on the top of my priority list. Whether I 'feel like it' or not, I DO it.  Whether it's convenient or not, I DO it. If I have to go out of my way to stay abstinent, I DO it. If that means avoiding a pot luck luncheon or a dinner out, I DO it. 

Whatever it TAKES is what's required.

Abstinence from compulsive overeating comes FIRST.

When I stay spiritually connected is when I thrive.  When I put my spiritual principles FIRST in my life, then the eating naturally falls into place.

I can be saved from my disease today by following 12 small steps.

Impossible, you say? Only if I refuse to turn my life *and my will* over to God.  When He is in control, my work, recreation and everything else come under His direction.  I am spiritually in tune today & safe from my disease.

For today, I put my life in His hands and enjoy freedom.

The Language of Letting Go: April 14th

Perfectionism

Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues.

Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth.

People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior.

We can let go of both ideas.

We do not need to go to the other extreme; tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they're doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we'll discover the beauty in ourselves.

Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Perfection: What a Crock (Blog Published Wednesday, March 23, 2011 12:47 PM)

The maxim, “Nothing but Perfection” may be spelled Paralysis.

Winston Churchill

If I have to do everything Perfectly, why bother even trying? I can’t be perfect, no matter how much I’d like to be or how hard I try. 

If I strive for utter perfection in my life, I wind up paralyzing myself.

What I do strive for is doing the best I possibly can.

Nowadays in Maintenance, I am not perfect either. What I am, though, is Committed to my food plan & the lifestyle change I undertook back on June 11th of 2008.  On that day nearly 5 years ago, I decided I was going to change my life because I was sick & tired of being fat & medicated because of my own bad eating habits.

I decided I was tired of being a glutton.

 

By no means am I perfect but I am Committed. There is a big difference between those two words, isn’t there?

If I have a bad moment with my food intake, that’s what it is: a moment. I get right back to my routine & my food plan if I veer off track momentarily.

The routine is my new lifestyle: eating 6 small, healthy meals a day & working out for 25 minutes after dinner every night. And climbing 4 flights of stairs at work 3 times a day. Whether I feel like it or not. And many, many times I do not feel like it, let me tell you. What I do feel like is staying thin & healthy, more than I don’t feel like exercising or eating right.

But motivation & ‘feeling like it’ has nothing to do with Commitment. And Commitment has nothing to do with perfection.

Once I ditched my ideals of attaining perfection, only then was I able to accept the fact that weight management is an ongoing process. Many of us call it a journey.  Whatever it is, I can tell you what it isn’t: a struggle for perfection.

If a person strives for Perfection, he’s probably weighed down with the All-Or-Nothing mentality, too. You know…..the “If I Eat One Cookie That Means I Have To Eat The Whole Box Of Cookies” way of thinking? Because hey, if I eat that cookie, I may as well eat the whole box because I’ve already ruined the whole day & now I have to wait until tomorrow to start the damn diet again. The “Day One Again” mentality, which I personally detest. Every day of my life is Day One.  Every day is a new Day One to do the best I can at whatever I attempt. Every day is a new Day One for all of us, unless we don’t wake up that day. And, if we don’t wake up, we will no longer care about earthly matters anyway.

One day at a time, we can do anything. One day at a time, we can ditch the struggle for Perfection & accept the terms of reality. Reality is, we’re prone to being fat; we tend to eat too much; we tend to rather sit on the couch & watch TV than work out; and we’d rather eat what we want when we want to and still be thin & healthy.

When we ditch the fantasy & the struggle for perfection & accept Reality is when we get our heads into the game.

And this is one game that lasts for Life. If you made a mistake this morning, make a healthy choice now. If you ate a cookie, leave it at one cookie & don’t turn it into a Box. If you want to lose weight & get healthy, Make. It. Happen.

I believe you can.

Do you?

The Language of Letting Go: April 13th

Enjoyment

One of the prohibitions many of us learned in childhood is the unspoken rule — don't have fun and enjoy life. This rule creates martyrs — people who will not let themselves embrace the pleasures of day-to-day living.

Many of us associated suffering with some sort of sainthood. . Now, we associate it with codependency. We can go through the day making ourselves feel anxious, guilty, miserable, and deprived. Or we can allow ourselves to go through that same day feeling good. In recovery, we eventually learn the choice is ours.

There is much to be enjoyed each day, and it is okay to feel good. We can let ourselves enjoy our tasks. We can learn to relax without guilt. We can even learn to have fun.

Work at learning to have fun. Apply yourself with dedication to learning enjoyment. Work as hard at learning to have fun as you did at feeling miserable.

Our work will pay off. Fun will become fun. Life will become worth living. And each day, well find many pleasures to be enjoyed.

Today, I will let myself enjoy life as I go through my day.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Peacefully confident

Whatever may come, you can handle. However this day may play out, you can bring new goodness and value to life.

Set your goals, make your plans, and commit to your intentions. Then allow them all to unfold as they will.

Many times the best, most effective way is not the way you originally envisioned. Be willing to learn, to adapt and to celebrate the many ways in which life can go your way.

Remain committed to your intentions, and what seem to be setbacks are not really setbacks at all. When you are driven by authentic purpose, whatever may happen will surely and eventually lead to the fulfillment of that purpose.

Live each moment with the confidence of knowing that you are heading in the direction you've chosen. Rise above the minor ups and downs, focused always on the positive purpose that pushes you ever forward.

Today is another rich and fulfilling part of the journey. Embrace all that this day brings, and grow more peacefully confident with every moment.

Ralph Marston

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I was married for 22 years to a man who did not allow 'fun'.......it was against his religion, I think, the religion of self-centered EGO!  When we'd go out, people would literally say to me, "Gee, he doesn't allow you to have FUN, does he?"  The last 5 years of the marriage, I didn't GO OUT with him anymore, it was more trouble than it was worth.

If I have to live a life in fear of what bad things may come my way, well, that's not LIVING at all. My mother lives in constant, chronic fear, and it prevents her from being happy, EVER, under any circumstances. It's pitiful, really.  She lives in the future, when bad things will happen, even though they never DO happen, she insists they WILL.  Paralyzing fear of the future prevents her from living in the NOW and enjoying IT.

For today, I will smile. I will be happy. I will enjoy Life, because I will ALLOW myself to.  Yesterday is gone & tomorrow isn't here yet.  Saturday, April 13th is all I have.  I intend to make the most of it!

Till we meet again, Namaste. 

Recovery Meditations: April 12th

~ Recovery ~

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Fannie Lou Hamer


I used to get so disgusted with myself. I was sick and tired of trying to lose weight because I always failed. I had lost weight several times but I would still feel ugly, fat and unacceptable to everybody else. The sickness and tiredness remained because I had not changed anything inside my head, just my body size! My past was still there and it continued to haunt me, and I was filled with the guilt and shame of the past.

A friend told me about this great program where I could discover what was really making me sick and how I could recover. She said, "You will have someone with you to help continually 24 hours a day, seven days a week."

"How can this be?" I asked.

She said, "Well, this wonderful program helps you recover by teaching you what really has been bothering you. Maybe it's things you are sorry you did or didn't do in the past, people you've hurt or who have hurt you."

"Do I need to leave home or pay a lot of money?" I asked.

She said, "No. You work it at home, at work and everywhere you go. The cost is nothing, except a desire to stop eating compulsively. Your continual help is your Higher Power and he never goes to sleep, he listens and helps you when you ask for his help."

"Wow, you mean I don't have to be sick and tired any more?"

"That's right and all it takes is Twelve small but important Steps, a lot of love, hugs, acceptance, trust and sincere honesty. It's easy and works as long as you work it."

One Day at a Time . . .
I don't need to be sick and tired of myself any more. I have a wonderful program with a lot of tools, friends and my Higher Power to help me. I can achieve recovery one day at a time ... it's a matter of progress, not perfection.

~ Jeanette ~

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 Food for Thought

Compulsive Means My Will

When I am compulsive about something, I "have to" have it or see that it is done. I am insisting on my will, my way. I forget that the world does not revolve around me.

Going against the laws of the universe inevitably brings trouble. I cannot willfully consume everything my uncontrolled appetite demands without hurting myself and others. I cannot arrange other people's lives to suit my time schedule. I cannot adjust the world to me; I can adjust myself to what is, to reality.

Giving up my selfish, egocentric desires is probably the most difficult task I have. "He who masters himself is greater than he who conquers a city." I cannot do it alone. Through the fellowship of OA, with the help of the program, and by the grace of my Higher Power, I seek to turn from my will to His will.

Thy will be done. 

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 The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Fear

Picture yourself swimming floating - peacefully down a gentle stream. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow.

Suddenly, you become conscious of your situation. Frightened, overwhelmed with "what if's?" your body tenses. You begin to thrash around, frantically looking for something to grab on to.

You panic so hard you start to go under. Then you remember - you're working too hard at this. You don't need to panic. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow. You won't drown.

Panic is our great enemy.

We don't need to become desperate. If overwhelming problems appear in our life, we need to stop struggling. We can tread water for a bit, until our equilibrium returns. Then we can go back to floating peacefully down the gentle stream. It is our stream. It is a safe stream. Our course has been charted. All is well.

Today, I will relax, breathe, and go with the flow.

******************************************|I'm posting 3 readings today, because they ALL hit home in a BIG way, discussing the characteristics of compulsive overeating. 

In the Recovery Meditations, if you're tired of starting over then stop giving up! In the end, it's easier to stick to a food plan which keeps the mind chatter AWAY, then it is to battle our appetites!  There's no such thing as 'enough' so why not stick to a measured, pre-selected food program instead of succumbing to the insanity????

Along the way, we work the Steps to figure out the 'whys' of it all. Otherwise, we reach goal and we STILL hate ourselves.  If we insist the journey is all about our bodies, we're sadly mistaken. That's why we're still miserable when we DO reach goal: because our bodies are still imperfect; and we haven't learned to love OURSELVES, on the inside..........so the outside change is not enough. Only when we accept ourselves can we keep the weight off permanently. 

In the Food for Thought reading, we see what the definition of 'compulsive' really is! "My way or the highway"...................being in charge of the world and everyone in it...............'having to' have something NOW, this minute, period.  Selfish, egocentric behavior is at the root of this disease! Insisting things have GOT TO GO MY WAY means that I am refusing to grow up and accept life on LIFE'S terms.  My selfish will interrupts the joy I COULD be feeling by telling me nothing is quite right; things could be better.........and chains me down in every way.  For today, let go and let God.  

In The Language of Letting Go, we see that panic causes us to overreact.........to reach for comfort in all the wrong places. We feel like we're going under and realize we're fighting too hard.........we are exerting OUR will instead of allowing God to take over and guide us.

Panic is our great enemy. We feel desperate and insist SOMETHING has to be done! NOW! It is my job to go with the flow. To let nothing and nobody disturb MY inner peace! I am calm at my core, and unfazed by everything whirling around me. I try to remain neutral, instead of reactive............I don't judge or jump to conclusions. I realize that I cannot control YOUR actions, but that I CAN control MY reactions!

For today, I will live my program. I will walk the walk and work the Steps. I know the program promises are 100% accurate & I will not fight the truth. 

Food for Thought: April 11th

Deliverance

OA is here to say that compulsive overeaters have been delivered from compulsive overeating! We have found a way of eating that delivers us from fat and, even more important, we have found a way of living that delivers us from fear.

The price is high. We find that in order for the program to work, we need to give ourselves completely to it. We have proven over and over that half measures do not succeed. Unless we keep our will and our lives entirely in the hands of our Higher Power, we will fall back into the trap of compulsive overeating and compulsiveness in other areas.

Every day when we wake up, we give thanks for another day of abstinence, and we put ourselves under God's care and direction. We ask that we be guided in all our activities and that we may follow His will for us in all that we do. Then, whatever happens during the day, we accept it as part of God's plan, and we play our part as He directs us. The outcome and results belong to Him. We are delivered from self-centeredness and freed from compulsion.

We celebrate our deliverance.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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 An element of recovery is learning that we deserve success, the good things that come to us, and also that pain is a reality. We have the strength to deal with that pain without medicating, and it will pass.
—Dudley Martineau

Many of us didn't understand the changing variables in being human. Our coping skills were at a minimum until we discovered what alcohol or pills, even food, could do for us. And then, a drink or two - or six, maybe - got us through many a lonely evening.

The desire for an easy solution might still haunt us, but time, new experiences, and program friends have taught us that our past habits weren't really easy solutions. In reality, they increased our problems and led us nowhere.

The Steps and the principles of the program, if applied, guarantee success, living success. We come to believe that strength enough to handle any situation is ours for the asking. And experience with these principles shows us that when we live the way our conscience dictates, the rewards are many.

Every day, especially this one facing us, our choices and decisions will be many. But there is only one solution to any problem, and that's the one our higher power guides us to. The answer, the choice, always lies within, and the good life will accompany our thoughtful, reverent choices.

The power of the program is mine for the taking. All of today's problems can be eased, if I choose so.

Food for Thought: April 10th

Increasing Joy

Before we found OA, many of us felt depressed much of the time. The combination of too much food and too little inspiration was lethal. We existed and we did what we had to do, but there was a lack of deep joy in our lives.

When we get the poisons out of our systems, which have been deposited by refined starches and sugars and by overeating in general, we feel one hundred percent better. As we get rid of the poisons in our minds and hearts, our joy increases.

Gradually we are relieved of the guilt of overeating. We are also relieved of envy, anger, and fear - all of the negative emotions, which have poisoned our hearts.

Deep joy can only come from the deepest part of ourselves. That is the place where we find and come to know our Higher Power.

Thank You, God, for increasing joy.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Overeating doesn't just poison my body, it poisons my mind as well. Toxic thinking is just as harmful to me as toxic eating! When I am overeating, I am fearful and guilty and miserable in general.  When I am abstinent, I am grateful and peaceful and joyful.

I will not allow myself to feel joy when I am practicing addictive behavior. I shut down and tune out.  When I live with Recovery, I reach out and I come alive instead.

For today, I pray to stay abstinent, joyous and free.  I pray that in doing so, I can be relieved of envy, anger and fear, all of the negative emotions, which threaten to poison my heart.

Today's Thought: April 9th

Talk doesn't cook rice.
--Chinese proverb

Some of us are crazy about self-help books, inspirational tapes, and personal improvement seminars. We'll buy or sign up for anything, whatever the price, if it promises revolutionary insights or a foolproof new system. We want relief in a day and deliverance in a weekend. And we want the expert of the hour to do it for us.

There's nothing wrong with wishing, of course. But there's a lot wrong with kidding ourselves as a way of life. Think about it: If progress could be bought, we wouldn't need to be meditating. If personal transformation resulted from collecting new ideas, we'd have been transformed long ago. Exploring is great. And looking for all the inspiration and wisdom we can find is necessary for growth. But changing is doing. All the plans and schemes for improvement put together won't change a thing if we don't put the principles into daily practice. Even catchy words are just words.

Today, I will take the best plan I have and put it into action. Today, I will say less and do more.

You are reading from the book:


Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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I have a friend who I speak to constantly...........she's been 'trying' to recover from compulsive overeating for years. She refuses to do the work, however, and looks for a magic wand to 'fix' her issues.  She would like to accomplish many things, and winds up accomplishing nothing because she refuses to stop THINKING and start DOING.  She waits for 'motivation' .......... which, for most of us, turns into a very long wait!

Good actions create good thoughts, not the other way around.  DO it and then the good thoughts come!

She lets the laundry pile up. She refuses to clean the house. She won't do the footwork required to get her home business working properly. She won't stick her food plan for abstinence, and is constantly making excuses to binge.

She tells me these things and says What's Wrong With Me? When I tell her to stop kidding herself as a way of life and pull a Nike: Just. Do. It., she gets angry, shuts down, and stops speaking to me!

She doesn't need 'tough love', she tells me.  Oh really? What IS needed her, I wonder?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again, expecting different results.

Today is the day to STOP wishing and to start DOING! To make a life for ourselves that we WANT and that we DESERVE. 

Today is the day to stop collecting new ideas and to begin transforming.

Changing comes from doing. All the plans and schemes for improvement put together won't change a thing if we don't put the principles into daily practice. 

Today, lets take the best plan we have and put it into ACTION. For today, let's say less and do more!

 You can do anything

Somewhere deep inside, you know you can do anything. But it's frightening, uncomfortable and inconvenient to think about, so you choose to pretend it's not true.

It is very easy and comforting to make excuses. So all too often, that's all that ever happens.

But what if you decided to stop arguing in favor of your limitations? What if you made the choice to allow your life to fulfill your greatest possibilities?

When you stop complaining that you can't, is when you can. When you stop defending your lack of progress, you can begin to make incredible progress.

Yes, life is tough and filled with all sorts of big, imposing challenges. And it is precisely by choosing to work through those challenges that you can do anything, anything you truly desire.

Sure, absolutely, it's much easier said than done. Yet this is your life, and you deserve all the richness that comes when you allow yourself to live it fully.

Ralph Marston - The Daily Motivator

The Language of Letting Go: April 8th

Self Care

I don't precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out.
  —Beyond Codependency

Rest when you're tired.

Take a drink of cold water when you're thirsty.

Call a friend when you're lonely.

Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.

Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves. Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that were already pushed too hard.

Many of us are afraid the work won't get done if we rest when were tired. The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit. Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe.

They are well timed, efficient, and Divinely led.

Today, I will practice loving self-care. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Since I've always 'nourished' myself by overeating, I felt untrustworthy..........that I should figure out how TO deprive myself, since I obviously was a failure at life because of a huge appetite.  Twisted thinking at its finest..........compulsive overeating madness indeed!

I can nourish myself in many ways besides with food. When I use food properly, as fuel for my body, then I am able to think a lot more clearly. As a result, I can take better care of mySELF and stop abusing my body.  A food plan of abstinence is the first step to restoring sanity to my MIND.  When my mind is working properly, then the fear subsides and I can trust myself once again.

Nowadays, I rest when I am tired. I don't push myself to exercise if I'm not feeling well, but choose to sleep instead, without feeling guilty.

Today, I can call a friend if I'm lonely; I can ask God to help me when I feel overwhelmed, by immersing myself in prayer instead of food.

For today, I will not deprive or neglect myself. I will not push myself too hard.......but I will function beautifully within the parameters of my Food Plan.

Today, I will practice loving self-care. God knows I've already practiced enough self-abuse! I deserve better than that, don't you?

Food for Thought: April 7th

Appetite

Appetite grows as it is fed. The more we eat, the more we want to eat. If we let any physical appetite take over - whether it is for food, sex, security, or whatever - we become its slave.

If we do not nurture our relationship with our Higher Power so that God is the ultimate authority for everything that we do and the object of our greatest desire, then we will be enslaved by one or more of our physical appetites. When God is perceived to be the greatest good and the source of all joy and satisfaction, then physical appetites fall into their proper place.

First we seek spiritual growth. Our primary desire is to do God's will for us, as He enables us to do it. When He is our Master, His love feeds our spiritual appetite and we begin to know the inner peace and satisfaction, which the world cannot give.

May my desire be always for You. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation

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Appetite grows as it is fed.........the more I eat, the more I want to eat. How true!!! I have been a slave to my addictive 'appetites' for most of my life.  No matter how much I eat or drink, it is NEVER enough ANYWAY, so there is really no purpose in getting started with excess.  My addictions stay away until & unless I feed them.

I make a daily vow of abstinence to God. For today, I will not indulge in my addictions and I will steer clear of them entirely.  I only have to concern myself with today; the next 24 hours, since tomorrow isn't here yet and therefore, isn't real. For 24 hours, I can do anything!

I will continue to develop my spirituality by reading. Right now I am reading You Are The Answer: Discovering & Fulfilling Your Soul's Purpose, by Michael Tamura.  

World-renowned spiritual teacher, healer, and clairvoyant, Michael J. Tamura shares his wisdom in this inspirational guide to true spiritual empowerment.

Hailed as a "beautiful manual for living" by Echo Bodine, You Are the Answer brings us profound spiritual lessons, highlighted by the author's powerful true stories. Discover how to use your intuition, make room for spirit in your life, and respond--instead of react--to everyday experiences. As you build a temple of the soul, you'll learn to recognize truth, create miracles in your own life, and find your purpose for living!

This insightful and moving guide also features a "spiritual toolkit" of daily practices and exercises to help you on your extraordinary journey in consciousness exploration, healing, and spiritual development.

"Reading this book is such an experience and, once you read it, you will want to read it again. Don't miss this opportunity."
--James Van Praagh, author of the New York Times bestselling book Talking to Heaven

For today, I will focus on God for fulfillment instead of food. 

Food for Thought: April 6th

Giving Up Delusions

As we work the steps of the OA program, our new actions produce new thoughts. When we are ready, our Higher Power reveals new truths and gives us new insights.

Gradually, we give up old, deluded ways of thinking. We realize that we had put self at the center of the universe, and we see this to be a delusion. We may have secretly considered ourselves better than those around us. Once we honestly take inventory and face up to our defects, we can no longer believe this. Another common delusion is that material goals will bring us ultimate satisfaction. When we admit the pain we have caused ourselves and others by our insatiable cravings and demands for material things, we see that they are not the answer.

Most of us have harbored the delusion that one day we will be completely rid of the temptation to overeat, and that we will then be able to relax our efforts. It is our experience that continued effort is required to maintain abstinence and that only through daily dedication to the life of the spirit are we able to receive sanity, strength, and satisfaction from our Higher Power.

Take away my delusions, Lord, and show me Your truth.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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It can get exhausting to think about food and abstinence & this whole compulsive overeating mess I find myself in. I don't delude myself that one day I will be completely and magically rid of the temptation to overeat, and that I can relax my efforts..........but boy howdy, I DO entertain that idea once in a while! There is no satisfaction in material things, including food, yet I sometimes delude myself that there IS.  Only by staying spiritually connected to God on a daily basis am I able to keep my life in proper perspective.

I do believe that I've put myself at the center of the universe for a long time, considering myself better than some others. Which is peculiar, since I've suffered from low self esteem for a lot of my life. But EGO has little to do with self-esteem..........and it's been my EGO telling me to hold myself up in comparison to others. Only by learning humility have I been able to put my ego aside and accept the fact that all human beings are created equal. I am no better or worse than anyone else.

For today, I will continue to learn to love mySELF without making comparisons to others. I will stop putting myself at the center of the universe and I will stop looking for 'stuff' to satisfy me. 

For today, I will seek my truth from God.

Food for Thought

Fears

Do you eat when you are afraid? Many of us do. When we were babies, being fed brought the safety of our mother's arms. As adults, we subconsciously give food a sort of magic ability to ward off real or imagined danger.

There are times when food may serve as a temporary tranquilizer, but overeating prevents us from facing what we fear and learning how to deal with it. Eating compulsively, moreover, usually produces a feeling of guilt and a fear of "getting caught." The fear that we will not be able to stop eating is added to the fear that prompted us to reach for food, and the more we eat, the greater our fears.

Many of our fears are groundless and irrational. Through contact with our Higher Power, we are given the sanity, which causes them to disappear. Those fears that remain are often the result of the self-centeredness, which prevents us from turning our lives completely over to God. When we give Him absolute control, we have nothing to fear.

May I love You enough to let go of my fears.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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What a vicious cycle: I eat because of fear, and that creates MORE fear! Food does not mean safety or security. Food is fuel to keep my body alive, when used properly. When I am eating compulsively, there is no such thing as 'enough' because I am eating to fill a void............and food cannot FILL a void!

 

A Binge Too Far (A Blog)

 

 Have you reached a point in your program where you’re ready to give UP? To quit entirely, because you can’t seem to get back on track? 

We see an awful lot of people re-committing to abstinence after having regained all the weight they’ve lost on the first go-around.  I know that feeling myself, since I spent 4 decades losing and regaining weight, yo yo dieting like a madwoman. 

Why do we DO this? Why do we work SO hard to lose a lot of weight and then wind up regaining it after we give up?

Usually, it’s because we’ve taken a few too many off plan bites. Which led to binges. Which led to one binge too MANY.  There seems to be an invisible line we cross at some point…………..where we lose the battle with self-control………….and we give UP. 

 A binge too far.

Do you know what I’m talking about? 

We stay abstinent for a long period of time; the cravings subside and we’re feeling peaceful about food.  Then we fall off plan for whatever reason.  Suddenly our taste buds are all revved up and the cravings come back with a vengeance.  The food obsession kicks in, yet again, and we’re not quite sure WHAT to do to get back on track.

We’re back in the clutches of food addiction rather quickly, and we’re struggling mightily.

We don’t want to give up, but the food is very alluring.  It’s beckoning us constantly, it’s calling our name wherever we go. It’s everywhere and we’re finding it impossible to resist.

Unfortunately, this is the nature of food addiction in general.   And, we’ve given in so many times already, why not give in again? Just for one more day………..one more time…………..one more binge.

Will this be the binge you can’t recover from? Will this be the invisible line you cross over? I don’t know…………and neither do YOU.

Right now you’re faced with a big question: Do you give in AGAIN? Do you quit  and regain all the weight you’ve worked so hard to lose?

Or, do you recommit yourself NOW, before you get even further into the muck?

There is no ‘easy’ way. There is either adherence to the Food Plan or there is chaos.

Today, choose peace.  Today, say NO to the chaos.  Today, take YOUR program BACK before it’s too late.  Don’t find yourself back to your starting weight and needing to recommit to abstinence again.  Do it NOW. Because you know you WILL be back if you regain this weight.  And while it may seem like all this delicious food is ‘worth it’, it ISN’T. And you KNOW that.

Don’t fall for the lies the food is promising you. That you’ll feel better after you eat it. You won’t. You will feel worse……….you will feel like a failure.

Come back NOW. Don’t question WHAT to do……………recommit ……don’t tweak your food plan, don’t question it………just come back TO it, today. NOW. In the end, it’s easier than going back to the hopelessness of obesity, isn’t it?

You CAN do this, one day at a time!
Hugs
Chris

Published Wednesday, January 23, 2013 06:45 PM

Recovery Meditations: April 4th

~ Commitment ~

Shallow men believe in luck ~
Strong men believe in cause and effect.

Ralph Waldo Emerson


Abstinence did not happen for me until I made a commitment to it. I realized that I would have abstinence until something was a bit too uncomfortable for me to face or feel. Then I would have a slip. So it became a game for me. Was this event or circumstance enough to justify another slip? Sure, why not? That's the nature of the disease. Everything and anything was an excuse to eat.

It wasn't until I made a commitment to abstinence that I was forced to find my solutions in the Twelve Steps and really let go of my addiction. I'm grateful to my Higher Power that I hit the bottom I did. By accepting the truth about myself and my food addiction, I am now free to live in the solution.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will renew my commitment by receiving the gift of abstinence and practicing my program to the best of my ability.

~ Christine S. ~

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I love this reading! The only 'slip' I have is the one I wear under a dress. If I break my abstinence, that's what I do: I give UP my program willingly, knowing I may not be able to get it BACK.......for a piece of FOOD. It's not a 'slip' at all, but a conscious decision to make a big, big mistake.

Abstinence has nothing to do with 'luck'............it has everything to do with commitment and planning.  If I break abstinence every time a problem crops up that I don't want to deal with, then I have NO form of abstinence at ALL! What I have is a bunch of excuses and B.S.

I either lie to myself or keep it real and honest. Abstinence does not just 'happen'........it takes a lot of hard work and commitment, and refusal to eat trigger foods and refusal to take that FIRST compulsive bite of ANYTHING!

For today, I commit to abstinence and finding my solutions in the 12 Steps rather than in a plate of SLUDGE. 

For today, I am willing to let go of my addiction.

The Language of Letting Go: April 3rd

Acceptance

Surrender to the moment. Ride it out and through, for all it's worth. Throw yourself into it.

Stop resisting.

So much of our anguish is created when we are in resistance. So much relief, release, and change are possible when we accept, simply accept.

We waste our time, expend our energy, and make things harder by resisting, repressing, and denying. Repressing our thoughts will not make them disappear. Repressing a thought already formed will not make us a better person. Think it. Let it come into reality. Then release it. A thought is not forever. If we don't like it, we can think another one or change it. But to do that, we must accept and release the first thought.

Resistance and repression will not change a thing. They will put us at war with our thoughts.

We make life harder by resisting and repressing our feelings. No matter how dark, how uncomfortable, how unjustified, how surprising, how inappropriate we might deem our feelings, resisting and repressing them will not free us from them. Doing that will make them worse. They will swirl inside us, torment us, make us sick, and make our body ache, compel us to do compulsive things, keep us awake, or put us to sleep.

In the final analysis, all that we're really called on to do is accept our feelings by feeling them, and saying, Yes, this is what I feel.

Feelings are for the present moment. The more quickly we can accept a feeling, the more quickly we will move on to the next.

Resisting or repressing thoughts and feelings does not change us or turn us into the person we want to be or think we should be. It puts us in resistance to reality. It makes us repressed. Eventually, it makes us depressed.

Resisting events or circumstances in our life does not change things, no matter how undesirable the events or circumstances may be.

Acceptance turns us into the person we are and want to be. Acceptance empowers the events and circumstances to turn around for the better.

What do we do if we're in resistance, in a tug of war with some reality in our life? Accepting our resistance can help us get through that too.

Acceptance does not mean we're giving our approval. It does not mean surrendering to the will and plans of another. It does not mean commitment. It is not forever. It is for the present moment. Acceptance does not make things harder; it makes things easier. Acceptance does not mean we accept abuse or mistreatment; it does not mean we forego boundaries, our hopes, dreams, desires, wants, or ourselves. It means we accept what is, so we know what to do to take care of ourselves and what boundaries we need to set. It means we accept what is and who we are at the moment, so we are free to change and grow.

Acceptance and surrender move us forward on this journey. Force does not work.

Acceptance and surrender - two concepts that hurt the most before we do them.

Today, I will practice accepting my present circumstances and myself. I will begin to watch and trust the magic that acceptance can bring into my life and recovery. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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My Name Is Chris & I'm A Food Addict  (Blog 4/2/13)

21 years ago I sat at my first AA meeting, thinking to myself, gee, I don’t belong here! I’m not as bad as these people. I am the wife of an important business executive……….I pray  there’s nobody I KNOW here………..or that knows ME! What if the wife of my husband’s tax partner is here? 

Well……..I guess if SHE’S here, then ME being here shouldn’t be all that big a deal, right? We’ll just look one another in the eye and shuffle our feet uncomfortably, as one would do in a crowded elevator…………..just look down or away……….smile politely and pray for that car to STOP and open the damn door already.

I didn’t know anybody at the meeting, nobody knew me, and there was no elevator. It was a shabby old house built in the 20’s, and the meeting was held in what was once the living room.

I did belong there, as it turned out, with about 20 other drunks, male & female, young & old, rich & poor, smart & simple.  Addiction knows no status, you see, it offers  equal opportunity to all.  It was just my Ego telling me I didn’t belong…….that I wasn’t ‘as bad’ as the others. Humility is what I learned in those rooms, all those years ago, and how necessary it is for recovery. Because hey, if my Ego gets in the way, it might start saying You’ve GOT This! Just Have One Drink, You’ll Be Fine. And then I wouldn’t be fine at all. I’d be off the wagon and back on my knees, enslaved once again to something that was bigger than me: addiction.

Some people on this website, and in the rest of life, dislike the word ‘surrender’ because to them it means ‘giving up’. Waving the white flag, historically, meaning one side concedes and admits defeat.  Yes, that IS what surrender means in all walks of life.  I give UP my control over booze and I admit defeat………yep, it’s stronger than I am, and I am weaker than IT.  Again……….the word humility pops up.  My ego tells me NOTHING and NOBODY is stronger than ME! Humility tells me otherwise. It speaks the truth by letting me know that I am powerless over certain things and that hey, it’s OKAY to admit that. Admitting this powerlessness is the first step to healing.

When I first got sober 21 years ago, I was still smoking cigarettes and overeating. I tackled the drinking, and once I got a handle on IT, I tackled the eating (for the umpteenth time) and then the smoking.  About 18 years ago, I had a handle on ALL of my addictive behaviors: overeating, smoking and drinking; what I refer to as the Unholy Trinity.  At that time, I was inspired to put together a sobriety reminder: a clear plastic zippered bag containing 1 cigarette, 1 candy bar, and one vodka shooter. Oddly enough, Bloody Mary’s were my drink of choice back then, so a vodka shooter was right at home with a Kit Kat and a Marlboro Lite. A piece of paper with The Serenity Prayer typed on it was also placed into that bag. When the urge to drink, eat sugar, or smoke cigarettes came on me, I’d visit that little bag in my dresser to remind me of just HOW hard it had been to get those 3 bad-boys corralled up and put to rest. I took that bag, and my Recovery, very very seriously back then.

I lost my sobriety again in 2000, when I found my birth-family and a nervous breakdown was threatening me mightily. By then, I’d started smoking again and eating sugar, too, but the final ‘failure’ was falling off the wagon. The smoking and sugar addiction I could sort of deal with, the drinking relapse was another matter. I’d let myself down BIG time, back then, and I was not in a good place, emotionally or spiritually. I went back to ALL of my drugs of choice and the little clear plastic zippered bag was disseminated one night when I really, really needed to smoke a stale cigarette that had been sitting around for years.  The candy bar had been devoured long before, in a weak moment, when I just ‘didn’t care’ about my weight or anything else for that matter.

It took me EIGHT more years to find sobriety and abstinence from sugar once again.  In June of 2008 is when I took on the 5/1, quit drinking cold turkey, and quit eating sugar in the same manner.  I was still smoking, though, up until December 4^th of this year, when I quit, for GOOD, one day at a time (of course).  After quitting that nasty little habit, I re-awakened the sugar addiction & gained 14 lbs, as I blogged about recently.  Keeping all THREE under lock and key seems to be something I struggle with, historically.

Not long ago I went to Walgreens and bought a clear plastic zippered bag. I sat at my desk and typed The Serenity Prayer in size 16 font, printed it out, and cut it down to size to fit into the clear plastic zippered bag.

I’m getting all THREE addictions BACK into remission and I’m KEEPING them there nowadays. When I get tempted to eat sugar, smoke or drink, I can bring out my clear plastic zippered bag to remind me of why I DON’T want to succumb this time.  

Because, if I succumb again THIS TIME, it may take me ANOTHER EIGHTEEN YEARS to get these dreadful, hideous, miserably hateful addictions BACK INTO REMISSION and boy howdy folks, I will be 73 years old by then.  And I can tell you this for certain: I DO NOT have another ‘sobering up’ left in me. This old gal is DONE playing THIS game for GOOD.

I will live out my remaining years WITHOUT smoking, drinking or eating sugar. I will do it one day at a time by surrendering, YES SURRENDERING, my powerlessness over these three foul substances.  I will treat the Unholy Trinity with utmost respect and deathly seriousness.  I will never again utter the words, “What’s The Big Deal?” or “WHAT do you MEAN ‘trigger foods’?”  I will never again scoff at someone who says No Thank You to a luscious looking dessert or goes running away from a smoker, treating him as if he has leprosy.  I will never again delude myself that I can ‘handle’ A Drink, A Cigarette, or A Candy Bar.

I know better. Been there, done that, not going back to The Pit again (thank you Lifeisgood Cathi, my dear friend) Because the pit is dark and black……..it’s bottomless and it has no heart or soul. It just wants to swallow a person WHOLE and suck him down into its belly, never to be seen or heard from again.  And I’m not goin’ there, not this time.

So, if there is anyone out there that snickers at food addiction, insisting it’s not ‘real’ or ‘valid’, or certainly NOT such a bad thing like drugs or drinking or smoking, THINK AGAIN! I am here to tell you you’re right: It ISN’T as bad as drugs or drinking or smoking!

It’s far, far WORSE.

Not that the drinking & smoking albatrosses are ‘good’……they’re not…….but once they’re locked up, they’re out of sight AND out of mind.  Sugar is NEVER out of sight, and only occasionally out of mind, since our society deems it necessary to force it UPON us at every turn.  We can never be ‘rid’ of it entirely, at least whilst out of our own homes, but we CAN be done with it permanently nevertheless. That’s where I’m at right now; done bargaining with a substance that, to me, is poison. 

So, for today, I am grateful for abstinence from sugar, cigarettes & alcohol. I like to wake up every morning feeling GOOD about myself instead of miserable & hopeless. And if I suddenly feel the need to get into one of those addictive behaviors again, I’m going to visit my clear zippered bag to remember why I CANNOT.