The Language of Letting Go: December 9th

Asking for Help

It's okay to ask for help.

One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.

We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.

Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.

It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.

There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.

It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.

"My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"

We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.

Today, I will ask for help if I need it - from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life - the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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I was taught to hint, whine, manipulate & coerce help out of people..........I watch my mother doing this EXACT thing every single day.  I was taught that to ask for help is a sign of weakness, and that loved ones should be able to read our minds & KNOW exactly what we need, and then provide it!!!

There is no shame in directly asking for help.  Asking for help makes me human, and allows me to be a part of humanity instead of separate FROM it!

When I ask for help, sometimes the answer is no.  Take my husband for instance. He'll ask me what I need; I tell him, and then he gets all aggravated about it & shuts me out.  Just because HE has poor communication skills does not mean that I will stop asking for help!  And when he acts like a big baby about it, I call him out on THAT, too!

For today, I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued.  I will make my request for help specific & to the point.  And, I will allow the outcome of my request to BE.