The Language of Letting Go: June 5th

Combating Shame

Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.
  —Beyond Codependency

Watch out for shame.

Many systems and people reek of shame. They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them. They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.

We don't have to fall into their shame. Instead, we'll take the good feelings - self-acceptance, love, and nurturing.

Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors. If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed. It's inevitable. We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed "original shame" upon us, may try to put shame on us. This can happen when we're all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life. Don't think . . . Don't feel . . . Don't grow or change . . .Don't be alive . . . Don't live life . . . Be ashamed!

Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world. If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, and then be done with it as quickly as possible. God, help me know that it's okay to love myself and help me to refuse to submit to shame. If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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 When I was compulsively overeating, I normally did so privately.  I would wait until nobody was around, and then sneak the food.  I started doing this as a child, when my mother hid the junk food, or counted the cookies, and I felt shame at my behavior.

To this day, when I'm home alone, my first thought is What Can I Eat?

Old habits die hard. And some habits feel so comforting, they are hard to get rid of because they feel so good while they're going on.  Stuffing myself with 'comfort' food is one of those habits.  But food has the shortest pleasure life of all the addictions.  As soon as I chew & swallow the food, the rush is finished & I have to take in more to keep feeling good.  And so, the compulsive overeating behavior is born.

And so is the dreadful shame.  Sneaking around, like a thief in the night, disposing of 'evidence', eating entire boxes or bags of junk food, looking for more, making runs to the gas station for a fix.........how can I NOT feel shame at such behavior?????

I was raised to feel ashamed of myself; to never feel 'good enough', to put on a mask for others' benefit, to pretend.

Today, I refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world.  I reserve feelings of shame for criminal activity, of which I do not practice.  When I'm occasionally hit with feelings of shame, I give it over to God rather than submit to the LIE that I am worthy of shame. 

For today, I will stick to my food plan & prevent myself from feeling shame at the hand of my appetite.