“I have defined love as the will to extend oneself
for the purpose of nurturing one’s own
and another’s spiritual growth.”
Scott Peck
From 'The Road Less Traveled'
In my disease I had this terrible need to control everything and everyone in my path. Like the actor in the AA Big Book, I was forever arranging things the way I thought they should be, only to find that when I was done, I had ripped through the area like a tornado on the plains.Often I would claim that my actions were done out of a spirit of love. When I didn’t get my way, I would announce to the world that I was not loved and would head for the solitude of my binge foods.Today as I work my program, I find that by taking the Third Step, I am truly extending myself for not only my own growth, but for those around me as well. When I decide to turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding, I don’t have to be the director of the world! As I once heard in a meeting, “The position of God is filled. They did not ask for resumes, they did not take applications, there was no ad in the classifieds. So what makes you think you can apply for the job?” By not extending myself into God’s role, I am extending love.One Day at a Time . . .
I pray that I may stay out of my Higher Power’s way, and by doing so, extend myself for spiritual growth.
~ Mark Y.
*****************************
Each Day A New Beginning
... satisfaction is a lowly thing, how pure a thing is joy.
—Marianne Moore
Our perfectionism generally dashes all hopes of self-satisfaction. But the program is here to show us that we can make progress. We can learn to believe that we are doing any task as well as we need to do it, at this time. Our job is the effort. The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves.
We'll find joy when we find acceptance of ourselves and our efforts and the belief that we are spiritual beings whose lives do have purpose and direction.
The wisdom that accompanies spiritual growth offers us security, that which we have sought along many avenues. And when we feel secure, we can trust that the challenges confronting us are purposeful and to our advantage.
One day at a time, one small prayer at a time, moves us even closer to spiritual security. We can look with glad anticipation at our many responsibilities and activities today. They are our opportunities for spiritual security. We can trust our growing inner resources by simply asking for guidance and waiting patiently. It will find us.
I must exercise my prayers if I want the spiritual security where I can find joy. I will ask for guidance with every activity today.
—Marianne Moore
Our perfectionism generally dashes all hopes of self-satisfaction. But the program is here to show us that we can make progress. We can learn to believe that we are doing any task as well as we need to do it, at this time. Our job is the effort. The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves.
We'll find joy when we find acceptance of ourselves and our efforts and the belief that we are spiritual beings whose lives do have purpose and direction.
The wisdom that accompanies spiritual growth offers us security, that which we have sought along many avenues. And when we feel secure, we can trust that the challenges confronting us are purposeful and to our advantage.
One day at a time, one small prayer at a time, moves us even closer to spiritual security. We can look with glad anticipation at our many responsibilities and activities today. They are our opportunities for spiritual security. We can trust our growing inner resources by simply asking for guidance and waiting patiently. It will find us.
I must exercise my prayers if I want the spiritual security where I can find joy. I will ask for guidance with every activity today.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Food For Thought
Friends and Enemies
Sometimes our friends or members of our family urge us to eat food that is not part of our plan. If we allow ourselves to be manipulated into eating something to please someone else, we are in danger of losing the most important thing in our life - abstinence. Anyone who tries to make us feel uncomfortable because of our illness is acting as an enemy, rather than a friend.
To some people close to us, an explanation of our food plan may be helpful. Repeated discussions, however, are usually unnecessary and unproductive. We alone are responsible for what we put into our mouths. If those around us cannot or will not understand, then that is their problem, not ours.
When confronted with food, which we know is harmful to us, the simplest response is a firm "No, thank you." When we ourselves are determined to maintain abstinence, no one else, whether friend or enemy, can prevent us from following our plan.
Protect me, Lord, from my friends and enemies.
Sometimes our friends or members of our family urge us to eat food that is not part of our plan. If we allow ourselves to be manipulated into eating something to please someone else, we are in danger of losing the most important thing in our life - abstinence. Anyone who tries to make us feel uncomfortable because of our illness is acting as an enemy, rather than a friend.
To some people close to us, an explanation of our food plan may be helpful. Repeated discussions, however, are usually unnecessary and unproductive. We alone are responsible for what we put into our mouths. If those around us cannot or will not understand, then that is their problem, not ours.
When confronted with food, which we know is harmful to us, the simplest response is a firm "No, thank you." When we ourselves are determined to maintain abstinence, no one else, whether friend or enemy, can prevent us from following our plan.
Protect me, Lord, from my friends and enemies.
From Food for
Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992
by Hazelden Foundation.
The Language of Letting Go
Word Power
I know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so.
—Anonymous
Some of us are so vulnerable to words.
A well timed "I love you." A chosen moment for "I'm sorry." An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.
There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naivete. They know what they're doing. They understand their impact on us!
We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.
Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn't match a person's words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person's behavior matches it.
We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.
We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us - even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.
Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.
I know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so.
—Anonymous
Some of us are so vulnerable to words.
A well timed "I love you." A chosen moment for "I'm sorry." An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.
There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naivete. They know what they're doing. They understand their impact on us!
We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.
Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn't match a person's words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person's behavior matches it.
We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.
We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us - even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.
Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.
From The
Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Today's Gift
Into each life some rain must fall. Some days must be dark and dreary.
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Coping with problems and weathering troubled times - is part of life. Those of us who have survived painful experiences have a duty to help younger ones prepare to face bad times by sharing the solutions we found.
When stormy weather comes, we need to feel we are like other people. It's not that misery loves company, but that we don't want to feel we're in this alone.
We will never have perfect living conditions. The only place where every day is a sunny one is in the desert. When pain comes, we can walk through our problems and settle things quickly, rather than prolonging the hurt by battling our way around the obstacles in an effort to avoid them.
What problem can I confront and eliminate today?
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Coping with problems and weathering troubled times - is part of life. Those of us who have survived painful experiences have a duty to help younger ones prepare to face bad times by sharing the solutions we found.
When stormy weather comes, we need to feel we are like other people. It's not that misery loves company, but that we don't want to feel we're in this alone.
We will never have perfect living conditions. The only place where every day is a sunny one is in the desert. When pain comes, we can walk through our problems and settle things quickly, rather than prolonging the hurt by battling our way around the obstacles in an effort to avoid them.
What problem can I confront and eliminate today?
From Today's
Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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