"“Health is the greatest gift,
contentment the greatest wealth,
faithfulness the best relationship.”
..... Buddah
I have a history of chaotic relationships filled with destructive drama and a lack of loyalty. For many years, however, I believed that I was in fact a very loyal friend – and that it was my friends who were disloyal to me.
I was an avid -- even rabid -- people-pleaser. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what people wanted and how I could best provide that for them. Because I thought I knew what was best for everybody, I failed to truly listen to the people in my life. Instead, I tried to impose my will upon them…then I wondered why they didn’t appreciate all of my efforts on “their” behalf. When they inevitably became frustrated with me, I was wounded by what I perceived to be their lack of loyalty to me.
Only recently in my recovery program have I come to learn that my efforts at people-pleasing were actually symptoms of my own disloyalty. I was failing to relate with people as they are – rather I was relating to them as I thought they “should be”. That is perhaps the most egregious form of disloyalty…insisting that others be loyal to my concept of them and myself.
Now I am taking steps to honestly listen to people and to relate with them as they are – and as I truly am. I am no longer hiding behind food. In order to be loyal in my relationships, I must be loyal to the ‘Truth of Reality.’ Only then can we share the joy of faithful relationships.
~ Lisa
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Each Day A New Beginning
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Many of us are presently rebuilding old relationships and searching for new ones, ones that we hope we can protect. We can't survive without relationships, some intimate, some close, some casual. And we discover ourselves through our relationships with others.
The purity of a relationship is directly proportional to the undivided attention we both give to those shared moments, hours, experiences, to being there with one another. This communion with another is the celebration of life and God that quickens hearts and ushers in serenity.
Each day I can look for those chances to give myself wholly. And gifts will abound.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Food For Thought
When we came into OA, we may have thought that we needed many material possessions, power, security, and great admiration from other people in order to be happy. We may have spent a tremendous amount of effort trying to acquire these things. Perhaps we were apparently successful, and yet were miserable because of our inability to control our eating. No amount of material possessions, fame, or prestige can alleviate the pain of compulsive overeating.
Abstinence is simple. It does not require great wealth, talent, or intellectual ability. It is immediately available to all of us. When we abstain, we know the simple joy of waking up in the morning feeling good. We can live without fear of our next eating binge. We find that we enjoy our three simple meals a day much more than our former overindulgences.
Through OA, we can accept ourselves and others for what we are. We do not have to impress each other. Friendship and sharing increase our joy.
Thank You for the simple joys of abstinence.
From Food for
Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992
by Hazelden Foundation.
The Language of Letting Go
Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out.
We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long.
As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults.
Now is the time to experiment. It is an important part of recovery. Let yourself try things. Let yourself try something new. Yes, you will make mistakes. But from those mistakes, you can learn what your values are.
Some things we just won't like. That's good. Then we'll know a little more about who we are and what we don't like.
Some things we will like, they will work with our values. They will work with who we are, and we will discover something important and life enriching.
There is a quiet time in recovery, a time to stand still and heal, a time to give ourselves a cooling off time. This is a time of introspection and healing. It is an important time. We deal with our issues.
There also comes a time when it is equally important to experiment, to begin to test the water.
Recovery does not equal abstention from life. Recovery means learning to live and learning to live fully. Recovery means exploration, investigation, and experimentation.
Recovery means being done with the rigid, shame-based rules from the past, and formulating healthy values based on self-love, love for others, and living in harmony with this world.
Experiment. Try something new. Maybe you won't like it. Maybe you'll make a mistake. But maybe you will like it, and maybe you'll discover something you love.
Today, I will give myself permission to experiment in life. I will stop rigidly holding myself back, and I will jump in when jumping in feels right. God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive.
From The
Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Avoiding blame
It is not uncommon to hear in group, "Why do these things always happen to me?" If "these things" are always happening to us, the obvious answer is that we somehow bring them on ourselves. We are largely unconscious of what we're doing wrong until, slowly, eventually; we manage to dig ourselves out from the results. (It seems incredible that we actually seek to be hurt, but in a way many of us do so, with regularity.)
But blaming others for our problems and indulging in self-pity don't move us along in our program.
Am I still blaming others?
Higher Power, help me take responsibility for myself and my actions, because blaming others will only keep me stuck.
Avoiding blame
It is not uncommon to hear in group, "Why do these things always happen to me?" If "these things" are always happening to us, the obvious answer is that we somehow bring them on ourselves. We are largely unconscious of what we're doing wrong until, slowly, eventually; we manage to dig ourselves out from the results. (It seems incredible that we actually seek to be hurt, but in a way many of us do so, with regularity.)
But blaming others for our problems and indulging in self-pity don't move us along in our program.
Am I still blaming others?
Higher Power, help me take responsibility for myself and my actions, because blaming others will only keep me stuck.
You are reading from the book:
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