Recovery Meditations:
April 17, 2015
~ FORGIVENESS ~
Forgiving is not
forgetting; it's letting go of the hurt.
Mary McCleod Bethune
When I first came into the program, I was so fired up with
anger and resentment that I had no space for any other emotions. After all, I
had the food which would anesthetize me against any emotions I didn't want to
feel. I was angry with God for all the trauma and losses that had happened to
me in my life. I blamed my mother for not being the kind of mother I wanted,
which was, of course, why I ate. But the person towards whom I felt the most
anger and resentment was my ex-husband, who never financially supported my
children, making my financial burden and my present husband's very heavy. What
made it worse was that he was good to the children and they thought he was
great because they would have fun with him on a weekend, while we had all the
financial responsibility and resulting worry.
But when I came to Step Eight, my sponsor gently reminded me
that I needed to forgive the people towards whom I felt the most anger, namely
my mother and my ex-husband. My mother had passed away and so I had to write a
long letter to her, forgiving her for not being the person I wanted her to be
and also making amends to her for my part in it all. I realize now that she did
the best she knew how, just as I have done with my children, and I have been
able to forgive her with love. When it came to forgiving my ex-husband, I knew
that I wasn't able forgive him in person, but I was able to write a letter to
him which I never sent. In it, I forgave him for being the irresponsible person
that he is. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. When my
younger daughter had her 21st birthday, I could be there for her and not spoil
it as I had done before, and in fact, I could be almost friendly to her father.
As a result, the relationship with all my children has improved a hundredfold,
but more importantly, I'm a much better person for it.
One day at a time...
I will forgive the
people who have harmed me, let them go with love, and entrust them to their
Higher Power.
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Each Day a New Beginning
I can stand what I know. It's what I don't know that frightens me.
—Frances Newton
Fear of the unknown, often referred to as free-floating anxiety, catches up to us on occasion. But it needn't. The program offers us strength whenever we need it, and faith diminishes all fear. It is said that fear cannot exist where there is faith.
We have many days when we feel strong, in touch with our higher power, able to meet all situations. On those days, we are seldom conscious of how our faith is guiding us. But the hours of fear that we experience on other days make us aware of faith's absence. There is a simple solution: We can reach out to a friend. We can be attentive to her needs, and the connection to God will be made.
Shifting our focus, from self-centered fears to another person's needs, offers us a perspective on our own life. It also offers us a chance to let God work through us. Our own faith is strengthened each time we offer our services to God and to a friend in need. What may frighten us seems less important the closer we are to the people in our lives.
When I touch someone else, God touches me in return.
—Frances Newton
Fear of the unknown, often referred to as free-floating anxiety, catches up to us on occasion. But it needn't. The program offers us strength whenever we need it, and faith diminishes all fear. It is said that fear cannot exist where there is faith.
We have many days when we feel strong, in touch with our higher power, able to meet all situations. On those days, we are seldom conscious of how our faith is guiding us. But the hours of fear that we experience on other days make us aware of faith's absence. There is a simple solution: We can reach out to a friend. We can be attentive to her needs, and the connection to God will be made.
Shifting our focus, from self-centered fears to another person's needs, offers us a perspective on our own life. It also offers us a chance to let God work through us. Our own faith is strengthened each time we offer our services to God and to a friend in need. What may frighten us seems less important the closer we are to the people in our lives.
When I touch someone else, God touches me in return.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation
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Food for Thought
Easy Does It
Strain and struggle abound when we try to do everything ourselves, our way. We want positive change to occur immediately and expect miracles to happen according to our personal timetable. We sometimes feel that if our Higher Power is guiding us, we should be able to accomplish great and marvelous things constantly.
To remember "easy does it" is to humbly realize that we are not all powerful and that God does not expect us to be all things to all people. Growth is slow, time belongs to God, and change will occur according to His plan. If we do the jobs we have been given for this 24-hour period, our Higher Power will take care of tomorrow.
How much more agreeable life is when we do not overextend ourselves but admit our weakness and trust God to take care of us. We do not shirk our share, but we do not try to carry the whole load. Only our Higher Power is strong enough to do that.
Take from our lives the strain and stress.
Strain and struggle abound when we try to do everything ourselves, our way. We want positive change to occur immediately and expect miracles to happen according to our personal timetable. We sometimes feel that if our Higher Power is guiding us, we should be able to accomplish great and marvelous things constantly.
To remember "easy does it" is to humbly realize that we are not all powerful and that God does not expect us to be all things to all people. Growth is slow, time belongs to God, and change will occur according to His plan. If we do the jobs we have been given for this 24-hour period, our Higher Power will take care of tomorrow.
How much more agreeable life is when we do not overextend ourselves but admit our weakness and trust God to take care of us. We do not shirk our share, but we do not try to carry the whole load. Only our Higher Power is strong enough to do that.
Take from our lives the strain and stress.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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The Language of Letting Go
Taking Care of Ourselves
We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as self-care. Self-care is not, as some may think, a spin off of the Me generation. It isn't self-indulgence. It isn't selfishness - in the negative interpretation of that word.
We're learning to take care of ourselves, instead of obsessively focusing on another person. We're learning self-responsibility, instead of feeling excessively responsible for others. Self-care also means tending to our true responsibilities to others; we do this better when we're not feeling overly responsible.
Self-care sometimes means, me first, but usually, me too. It means we are responsible for ourselves and can choose to no longer be victims.
Self-care means learning to love the person we're responsible for taking care of - ourselves. We do not do this to hibernate in a cocoon of isolation and self indulgence; we do it so we can better love others, and learn to let them love us.
Self-care isn't selfish; it's self-esteem.
Today, God, help me love myself. Help me let go of feeling excessively responsible for those around me. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself and be appropriately responsible to others.
We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as self-care. Self-care is not, as some may think, a spin off of the Me generation. It isn't self-indulgence. It isn't selfishness - in the negative interpretation of that word.
We're learning to take care of ourselves, instead of obsessively focusing on another person. We're learning self-responsibility, instead of feeling excessively responsible for others. Self-care also means tending to our true responsibilities to others; we do this better when we're not feeling overly responsible.
Self-care sometimes means, me first, but usually, me too. It means we are responsible for ourselves and can choose to no longer be victims.
Self-care means learning to love the person we're responsible for taking care of - ourselves. We do not do this to hibernate in a cocoon of isolation and self indulgence; we do it so we can better love others, and learn to let them love us.
Self-care isn't selfish; it's self-esteem.
Today, God, help me love myself. Help me let go of feeling excessively responsible for those around me. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself and be appropriately responsible to others.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Resolve to be thyself; and know that who finds himself, loses his misery.
--Matthew Arnold
Our need for approval compels us to try to look good - no matter what's going on. We imagine that somehow everything will be okay as long as it looks okay. Our hearts may be breaking from fear, disillusionment, and rejection, real or imagined, but we keep smiling so that no one will guess. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it so hard to turn to a friend and say, "Hey, I'm hurting. I've been having a bad time and I need help"? Would the earth tremble if we said it right out, just like that?
We're not likely to get what we don't ask for. Instead of denying that our knees are shaking, our hands are sweating, and our stomachs are in torment, we can admit and share the truth. We don't have to say "Fine!" when someone in the program asks us how we're doing. Our real friends aren't impressed by stiff upper lips; they're impressed by personal honesty.
Today, I will tell someone the truth about how I feel. If I'm not fine I won't say that I am.
Resolve to be thyself; and know that who finds himself, loses his misery.
--Matthew Arnold
Our need for approval compels us to try to look good - no matter what's going on. We imagine that somehow everything will be okay as long as it looks okay. Our hearts may be breaking from fear, disillusionment, and rejection, real or imagined, but we keep smiling so that no one will guess. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it so hard to turn to a friend and say, "Hey, I'm hurting. I've been having a bad time and I need help"? Would the earth tremble if we said it right out, just like that?
We're not likely to get what we don't ask for. Instead of denying that our knees are shaking, our hands are sweating, and our stomachs are in torment, we can admit and share the truth. We don't have to say "Fine!" when someone in the program asks us how we're doing. Our real friends aren't impressed by stiff upper lips; they're impressed by personal honesty.
Today, I will tell someone the truth about how I feel. If I'm not fine I won't say that I am.
You are reading from the book:
Thank you.
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