Trial and Error
“Anything worth doing at all is worth doing poorly.”
Joachim de Posada
Imagine my
shock the first time I heard this statement, which happened to be in a Twelve
Step (OA) meeting. I had been reared in an environment in which anything worth
doing at all was worth doing well. In fact, in my world this concept was practiced
as if it had religious authority. It was perfectionism given flesh and bones.
Perhaps
the idea that “anything worth doing at all is worth doing well” worked for some
folks. For me, it was paralyzing. There were many things that I needed to do
that I simply could not do well. These included things like trimming the hedge,
praying, and making good investment choices. So how did my sick,
obsessive-compulsive self respond? Predictably, of course: I just didn't do
those things I felt I couldn’t do well. I was rarely willing to take the chance
of acting and being wrong, so I did not act at all. Soon I was living a very
restricted life -- a life hemmed in by the fear of messing up. I needed to be
perfect or just not be at all.
Then I
found the program. There I learned that I am human and that making mistakes is
part of being human. I even learned that making mistakes is a good thing,
because in doing so I have acted. This is a program of action. I learn by
acting and by making mistakes. How liberating! How freeing. I can't tell you
how much my constricted, warped life began to open up. I acted and did things
poorly, and people responded warmly and in a helpful manner. I took their
advice and I joined the human race. I now consider this simple concept -- act,
even if it means doing a thing poorly -- as one of the greatest gifts of the
program. My life is really my life now. Perfectionism occasionally rears its
ugly head, but when it does, I simply remember where I came from and then I go
ahead and make a mistake and set myself free again.
One day at
a time...
Today I
will do what I need to do, and I will do it as well as I can. When I make a
mistake I will not conclude that I am a mistake. I will accept that I am human
and I will ask for help. Perfection has never been a goal of this program and
it is not a goal for my life.
~ Pete M.
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Each Day a New Beginning
Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.
—Eileen Mayhew
Letting down our guard, releasing the tension that keeps us taut, often invites our tears, tears that soften us, melt our resistance, and reveal our vulnerability, which reminds us that we are only human. So often we need reminding that we are only human.
Perfectionism may be our bane, as it is for so many of us in this program. We've learned to push, push harder, and even harder yet, not only ourselves but also those around us. We must be better, we think, and we tighten our hold on life. The program can teach us to loosen our grip, if we'll let it. The magic is that when we loosen our grip on this day, this activity, this person, we get carried gently along and find that which we struggled to control happening smoothly and naturally. Life is a series of ironies.
We should not hide from our tears. We can trust their need to be present. Perhaps they need to be present for someone else, as well as ourselves. Tears encourage compassion; maybe our assignment in life, today, is to help someone else experience compassion.
My tears will heal. And the wounded are everywhere.
—Eileen Mayhew
Letting down our guard, releasing the tension that keeps us taut, often invites our tears, tears that soften us, melt our resistance, and reveal our vulnerability, which reminds us that we are only human. So often we need reminding that we are only human.
Perfectionism may be our bane, as it is for so many of us in this program. We've learned to push, push harder, and even harder yet, not only ourselves but also those around us. We must be better, we think, and we tighten our hold on life. The program can teach us to loosen our grip, if we'll let it. The magic is that when we loosen our grip on this day, this activity, this person, we get carried gently along and find that which we struggled to control happening smoothly and naturally. Life is a series of ironies.
We should not hide from our tears. We can trust their need to be present. Perhaps they need to be present for someone else, as well as ourselves. Tears encourage compassion; maybe our assignment in life, today, is to help someone else experience compassion.
My tears will heal. And the wounded are everywhere.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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Food for Thought
Truth
Overeating covered up the truth. We fed our illusions with food, which harmed our bodies. The illusions grew bigger and stronger until our minds were fog bound by the illusions instead of illuminated by truth.
Giving up our illusions is frightening and painful, but in the long run it is less difficult than trying to live with them and by them. It is impossible to get rid of our illusions by ourselves. The Higher Power leads us to truth by means of the Twelve Steps and the OA program. Abstinence from compulsive overeating is necessary in order to stop feeding our illusions and let the truth come through.
Knowing the truth sets us free. We no longer have to cling to old dependencies and self-defeating habits. Our Higher Power gives us as much truth as we are willing to work for and accept. We are not overwhelmed, but are gradually able to assimilate the reality of our situation. By accepting reality and refraining from using food as an escape, we are able to live with truth instead of illusions.
Lead me by the Power of truth.
Overeating covered up the truth. We fed our illusions with food, which harmed our bodies. The illusions grew bigger and stronger until our minds were fog bound by the illusions instead of illuminated by truth.
Giving up our illusions is frightening and painful, but in the long run it is less difficult than trying to live with them and by them. It is impossible to get rid of our illusions by ourselves. The Higher Power leads us to truth by means of the Twelve Steps and the OA program. Abstinence from compulsive overeating is necessary in order to stop feeding our illusions and let the truth come through.
Knowing the truth sets us free. We no longer have to cling to old dependencies and self-defeating habits. Our Higher Power gives us as much truth as we are willing to work for and accept. We are not overwhelmed, but are gradually able to assimilate the reality of our situation. By accepting reality and refraining from using food as an escape, we are able to live with truth instead of illusions.
Lead me by the Power of truth.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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The Language of Letting Go
Acceptance
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.
--Hada Bejar
Nothing is more attractive than sharing with others. No trait will be admired as much as generosity. There is no surer way to gain the respect of friends and neighbors than to show by what we give that we care about others.
We can give many things besides money, shelter, clothing, or food to those in need. We can give the rich person love and understanding that money can't buy. We can sympathize with those who are troubled, even though they appear wealthier than ourselves. We can share experience, strength, and hope with those who are ill or unhappy. We can even share our suffering with others who suffer, and hold up a light for them on the road to recovery.
What do I have to give today?
You are reading from the book:
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