Recovery Meditations: October 17th
Self-sabotage
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur
when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are
likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
M. Scott Peck
For the last fifteen years I have been an avid and restless student of “self-help.” I read popular books, spent years in therapy, and attended various support groups. Because I didn’t see any improvement in my life, I was consumed with anger, shame, bitterness, and a pervasive sense of injustice. I blamed my Higher Power, my family, my partner, and my life circumstances. Only since joining The Recovery Group have I discovered the source of my toxic stagnation. It was myself. When doing a thorough examination of my life, I was absolutely shocked to find that I had been repeatedly practicing destructive acts of self-sabotage.
I was in love with my suffering. I was addicted to my misery. Sometimes we cling to our illnesses and weaknesses because they are so familiar to us. Though they hurt us, we find them oddly comforting. It's what we're used to. And change is scary. The unknown is scary. I found that my self-sabotage stemmed from shame, anger, low self-esteem, my lust for being a Victim -- and even a Fear of Being Well. I had to reach the profound darkness of depression before I could admit that the damage I did to myself had become unbearable.
Now I make a choice each day to not sabotage myself. It's not easy. Rather than being my enemy, I choose to be my friend and advocate. With the help of this program and my friends in recovery, I have come to like myself and to truly want good things for myself. The changes are gradual and require me to be patient and gracious with myself. Now I can celebrate each baby step and forgive myself when I fall back into old patterns. I now know that when I do make a mistake, I can admit it, learn from it, and press forward with my Recovery.
One day at a time...
I will choose to accept myself as a person of worth. I will resist temptations to sabotage my recovery and I will choose good things for my life.
~ Lisa
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Each Day a New Beginning
Pride, we are told, my children, "goeth before a fall" and oh, the pride was there, and so the fall was not far away.
—Wilhelmina Kemp Johnstone
Requesting help. Admitting we are wrong. Owning our mistake in either a big or small matter. Asking for another chance or someone's love. All very difficult to do, and yet necessary if we are to grow. The difficulty is our pride, the big ego. We think, "We need to always be right. If we're wrong, then others may think less of us, look down on us, and question our worth." Perfectionism versus worthlessness.
If we are not perfect (and of course we never are), then we must be worthless. In between these two points on the scale is "being human." Our emotional growth, as women, is equal to how readily we accept our humanness, how able we are to be wrong. With humility comes a softness that smoothes our every experience, our every relationship. Pride makes us hard, keeps us hard, keeps others away, and sets us up for the fall.
I will let myself be human today. It will soften my vision of life.
—Wilhelmina Kemp Johnstone
Requesting help. Admitting we are wrong. Owning our mistake in either a big or small matter. Asking for another chance or someone's love. All very difficult to do, and yet necessary if we are to grow. The difficulty is our pride, the big ego. We think, "We need to always be right. If we're wrong, then others may think less of us, look down on us, and question our worth." Perfectionism versus worthlessness.
If we are not perfect (and of course we never are), then we must be worthless. In between these two points on the scale is "being human." Our emotional growth, as women, is equal to how readily we accept our humanness, how able we are to be wrong. With humility comes a softness that smoothes our every experience, our every relationship. Pride makes us hard, keeps us hard, keeps others away, and sets us up for the fall.
I will let myself be human today. It will soften my vision of life.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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Food for Thought
Seeking the Best
We will never be satisfied with less than the best. When we were overeating, we may have settled for less than we were capable of being and achieving, but we were not happy about it. There is something in each of us that hungers for maximum growth and development.
When we stop drugging ourselves with food, we become aware of new possibilities and areas of growth. By controlling our disease, we release potential that had been buried under our obsession. As we come to know our Higher Power through this program, our appetite for the best is reawakened. Though we realize we will never achieve perfection, we are challenged to be and do the best that we can, just for today.
The best force there is directs lives that are committed to the care of God. Only by dedication to knowing and doing His will is our search satisfied.
We seek You, Lord.
We will never be satisfied with less than the best. When we were overeating, we may have settled for less than we were capable of being and achieving, but we were not happy about it. There is something in each of us that hungers for maximum growth and development.
When we stop drugging ourselves with food, we become aware of new possibilities and areas of growth. By controlling our disease, we release potential that had been buried under our obsession. As we come to know our Higher Power through this program, our appetite for the best is reawakened. Though we realize we will never achieve perfection, we are challenged to be and do the best that we can, just for today.
The best force there is directs lives that are committed to the care of God. Only by dedication to knowing and doing His will is our search satisfied.
We seek You, Lord.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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The Language of Letting Go
Feelings and Surrender
Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.
Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.
Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings - anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief. As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a deep level.
Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future are released when we surrender.
We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through this spiritual experience.
I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released.
Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.
Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.
Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings - anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief. As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a deep level.
Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future are released when we surrender.
We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through this spiritual experience.
I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. So you have to begin there, not outside, not on other people. That comes afterward, when you've worked on your own corner.
--Aldous Huxley
Taking responsibility for our own attitudes, actions, and neglects is far more difficult than managing and directing other people's lives.
Giving advice to another, for example, is much easier that practicing what we preach. If we would apply our advice to our own lives, we would have less time to criticize, correct, or interfere in someone else's difficulties. Moreover, we would be amazed at how many alternatives we have within our own grasp that could solve, or at least alleviate, the problems in our lives.
TODAY - Let me realize I am far more positive and productive when I concentrate my efforts and thoughts on changing myself and my own actions. Give me the courage to act on my own internal wisdom.
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