Progress, Not Perfection
"The maxim "Nothing but perfection"
may be spelled "Paralysis."
Winston Churchill
I can't count the number of times I've heard the expression, "progress not perfection" from my sponsor and used it with my sponsees. We take little steps - one day at a time - which gradually leads to greater steps. Small successes eventually will lead to bigger successes. Often though, we want it all and we want it NOW!
Recovery is a process - not an end result. It requires a kind of a balancing act - if we try to juggle more balls than what we're capable of comfortably balancing - we will crash and this can lead to relapse. So rather than juggling five balls and crashing - it's better to juggle three really well and gradually work in a 4th or a fifth.
One Day at a Time . . .
I will focus on making progress rather than trying to be perfect.
~ Rob R.
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Each Day a New Beginning
On occasion I realize it's easier to
say the serenity prayer and take that leap of faith than it is to
continue doing what I'm doing.
—S.H.
The pain of change is a reality. But so is the pain of no change - when change is called for. In spite of our desires, changing others will never be an option, whereas changing ourselves takes only a decision and is a choice always available.
We can take an inventory for a moment. What are we presently doing that makes us ashamed or angry or fearful? We can let go of that behavior and responsibly choose a new tack. If strength is needed, or confidence to try a new behavior, we can simply ask that it be ours. The Third Step promises that our lives are in God's care and our needs are always being attended to - not always our wants, but in every instance our needs.
Most of our struggles, today as in the past, are attached to persons and situations we are trying to forcibly control. How righteous our attitudes generally are! And so imposing is our behavior that we are met with resistance, painful resistance. Our recourse is now and always to "accept those things we cannot change, and willingly change that which we can." Our personal struggles will end when we are fully committed to the Serenity Prayer.
The wisdom "to know the difference" is mine today.
—S.H.
The pain of change is a reality. But so is the pain of no change - when change is called for. In spite of our desires, changing others will never be an option, whereas changing ourselves takes only a decision and is a choice always available.
We can take an inventory for a moment. What are we presently doing that makes us ashamed or angry or fearful? We can let go of that behavior and responsibly choose a new tack. If strength is needed, or confidence to try a new behavior, we can simply ask that it be ours. The Third Step promises that our lives are in God's care and our needs are always being attended to - not always our wants, but in every instance our needs.
Most of our struggles, today as in the past, are attached to persons and situations we are trying to forcibly control. How righteous our attitudes generally are! And so imposing is our behavior that we are met with resistance, painful resistance. Our recourse is now and always to "accept those things we cannot change, and willingly change that which we can." Our personal struggles will end when we are fully committed to the Serenity Prayer.
The wisdom "to know the difference" is mine today.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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Food for Thought
Awareness
To be aware is to be focused and alive. If we are truly alert to what is going on within and around us, we will never be bored. Through working the OA program, we develop greater awareness of ourselves, other people, and our Higher Power.
Sometimes this new awareness brings pain; we realize that we have been hurt and that we have hurt others. Through our daily inventories, we recognize shortcomings and mistakes, which we may have ignored in the past. Often it is too late to undo all of the damage, which has been done by our compulsive overeating and general self-centeredness.
Here is where we pray for acceptance of what we cannot change and courage to make amends where we can. It is then important to put what is past behind us and concentrate on being more aware now, today, so that we do not make the same mistakes again.
When we are not dulled by too much food and the wrong kinds of food, we are more perceptive and aware in every aspect of our lives. Our experiences are richer and we are better able to grow and change.
I pray for increasing awareness.
To be aware is to be focused and alive. If we are truly alert to what is going on within and around us, we will never be bored. Through working the OA program, we develop greater awareness of ourselves, other people, and our Higher Power.
Sometimes this new awareness brings pain; we realize that we have been hurt and that we have hurt others. Through our daily inventories, we recognize shortcomings and mistakes, which we may have ignored in the past. Often it is too late to undo all of the damage, which has been done by our compulsive overeating and general self-centeredness.
Here is where we pray for acceptance of what we cannot change and courage to make amends where we can. It is then important to put what is past behind us and concentrate on being more aware now, today, so that we do not make the same mistakes again.
When we are not dulled by too much food and the wrong kinds of food, we are more perceptive and aware in every aspect of our lives. Our experiences are richer and we are better able to grow and change.
I pray for increasing awareness.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation
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The Language of Letting Go
Flack from Setting Boundaries
We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere.
—Beyond Codependency
When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.
We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.
Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.
We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere.
—Beyond Codependency
When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.
We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.
Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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I want somehow to tell the story of how the dispossessed become possessed of their own history without losing sight, without forgetting the meaning or the nature of their journey.
-Sherley Anne Williams
To use the past without being controlled by it — that is our responsibility to history. Because the past is irrecoverably vanished, it's sometimes tempting to forget it or to falsify it. But being true to ourselves means being true to our history.
Past cruelties can remain powerful in our lives — yet to take possession of our history means to free ourselves of bondage to past events. Nothing can ever change them. If we are to make the future good, we'll learn what the past can teach us. But our freedom requires us to make choices based on the needs of the present, not the past.
I can act at every moment in such a way as to honor the past and enhance the future.
You are reading from the book:
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