Daily Recovery Readings: November 4th

Recovery Meditations:  November 4^th

~ FOCUS ON OTHERS ~

I had the blues because I had no shoes

until upon the street I met a man who had no feet.

Denis Waitely

I find that when I am stuck or feeling sorry for myself I just need to reach out and help someone who is worse off than me. When I pray for someone to help, someone always shows up. This past weekend I was feeling sorry for myself. I went to church and prayed for God to bring someone for me to help. Alas, as I walked in to school this morning I was greeted by a tearful friend whose husband was just diagnosed with lung cancer. I hugged her and told her I was there for her. It took the focus off of ME and I was able to help someone else feel better.

One day at a time . . .

Allow me to be of service to others. I need them as much as they need me.

Sue

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 Each Day A New Beginning

 

Beginnings are apt to be shadowy.
  —Rachel Carson
When we embark on a new career, open an unfamiliar door, begin a loving relationship, we can seldom see nor can we even anticipate where the experience may take us. At best we can see only what this day brings. We can trust with certainty that we will be safely led through the "shadows."

To make gains in this life we must venture forth to new places, contact new people, chance new experiences. Even though we may be fearful of the new, we must go forward. It's comforting to remember that we never take any step alone. It is our destiny to experience many new beginnings. And a dimension of the growth process is to develop trust that each of these experiences will in time comfort us and offer us the knowledge our inner self awaits. Without the new beginnings we are unable to fulfill the purpose for which we've been created.

No new beginning is more than we can handle. Every new beginning is needed by our developing selves, and we are ready for whatever comes.

I will look to my new beginnings gladly. They are special to the growth I am now ready for.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.


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Food For Thought

How Much Is Enough?
We continue to weigh and measure our food when we are maintaining as well as when we are losing. Since we are compulsive overeaters, we do not have a built in concept of how much food is enough. Exact measurements relieve us of the anxiety of deciding how much is enough. Since we are experts at rationalizing extra amounts, we do not allow ourselves to estimate portions when scales and measuring cups are available.

For the compulsive overeater, no amount of food is enough. We make a rational decision about our food plan for the day, basing the decision on the objective nutritional requirements of our body rather than subjective emotional cravings. We give this food plan to a qualified sponsor, which prevents us from getting lost in endless preoccupation and anxiety about what we are going to eat.

When we conscientiously follow the abstinence guidelines, we can rest secure in the knowledge that we have eaten the right amount of food.

May I be satisfied with enough.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.


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 The Language of Letting Go

Anger

Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.

As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.

It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.

Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.

God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Angels Are Everywhere

I never believed in angels. Now I do. I think of angels as people who do nice things for us without expecting much in return. They give for the love of giving. They seek out opportunities to help, even when it seems inconvenient. They don't always look like we expect them to look or smell like we think they should. Their beliefs aren't always aligned with ours. But when we need them, they are there.

One of the first times I really understood their concept was when I drove to New York from Las Vegas in 1982. There I was, thrust into a big world I had never known except in geography schoolbooks. I was terrified but willing to make the drive. This cross-country trip was to become a metaphor for the bigger journey in my life.

Angels were everywhere. I met them in gas stations and rest stops, on the highway, in hotels, at restaurants, and at every meeting place I stopped along the way. From Flagstaff, Arizona to Albuquerque, New Mexico; from Joplin, Missouri to Chicago, Illinois and then on to New York. Their support was unfailing. Because of them, I got from one city to another. Because of them, I completed my journey. My job was simply to show up; they did the rest.

When was the last time you recognized an angel? Perhaps they let your car pass into the next lane without giving you a dirty look. Perhaps they offered to assist you when you were overloaded with bags. Perhaps they gave you their seat on the subway or the bus. Maybe they gave you a gift they knew you'd like. Perhaps they loaned you some money, bought clothes or toys for your kids when you couldn't, or just lent a helping hand in whatever way they could. Or maybe it was a friend who just stopped in the middle of a busy workday to take your call or meet with you for coffee or lunch. An angel can be someone you know or someone you meet in passing. Angels enhance your life, if even for a moment.

You're invited to recognize and acknowledge the angels in your life, people who have contributed to your life in big and small ways.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Esteemable Acts by Francine Ward

Daily Recovery Readings: November 3rd

Recovery Meditations:  November 3^rd

~ INNER STRENGTH ~

Troubles are often the tools

by which God fashions us for better things.

H. W. Beecher

I often wondered why so much seemed to happen to me. Why was it that no sooner had I picked myself up from some trauma or tragedy than another one came along. Most people had never had car accidents, but I'd had two, one almost life-threatening. I'd been through an unpleasant divorce; I lost a brother and a stepson, both dying unnatural deaths at an early age, and could not understand why these kinds of things were always happening to me. I used to be so angry with God. "Why me?" I'd ask. It just seemed so unfair. Everybody else appeared to have lives that were so much better and free of all this trauma. For a long time I retreated into depression and food to cope with what seemed to be a miserable life.

But God must have had other plans for me. I truly believe I must have been guided to my first meeting so that I would not only find a way to live free of my compulsive eating, but would also be able to learn some lessons from my seemingly tough life. I have been very blessed in that, because of all my experiences, and the fact that I was literally brought to my knees and had to seek God out, I have learned the meaning of true spirituality. I have also learned some valuable lessons from all these experiences that have made me a much stronger person. I have so much more to offer than I would have had my life been the nice easy one I always wanted. Because of what I have learned as a result of my many struggles and difficult times, I am now able to pass on that wisdom to others on this journey of recovery.

One Day at a Time . . .

I will try to remember that when God sends me difficulties, I must view them as lessons He wants me to learn so I can become a better and more useful person.

~ Sharon S. ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

 

It is the calm after the storm. I feel a rainbow where there once were clouds, and while my Spirit dances in gratitude, my mind speculates on the next disaster. Duality.
  —Mary Casey

Our growth as women is contingent on our ability to flow with the dualities, the contradictions inherent in one's lifetime, not only to flow with them but also to capitalize on them.

We are not offered a painless existence, but we are offered opportunities for gathering perspective from the painful moments. And our perspectives are cushioned by the principles of the program. The rough edges of life, the storms that whip our very being, are gifts in disguise. We see life anew, when the storm has subsided.

We can enjoy the calm, if that surrounds us today. We deserve the resting periods. They give us a chance to contemplate and make fully our own that which the recent storm brought so forcefully to our attention. We are powerless over the storm's onslaught. But we can gain from it and be assured that the storm gives all the meaning there is in the calm.

I will be glad today for the clouds or the rainbows. Both are meant for my good. And without both, neither has meaning.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Learning Moderation

If we had known how to practice moderation, we would not have become compulsive overeaters. Following the abstinence guidelines enables us to eat moderately. Working the Twelve Steps teaches us moderation in other activities.

Knowing when to quit involves knowing ourselves. We tend to get carried away with our determination to finish a job today, to explain our life history to a new friend in one afternoon, to complete a major project in record time. The tendency to devour life rapidly in huge chunks can be as damaging as compulsive overeating.

It is the serenity we acquire from contact with our Higher Power that saves us from wearing ourselves out compulsively. An awareness of the quiet Power and order, which sustains all life calms our over-stimulated personalities. Dependence on God as we understand Him gives us the support and confidence we need to be content with moderate efforts and accomplishments.

Teach me to practice moderation.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

Denial
Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial.

Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we're done doing it. Forcing ourselves - or anyone else - to face the truth usually doesn't help. We won't face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won't let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it.

Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps.

Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps.

The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through.

God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

It's a simple formula; do your best and somebody might like it.
--Dorothy Baker

We're never guaranteed success by others' standards. However, if we do our best according to the standards we think God has in mind, we'll be successful. And from God we'll always receive unconditional love and acceptance.

In the past, many of us were haunted by fears that our best wasn't good enough. And not infrequently those fears hindered our performance, thus validating our fears. We can slip back into those immobilizing fears if we don't attend, with vigilance, to the program and its suggestions.

Our higher power will help us do whatever task lies before us. And no task will be ours except those for which we've been readied. Our job is simply to go forth, taking God as our partner, and set about completing the task. We will not falter if we remember where our strength rests, where the guidance lies.

Self-esteem is one of the byproducts of a job done with God's help. An additional byproduct is that we learn more quickly to rely on God's direction and strength the next time, thus reducing the time we give to fear.

I can be successful today, in every endeavor, if I let God manage my moves.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Daily Recovery Readings: November 2nd

Recovery Meditations:  November 2^nd

~ TODAY ~

Finish each day and be done with it.

You have done what you could;

some blunders and absurdities have crept in;

forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely

and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

For a long time I went through therapy, dealing with the past. But working the Steps has helped me to focus on today. What happened is over. It is my choice how I allow it to affect my life now. When I cannot seem to let the past go, I have to remind myself that I need only to let God have the past. Yesterday is beyond my ability to change. Today is my charge.

Today I write before I eat compulsively. Today I give service to others in recovery. Today I choose to not eat compulsively and to seek all the support I can find to hold to that choice. I put aside yesterday, reflecting on the lessons learned. Like a hiker looking ahead to mark the next point on the trail, I look to the future that is stretching out before me. But it is today that I act. Today I do not worry about what I have not done, but rest in the knowledge that I have done what is before me to be done. Day after day will add up to recovery, to serenity, to living.

One Day at a Time . . .

is all the time I have within my control so I choose to live in the now.

~ Tassy~

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Each Day A New Beginning

Love and the hope of it are not things one can learn; they are a part of life's heritage.
  —Maria Montessori
Love is a gift we've been given by our Creator. The fact of our existence guarantees that we deserve it. As our recognition of this grows, so does our self-love and our ability to love others.

High self-esteem, stable self-worth were not our legacies before finding this program. We sought both through means, which led nowhere. These Steps and our present relationships are providing the substance and direction needed in our lives to discover our worthiness.

Had we understood that we were loved, in all the years of our youth, perhaps we'd not have struggled so in the pain of alienation. We were always at the right hand of God, never apart, loved and watched over. But we didn't recognize the signs. The signs are everywhere present now. Each Step is a constant reminder. Every human contact is a message from God. Any desire we are eager to make manifest is a beckoning from God for growth.

I will look for the signs of my benefactor today. They're present everywhere.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Fear of Giving

It is often the fear of rejection, which makes us afraid to give of ourselves. The person who is reluctant to share at a meeting may be holding back because of this fear. To share is to reveal who we are and where we are. If we feel inadequate, we do not want to expose this imagined inadequacy to other people.

If our self-image is too grand and inflated, we cannot possibly live up to it in reality. Expecting ourselves to be perfect sets us up for frustration and fear, since we know deep down that we do not measure up to our image of perfection.

With humility comes the willingness to give of what we have and what we are right now, without waiting until we are more eloquent or more accomplished. What we have to share is what someone else needs to receive. By focusing more on the needs of others and less on the imaginary concept of ourselves, which is our ego, we learn to overcome our fear of giving. What we have to give now is enough for today.

May I not be afraid to give.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

The Grief Process

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief."

How do we grieve?

Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate. Ultimately, by surrendering to the pain.

The grief process, says Elisabeth Kubler Ross, is a five stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much back and forth movement - until we reach that peaceful state called acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we are usually referring to losses about which we have not completed grieving. We're talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief process. Usually, for adult children and codependents, the place where we become stuck is denial.. Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn to help others and ourselves by understanding and becoming familiar with this process. We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.

Today, God, help me open myself to the process of grieving my losses. Help me allow myself to flow through the grief process, accepting all the stages so I might achieve peace and acceptance in my life. Help me learn to be gentle with others and myself while we go through this very human process of healing.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Fearful as reality is, it is less fearful than evasions of reality.
--Caitlin Thomas

We've become much less fearful of reality since we've come to know the principles of this program. Just about anything could have made us fearful in past years. No doubt practicing our addictions gave us a false courage for a while. But then we could no longer keep the fears away.

How do we keep fear at bay now that we're free of our addictions? Most of us have begun to rely on our Higher Power for courage, understanding, and acceptance. The challenges that we're offered are opportunities from God for our advantage. When we're in God's care these challenges are manageable, and we need no longer fear them.

We can conquer our fears as we take advantage of the help, guidance, and courage that come from God.

I know that God will be there for me through every challenge today.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

 

Daily Recovery Readings: November 1st

Recovery Meditations:  November  1^st

ACCEPTANCE

“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement

of the facts of the situation. Then deciding what to do with it.”

Kathleen Casey Theisen

Before program I kept wishing that I had a perfect body, spouse, mother, child, or whatever. My dissatisfaction with the things in my life kept me from really accepting that things were exactly the way they were meant to be for that time. I always used the excuse, "If you had a spouse, ex-husband, mother, or whatever like I did, you’d also have to eat.” I never took responsibility for my compulsive eating and I lived in blame and guilt.

When I came into program and heard the Serenity Prayer at my first meeting, I didn’t fully understand its meaning. What I have finally come to understand is that I cannot begin to change the things within my control until I accept my powerlessness over food and over the people and circumstances in my life. I have now come to accept the fact that there are some things I cannot change, but I can change my attitude towards others. As I do so, I am learning to take responsibility for my part in the things that happen to me. What a difference that is from the past.

One day at a time ...

Only when I acknowledge and accept the reality of what is in my life, can I begin to change the things that are within my control.

~ Sharon S.

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 Each Day A New Beginning

 

For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel.
  —Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It is sometimes easy to get overwhelmed by our duties, forgetting that our interests fit the scheme of our lives. They are inspired by our lives and flow from them. Our interests round us out; they beckon us to become our better selves.

Our duties have their places as well. In our careers, with our families and friends, we have responsibilities. People need to be able to count on us for our part in completing their particular scheme for life.

Finding the right balance between our duties and our interests takes daily attention. It is perhaps our greatest struggle. Feeling duty-bound is common among women; putting a low value on our interests is a familiar trick we play on ourselves.

We need reminding that our interests will cull out our better, inner selves. We must stretch to become all we are meant to be. Our interests entice us to live up to God's expectations.

Each day I need to pay heed to interests as well as duties. I will let no day go by without heeding an interest.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.


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Food For Thought

Food Is Not Love

With our heads, we know that food is not the same thing as love. When this fact sinks into our emotions, we are released from our obsession with food. In order to reach this point of emotional development, we need to abstain physically from compulsive overeating. As long as we are physically addicted to refined sugars and starches and binge foods, we do not have the perspective necessary to move away from our emotional attachment to these foods.

It is easy for babies and children to confuse food with love. As they mature, they learn to discriminate between the two. If we are compulsive overeaters, we need the OA program and a spiritual awakening to bring clarity to our confusion. We have much emotional and spiritual growing up to do.

If our early need for love was not satisfied, no amount of food will compensate. It is by giving love that we are able to fill our inner emptiness, and it is through our Higher Power that we are healed and made able to love.

May we remember in our hearts that food is not love. 

 From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation


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The Language of Letting Go

Transformation through Grief

We're striving for acceptance in recovery - acceptance of our past, other people, our present circumstances, and ourselves. Acceptance brings peace, healing, and freedom - the freedom to take care of ourselves.

Acceptance is not a one step process. Before we achieve acceptance, we go toward it in stages of denial, anger, negotiating, and sadness. We call these stages the grief process. Grief can be frustrating. It can be confusing. We may vacillate between sadness and denial. Our behaviors may vacillate. Others may not understand us. We may neither understand our own behavior nor ourselves while we're grieving our losses. Then one day, things become clear. The fog lifts, and we see that we have been struggling to face and accept a particular reality.

Don't worry. If we are taking steps to take care of ourselves, we will move through this process at exactly the right pace. Be understanding with yourself and others for the very human way we go through transition.

Today, I will accept the way I go through change. I will accept the grief process, and its stages, as the way people accept loss and change.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. 

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Always remember that no matter what the problem may be, there is an infinity of solutions.
--Marion Weinstein

A girl named Iris was tormented by the boys at school. Whenever she walked by they would make rude noises. Sometimes, when no one was looking, they would block her way and not let her go home. She was too inexperienced at taking care of herself to realize that believing she couldn't do anything made it true. Feeling helpless kept her from thinking about what she might do.

One day she got so scared that she told her best friend what was happening. Together they began to think of all sorts of things she could do. Knowing she could do something took away the helpless feeling, and the boys noticed and stopped teasing her. It wasn't fun for them anymore.

We often feel helpless in situations that seem too much for us to handle. In fact, help is always available - through friends and family, and through God, who helps us see how we can help ourselves. All we have to do is stop being distracted by that helpless feeling and ask for what we need.

Can I see the many solutions to my problems today?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous