Trial and Error
“Anything worth doing at all is worth doing poorly.”
Joachim de Posada
Joachim de Posada
Imagine my shock the first time I heard this statement, which happened to be in a Twelve Step (OA) meeting. I had been reared in an environment in which anything worth doing at all was worth doing well. In fact, in my world this concept was practiced as if it had religious authority. It was perfectionism given flesh and bones.
Perhaps the idea that “anything worth doing at all is worth doing well” worked for some folks. For me, it was paralyzing. There were many things that I needed to do that I simply could not do well. These included things like trimming the hedge, praying, and making good investment choices. So how did my sick, obsessive-compulsive self respond? Predictably, of course: I just didn't do those things I felt I couldn’t do well. I was rarely willing to take the chance of acting and being wrong, so I did not act at all. Soon I was living a very restricted life -- a life hemmed in by the fear of messing up. I needed to be perfect or just not be at all.
Then I found the program. There I learned that I am human and that making mistakes is part of being human. I even learned that making mistakes is a good thing, because in doing so I have acted. This is a program of action. I learn by acting and by making mistakes. How liberating! How freeing. I can't tell you how much my constricted, warped life began to open up. I acted and did things poorly, and people responded warmly and in a helpful manner. I took their advice and I joined the human race. I now consider this simple concept -- act, even if it means doing a thing poorly -- as one of the greatest gifts of the program. My life is really my life now. Perfectionism occasionally rears its ugly head, but when it does, I simply remember where I came from and then I go ahead and make a mistake and set myself free again.
One day at a time...
Today I will do what I need to do, and I will do it as well as I can. When I make a mistake I will not conclude that I am a mistake. I will accept that I am human and I will ask for help. Perfection has never been a goal of this program and it is not a goal for my life.~ Pete M.
_______________________________
Each Day A New Beginning
—Eileen Mayhew
Letting down our guard, releasing the tension that keeps us taut, often invites our tears, tears that soften us, melt our resistance, and reveal our vulnerability, which reminds us that we are only human. So often we need reminding that we are only human.
Perfectionism may be our bane, as it is for so many of us in this program. We've learned to push, push harder, and even harder yet, not only ourselves but also those around us. We must be better, we think, and we tighten our hold on life. The program can teach us to loosen our grip, if we'll let it. The magic is that when we loosen our grip on this day, this activity, this person, we get carried gently along and find that which we struggled to control happening smoothly and naturally. Life is a series of ironies.
We should not hide from our tears. We can trust their need to be present. Perhaps they need to be present for someone else, as well as ourselves. Tears encourage compassion; maybe our assignment in life, today, is to help someone else experience compassion.
My tears will heal. And the wounded are everywhere.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Food For Thought
Overeating covered up the truth. We fed our illusions with food, which harmed our bodies. The illusions grew bigger and stronger until our minds were fog bound by the illusions instead of illuminated by truth.
Giving up our illusions is frightening and painful, but in the long run it is less difficult than trying to live with them and by them. It is impossible to get rid of our illusions by ourselves. The Higher Power leads us to truth by means of the Twelve Steps and the OA program. Abstinence from compulsive overeating is necessary in order to stop feeding our illusions and let the truth come through.
Knowing the truth sets us free. We no longer have to cling to old dependencies and self-defeating habits. Our Higher Power gives us as much truth as we are willing to work for and accept. We are not overwhelmed, but are gradually able to assimilate the reality of our situation. By accepting reality and refraining from using food as an escape, we are able to live with truth instead of illusions.
Lead me by the Power of truth.
From Food for
Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992
by Hazelden Foundation.
The Language of Letting Go
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.
From The
Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Today's Gift
—Robert Ardrey
Our fears are normal. Some of us fear going to a new school and making new friends. Taking an important test causes jitters in the bravest looking person. Maybe staying alone in the house for the first time has you looking under beds and in closets every time you hear a strange noise. Our fears are merely reminders that we've forgotten to let God help us out.
So often we think we're alone, but we never are. We each have a Higher Power just waiting to be relied on. Nothing is too difficult or fearful for us to handle with the help of our Higher Power. When we develop the habit of letting God ease our way, our fears are gone.
Today, which fear can I replace with trust in my Higher Power?
From Today's
Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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