A Weight Loss Journey

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are interesting monologues, that is all.
—Rebecca West

How often we want to be heard, to be truly listened to by our spouse, our children, friends and co-workers. And we deserve to be fully attended to. So do the other persons in our lives who come to us to be heard. We let our minds wander in the midst of important messages. And we may miss the very phrase that we need to hear-the answer to a problem, perhaps. Our minds wander, randomly, looking for a place to light, unconsciously searching for peace, the serenity promised by the Twelve Steps.

Living fully in the present, soaking up all the responses of the life we are immersed in for the moment, is the closest we can get to our higher power, our God. Being there--fully--is conversation with God. How can we know all that God intends for us to know if we don't take advantage of God's many messages? Every moment of every day offers us information, divine information. Each time we turn our minds away to self-centered thoughts, we're refusing the chance to grow.

As I come together with friends and family today, I will remember to listen for God's message. I will hear what I need to hear if I will but listen.

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Food for Thought

Discipline

If we think of discipline in terms of punishment, we miss the more constructive meanings of the word. Discipline is order, training, practice, and study. Without it, our lives are ineffective and full of chaos. Before we came to OA, our eating patterns were probably chaotic. We may have been short of order in other areas, too.

Discipline is a tool, which produces self-respect and a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction. When we discipline ourselves to eat three measured meals a day, we achieve physical and emotional results, which make our spirits, sing! The discipline of the OA program liberates us from the tyranny of self-will and self-indulgence.

As we develop trust in our Higher Power, we begin to see that the hardships and difficulties we face are means to spiritual development. Through them, we acquire self-discipline and strength. Our lives become ordered according to God's plan.

Make me willing, Lord, to accept the discipline of an ordered life.

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The Language of Letting Go

The Good Feelings

Let yourself feel the good feelings too.

Yes, sometimes, good feelings can be as distracting as the painful, more difficult ones. Yes, good feelings can be anxiety producing to those of us unaccustomed to them. But go ahead and feel the good feelings anyway.

Feel and accept the joy. The love. The warmth. The excitement. The pleasure. The satisfaction. The elation. The tenderness. The comfort.

Let yourself feel the victory, the delight.

Let yourself feel cared for.

Let yourself feel respected, important, and special.

These are only feelings, but they feel good. They are full of positive, upbeat energy - and we deserve to feel that when it comes our way.

We don't have to repress. We don't have to talk ourselves out of feeling good - not for a moment.

If we feel it, it's ours for the moment. Own it. If it's good, enjoy it.

Today, God, help me be open to the joy and good feelings available to me.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again... but also, she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
--Mark Twain

"Last night I asked for help, but the person couldn't give it to me. Tonight I'm not going to ask because I'll be refused." Poor us! One person has rejected us, so now we've got the whole world rejecting us. We believe if one person lets us down, everyone else will too.

Such thinking, as negative as it is, can provide safety. If we believe we can't trust anymore, then we won't. But there won't be any growth in this kind of safety. By condemning everyone, we won't see those who want to help.

To find help we may have to ask several people. If a few people turn us away, we shouldn't give up hope. There are many flowers in the field of life, but to pick the best, we need to look at them all.

If I get rejected it doesn't mean I'm a bad person or no one can be trusted. It means I need to take another risk or maybe two.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

Lealonnie

Recovery Meditations: June 20th

STRUGGLE

“Our way is not soft grass,
it's a mountain path with lots of rocks.
But it goes upward, forward,toward the sun.”
Ruth Westheimer

I've been in a Twelve Step program for a while now. When I look back, I sometimes think how easy the journey has been to find the peace, serenity and love I've been given -- thanks to the program. I brought a lot of denial with me when I joined the program, and apparently I'm still in some denial. I'm so grateful to be where I am today that I have forgotten the struggles I've faced to get here.

No wonder some newcomers look at longtimers and think they'll never be able to get there! When I stretch my memory, I remember running headlong into the Fourth Step and thinking it the scariest thing I'd ever faced in my life. I know that first one was traumatic--holding my pencil to do it, getting the first page down, and admitting so many things that had been shaming me for decades. I usually don't think about that today. Now I know firsthand the cleansing of a good Fourth Step and I look forward to them as I peel the onion and find more defects.

When I look back over my journey, I can remember sitting in an emergency room using the slogan "One Day at a Time" for the first time. I changed "one day" to "five minutes" because it was all I could handle. But it got me through that day and the next two days. A few years ago I read that the slogans are the handrails to the Steps. I wish I'd known that before. For me to use that slogan when I did was an act of faith ~ and at the time my faith was shaky. After having proved to my satisfaction that there is a Higher Power out there who wants the best for me, I have faith now. Maybe this is why I look back on my journey and have a hard time finding the struggles. Maybe it's my new attitude of gratitude that keeps me looking to the positive rather than the negative. Whatever the reason, I'd like to say that
I struggled in the program, but it was worth it.

One day at a time...
I will remember to turn to the program to help maintain my peace and serenity,especially through the bad times.

~ Rhonda

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Each Day a New Beginning

There were deep secrets, hidden in my heart, never said for fear others would scoff or sneer. At last I can reveal my sufferings, for the strength I once felt in silence has lost all its power.
—Deidra Sarault

There is magic in sharing ourselves with someone else. We learn from Steps Four and Five that what we thought were heinous acts are not unusual. Our shameful acts are not unique, and this discovery is our gift when we risk exposure.

Realizing how much we are like others gives us strength, and the program paves the way for us to capture that strength whenever and wherever we sense our need. Secrets block us from others and thus from God too. The messages we need to hear, the guidance offered by God, can't be received when we close ourselves off from the caring persons in our lives. They are the carriers of God's message.

How freeing to know we share the same fears, the same worries. Offering our story to someone else may be the very encouragement she needs at this time. Each of us profits from the sharing of a story. We need to recognize and celebrate our "sameness." When we share ourselves, we are bonded. Bonding combines our strength.

Silence divides us. It diminishes our strength. Yet all the strength we need awaits us. I will let someone else know me today.

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Food for Thought

Head Hunger

Those of us who overeat are responding to distorted signals. When we consume food that harms rather than helps our bodies, we are eating in response to some irrational demand in our head rather than because of legitimate physical hunger. The mental obsession with food is an illusion, but one to which we cling with great tenacity.

When we feel "hungry," we need to stop and evaluate the signal. Is it coming from our stomach or from our head? Often, it is after a meal that we most strongly crave something more to eat. This is either because we ate so fast that our stomach has not had time to register satisfaction or because eating has awakened a giant, insatiable appetite for more. It is frequently our mind that wants more, even after our body has had quite enough.

Emotions such as fear, anger, and anxiety can trigger "head hunger." We need perception and insight to know whether the hunger comes from our body or our mind.

May I learn to respond to the legitimate needs of my body.

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The Language of Letting Go

Relationship Martyrs

Many of us have gone so numb and discounted our feelings so completely that we have gotten out of touch with our needs in relationships.

We can learn to distinguish whose company we enjoy, whether we're talking about friends, business acquaintances, dates, or spouses. We all need to interact with people we might prefer to avoid, but we don't have to force ourselves through long-term or intimate relationships with these people.

We are free to choose friends, dates, and spouses. We are free to choose how much time we spend with those people we can't always choose to be around, such as relatives. This is our life. This is it. We can decide how we want to spend our days and hours. We're not enslaved. We're not trapped. And not one of us is without options. We may not see our options clearly. Although we may have to struggle through shame and learn to own our power, we can learn to spend our valuable hours and days with the people we enjoy and choose to be with.

God, help me value my time and life. Help me place value on how I feel being around certain people. Guide me as I learn to develop healthy, intimate, sharing relationships with people. Help me give myself the freedom to experiment, explore, and learn who I am and who I can be in my relationships.

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Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

First we work the program because we have to. Then we work the program because we are willing to. Finally we work the program because we want to.
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When you do all the talking you only learn what you already know.
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Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed.
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If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
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Sponsors: have one, use one, be one.

You are reading from the book:

Keep Coming Back Gift Book by Meiji Stewart

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

One receives only that which is given. The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words, return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.
—Florence Scovel Shin

Each of us can attest to the truth of this passage. During the difficult times, however, it is not uppermost in our minds that "what goes around, comes around." It feels all too easy to be justifiably resentful or to gossip, or to ignore another's presence. And the repercussions are seldom immediate. They will come, though.

Goodness is likewise repaid. Giving love, attention, and respect to the individuals who share our lives and to the people who cross our paths by chance, will smooth our own passage day by day. The effects of our goodness will often be felt quickly. A smile elicits a smile. Kind thoughts bless us as well as the receiver. Life events do come full circle.

With a bit of effort, I can smile at someone today, even though I'm frowning inside. Both will be better for it.

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Food for Thought

Taking Inventory

Blaming circumstances and other people for our difficulties, including compulsive overeating, is counterproductive. We cannot control external circumstances or other people, but we can work on changing ourselves. In order to change, we first need to be aware of the attitudes and characteristics, which get us into trouble. If we overeat or have a tantrum when we do not get our own way, then we need to learn how to function without demanding that everything should go according to our personal schedule and preference.

We take inventory in Step Four and we continue to take it in Step Ten. It is a valuable tool for our growth. The amazing result is that as we recognize and begin to correct personal defects, our relationships with others improve tremendously. With a positive change in our attitude and behavior, there is a corresponding change in the way other people respond to us.

Taking inventory involves recognizing our good qualities as well as our weaknesses. In OA, we measure our wealth not by what we have but by what we have given.

Teach me to give.

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The Language of Letting Go

Making Life Easier

Life doesn't have to be hard.

Yes, there are times we need to endure, struggle through, and rely on our survival skills. But we don't have to make life, growth, recovery, change, or our day-to-day affairs that hard all the time.

Having life be that hard is a remnant of our martyrdom, a leftover from old ways of thinking, feeling, and believing. We are worthy, even when life isn't that hard. Our value and worth are not determined by how hard we struggle.

If we're making it that hard, we may be making it harder than it needs to be, said one woman. Learn to let things happen easily and naturally. Learn to let events, and our participation in them, fall into place. It can be easy now. Easier than it has been. We can go with the flow, take the world off our shoulders, and let our Higher Power ease us into where we need to be.

Today, I will stop struggling so hard. I will let go of my belief that life and recovery have to be hard. I will replace it with a belief that I can walk this journey in ease and peace. And sometimes, it can actually be fun.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Grief may be a pathway to our deepest connections.

People often say, "I don't want to burden you with my troubles, you have enough to worry about." Yet sharing our troubles with our partner or close friends lightens our burden and restores our balance. Telling someone our experiences and how we feel about them helps us find and create the meaning that lurks behind them, even though they at first seem only crazy and random. Sharing with others pulls us out of isolation and brings our friends and mate into the circle of our lives.

We may be surprised to feel the knots in our stomachs loosen when we tell our stories and recount our worries or grief. Grief may make us feel more alone than anything. But it may also be a pathway for our deepest connection with each other. When we reach out and talk with our friends or mate, we break down the wall of isolation and build bridges that connect us.

Tell your partner about any grief you carry today.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

. . . we could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.
—Helen Keller

We chase after joy, like a child after a firefly, being certain that in joy all problems are solved, all questions are answered. Joy has its rewards, and we deserve them. But life has more to teach us.

We need to learn patience; through patience we come to respect time and its passage, and we are mellowed. We need to learn tolerance; through tolerance our appreciation of another's individuality is nurtured. We need to learn self-respect; self-respect prepares us to contribute more freely to our experiences, and we find wholeness.

Life's travails are our opportunities for lasting, enriching joy. The rough spots deepen our understandings. And these help us to bring joy to the lives of the friends near and dear.

I need not turn my back on joy. But I will be glad for all life's experiences. The panorama will sustain me more fully.

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Food for Thought

Homesickness

There are certain foods, which we will always associate with home and which make us nostalgic to recapture the past. No matter how much we eat, we cannot go back home and again be the babies and little children we were. No food will satisfy our longing for the love, care, and safety most of us associate with home. Even (and especially) if our dependency needs were not met when we were young, eating unnecessary food now will not help.

As we grow in relationship with our Higher Power, we begin to believe that home lies ahead, rather than behind us. We begin to see that our homesickness is for a spiritual state instead of a physical place. Wherever we are, we are pilgrims and travelers, not sure of our final destination but drawn toward something more than what we know in this world. We sense that though we are in the world, we are not of it, that we are homesick for a spiritual fulfillment.

May our homesickness bring us closer to You.

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The Language of Letting Go

Being Vulnerable

Part of recovery means learning to share ourselves with other people. We learn to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections - not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves. This sharing is a catalyst in healing and changing.

Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections because that makes us vulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, and people tried to control, manipulate, or exploit us, or they made us feel ashamed.

Some of us in recovery have hurt ourselves by being vulnerable. We may have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence. Or we may have told the wrong people at an inappropriate time, and scared them away.

We learn from our mistakes - and despite our mistakes, it is still a good thing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest. We can learn to choose safe people with whom to share ourselves. We can learn to share appropriately, so we don't scare or push people away. We can also learn to let others be vulnerable with us.

Today, God, help me learn to be appropriately vulnerable. I will not let others exploit or shame me for being vulnerable, and I will not exploit myself.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Life guarantees a chance - not a fair shake.
--Bernie Y.

Life is not fair. Most of us know that, but few of us accept it. Something in us often clings to the idea that ultimately, the gifts will all be evenly divided. Mostly we want to be paid back for the injustices of the past. Many of us expect - no, demand - redress from fate. We think life should "make it up" to us somehow. That's why it's so hard for us to go on discovering, again and again, what we already know: Life is not fair.

The good job that should have been ours, the accident that crippled a loved one, unwanted childlessness - these things are not fair. But life is like soil, not like seed. The chance of a harvest is there, but only if we plant the seed. And even then we may not get the harvest we expected or wished for - not on our own timetable. It is an act of faith, and of great courage, to keep on sowing seeds when we don't know what we're going to get. But it's the only chance we have. We need to stop expecting the soil to provide the seed.

Today, I will be grateful to be alive. This day offers a chance for a fuller life, and I will accept what comes of my efforts.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

Wisdom never kicks at the iron walls it can't bring down.
—Olive Schreiner

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Many times - yesterday, last week, today, and even tomorrow - we'll come face-to-face with a seemingly intolerable situation. The compulsion to change the situation, to demand that another person change the situation, is great. What a hard lesson it is, to learn we can change only ourselves! The hidden gift in this lesson is that as our activities change, often the intolerable situations do, too.

Acceptance, after a time, smoothes all the ripples that discourage us. And it softens us. It nurtures wisdom. It attracts joy and love from others. Ironically, we often try to force changes that we think will "loosen" love and lessen struggle. Acceptance can do what our willpower could never accomplish.

As we grow in wisdom, as we grow in understanding, as we realize the promises of this program, we'll stand ready, as women, to weather all our personal storms. Like the willow in the wind, we'll bend rather than break. And we'll be able to help our sisters become wise through our example.

My lessons are not easy. But they will ease my way. Better days begin, today.

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Food for Thought

Conflicts

To be alive is to have conflicts. We find ourselves in disagreement with other people and in conflict with ourselves. Often, the things we want seem mutually exclusive, such as more money and more free time, more food and fewer pounds.

Our Higher Power does not promise us freedom from conflict, at any rate, not in this life. Like all growing organisms, we struggle with opposing forces. Frequently, our overeating is an attempt to escape the conflicts, which we should be facing. Sometimes we need to be more self-assertive with those around us instead of futilely trying to suppress justifiable indignation with food. There are times when we need to fight for our legitimate requirements.

We cannot always resolve our internal conflicts without a long and difficult battle. Time and maturity are often necessary before a problem is seen in its proper perspective. Some problems we may expect to wrestle with as long as we live. Having faith in the light, even when we cannot see it, makes our darkness bearable.

Lighten our darkness, Lord.

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The Language of Letting Go

Surrender

Master the lessons of your present circumstances.

We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance.

Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door.

Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason. There is a lesson, a valuable lesson that must be learned before we can move forward.

Something important is being worked out in us, and in those around us. We may not be able to identify it today; but we can know that it is important. We can know it is good.

Overcome not by force, overcome by surrender. The battle is fought, and won, inside ourselves. We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free.

Today, I will be open to the lessons of my present circumstances. I do not have to label, know, or understand what I'm learning; I will see clearly in time. For today, trust and gratitude are sufficient.

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Today's thought for Hazelden is:

The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exist; ours only is the present's tiny point.
--Shabistari

We are tempted to look back and to look ahead. But what we most need to do is be present in this moment, with ourselves, with our loved ones and friends, and with our experience right here and right now. When we were lost and asleep in our using days and codependency, we could not be emotionally present. Our thoughts were taken up with how we would get our next drink, our next big gambling win, or with how to handle the latest crisis. To be emotionally present and live in the moment; this takes time, and it's a frame of mind that develops as we grow in recovery.

One way we become more present in the moment is to practice gratitude. We can always name a few things we feel grateful for - small and big things, funny and serious things. Looking through the lens of gratitude brings us into the immediate moment.

Today I will look at my day through the lens of gratitude.

You are reading from the book:

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

The pain of love is the pain of being alive. It's a perpetual wound.
—Maureen Duffy

We live in one another's company. We grow to yearn for one another's company at a deeper level. The yearning reciprocated, opens the way to a love relationship, a relationship both blessed and torn by intimacies.

It's human to long for love, to want to shower it and receive it. But the pain of waiting for it doesn't match the pain that accompanies its arrival. Love heightens our sensitivities. Any separations, any discrepancies, physical or emotional, wound the partners in love. The pain that accompanies never having something is less than the pain of projected loss after its arrival.

Love should bring only happiness, we mistakenly think. But love, giving it and receiving it, beckons us to bare our souls, to expose our hidden selves. The fear of rejection, the anxiety that we'll be rejected "when they know the real me" is large and looms over our shoulders.

How lucky we are to have this program, these Steps, which if practiced in all our affairs will prepare us for love and loving. They will help us to live with the pain of love, knowing that it increases our humanity - that it deepens our awarenesses and thus, heightens our appreciation of all of life.

The pain of love increases my rapture.

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Food for Thought

Satisfaction Comes from Inside

Why do we continually expect to be satisfied by taking in and possessing things from the outside? Amassing material goods and possessions more often than not stimulates rather than satisfies our appetite. What we do and contribute satisfies us more than what we have and consume.

When we are at peace within ourselves and in contact with our Higher Power, we make fewer demands on the outside world. When we are able to use our abilities in productive work and can give of our emotional and spiritual strength to other people, we feel replete.

Nothing from the outside can bring us happiness if we are at war with ourselves. Chronic dissatisfaction indicates that we have not turned our will and our lives over to God's care, but are still trying to run the show egotistically. Complete surrender opens the way to satisfaction.

I want to surrender to the inner needs of my spirit.

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The Language of Letting Go

Feeling Good

Having boundaries doesn't complicate life; boundaries simplify life.
—Beyond Codependency

There is a positive aspect to boundary setting. We learn to listen to ourselves and identify what hurt us and what we don't like. But we also learn to identify what feels good.

When we are willing to take some risks and begin actively doing so, we will enhance the quality of our life.

What do we like? What feels good? What brings us pleasure? Whose company do we enjoy? What helps us to feel good in the morning? What's a real treat in our life? What are the small, daily activities that make us feel nurtured and cared for?

What appeals to our emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical self? What actually feels good to us?

We have deprived ourselves too long. There is no need to do that anymore, no need. If it feels good, and the consequences are self-loving and not self-defeating, do it!

Today, I will do for myself those little things that make life more pleasurable. I will not deny myself healthy treats.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Living according to principles

If we live according to spiritual principles, we will know harmony in our lives. If we ignore these principles, our harmony will be destroyed.
Fortunately, the principles are constant. Once we recognize our mistakes, our task is to once again apply the principles we learned and harmony will return.

Am I living according to spiritual principles?

Higher Power, help me to be aware of and live according to principles.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

Lealonnie

Recovery Meditations: June 15th

PERFECTIONISM

"The wise man, the true friend the finished character
we seek everywhere and only find in fragments."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Like a spider, perfectionism builds its web through every fiber of my life. My perfectionism leads me to a host of other character defects. When I expect people to be perfect, I can be plagued with self-absorption. When I think of myself as "better than them," I practice being judgmental towards others ~ especially when I see behaviors that I'd never do. It also leads to my defects of self-criticism and self-loathing. I begin to hate myself for all the things that I can't do perfectly. I'm afraid to try things for fear of not doing them perfectly and looking like a failure.

Perfectionism leads me to procrastination and sometimes paralysis. This obsession for my wanting something to be just right -- or put in just the right place -- causes all sorts of feelings that can overwhelm me. Mostly it's a fear of what another might think of me if I owned this thing or put it in that illogical place. I learned as a child that being perfect meant that I was validated as a human; therefore my perfectionism is hard for me to be willing to let God remove.

One day at a time...
I will become willing to let God remove my defect of perfectionism. I will forgive myself and others for not being perfect. I will focus on a person's best moment instead of zeroing in on a person's defects.

~ Pam

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Each Day a New Beginning

For many years I was so flexible I didn't know who I was, and now that I'm discovering who I am, I think, "OK, I know where I stand on that issue. Now on to the next one." But I have to remind myself that all issues are interrelated--no one is separate.
—Kathleen Casey Theisen
Today flows from yesterday, the day before, the day before that. Tomorrow repeats the pattern. What we are given on any one day will have its beginning in the past and its finale in the future. No incident is isolated entirely; no issue is self-contained.

Maturity is being able to let go of outgrown attitudes, stifling opinions, no matter how good and right they were at one time. Our egos often get too attached to some of our opinions, and new ideas can't filter in. Some will try to get our attention today. We are ready for new growth. The choice not to hamper it is ours to make.

The opinions we held certain yesterday may not be adequate to the problems of today. They need not be. They served us well. They are not for naught.

Today's issues need today's fresh responses. I will be unafraid. Today flows from yesterday, the day before, and the day before that. Tomorrow follows suit.

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Food for Thought

Our Barometer

When we find ourselves preoccupied with thoughts of food, we know that something is wrong. Our obsession acts as a barometer, which measures emotional pressure. If we are out of tune with our Higher Power, if doubt, resentment, and egotism are taking over, then our disease symptoms begin to surface. It is time to stop and take inventory.

The experiences, which other compulsive overeaters share with us, give insight into our own behavior. We gain a sharper awareness of our own defects and are less prone to blame external circumstances for our hurts and difficulties.

If we are becoming obsessed with food again, or if we are rationalizing deviations from our eating plan, we need to carefully examine our emotional and spiritual life. Something is out of gear. Concentration on Steps Ten and Eleven is especially important when compulsive thoughts and behavior indicate that all is not well.

Make me sensitive to the state of my emotional and spiritual health, I pray.

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The Language of Letting Go

Competition Between Martyrs

"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"

My pain is greater than yours!

What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!

We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.

The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.

If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.

If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?

There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.

That is the gift of recovery, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.

God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated me into it.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Taking Care of Ourselves

It's healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That's different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self-defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior - a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized - because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.

Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of recovery means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don't.

Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.

But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.

Today, I will evaluate whether I've slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another's feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibility to place value on myself.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

All of us have unique talents and gifts. No obstacle, be it physical, mental or emotional, has the power to destroy our innate creative energies.
—Liane Cordes

Believing this fully is difficult at times; for some of us, most of the time. But it is true. What each of us can contribute to the world is unlike every other contribution. Each talent is slightly different from every other talent. And they are all needed. We are all needed.

Creativity - any kind - writing, photography, cooking, childcare, weaving, managing, woodworking - nourishes the self that feels isolated and worthless. And as the self is nourished, it grows; it recovers.

Recovery means changing our lifestyle. It means reaching out to others and being there for one another. It means rejoining the human race by giving of ourselves. Our talents are the gifts the human race awaits, needs, in fact. Do we know our talents?

I will search out my secret dreams today. In them lie my talents. I will develop them. Help awaits me.

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Food for Thought

Positive Addiction

Since we seem to have addictive types of personalities, we can make this characteristic work for us, rather than against us. We can develop life-enhancing habits - positive addictions.

The OA program is an example of positive addiction. We become habituated to writing down a food plan, attending meetings, making phone calls, and working the program. We replace the negative addiction to compulsive overeating with a positive commitment to abstinence.

Other activities, which we perform regularly take on the character of positive habits. Exercise is a healthy routine. Hobbies and creative self-expression can be habitual parts of our daily schedule. Whenever we choose a life-enhancing activity and perform it regularly until it becomes an ingrained habit, we are using our addictive tendency to build ourselves up rather than tear ourselves down.

Thank You, Lord, for positive addictions.

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The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Timing

"When the time is right, child." When the time is right. How often have we heard those words - from a friend, a sponsor, our Higher Power?

We want things so badly - that job, that check, a relationship, a possession. We want our life to change.

So we wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes anxiously, wondering all the while: When will the future bring me what I long for? Will I be happy then?

We try to predict, circling dates on the calendar, asking questions. We forget that we don't hold the answers. The answers come from God. If we listen closely, we'll hear them. When the time is right, child. When the time is right.

Be happy now.

Today, I will relax. I am being prepared. I can let go of timing. I can stop manipulating outcomes. Good things will happen when the time is right, and they will happen naturally.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I don't believe in predicting, especially about the future.
-- Casey Stengel

With the pace of change continuing to accelerate, the future is not what it used to be. From one moment to the next, no one can be certain of anything. Your job, your marriage, and your relationship to your children - none of these may be the same next year, next month, or even next week.

How does one survive this changing landscape? First, by being flexible and adaptable - ready to change course at any moment. Be prepared to "roll with the punches" and release your old attachments or current expectations.

Second, practice living one day at a time. Realize that the only thing you can really affect is how you feel this instant. By focusing on the present moment, you can continue to experience peace and joy - no matter how the outer circumstances may change.

Finally, know that the removal of old securities opens the way to new opportunities. Human consciousness is moving to ever-higher levels of awareness. How much easier the journey is when we flow with the process of change.

You are reading from the book:

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

Everyday . . . life confronts us with new problems to be solved which force us to adjust our old programs accordingly.
—Dr. Ann Faraday

Facing the day straight on is occasionally difficult to do. There are those days we feel like crawling under the covers and staying there, certain that we can't handle whatever might be asked of us. Maybe today is one of those days. Perhaps we feel 12 years old, instead of 42. To consciously behave like a responsible 42-year-old is out of the question. Acting "as if" is the next best thing, the program tells us, and it is.

Acting "as if" also comes in handy when only a minor kink interferes with the day's progression. Most problems don't fit an easy solution or a familiar one. However, most problems are dispensed with by seeing them as opportunities for creative response, calmly seeking guidance and then moving ahead slowly, being aware of the effects of our actions.

Today, and every day, I will have an opportunity to think creatively and to rely on my inner guide. Instead of dreading the unfamiliar, I will be glad for it. It's moving me ever closer to understanding life's mysteries.

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Food for Thought

Research

In OA meetings, we sometimes hear reports of "research" done by a member who breaks abstinence in order to find out whether he or she is still a compulsive overeater. The experiment invariably proves that once a compulsive overeater, always a compulsive overeater. Among the results are remorse, regained weight, and weakened control.

It has been said that we are like someone who has lost a leg. We do not grow a new one. We can, nevertheless, learn to live with our disability if we are willing to abstain and follow the OA program. Most of us find that we cannot go back to eating binge foods moderately, but we can avoid them. We are like the alcoholic who can lead a normal, satisfying life as long as he or she stays away from alcohol.

Further research is not necessary. By accepting our need for a disciplined eating plan, we can benefit from the experience of those who have been in the program longer than we.

May I remember that further research is unnecessary.

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The Language of Letting Go

Hanging on to Old Relationships

We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.

Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger, resentments, feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.

If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go around with that lesson before we are ready to move on.

We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?

Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?

It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new, more rewarding experiences.

We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.

Let go of your baggage from past relationships.

Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity.
--Aristotle

Once we have embarked upon this program, we find spiritual recovery through relationships more than any other single factor. We find it through relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with our Higher Power. But most of us in recovery need to learn how to be in a relationship. We have to give up ideas that a friendship is an intense connection or a conflict-free blending of like minds.

A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue. If there is conflict or if we make a mistake or fail to do what our friend wants of us, we don't end the friendship. We simply have the next exchange to resolve the differences. Our dialogue continues over time, and time - along with many amends - builds the bond. With it develops a deepening sense of reliability and trusting one another. When we have lived with our friend through many experiences - or with our Higher Power - we gain a feeling that we really know him or her in a way we could never have in a brief intense connection.

Today, I will do what I need to do to be reliable in my friendships.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Lealonnie

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Each Day a New Beginning

If people only knew the healing power of laughter and joy, many of our fine doctors would be out of business. Joy is one of nature's greatest medicines. Joy is always healthy. A pleasant state of mind tends to bring abnormal conditions back to normal.
—Catherine Ponder

Feeling joyful may not come naturally to us most of the time. We may, in fact, have to "act as if" with great effort. We may not even recognize genuine joy in the beginning. A technique for finding it is living fully in the present and with gratitude for all we can see, touch, and feel.

The open and honest expression of gratitude for the presence of the ones closest to us now creates a rush within our breasts, a rush that will be shared by our friends, too. Joy is contagious. Joy is freeing. Joy brings into focus our distorted perceptions. Greeting life with joy alters every experience for us and for those we share it with.

I will bring joy wherever I go today. I will give the gift of joy to everyone I meet.

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Food for Thought

More Than Bread

Without a Higher Power, we grasp at material things for security and inspiration. Since they do not give us the ultimate satisfaction we seek, we are left in despair. We need more than bread, but we do not know how to go about getting it.

OA leads us back to the spiritual basis of our lives, which we may have lost. All we have to do is be willing to believe in a Power greater than ourselves. When we see what has happened to others who have suffered from the same hunger that plagues us and who have found meaning and fulfillment, we let go of some of our doubt and cynicism.

Lack of faith is perhaps our greatest impediment to spiritual progress. We have been thing-oriented for so long that it is difficult to change. We can agree, however, that the food we overate was not enough to satisfy us. That there is a spiritual source of nourishment, which will be adequate for our needs, is a conviction, which grows stronger the longer we work the OA program.

I pray for the spiritual food which satisfies.

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The Language of Letting Go

Spontaneity and Fun

Practice being spontaneous. Practice having fun.

The joy of recovery is that we finally get to experiment. We get to learn new behaviors, and we don't have to do them perfectly. We only need to find a way that works for us. We even have fun experimenting, learning what we like, and how to do what we like.

Many of us have gotten into a rut with rigidity, martyrdom, and deprivation. One of the "normal" experiences many of us have been deprived of is having fun. Another one is being spontaneous. We may not have the foggiest notion what we would like to do for fun. And we may hold ourselves in check so tightly that we wouldn't allow ourselves to try something fun anyway.

We can let ourselves go a little now and then. We can loosen up a bit. We don't have to be so stiff and rigid, so frightened about being who we are. Take some risks. Try some new activities. What would we like to do? What might we enjoy doing? Then, take another risk. Pick out a movie we'd like to see; call a friend, and invite him or her to go along. If that person says no, try someone else, or try again another time.

Decide to try something, and then go through with it. Go once. Go twice. Practice having fun until fun becomes fun.

Today, I will do something just for fun. I will practice having fun until I actually enjoy it.

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Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Dust on diamonds, tears we cry, first we walk, then we fly.
--Mark Chapple

"First things first," "Easy does it," and "Keep it simple" are the touchstones of our recovery. At first, we may grasp recovery like a drowning person. We find that the harder we hold on to our life raft, the harder it is to relax and stay afloat. Letting go a little, we begin to trust that we won't sink. We learn to keep it simple and concentrate on only one thing at a time. We surrender to our life raft and trust that we will be gently carried ashore.

Keeping it simple means trusting others to help us. It allows us to step out of the center of the universe and hold on gently to our supportive friends and our own process of growth.

Today let me get back to basics. Keeping it simple will keep me on the right track.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Friday, June 20, 2014

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Monday, June 16, 2014

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Saturday, June 14, 2014

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Thursday, June 12, 2014