Daily Recovery Readings: January 9th

Recovery Meditations: January 9th

OPEN MINDEDNESS
Let go of your attachment to being right,
and suddenly your mind is more open.
You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others,
without being crippled by your own judgment.
Ralph Marston

Before joining this program much of my life was taken up with defending myself against those who would hurl abuse. I kept everything and everybody at arm's length in a bid to protect my increasingly fragile and sensitive self-assurance. As time marched on, and my disease became parasitical, the walls around me grew higher and isolation drew me inwards.

Ironically, the fortress I was building didn’t protect me from myself and I soon became my own worst enemy. My self-loathing and my unceasing search for perfection led me deeper into a self-induced state of depression. Keeping everybody out and locking myself in became an exhausting exercise. 

On entering the 12 Step program I soon realized that the fortress I had so carefully built to protect myself against the outside world was also preventing any kind of light, warmth and love from entering in.

As my journey of recovery progressed, brick by brick the walls came down and afforded me the nourishment I needed to blossom and grow. In learning to accept myself, I found that what others thought of me paled into insignificance. I learned that there was a wealth of experience, strength and hope which would help me along the journey. I learned that I could take what I needed and put down the remainder, without the resentment, anger, fear or pain, which previously would have sent me running for cover.

One Day at a Time . . .
I aim to be willing to keep my mind open, to accept what I need to continue my journey, and to leave the rest.

~ Sue G ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

The Chinese say that water is the most powerful element, because it is perfectly nonresistant. It can wear away a rock and sweep all before it.
  —Florence Scovel Shinn

Nonresistance, ironically, may be a posture we struggle with. Nonresistance means surrendering the ego absolutely. For many of us, the ego, particularly disguised as false pride, spurred us on to struggle after struggle. "Can't they see I'm right?" we moaned, and our resistance only created more of itself. Conversely, flowing with life, "bubbling" with the ripples, giving up our ego, releases from us an energy that heals the situation - that smooths the negative vibrations in our path. Peace comes to us.

We will find serenity each time we willingly humble ourselves.

Resistance is more familiar. Nonresistance means growth and peace. I'll try for serenity today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. 

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Food For Thought

 

Use the Telephone

When we join OA, we discover that we are not alone. We become part of a large network of individuals who share a common problem, compulsive overeating, and who gain strength and support from each other. The telephone is our lifeline. A phone conversation is a mini meeting, and most of us find that we need several each day.

It is suggested that we make at least three phone calls every day, in addition to calling our food sponsor. We call in times of temptation and difficulty, and we also call when we have good news to share. A phone call may be a means of preventing problems later in the day or it may be simply a gesture of friendship and fellowship - keeping in touch.

Whatever the reason, the person called is helped as much as the caller. The telephone call is a reminder that none of us is alone, that we have a program, which sustains us, and that together we shall succeed.

May I not be too proud or too shy or too busy to use the telephone.

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The Language of Letting Go

 

Responsibility for Ourselves

We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons.
  —CODEPENDENT NO MORE

Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we're responsible for theirs.

It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.

Caretaking doesn't work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.

The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves - for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.

Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. 

 

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Today I will review the goals I've set for myself.

Have I met some of them? Do some of them seem out of reach? If so, I will consider how I can simplify them by breaking them down into smaller goals.

If one of my goals is to live in a nicer house, I'll look at ways I can begin to work toward that goal. Do I already know what kind of house I want? Where is it? What does it look like? How much will it cost? Perhaps I can change my spending habits, save more money, or begin to establish my credit. I might simply picture my new house in my mind or cut out a picture and tape it on my mirror.

If one of my goals is to have a specific career, I will get a catalog from a college and find out what classes might prepare me for that career. Perhaps I could go to a career training school, work toward a promotion at my current job, or get my GED, I can ask for the help I need to accomplish this.

Today I will choose one goal that seems hard to reach and make a list of the steps necessary to achieve it. When I work toward my goals one step at a time, I can feel successful with each day.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

 

Daily Recovery Readings: January 8th

Recovery Meditations: January 8th

RESENTMENT

"You will not be punished for your anger,
you will be punished by your anger.
Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts
of resentment are cherished in the mind."
Buddha 

It was not until I came into the program that I learned that resentment is just another name for anger. There are some areas in which letting go of resentment is not so easy, especially when dealing with hurtful words. Word wounds have a tendency to fester. The program shows me how to approach someone and make amends to them for saying something hurtful. That can be extremely healing. Unfortunately, there is no step in the program which makes provisions for others to make amends to me when my feelings are hurt.

I have learned something that has helped: telling others how I feel when my feelings are hurt. Instead of internalizing my feelings, I am beginning to speak up and ask, “Why did you say that? I felt hurt when you said that.”

Doing this releases the negativity and turns it into a positive action for me. Rather than just reacting to a bad situation, I am taking positive action. When I begin to take positive action, I find myself surrounded with positive influences and I am letting go of those friendships which are unhealthy.

One day at a time...
I will take positive action and surround myself with positive influences.

~ Marilyn S.

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Each Day A New Beginning

When people make changes in their lives in a certain area, they may start by changing the way they talk about that subject, how they act about it, their attitude toward it, or an underlying decision concerning it.
  —Jean Illsley Clarke

Acting "as if" is powerful. It leads the way to a changed attitude, a changed woman. If we are self-conscious in crowds and fearful about meeting new people and yet act poised and extend our hands in friendship, we'll not only behave in a new way, but feel good about it, too. Each act we take in this way brings us closer to the woman we are behaving like. Each positive change we make builds our self-esteem.

Realizing that through our own actions we are becoming the kind of women we admire gives us the strength, in fact, encourages the excitement in us that's needed to keep changing. Making positive changes in our lives is the stuff that comprises self-esteem. Each gain makes the next one easier to attempt.

I will accept an opportunity today to act "as if" I can handle a situation I used to run from.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

The Bottom Line

For everything worthwhile in life, there is a price to pay. The price is the bottom line. There is no free lunch. While we have learned that we cannot overcome compulsive eating without the support of our Higher Power and the OA group, we also know that OA is not a free ride to ideal weight maintenance. Each of us must look at the bottom line.

The price of freedom from compulsive overeating is the avoidance of all personal binge foods. It is the discipline of measured meals every day. We cannot have a new life of freedom from compulsion if we continue to cling to our old excesses. We cannot be free and overeat at the same time. We must be willing to pay the price.

As we move along each day in abstinence, we form new habits and we become accustomed to living without extra, unnecessary food. We begin to change in positive, constructive ways. One day at a time, in small installments, we pay the price of our new growth and progress. What we gain is infinitely more than worth the cost!

May I be willing to pay the price today.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

Vulnerability

Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on "feelings freeze mode" when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don't want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share, in fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.

That was yesterday. Today, we don't have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don't have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.

We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that's appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don't have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.

Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it's showing us we're going in a wrong direction; maybe it's triggering a deep healing process.

It's okay to feel hurt; it's okay to cry; it's okay to heal; it's okay to move on to the next feeling, when it's time. Our willingness and capacity to feel joy will eventually match our willingness and capacity to feel hurt.

Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.

Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. l am willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Suffering is a journey which has an end.
--Matthew Fox

Pain is part of life. To live a spiritual life, we need a way to understand the suffering we sometimes endure. Looking back at other difficult times can give us a better perspective of the pain we feel today. All of us can recall a loss or a sudden difficult change that we never would have chosen for ourselves. Perhaps it brought us face to face with insecurities or doubts about our survival. Now, after the suffering has ended, we see how much we grew. We changed; we were strengthened and, perhaps, were liberated by what happened to us.

Thoughts about today's suffering may not be clear as to what good it holds for us. But we are on a journey, and it can only happen one step at a time. We know that journeys teach us great lessons and they do have endings. Our pain today affirms that we are vital and alive people. We know others suffer as we do, and we can turn to each other to give and receive comfort while we are on the journey.

My pain will teach me something I need to know, and it will have an end. I will pay attention to its lessons.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Daily Recovery Readings: January 7th

Recovery Meditations: January 7th




~ FEELING OVERWHELMED ~
The social workers have named a new syndrome.
It's called "compassion fatigue."
Why does it sound so familiar?
Anne Wilson Schaef

For most of my life I have always cared for others, and have always been in the caring professions. I didn't think that was a bad thing until I was brought to my knees and arrived at my first program meeting. One of the character defects that I found I had was people pleasing. Because I was always trying to help and fix others, I also knew that I had a problem with control and lack of acceptance.

One of the things I am learning in the program is that, because for so many years I had hidden my emotions in food, there are still many layers of the onion that I haven't even begun to peel away. The amazing thing is that it is only when I reach a rock bottom of some sort that I am forced to look deeper at many issues that I have blocked for years. What I realize now is that I have spent so many years of my life taking care of others that I have forgotten to take care of me. No wonder I feel so overwhelmed!

I'm a compulsive caregiver, but in doing that, I have often neglected to see to my own needs. I am so grateful that I have become open to looking further into why I have always put others' needs before mine, and to being able to detach with love from many issues over which I am powerless, so that I can take better care of me.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember that in order to be able to care for and love others, I must first learn to care for and love myself.

~ Sharon S. ~

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 Each Day A New Beginning

The greatest gift we can give one another is rapt attention to one another's existence
  —-Sue Atchley Ebaugh

We all want to matter to others. Very often in the past and sometimes in the present, our behavior screams for the attention we seek from others. Perhaps, instead of trying to get attention, we ought to give it. The program tells us we have to give it away in order to keep it. Wisdom of the ages also dictates that in life there are no accidents. Those people close to us and those just passing through our lives have reason to be there. Giving attention to another's humanity is our calling.

I will fully attend to another person I have occasion to be with today. She will matter to me, and my attention will matter to her.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

 

Don't Take the First Compulsive Bite

OA says that if you don't take the first compulsive bite, you won't overeat. It is that first extra bite that gets us into trouble. The first bite may be as "harmless" as a piece of lettuce, but when eaten between meals and not as part of our daily plan, it invariably leads to another bite. And another, and another. And we have lost control. And there is no stopping.

It is the first compulsive bite that breaks abstinence. When we take it, we cheat ourselves and fall back into slavery to our appetites. To rationalize by saying that just a little deviation won't make any difference is like saying that someone is just a little bit pregnant.

All we have to give up is the first compulsive bite. Then we do not have to worry about the rest of them. Simple. Once we decide not to take the first one, our problem is solved. Abstinence is a lifeboat. It is possible to stay afloat in the lifeboat as long as we do not jump out by taking the first compulsive bite.

Thank you; Lord, for the saving gift of abstinence.

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The Language of Letting Go

Dealing with Painful Feelings

Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.

Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.

These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.

We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.

We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.

Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.

Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

We don't want to live in the past, but we do need to learn to live comfortably with it.

"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." This is a promise of the Twelve Step program.

One of the most useful tools we have for learning to live with our past is the Fourth Step inventory. Once we have examined our dark corners and shared with someone else the times when we did not live up to our expectations, we no longer fear reminders of those times, nor do we try to block them out.

It takes energy to try to hold shut the door to the past. Coming to terms with mistakes we have made, making amends, forgiving ourselves, and forgiving others releases this energy so we can use it for living more fully now, in the present. Allowing the door to the past to swing open in its own time gives us access to the good memories that we were also repressing.

Is there something I need to do today so that I can live more comfortably with the past?

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

Daily Recovery Readings: January 6th

Recovery Meditations: January 6th


LONELINESS
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted
is the most terrible poverty.
Mother Theresa

I remember being lonely for most of my growing up years. I never had many friends and never felt I fitted in, so I buried myself in studying and became an overachiever. I also buried myself in reading novels and lived in a fantasy world, always trying to escape that terrible empty feeling inside. I could be in a crowd of people or at home with my family, and yet the feeling of loneliness was always there. I didn't realize then that this was a kind of spiritual sickness, and I began to fill the "hole in my soul" with food; I was hoping food would take away the empty feeling. It took me years and a great deal of pain to realize that no amount of food could relieve that empty lonely feeling. Keeping busy couldn't help either. It was only when the pain of the food and the destructive things I was doing to myself became greater than the pain and the loneliness that I was trying to bury under mounds of food that I was brought to my knees and found the doors of my first program meeting.

Even though I wasn't sure that the program was for me at that first meeting, I knew then that I need never be alone. Other people suffered as I did and the feeling of not having to go it alone any more was very powerful. As I grow in the program and have discovered a Higher Power who is with me day and night, I have come to realize that I need never be alone. I can call on that Power at any time when I feel alone and scared. No longer do I have to feel the spiritual emptiness inside that used to drive me to food. 

One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember to call on my Higher Power for guidance and help with my life; in that way, I need never be alone. When I follow the path that God intended me to follow in the first place, the loneliness disappears.

~ Sharon ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

There are as many ways to live and grow as there are people. Our own ways are the only ways that should matter to us.
  —Evelyn Mandel

Wanting to control other people, to make them live as we'd have them live, makes the attainment of serenity impossible. And serenity is the goal we are seeking in this recovery program, in this life.

We are each powerless over others, which relieves us of a great burden. Controlling our own behavior is a big enough job. Learning to behave responsibly takes practice. Most of us in this recovery program have behaved irresponsibly for much of our lives. Emotional immaturity is slow to depart, but every responsible action we take gives us the courage for another - and then another. Our own fulfillment is the by-product of the accumulation of our own responsible actions. Others' actions need not concern us.

Today, I will weigh my behavior carefully. Responsible behavior builds gladness of heart.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. 

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Food For Thought

 

Withdrawal

Eliminating all refined sugar and flour may seem difficult, if not impossible at the beginning. Making the decision to avoid these foods, which trigger the craving for more and more, is what opens the door to freedom - freedom from the craving and freedom from fat.

We do not become free immediately. Some of us experience withdrawal discomfort, which is sometimes physical, sometimes psychological, and sometimes both. It is important to remember that the discomfort will pass, the craving will pass, and that if we remain abstinent, we will eventually feel much better. So much better that our bodies and our lives will seem new.

In order to walk into the world of freedom, we must go through the door of abstinence. We need not fear the pains of withdrawal. Growth is often painful. Many have gone before us and report that the eventual freedom is well worth the temporary suffering. Our Higher Power will give us the strength to endure and will never push us farther than we can go. When we are tempted to give in, a prayer and a phone call can save us.

Lead us into freedom, we pray.

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Relationships

If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life. 
  — Beyond Codependency

Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.

Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don't. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.

We're learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We're learning to be intimate with people when possible.

Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?

Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.

Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Oh, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.
--Sir Walter Scott

To deceive means to fool people into believing things that are not true. As addicts, we did this in many ways. We lied. We hid facts. We were sneaky. While we were trying to fool other people, we also fooled ourselves. Every lie was like a knot. Pretty soon we were a tangled mess. Our lives became unmanageable, tangled webs of life.

Our recovery program – an honesty program – tells us how we can untangle our lives. In the First Step, we admit we are all tangled up in our life of addiction. Second, we realize we can fix it. Third, we decide to take on the job of fixing it, no matter how much work it takes. In Steps Four and Five, we find the knots with the help of another person. In Steps Six to Ten, we untangle these knots.

Without the tangles, our life is free and ready to be used for whatever we decide. Steps Eleven and Twelve help us find good ways to use the gift of life.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, thanks for giving me my life, strong as a good rope. Please help me keep it straight by being honest today with myself and others in everything I do.

Today's Action

Today I will work on straightening out one knot – just one.

You are reading from the book:

God Grant Me... by Anonymous

Daily Recovery Readings: January 5th

Recovery Meditations: January 5th


PERSEVERANCE
“Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.” . . . James 1:2

It’s always been easy for me to feel sorry for myself. My life has been difficult since I was a very young child, and early on I developed a chip on my shoulder the size of a boulder. “Surely no one has ever suffered what I suffer,” I often told myself. I used my pain and loneliness as excuses for bitterness, cynicism, arrogance, and harshness. In a twisted manifestation of my sickness, I held onto my suffering as though it were a precious testament to how “special” I was. I was actually Proud of my hardships! By doing this, I was mocking James’ instruction to consider trials of our faith as reasons to rejoice, and I was sentencing myself to years of immaturity, lack of faith, conflict, resentment, and heartache.

Because I held onto my arrogant, self-defeating attitude, the trials I faced led only to more and more illnesses of my body, mind, soul, and spirit. I was a prisoner in my own mind – ignoring the fact that I held in my hand the key to my freedom.

In the last six months I have been hit with more profoundly chaotic, agonizing, destructive trials of faith than I’ve encountered in the last ten years. The number, frequency, and intensity of these events did what my rational mind could not do – they brought me to my knees and led me to finally surrender my efforts to control my life.

I thank God for the friends He’s given me in Recovery. Trusted Servants have prayed for me, listened to me, and encouraged me. They have shared with me their own stories of suffering and the growth they have gained through it. With God’s grace and the support of dear friends, I am learning to release my twisted hold on Suffering, and to instead cooperate with God’s work in me. As I focus my attention on the lessons He has for me, I find that even the most painful trials I face can – and will – produce perseverance and maturity, one day at a time.

One day at a time ... I will choose to welcome the lessons and growth that God has for me – even when they come disguised as horrific events in my life. I will choose perseverance over bitterness.  ~ Lisa

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Each Day A New Beginning

 

Instead of concentrating on why we can't do a thing, we would be wise to change our "Yes, but . . ." attitude to a more positive one. Saying "yes" means I really do want to change my life for the better.
   —Liane Cordes
We truly can do these things that are our "hearts' pure desires." However, most of us look at the whole task and feel overwhelmed. We need, instead, to look at the task's many parts. One part at a time, one day at a time, we can accomplish any goal we set for ourselves. I know a recovering woman who wrote a 300-page dissertation, the final achievement to obtain her PhD. When asked at a meeting how she ever did it, her reply was, "One word at a time." That's wonderful advice. No matter how many goals were missed or plans dashed when we were still using, now that we are recovering, each of us can do whatever is in our hearts - if we do it little by little, not all at once, today.

Today, I will do one small task that will contribute toward the achievement of a life goal.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Less Food, More Energy

When we have used excess food as a crutch for years, we think we need it to "keep up our energy." We have become especially dependent on the refined carbohydrates, sugar and flour, to give us a quick pickup when we are tired.

The truth of the matter is that the pickup, that sharp rise in blood sugar we got when we ate refined sugar and flour, was soon followed by an even sharper letdown. We ended up more tired than when we began! Excess food of any kind makes us groggy and lethargic.

When we eliminate the wrong kind of food and eat only the amount, which our bodies need for optimum functioning, we are amazed at the supply of energy we suddenly have. Jobs, which we have put off doing for years, begin to get done. We feel good. Instead of spending unnecessary time for extra eating and digesting, we have that time to use in productive, enjoyable activity.

Try it and see.

Lord, strengthen my body to serve You.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

Accepting Help

Some of us have felt so alienated that we've forgotten we're not alone. We've come to believe that we have to do it ourselves. Some of us have been abandoned. Some have gone without love. Some of us have gotten used to people never being there for us. Some of us have struggled, had hard lessons to learn.

God's there, always ready to help. There is an ample supply of people to care about us too. We will, if we want it, receive love and support, comfort and nurturing. If we take the risk to ask for it, help is there. We can draw on the strength of our recovery group and allow ourselves to be helped and supported by our Higher Power. Friends will come, good friends.

We aren't alone. And we don't have to do it ourselves. We're not doing it ourselves. There is no shortage of love. Not anymore.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to do it alone and my belief that I am alone. Help me tap into Your Divine Power and Presence, and your resources for love, support, and friendship. Open my eyes and heart so I can see the love, help, and support that's there for me. Help me know I am loved.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.
--Spanish proverb

The beauty of the Third Step is that there's no real work for us to do. Making a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God requires no energy, no movement. We don't have to grit our teeth. It's only a decision and can be made in the blink of an eye. The action comes from God.

We don't need to do anything to earn the grace of God. In fact, there isn't any way we could earn it. This grace is ours when we let it come to us. Trusting God's love for us is all it takes.

I will rest knowing that my life is in God's hands.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

Daily Recovery Readings: January 4th

Recovery Meditations: January 4th


HAPPINESS
Happiness is an achievement brought about by inner productiveness.
People succeed at being happy by building a liking for themselves.
Erich Fromm

It has been said that if one of us ever treated another human being the way we treated ourselves, we would be liable for criminal charges. I did not treat myself as a friend, someone I loved; I constantly fed into my unhappiness.

Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder Bill W. was asked, shortly before he died, to sum up the program in the lowest common denominator. He replied, "Get right with yourself, with God, then with your neighbor." Therefore, it stands to reason that I must start making friends with myself. I must treat myself with love and dignity, and the result will be happiness. To be happy, joyous, and free is the by-product of obedience to the program. 

One Day at a Time . . .
Am I going to try being happy?
Am I going to make friends with myself?
If not today, when?

~ Jeremiah ~

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Each Day A New Beginning 

 

Once I knew that I wanted to be an artist, I had made myself into one. I did not understand that wanting doesn't always lead to action. Many of the women had been raised without the sense that they could mold and shape their own lives, and so, wanting to be an artist (but without the ability to realize their wants) was, for some of them, only an idle fantasy, like wanting to go to the moon.
       —Judy Chicago

There are probably not many of us, in this recovery program, who grappled with life as straight on as Judy Chicago did. It is likely we didn't understand that we could mold and shape our lives. How lucky we are to be learning that now with the help of the Twelve Steps and one another. Each day we are confronted with many opportunities to make responsible choices, reasonable decisions. These choices and decisions are the molders, the shapers, of who we are becoming. Our identity as women is strengthened each time we thoughtfully make a choice. The action we take through making each choice gives our identity more substance--our wholeness as women is guaranteed through these choices.

Many opportunities to make choices will arise today. I can be thoughtful and make choices that will lead to my greater wholeness.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Three Meals a Day

For most of us, abstinence from compulsive overeating means three measured meals a day with nothing in between. Before we joined OA we often ate one enormous meal, all day long. Through this program, we find the discipline to eat according to our needs rather than our self-destructive cravings.

Unless a doctor has told us differently, we do not need more than three meals a day. As we practice this pattern, we retrain our overgrown appetites and learn to function in the real world. We can eat with our families instead of secretly snacking and bingeing.

We plan our three meals for the day, write them down, and report them to our food sponsor. Then, instead of nibbling here and there and thinking about food all day, we can forget about eating except when it is time for a planned, measured meal. As we acquire disciplined eating habits, we find that other areas of our lives become more ordered and productive. Freed from the bondage of self-will and impulse, we are guided by the sure hand of our Higher Power.

I am grateful for the order and sanity OA has brought into my life.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

Separating from Family Issues

We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.

Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.

Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.

We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.

We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.

We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family's issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.

Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we're addressing our issues.

We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.

We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them - where it belongs - and deal with our own issues.

Today, I will separate myself from family members, I am a separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Is there room in your day for the unexpected?

Recovery works best for me when I'm open to what comes along each day. I used to set rigid schedules for myself, write long lists of things to do, and proceed through the day wearing the blinders of my preconceived scenario. Binges were my way of rebelling against my own rigidity and also a protest against whatever upset my carefully made plans.

We miss a lot when we try to impose our own structure on the events of the day. Perhaps we do it out of anxiety, and perhaps we do it to feel we're in control, but it doesn't work.

However hard we try to ignore or prevent the unexpected, the unexpected occurs. One of the things recovery teaches us is that we can trust ourselves and our Higher Power to deal with whatever comes along. Using our inner resources, we are free to respond spontaneously to the real life situations that we encounter.

Today, I will be open to the unexpected. Who knows? It might be fun!

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

Daily Recovery Readings: January 3rd

Recovery Meditations: January 3rd



CHARACTER
DEFECTS
God seldom delivers virtues all wrapped
in a package and ready for use. Rather He puts
us in situations where by His help we can develop those virtues.
C. R. Findley

I have been reading and studying a lot about the 6th and 7th Steps lately. I have realized that these steps are threefold. I must first become aware of the defect of character. Next, I must accept that I own it and it no longer works for me as it once did. 

Lastly, I need to surrender that defect of character to my Higher Power. In the meantime, it is my job to act as if the change has already occurred. This means that I may come into contact with some seemingly obnoxious people who will mirror my character defects. I must remember that "Nothing happens in God's world by mistake," and they are here to teach me something. Maybe I am here to be the lesson for them. I may be the only example they ever see of a person trying to work and walk a spiritual path, in a 12 Step program of recovery. 

One Day at a Time . . .
God, I ask that You continue to help me to be aware of my actions and how they affect others, and to accept and become willing to relinquish my character defects to You.

~ Jeanine ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

 

Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore.
  —Dorothy Bryant

Sometimes we feel buried in sand, blocked, clogged, unable to move. Then we must remember that we are not alone. Help is at hand, if only we will ask for it. If we invoke our higher power, our source of spiritual strength can help us to believe that there is gold somewhere in all this sand, and that the sand itself is useful.

No one and no thing is good all the time. Let us remember that if we expect nothing but gold, we are distorting life, getting in our own way. We don't want to falsify the texture of our lives; the homespun quality helps us to appreciate the gold when it appears.

I will find some gold among the sand, today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Responding

Many of us find it difficult to accept the OA program at the beginning. Many of us cannot believe or are afraid to believe the good news at first. All we need to start is the desire to stop eating compulsively.

If we will be open to the program, we will find that it gradually unfolds. What we do not understand at the beginning becomes clear as we become ready to accept it. We shall never achieve perfection, but we can make progress every day.

When we are willing to grow and to change, God can work His miracles. OA is filled with members whose stories attest to the Power that has changed their lives.

I open myself to Your power, Lord.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

Nurturing Self Care

...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to listen.
  —Beyond Codependency

What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?

Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don't you trust? What doesn't feel right? What can't you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don't you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?

In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God's will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.

Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.

Today, I will affirm that I am a gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in its highest form.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Moral Inventory

It is fortunate that we can think in secret, because our thoughts would quickly get us in trouble if others could read them. In our thoughts, we can choose what we wish to reveal to others before we speak or act.

In the long run, however, we do not really conceal our true thoughts and feelings. The nature of our thoughts shapes our character and becomes part of us. It even affects our appearance. It is not difficult at all to identify people who are fearful, angry, or jealous.

This process has its good side, because kind thoughts and feelings also affect our appearance, and in positive ways. Norman Vincent Peale wrote, "God runs a beauty parlor," meaning that plain people with gracious thoughts tend to become more attractive as years wear on.

As AA members, we need not fear our own thoughts and feelings if we are continuing to work the program. As the sober years stretch out, we will be improving our thoughts and feelings, and this will tell others what the program is doing for us and through us.

I'll remember today that I don't really keep my thoughts and feelings secret. I will think well of myself and all others. I know that there are no hidden thoughts in the long run.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

Daily Recovery Readings: January 2nd

Recovery Meditations:  January 2nd



LETTING GO
“He who cannot rest, cannot work;
He who cannot let go, cannot hold on;
He who cannot find footing, cannot go forward.”
Harry Emerson Fosdick

Prior to walking through the doors of this program, my goal in life was to set up barricades against possible attacks. My mind was cluttered with battle strategies and defense tactics. I tried to predict every conceivable plot to topple me from my self-appointed throne. I sought to control situations in order to dominate the outcomes. To that end, I would bend over backwards to do for others what I didn’t want them to do for themselves. I maneuvered myself into positions of power so that I wasn’t presented with any surprises. Every situation was weighed for the probability of failure. I never took chances.

This process took time and vast amounts of energy. My mind was in a constant cacophony. Consequently, there was no room for growth, no space for acquiring new skills and no time to develop old ones. Every day was a constant juggling act between an ever-decreasing energy supply and an escalating demand to feel secure. The more I sought to control, the less I controlled.

Working through Step One brought my whole crusade to an end. I learned to let go of what I had laughingly called control. I learned to relinquish the helm and acknowledge that I wasn’t such a good driver. Almost instantly I became aware of a path beneath my feet. I was, for the first time in the longest time, moving forward. The scenery was changing and the outlook was brighter. 

One Day at a Time . . .
I will accept what I cannot do alone, and let go and let God.

~ Sue G

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Each Day A New Beginning

 

I believe that true identify is found . . . in creative activity springing from within. It is found, paradoxically, when one loses oneself. Woman can best re-find herself by losing herself in some kind of creative activity of her own.
  —Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Creative activity might mean bird watching, tennis, quilting, cooking, painting, writing. Creative activity immerses us fully in the here and now, and at the same time it frees us. We become one with the activity and are nourished by it. We grow as the activity grows. We learn who we are in the very process of not thinking about who we are.

Spirituality and creativity are akin. There is an exhilaration rooted deep within us that is a lifeline to God. Creative activity releases the exhilaration, and the energy goes through us and out to others. We find ourselves and our higher power through the loss of our self-conscious selves while creating - a picture, a sentence, a special meal.

Creativity is a given. It is another dimension of the spiritual presence guiding us all. I'll get out of its way today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. 

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Food For Thought

Help!

When we hit bottom and are ready to swallow our pride, help is available. When we admit that by ourselves we are powerless, a Higher Power takes over. Most of us have tried for years to control what we eat by ourselves. Often it seems that the harder we try, the more miserably we fail. We despair. When we are truly desperate and ask for help, OA can help us.

We have proven that we cannot solve our problem alone. A diet is not enough. We need a program that fills our emotional and spiritual needs as well as our physical ones.

Step by step and day by day we can learn to live without overeating. We will gradually become convinced that no amount of physical food will ever satisfy our emotional and spiritual hunger. The Higher Power, which infuses each OA GROUP, becomes our lifesaver and our nourishment.

God, save me from myself.

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The Language of Letting Go

Healthy Limits

Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits' is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in self esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.

Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes dearer, so will our boundaries.

Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We'll set a limit when we're ready, and not a moment before. So will others.

There's something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we're controlling others, but because we've changed.

Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Learning new ways

Once we make a connection with our Higher Power, the ongoing problem is to hold on to it. Repeatedly we slip into our old ways of thinking and behaving. If not curtailed, eventually these will lead us back to that first fix, pill, or drink. We need only a word, thought, or familiar situation to get caught up again in an old habit.

We have to discover (and rediscover) that the old way of life has become impossible and the new one essential. We do this - and do it again - by praying, meditating, and working the Twelve Steps of recovery.

Ask yourself - Am I living the program?

Higher Power, help me avoid being smug and complacent in my new life. Remind me that old ways of living have become impossible for me.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

 

Daily Recovery Readings: January 1st

Recovery Meditations: January 1st


THE BOTTOM
"Those who cannot remember the past 
are condemned to repeat it."
George Santayana

Sometimes we have to go to the absolute bottom. If we're extremely lucky, the absolute bottom is where we find our inspiration. Sometimes I think that people who don't hit absolute bottom are missing a valuable experience. Then again, living life on the edge of that precipice is no fun at all. The greatest gift is to be able to step away from the edge and live life without the fear of falling. 

If we aren't extremely lucky, what we find at the absolute bottom is a trapdoor that opens to a vast, empty space. The door opens and the empty space gratefully accepts the body and the soul given to it.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will stop living on the edge; 
I will stop regretting my past;
I will avoid the trapdoor.
~ Richard H.

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Each Day A New Beginning  

 

We don't always understand the ways of Almighty God - the crosses sent us, the sacrifices demanded . . . But we accept with faith and resignation the holy will with no looking back, and we are at peace.
  —Anonymous
Acceptance of our past, acceptance of the conditions presently in our lives that we cannot change, brings relief. It brings the peacefulness we so often, so frantically, seek.

We can put the past behind us. Each day is a new beginning. And each day of abstinence offers us the chance to look ahead with hope. A power greater than ourselves helped us to find this program. That power is ever with us. When we fear facing new situations, or when familiar situations turn sour, we can look to that power for help in saying what needs to be said and for doing what needs to be done. Our higher power is as close as our breath. Conscious awareness of its presence strengthens us, moment by moment.

The past is gone. Today is full of possibilities. With each breath I will be aware of the strength at hand.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Good News

There is good news for those of us who overeat compulsively. We do not have to be trapped by our appetites. We do not have to carry a load of unnecessary fat. We can have a new life.

Others have become free and are standing by, ready to show us the way. The more OA meetings we attend, the more we learn. The more phone calls we make, the more encouragement and support we are given in our fight to break old, self destructive patterns of thinking and acting. The more we rely on the Power greater than ourselves, the stronger we become.

Learning to live a new life requires time and patience. The good news is that change is possible. Others have done it. So can you.

Lord, make me willing to change.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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The Language of Letting Go

The New Year

Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.

Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.

Goals give our life direction.

What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?

What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?

Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals - we are trying to give direction to our life.

What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?

What would you like to see happen inside and around you?

Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.

Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.

The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.
--Rainer Maria Rilke

We carry problems and discrepancies within us, quandaries that are not easily answered - and we have bigger questions about life and the world. Why did I act as I did in my younger years? Can my life partnership be happy again? How should I handle a secret that I carry? What is this thing we call Higher Power and God?

We are on a journey and, in some ways, this journey is a quest for answers. The questions give energy and direction to our seeking. We cannot expect to get quick or easy answers. And some questions will always remain just that: questions. But we can learn to be patient with ourselves, tolerant of our incompleteness, and always curious about how it will all turn out.

Today I will practice patience with myself and embrace my unsolved questions as crucial elements in my quest.

You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous