A Weight Loss Journey

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Daily Recovery Readings: November 8th

Recovery Meditations: November 8^th

~ DROWNING TROUBLES ~

You can't drown your troubles,

because trouble can swim.

Margaret Millar

My feelings have always been too large for me to handle alone. Whenever I felt troubled or had a problem too big to handle, I always turned to my friend and comforter...FOOD. This friend and I went everywhere together and with it, I figured that I could handle anything thrown at me. This friend made me feel good. I was drowning my troubles one by one.

Then someone said to me, "Don't you know that eating too much, drinking too much or even working too much won't solve your problems! Troubles usually reproduce themselves rapidly when you try to drown them."

I really didn't understand what she was trying to tell me but kept the thought tucked inside my hat. My friend food and I just kept batting these troubles deeper and deeper in my sea of tears, but sure enough, they would bounce right back up at me again later only twice as bad. What was happening? I was using my friend more each time and I began to hate it. Why was food trying to hurt me? I really thought it was my friend.

Finally, after many bruises, I realized what that person was trying to tell me. She was right. My troubles were swimming and I was drowning. I was using one of my addictions to try and fight the others, and was only going in circles. I was caught in a tidal wave and unable to get out alone. Each of my other addictions was throwing me back to my primary addiction of compulsive eating...my former friend, FOOD.

But where could I go? What could I do? The wonderful person who warned me led me to my recovery meeting and stayed with me. She helped me to find a Higher Power who was always there to help. I learned to share my experiences with my recovery family of choice. I got a wonderful sponsor who also knew me as well as I know myself. Together we looked at all the problems and troubles of the past and they weren't so heavy any more. I moved out of the deep sea that I couldn't swim in, and on dryer, more sturdy ground. What a relief!

One Day at a Time . . .

I remember that my troubles are strong and can drown me in the sea of food if I try to handle them alone. Troubles may be able to swim strongly, but they are NO MATCH for me, my Higher Power, my sponsor and Program. Together, we are strong, but alone we are weak. Together we can do what we can never do alone.

~ Jeanette ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

As in the physical world, so in the spiritual world, pain does not "last forever."
—Katherine Mansfield

Each of us struggles with pain and its repercussions; some of us more than others. At times pain seems unending. Sometimes we hang onto the pain in our lives, maybe because we fear even more what's on the other side. The unknown so easily controls us. Right at this moment, each of us can look back on other painful times and feel thankful for what they taught us. The puzzle pieces take on a deeper meaning when we enjoy the gift of perspective. The pain at this moment fits, too, in the bigger picture of our lives. And it will pass. It is passing.

The wisdom of the past tells us that pain enriches us, prepares us to better serve others. We come to know who we are and the specialness of our gifts through the despair that at times encumbers us. An old, wise saying, is, "We are never given more than we can handle."

My pain today is bringing me closer to the woman I'm meant to be. With each breath I'll remember that.

Food For Thought

Cleaning Up

Cleaning up after a meal and taking care of leftovers is a hard job for most compulsive overeaters. What makes it so difficult is our old habit of putting leftovers in our mouths instead of in the refrigerator or the garbage. Once we decide that we will have nothing at all after our measured meal, the clean up job becomes amazingly easy.

If we are not spending our energy fighting the temptation to have a bite of this or that, the energy is available for the task that needs to be done. Cleaning up is accomplished with much less time and effort when we are not arguing with ourselves about what happens to the leftovers.

In the past, we may have felt that cleaning up was a demeaning job. As we work our program, we begin to get more satisfaction from all the work we do, and we are less concerned about the relative status of the jobs that fall to us. There is satisfaction in cleaning up after a meal, just as there is satisfaction in cleaning up our lives by means of the OA program.

May I not be too proud to enjoy cleaning up.

The Language of Letting Go

True to Ourselves

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man.
—William Shakespeare

To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.

Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?

What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.

Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.

We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do!

Not true. Simplify. Back to basics. Let go of the confusion. By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.

To thine own self be true. Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.

Today, I will honor, cherish, and love myself. When confused about what to do, I will be true to myself. I will break free of the hold others, and their expectations, have on me.

Twenty Four Hours A Day

Thought for the Day

I have lost much of my inferiority complex. I was always trying to escape from life. I did not want to face reality. I was full of self-pity. I was constantly sorry for myself. I tried to avoid all responsibilities. I did not feel that I would handle the responsibilities of my family or my work. Owing to my inferiority complex, I was eager to be free of all responsibilities. I wanted to drift; I wanted to be "on the beach." A.A. showed me how to get over my feeling of inferiority. It made me want to accept responsibility again. Have I lost my inferiority complex?

Meditation for the Day

"One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things that are before, I press onward toward the goal." We should forget those things, which are behind us and press onward toward something better. We can believe that God has forgiven us for all our past sins, provided we are honestly trying to live today the way we believe He wants us to live. We can wipe clean the slate of the past. We can start today with a clean slate and go forward with confidence toward the goal that has been set before us.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may drop off the load of the past. I pray that I may start today with a light heart and a new confidence.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Daily Recovery Readings: November 7th

Recovery Meditations: November 7th

FAITH

Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.

Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

As a child, I believed in God, but the God of my childhood was a punishing God. I often felt that the reason for all the tragedies and misfortunes that I went through was because I didn't adhere to all the traditions and rules of my given religion. Perhaps the fact that I wasn't a good enough daughter to my parents, a good enough mother to my children, or a good enough friend was another reason why I was being punished. I would pray to the God of my childhood for what I wanted, but God never answered me or gave it to me, so what was the use of praying? I eventually stopped praying because my prayers were never answered.

I now know, having been led into this beautiful fellowship of the spirit, that God is a loving and forgiving God who always gave me what I needed, even if it didn't at the time seem to be what I wanted. The trouble had always been that I was filled with fear and found it hard to believe or trust in something or someone that I couldn't see or hear. I am a logical and rational person so it was really hard for me to have faith and trust that God would take care of me. It's said that the opposite of fear is faith, and so I am now learning to let go of the fear and put my faith and trust in a Higher Power of my understanding. I realize that He knows what's best for me, and will always be there for me if I only let Him.

One Day at a Time . . .

I will trust that my Higher Power knows what's best for me, and I put my myself in His care. My faith is growing stronger each day and I am able to release fear.

Faith

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Each Day A New Beginning

. . . we will be victorious if we have not forgotten how to learn.
—Rosa Luxemburg

For most of us the struggle was long, painful and lonely to the place where we are now. But survive we have, and survive we will. The times we thought we could go no further are only dimly recalled. The experiences we were certain would destroy us fit ever so neatly into our book of memories.

We have survived, and the program is offering us the means for continued survival. Step-by-Step we are learning to handle our problems, build relationships based on honesty, and choose responsible behavior. We are promised serenity if we follow the Steps.

Gratitude for our survival is best expressed by working the program, setting an example for others, helping those women who haven't yet attained victory. We must give away what we have learned to make way for our own new growth. There are many victories in our future if we keep pressing forward, opening new doors, and trusting in the process of the program and its promises.

I am still willing to learn or I wouldn't be here, now. There are victories in my future. I will look for a victory today. It's certain to accompany responsible action on my part.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.

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Food For Thought

Food Is Not Mother

In the mind of a baby; "food" is synonymous with "mother." As the baby grows, the two concepts become differentiated, but perhaps never completely separated. We compulsive overeaters may still be confusing food with mother.

Often we feel a great deal of hostility and resentment toward our mother - she did not give us enough love, or she gave us the wrong kind; she over fed us, or she denied us what we needed. We may still be searching the refrigerator for the perfect mother! Isn't it about time to realize that she is not there?

No matter what we eat, or how much, we cannot turn back the clock and again become part of our mother. Perhaps instead of being inadequate, our mother was such a great source of comfort and satisfaction that we do not want to face life without a substitute for her presence. Our Higher Power intends that we come to depend on Him even more than we once depended on our mother. He daily offers us a relationship of even greater love and closeness than the one between mother and child. To grow in that relationship requires abstinence from compulsive overeating.

I turn over to You my relationship with my mother.

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The Language of Letting Go

Relationships

There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.

Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.

Some relationships trigger healing in us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.

Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.

Sometimes, we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process. But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there. We don't have to control this process. We'll understand, when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.

Today, I'll be grateful for all my relationships. I will open myself to the lesson and the gift from each person in my life. I will trust that I, too, am a gift in the other people's lives.

Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet.
--Roger Miller

Gifts are usually surprises. We don't generally know what the ribbons, bows, and wrapping conceal.

Life's greatest misfortunes are, in retrospect, often referred to as gifts. While a debt can feel like a curse, when we finally get to the bottom of what's happened to us, we're surprised to find something good - a gift or blessing of sorts. Through our misfortune, we may have developed some true and lasting relationships, learned we had some admirable qualities we didn't know we had, or discovered the meaning of courage.

Today, if I am struggling. I will anticipate the wondrous surprise to come.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova

Friday, November 6, 2015

Daily Recovery Readings: November 6th

Recovery Meditations: November 6^th

~ FREEDOM ~

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

The Bible, Book of John

In the past, when I was threatened by another person's thoughts, beliefs, actions, or desires, I simply deemed them completely unacceptable and worked hard to convince the other person just how wrong they were. I cited all kinds of religious doctrine and politically correct ideas to try to convince the other person why their ideas were unacceptable.

This "convincing" was nothing more than an attempt to control another so I wouldn't have to face myself or any of the things that caused me anxiety and fear. All I succeeded in doing was forcing others to help me lie to myself. Of course, this also created its own anxiety and fear, so I had to do something to cover it up. What did I do? I compulsively overate, I binged, I purged, I exercised, I starved myself, I abused laxatives, and on and on.

Today, because of my Higher Power and the gifts of this program, I can look at why some thoughts, feelings, beliefs and desires threaten me. I can be gentle with myself as I look at which of my "boo-boo buttons" have been pushed. I can ask myself how I've been hurt by these ideas in the past and learn how those "boo-boo buttons" were produced in the first place.

Just like a wound, exposing my hurts to the sunlight helps them heal. Bringing them out into the light helps me see all the truth about them--not just the distorted parts I felt in the darkness. I can see what my part was and I can see what the part of others may have been. Through working the Twelve Steps, I can find peace with these hurts and experience the promise of not regretting or wanting to close the door on the past.

One Day at a Time . . .

I can set myself free from the darkness by looking at past hurts in the light of truth.

~ Sandee S. ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

Of course fortune has its part in human affairs, but conduct is really much more important.
—Jeanne Detourbey

Behaving the way we honestly and sincerely believe God wants us to behave eliminates our confusion. When we contribute in a loving manner to the circumstances involving us, we carry God's message; and that's all that's expected of us in this life.

This recovery program has involved us in the affairs of many other people. We are needed to listen, to guide, to sponsor, to suggest. Each time we have an opportunity to make an impact on another person, it's to our benefit, and hers too, to let God direct our conduct.

Too often God's message is missed due to our selfish concerns, but it's never too late to begin listening for it. God is forever at hand, awaiting our recognition. We can be mindful that the ease of our lives is directly proportional to the recognition we offer.

Right conduct is never a mystery to us. We may not always choose to do it, but we never fail to know what should be done.

I will trust my conscience to be my guide every moment.

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Food For Thought

Pain

Living without the narcotic of excess food means learning to cope with emotional pain. Uncomfortable feelings, which we have covered up by eating, begin to surface as we abstain. At first, our emotional reactions are often vague and diffuse, since we have not yet acquired enough insight to identify what it is that is bothering us.

If we are willing to stay with the emotional discomfort and pain, we will eventually gain understanding. Sometimes we have to spend time hurting before we are able to pass through one phase in our development and move on to the next. Whatever the suffering, it is preferable to the agony of a binge. Facing emotional pain is constructive; trying to bury it under food is destructive.

Our pain is often associated with events in the past, which are still troubling us unconsciously. When we are able to identify the source of the pain, we can examine it in the light of our present maturity and begin to put it behind us. As long as we avoid feeling the pain, we deny ourselves the healing which our Higher Power can give us.

May I accept the pain that is necessary for continued growth.

The Language of Letting Go

Enjoying Life

Do something fun today.

If you're relaxing, let yourself relax, without guilt, without worrying about the work that is undone.

If you're with loved ones, let yourself love them, and let them love you. Let yourself feel close.

Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasurable too.

If you're doing something fun, let yourself enjoy it.

What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Is there a positive pleasure available? Indulge.

Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about learning to make ourselves feel better; then it's about making ourselves feel good.

Enjoy your day.

Today, I will do something fun, something I enjoy, and something just for me. I will take responsibility for making myself feel good.

Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Do unto others...

Snapping at a friend often results in being snapped at in return. That doesn't surprise us. Accusations generally elicit an angry defense from others and an argument. That comes as no surprise either. By contrast, being loving and compassionate toward the people in our lives generally results in others returning love and compassion to us. Why, then, is it harder to express love?

The fear of rejection is strong for many of us. Offering love while fearing it won't be returned makes us feel too vulnerable. However, the principles we are being exposed to through this program will help us understand that we do receive from others what we give. The scales are balanced. Remembering that before responding to anyone around us will make our lives far more peaceful.

I will know what to expect from others today by how I treat them. I pray to be kind and loving.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Daily Recovery Readings: November 5th

Recovery Meditations: November 5^th

~ SERVICE ~

When people are serving, life is no longer meaningless.

John Gardner

I used to always think that I was kind and helpful, and that I was always there for other people. Well, of course I was. I was a people-pleaser, and the payoff was to be liked. That never happened, or at least I didn't think so, and I became more resentful and full of self-pity. The truth was that I was so self-absorbed and self-seeking that I didn't know how to really be there for other people, not even my own children. I'm sure that for a long period, even though I was always doing things for them, I was emotionally absent and unavailable when they really needed me. The focus was on me and how fat I looked, or how nobody fulfilled my needs, instead of looking outside of myself to what I could REALLY do for others.

This recovery program has taught me, first and foremost, how to love myself so that I am able to love others, especially my children. I was spiritually and emotionally empty before, but now I am being constantly filled and nurtured spiritually. Now I am able to give back what has freely been given to me. I am learning for the first time the pleasure of giving of myself, of my time and my experience, strength and hope, that others may walk this beautiful road to recovery as I have. In giving what I have, I am strengthening my program and my own recovery. What a joy that has been!

One Day at a Time . . .

I remember that when I do service and give away what I have, I will experience the promises of the program on a daily basis.

~ Sharon S. ~

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Each Day A New Beginning

The future is made of the same stuff as the present.
—Simone Weil

The only lessons that matter for our lives at this time will come to us today. Just as what we needed and were ready for yesterday came yesterday, tomorrow insures more of the same. Concerning ourselves with any other moment but the present prevents us from responding when "the teacher appears."

In years gone by, we perhaps hung onto yesterday's problems. We may still struggle to hang onto them. Or perhaps we try to see too far ahead. But we are learning that there is a right time for all growth. A right time for all experiences. And the right time may not fit our timetable. What doesn't come our way today, will come when the time is right. Each day we are granted just what is needed. We need not worry about the future. It will offer us whatever rightly comes next, but it can't do so until we have experienced these 24 hours before us.

There is wonder and joy awaiting me, each day. The growth I experience is just what is needed at this time. I am a student, and the teacher will appear.

Food For Thought

No Perfect People

We may have spent much time and energy looking for perfect people to fulfill our lives. This process involves projecting our fond illusions onto those we meet, building them up way out of reality, and then being terribly disillusioned when extended and intimate acquaintance proves them to be just ordinary people.

Accepting our friends and family for what they are rather than what we idealize them to be is part of growing up emotionally. It is our own weakness and insecurity that causes us to try to make gods out of other people. As we learn to accept ourselves as less than perfect, we are able to reduce the unreasonable demands we make on others. As we come to know our Higher Power, we do not need to make gods out of fellow human beings.

By not expecting perfection from others, we can love them as they are, encouraging their strengths and supporting their weaknesses.

I pray for the emotional maturity to accept myself and those I love.

The Language of Letting Go

Let's Make a Deal

The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was okay. I just couldn't see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality.
—Anonymous
One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In bargaining, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.

We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.

Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.

"If I try to be a better person, then this won't happen...If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won't have to face this loss, this change."

There are stories from members of Al Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic's drinking: "If I keep the house cleaner, he won't drink.... If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won't drink... If I buy my son a new car, he'll stop using drugs."

Adult children have bargained with their losses too: "Maybe if I'm the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be." We do big, small, and in between things, sometimes-crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.

There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.

Today, I will give others and myself the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable, but I will give myself permission to be human.

Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Stop building cases

You don't have to build a big drama around your life. We may need to end a relationship or explore a new career. Instead of simply saying, This is what I'm going to do, we build a case.

Like a lawyer getting ready to go to court, we prepare our arguments. We take one feeling and build a hundred page document around it, prepared to battle our case.

You can build cases if you want to. But usually, there's a hidden feeling underneath all that case building that's asking to be cleared. It could be a tinge of guilt or fear. Or it could just be the belief that it's not okay to clearly express ourselves, say how it feels to us, and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

Let go of the drama. Just say what you need and how it feels to you.

Be as simple and clear as you can in expressing yourself. If you find yourself building a case or creating a big dramatic scene, take a moment. Why are you making such a fuss?

God, help me keep it simple, especially when it comes to expressing myself.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie