Recovery Meditations: November 18th

~ HONESTY ~

You never find yourself until you face the truth.

Pearl Bailey


I was brought up to be scrupulously honest, or so I thought. I still remember how my father would go back into a shop if he'd been given too much change, a practice that I adopted too. I found it hard to tell a lie, even a white lie, and I would never contemplate cheating on a test. But when it came to food, I only realized later, I was totally dishonest. I was even dishonest when it came to telling people how I felt, or for that matter who I really was. The person who did these things was a totally different person to the upright person I liked people to see.

I know now that all the things I'd hidden around food were obviously what I felt ashamed about. I wanted people to see only the "good" side of me and not the person who did all these devious things in secret. I kept thinking that I was a bad person and the shame stopped me from being totally honest about what I had been doing.

It has taken time, and the love and acceptance I have found in the fellowship, to be able to get totally honest with myself. It has taken time to look at all the things about me that I felt ashamed of. In the housecleaning necessary in the Steps, I have been able to face my shame. I learned that I am human, and that I have a disease. Some of the soul searching has been very painful, but at the same time it has been totally enlightening. I am amazed how I am beginning to know a new me, with faults and all, but a loveable me nevertheless. As I peel off more layers of the onion that represents the sum total of what makes me unique and truly one of God's creatures, I am actually beginning to like the new me. I know now that I am not a bad person trying to get good, merely a sick person trying to get well.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will keep being honest about who I am, what I eat and how I am behaving in my relationships, so I can learn more about me. Even when I don't like what I see, I know I am still a loveable person and a child of God, created in His image.

~ Sharon S. ~

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The shame surrounding compulsive eating is huge. We lose faith in ourselves as we fail to keep our promises, over & over again. What is more shameful than having a binge, and hiding the evidence so we can keep up appearances?

Coming Out of the Closet: Secret Eating (Blog, 4/13/12)

Ever since I was a young girl, I was trained & coached in how to diet. My folks were (and still are) normal weight individuals, who feel that obesity can be easily controlled with a bit of ‘willpower’.  In spite of all the training I received in how NOT to be fat, I was still fat.

I was always told to ‘hold in’ my stomach, and introduced to a girdle (with legs) before I was old enough to really hate myself for my ‘lack of willpower.’  When I began to develop, I was introduced to a ‘minimizer’ bra, bathing suits with a skirt, and hemlines below the knee, to hide the ’50 pound-apiece’ legs I was, apparently, the not-so-proud owner of.

Since being brought to Weight Watchers at 12 years old, I learned to feel shame about my eating habits & my resulting body size. I’ve always felt I was too fat to sit down & eat a real meal.  My assumption was that people who are overweight should not be allowed to eat.  And if they were, they should eat as little as possible & only consume low calorie foods.  The assumption was that people who are overweight & eat real meals are disgusting. The assumption being that overweight people should be spending their time losing weight, not eating, and that sitting down to a meal would always result in gaining weight.  And finally, the assumption was that people who are overweight & eat meals are as much as saying they’re not ashamed of the way they look and are, in fact, flaunting their fat by eating like someone who doesn’t need to lose weight.  And I was always, always, always taught to feel shame about my size. Not so much in words but in actions. So how could I eat in public, when I it was my job to diet?

If overweight people ‘shouldn’t eat’, we must forever pretend that we are not eating when we ARE eating. And so, sneaky & secretive eating is naturally born from these types of beliefs & training programs. Since it’s not MY human right TO eat, I don’t deserve to dig in & enjoy.  Eating becomes clandestine & disordered. I begin living a lie, eating one way in public, & a totally different way when I am alone. “If they really knew the truth about me, if they knew how much I could eat, if they knew how gluttonous I am, they would be appalled.” From there it’s a short distance to, “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t love me. Who I am is not worthy of love & must be hidden.” Dishonesty becomes a matter of emotional survival: I must lie; I must hide myself to be loved.  If I keep my mouth shut & my eyes cast downward, maybe I can disappear & THEN I will be loved & accepted.  Gaining weight, however, is surely NOT a way of becoming less visible, and the more I hid my eating, the less I hid mySELF.

What a painful way to live! When you can’t tell the truth, you cut the bonds that tie you to other people. You start building walls around you instead of bridges between you & others.  

I hid food in my room; in my nightstand & under the bed. I’d go to the 5 & 10, with a quarter & stock up on 6 candy bars, to be eaten after the lights were out & the household was asleep. I’d steal money from my dad’s pants pockets to feed my need to eat, or I’d snatch the dimes out of the slots in my uniform loafers, which should have been used for emergency phone calls ONLY! All the food in the house was counted & measured; if I ate a few cookies, I’d be caught, since I was the only child in the house.  My poor grandmother took to hiding her food evidence behind the cupboards in the basement, lest she be caught.  And grandma, God bless her, wasn't overweight in the least. 

As time went on, I’d spend more & more time eating, in the car, the bedroom, the bathroom, anywhere I couldn’t be seen.  I convinced myself there was something wrong with me, look at what you are DOING, you can’t possibly TELL anyone, they would never understand. So I turned to food. Again, for comfort & escape.  And the walls around me became walls of flesh.

My car was my favorite restaurant, worn out kitchen table & beloved dining companion. I’ve been known to go to the store, buy whatever I wanted to eat, and then load the passenger seat with a half-dozen  bags.  Eating in my car was safe; no one I knew could see me, question me or judge me. Eating in my car didn’t really count. As long as I wasn’t sitting at a table, eating from a plate with a knife & fork, as long as I was concentrating on braking & steering, it didn’t count.  Any food I ate when I wasn’t sitting down, either in my kitchen or at a restaurant, didn’t count.

You wouldn’t believe how much I ate that I didn’t eat.

In my mind, it didn’t count-----I wasn’t really eating----if I ate:
~at the stove while cooking, tasting

~bites off someone else’s plate

~standing in front of the refrigerator or the sink

~watching TV or a movie

~standing up anywhere

~reading a book or a magazine

~when involved in an emotional or anxiety-producing conversation

~in the car

~at someone else’s house when no one is around

~off everyone’s dishes when cleaning up

~after the meal is over & I didn’t eat what I wanted & now I’m back (or still) in the kitchen eating what I REALLY wanted;

~anywhere at any time when I felt that I wasn’t allowed or supposed to be eating.

~crumbs of ALL kinds do not count; so if there is ½ a cake left in the pan & it’s all crumbs, it doesn’t count 

It’s not that I’m NOT judging myself at these times or that my body doesn’t get full at these times. It’s not really that I ate but didn’t eat; rather, it’s that I ate, but because my attention was focused elsewhere, the food didn’t satisfy me. Or I felt guilty. Or I overate, stuffing the food down SO fast, that I wasn’t even tasting it.  And then I ate some more.

When I’m eating and my mind is on something else, I finish but it doesn’t seem as if I really ATE. But the me that buys, moves my right hand & puts food into my mouth DID eat. The me that looks in the mirror, can’t fit into clothes, and hates my body-----this me------ate.  This is the me that gains weight & no one can understand why because I eat so little at mealtimes.

Here is list of rules designed to focus my attention on mindful eating:

1. Eat in FULL VIEW of my friends, husband, parents children & colleagues (this is a TOUGH one)

2. Eat when I am sitting down

3. Eat without distractions, TV, radio newspapers books for loud music.

4. When I do eat, do so in as lovely & nourishing environment as I can create.

5. When I eat, avoid emotional conversations.

6. No eating IN BED.

If I follow these guidelines, I prevent myself from the painful lies about how what I’m ‘picking on’ all day long doesn’t really count, or that I’m not really eating because there’s no kitchen table & place settings involved. 

If I follow these guidelines, I force some sanity on myself & I stop feeling humiliated & degraded for the places I find myself eating. Even after 4 years of sticking to my Food Plan, I still fight the instinct to secretly eat.  After 3 years of marriage to my soul mate, I still can't bring myself to discuss the secret binges I have had over the years.  Intellectually, I know that he loves me no matter what, but emotionally, I'm still ashamed of letting him SEE that side of me.  By the grace of God the Fat Me doesn't make frequent appearances, but I have had, and will likely continue TO have, my bad times.  As a woman who deals with the disease of obesity, I've learned to stop thinking my journey will ever be 'easy' or trouble free.

At 55 years old, I still 'hold in' my stomach quite often.  I find myself in all sorts of situations where my mid section is tight as a drum, and then I realize, yes, I'm still that fat little girl, wearing a girdle and a minimizer bra, trying to hide who I Am, behind the facade of invisibility.  If I can suck myself up into a tight little package, maybe then I'll be worthy.  That's not true, of course, but after all these years of training, it sure does FEEL real.

My program keeps me on track, and stops my mind from traveling to places that used to be, once upon a time, but no longer exist. My program keeps me from feeling ashamed & unworthy and that, my friends, has a whole lot more value than I'd ever realized, in 40 years of yo  yo dieting. One day at a time, I am still 'becoming' the woman that God intended me to be. I am a work in progress and for that, I am grateful to Medifast for teaching me a better way.

Food for Thought: November 17th

Escape into Sleep

After we stop eating compulsively, we may be tempted to use sleep as a form of escape. Though not as detrimental as excess food, too much sleep can also make us lethargic and dull. The danger lies in allowing ourselves to escape the realities of living, rather than coping with them.

We all need adequate rest in order to feel good and function efficiently. Sleep becomes an escape, however, if we take long daytime naps instead of finding worthwhile and enjoyable activities. Just as we may have overeaten because of boredom, we may oversleep because we have nothing better to do.

Our Higher Power has a plan for the time and talents He gives us. It is our job to discover how and where we can best serve God and each other. With the new life we are given in OA goes the responsibility to use it productively. Since this is the only life we have, we do not choose to sleep it away. By facing our problems with the help of this program, we learn how to deal with them.

Deliver me from indolence.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

Recovery Meditations: November 16th

HONESTY

"Whatever games are played with us,
we must play no games with ourselves,
but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I began to study step one in OA I learned that the principle behind the step was honesty. That was difficult for me because I had spent so much time lying to myself and others about my eating. I was so ashamed of my eating habits and behaviors that when asked about them, it never occurred to me to tell the truth. I couldn't conceive of being accepted, or even cared for, if anyone knew the truth.

Then I came into the program and began to hear people share. The denial and shell of lies began to melt. For the first time I found myself in a fellowship where I felt like I could tell the truth because I was surrounded by people whose stories were similar to mine. Most importantly, the people in the fellowship loved me and cared for me when I told my truth, no matter how ugly it seemed to me. I call this the magic of the fellowship. It makes me want to be that kind of loving, caring person for the newcomer taking his or her first step.

One day at a time...
I will honestly confront the reality of my compulsive eating, knowing that I am in a fellowship where I am unconditionally loved and cared for.

~ Carolyn H.

Food for Thought

Alive to Truth

Being alive to truth requires being in touch with ourselves and with our Higher Power. It requires that we value spiritual truth more than material things. We come to realize that the insights and emotional growth we gain through this program are more valuable than the things we used to think we had to have.

Being alive to truth involves living each present moment. If we are obsessed with the past or preoccupied with the future, we will miss the truth of now. Today we can be who we are and give of our best in whatever situation we find ourselves.

Our Higher Power promises that if we ask for truth, we shall receive it. It will be found when we seek it more than status, money, or physical comfort. When we are alive to truth, we are open to the source of Power, which will never let us down.

Today, I will be alive to truth.

The Language of Letting Go

The Victim Trap

The belief that life has to be hard and difficult in the belief that makes a martyr.

We can change our negative beliefs about life, and whether we have the power to stop our pain and take care of ourselves.

We aren't helpless. We can solve our problems. We do have power - not to change or control others, but to solve the problems that are ours to solve.

Using each problem that comes our way to "prove" that life is hard and we are helpless - this is codependency. It's the victim trap.

Life does not have to be difficult. In fact, it can be smooth. Life is good. We don't have to "awfulize" it, or ourselves. We don't have to live on the underside.

We do have power, more power than we know, even in the difficult times. And the difficult times don't prove life is bad; they are part of the ups and downs of life; often, they work out for the best.

We can change our attitude; we can change ourselves; sometimes, we can change our circumstances.

Life is challenging. Sometimes, there's more pain than we asked for; sometimes, there's more joy than we imagined.

It's all part of the package, and the package is good.

We are not victims of life. We can learn to remove ourselves as victims of life. By letting go of our belief that life has to be hard and difficult, we make our life much easier.

Today, God, help me let go of my belief that life is so hard, so awful, or so difficult. Help me replace that belief with a healthier, more realistic view.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

Food for Thought: November 15th

Loving Truth

Since it is truth that sets us free - free from our addiction and free from crippling fear - we come to love this truth, even when it hurts. It was mainly our fear that kept us from recognizing the truth about ourselves. We needed help and support from a Higher Power before we could face reality. Now that the OA program sustains us, we can devote our time and energy to striving for truth in all that we think, say, and do.

Our devotion to truth may bring us into conflict with those around us. What we need to remember is that we are not responsible for convincing anyone else of what we believe to be true. We are honest about where we are, but we do not expect or demand agreement from anyone else. Since each of us has a different perspective, we can only know the truth, as we each understand it. Loving truth means that we acknowledge it to be too big for any one of us to grasp completely.

Increase my devotion to Your truth.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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My truth is that I am a sugar addict & must abstain from it 100% in order to stay in recovery. I find that most people do not subscribe to my truth.........that they feel 'moderation' should be the key to everything. Had I been able to find 'moderation' with addictive substances, I wouldn't be an an addict to BEGIN with. 

Feeling Deprived (Blog 11/14/13)

After my session with the personal trainer yesterday, I went to Costco.  My husband needed some jeans, and I wanted to pick up some kale vegetable salad mix.  If you haven’t tried this mix, I recommend it highly. It’s contains a peculiar blend of veggies, but they’re very crunchy & satisfying.  I throw out the salad dressing & the bag o’ nuts & cranberries that come along with it, and just eat the greens with low-fat dressing. 

Normally, when I go into Costco, I tend to feel agitated……….like there is ALL this food calling to me, inviting me to eat eat EAT.  The vast majority of the food they offer for sale is NOT on my Food Plan, so I’ve been known to feel deprived, sometimes, and in a big rush to vamoose OUT of there. 

Yesterday was different.  I gave up sugar 100% on July 27^th, and nowadays, I don’t even care about the sweets that confront me on a regular basis.  Prior to July 27^th, I’d be asking myself the “Should I/Shouldn’t I” question, and finding myself in a quandary.  The mind chatter that accompanies such a question is incredibly difficult to cope with. At least for me.  Now that I’m in Maintenance, I have a lot more food choices than I did during 5/1, which can easily lead me to think I have more leeway than I really DO.

I have no leeway at all in Maintenance. It’s just as important, or even MORE important, to follow a structured Food Plan in Maintenance than it was or is during 5/1.  Precisely BECAUSE options can lead me astray, I limit them quite a bit. 

If candy is an option, then I will eat it.  And then the vicious cycle kicks in AGAIN, convincing me that I’m ‘too thin’ or ‘need’ more calories, or worse yet, that ‘some’ sugar won’t be a problem for me.  Now that I’m thin & healthy, I DESERVE some ‘treats’, don’t I?

Nah. I don’t deserve anything but good health & a slim body for LIFE, in actuality.  In order to maintain such a state of being, I must avoid sugar entirely.  Does that make me angry or upset? Nope, not anymore.  Oh sure, it DID anger me for a while that I couldn’t eat like a ‘normal person’ without gaining weight.

But then I had a heart-to-heart talk with myself.  The truth is, I don’t eat like a ‘normal person.’  All the normal people I know don’t have gigantic binges and eat thousands of calories of junk food at one sitting. Nor do they rush out to the gas station to load up on more junk food, after the initial gorge-fest is over with.

Do they?

No, they don’t.  But I did. And I WILL again, if sugar was part of my Food Plan.

I gave up ‘normal’ one night, while foraging through the refrigerator eating cake straight out of the box.  Normal people don’t do that.  I can’t become normal either………it’s too late for that.  A cucumber can choose to become a pickle………but once he becomes a pickle, he can never go back to being a cucumber.

I’m a pickle.

So, yesterday at Costco, I actually browsed the store in a calm fashion, collected what I went in there to collect, paid the bill, stopped at the snack bar for a club soda no ice, and went on my merry way.  I didn’t feel agitated or full of self-pity, either. I actually felt empowered and strong like bull.  Sludge has NO power over me anymore, now that I’ve chosen to give it up for good.

If you question whether YOU can arrive at this place in your journey, the answer is YES, you CAN.  If I can, YOU can.  I just had to be brought to my knees a bunch of times before I became willing to make the decision that I no longer consume junk food. Period.

Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn, as we need to learn them.  If you struggle with your program, rest assured you are learning something……a valuable lesson which is required to propel you to the next phase of your journey.  It’s taken me 56 years to arrive at this place of calm & serenity…..but I never would have gotten here had I NOT experienced all the ‘failures’ from my past attempts to change. Have faith, dear ones, and press forward, one day at a time.

Recovery Meditations: November 14th

~ Contentment ~

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.

Helen Keller


I spent most of my life dreaming and wishing for the stars, always hoping that something wonderful would happen to change my life. If only my mother were more loving; if only I had more friends; if only I had a better husband or smarter children; and, more especially, if only I were thin. I was never satisfied with what I had because someone else always seemed to be better off than me. It was like I was always being short-changed in life, and what expectations I had had as a child just didn't materialize. I never realized that what I had was exactly what I needed at the time, even though it may not have seemed to be what I wanted.

I know now that, even though I may have less than a perfect life, I have many wonderful things. I have so much more than many others, and instead seeing my cup as half-empty, I can now see it as half-full. I can see the miracle of the changing seasons, the beauty of a sunset and the changing moods of the sea. I can hear the beautiful music that feeds my soul, a baby's cry and the crash of thunder. I am surrounded by loving friends and family who care for me as I care for them. I can look at those less fortunate than me and know that I am truly blessed. More and more I am becoming aware that I have exactly what I need for today, and in that I am content.

One Day at a Time . . .
I am content knowing that I have many blessings in my life ... may I always be willing to see that.

~ Sharon S. ~

My Certified Health Coach Website

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 Our illusions were tied to our compulsive overeating behavior. Abstaining from the behavior makes it possible for us to let go of our illusions. It is the Higher Power that leads us into the truth, which penetrates and dispels illusions.

Working the Steps, reading the OA literature, and talking with other members prepares us to receive new truth. Our Higher Power gives us insights, sometimes-in quick flashes of perception and sometimes slowly over a long period of time. The experience of discovery is one of the most rewarding facets of our program. It is an ongoing process, since we continue to grow and become aware of new truth.

Too much food kept us in a fog. Now we are recovering from the physical effects of our addiction to refined sugars and carbohydrates and the emotional dependency on eating to avoid feeling pain. In the process, we wake up to more and more truth about others, our Higher Power, and ourselves.

Food for Thought: November 13th

Pinpointing Anxiety

Many of us suffer from a vague, nameless anxiety for which we are unable to find a source. We do not know exactly what we fear, but we know that we are afraid. In the past, we tried to dispel this ominous anxiety by eating.

As long as we overate compulsively, we made it more difficult to get at the reasons for our anxiety. Trying to cover it up with food did not get rid of it, and until we stopped eating compulsively we were unable to identify the source of our anxiety.

By abstaining, we face anxiety rather than trying to cover it up. If we are willing to put up with a certain amount of emotional discomfort, we will be able to understand and work through many of the irrational notions that have made us anxious. Our Higher Power allows buried fears to surface as we acquire the strength and faith to confront them. When we are abstinent, we are able to define our anxiety more clearly and handle it with greater maturity.

By Your light, may we see our irrational anxiety for what it is.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Overeating makes me feel numb.............it does relieve anxiety, for the moment, but it also prevents joy from seeping into my soul.  The food that takes away anxiety also takes away other emotions, even the good ones.  After I stop overeating, that is when I feel even MORE anxiety, which leads me to want MORE food, in a never-ending vicious cycle.

Abstinence forces me to deal with my emotions/anxieties for what they are, in a mature and adult fashion.  Nobody ever died from feeling their emotions, but many have died from the disease of compulsive overeating and obesity.

When food is used to provide comfort, it is not serving the purpose it was intended to serve. Food is intended to be fuel for our bodies, and not a source of comfort. Using food as a source of entertainment, comfort, fun and friendship for decades instilled some mighty bad habits in me!!! Abstinence has shown me a better way.

Food is not supposed to make us feel good.............it's supposed to be good FOR us. Yet, most of us look to food AS a source of comfort and entertainment. If we are to find/maintain abstinence, we need to find alternate sources of comfort.

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Reading magazines, taking pictures, going shopping, snuggling up to a furry animal, watching old movies, going for a drive while listening to good music, looking at things on ebay, reading book reviews on amazon.com., manicures, pedicures, bubble baths, a phone chat with a good friend, writing in a journal, blogging, de-cluttering a room in the house (order provides a great sense of accomplishment).

For today, I will not relieve any anxiety I may feel by feeding it.  For today, I will find alternate sources of spiritual & emotional comfort that do not include food.

Food for Thought: November 12th

Don't Anticipate

We wear ourselves out unnecessarily when we spend our energy anticipating the future rather than living in the present. To anticipate bad things is obviously detrimental to our serenity. It is also needless, since most of the things we worry about never happen. Even if some of them do occur, it is easier by far to deal with real disasters than with imagined ones.

Anticipating future satisfactions can also be detrimental to our serenity. If we are living for an event or condition, which is yet to come, we are not completely alive to what is here now. We may build up some future pleasure in our minds to such an unrealistic pitch that the actual event is bound to be disappointing.

Accepting the here and now is what ensures our sanity and our serenity. Reality is never more than we can manage, with the help of our Higher Power. It is our anticipation of the future, which is unreal and dangerous.

May I live today and leave the future to You.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Many of us are SO caught up in the future, when life will be 'perfect', that each event in life is anti-climactic. We cannot experience joy in any event, since we've built it up to be SO fabulous in our minds that no real life event can hold a candle to that fantasy.

My favorite example is traveling to Istanbul Turkey last October. I had NO expectation or pre-conceived notion of that country built up in my mind prior to arrival.  I wasn't looking forward to it, in fact, but it was part of the itinerary along with Greece & inland Turkey.  Well, imagine my surprise and delight to find that Istanbul was my favorite port of call! Had I done my usual 'homework', reading everything I could get my hands on about Istanbul, I probably would have been disappointed with the reality.  Instead, I was pleasantly surprised & delighted.

Next month we travel to 5 countries in Eastern Europe on a river cruise. I've purposely done NO 'homework' on these countries, and I plan to arrive at those destinations unprepared for what awaits me.  I will not spend my energy anticipating future satisfactions, but will remain present in THIS moment ONLY.  If I expend my energy building up the anticipation of visiting these countries, the actual event is likely to be disappointing indeed.

  Weight loss is particularly 'disappointing' and anti-climactic when we reach our goal weight.........we believe life is going to be perfect when we reach the utopian state of 'goal', and when we find that nothing much changes except the size tag in our jeans, boy howdy, we're let down and disappointed beyond belief.

The joy is in the journey, truthfully, and not in the end result of any given situation.

For today, may I LIVE today & leave the future in God's hands.

Today's thought from Hazelden: November 11th

It is impossible that anything should be produced if there were nothing existing before.
--Aristotle

Everything comes from something. All the organic compounds in our world come from four elements: carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen. From these simple ingredients have developed the marvelous chains of self-replicating proteins that fill the planet with jungles, gardens, farms, the swarming life of the sea, and four billion people.

Each of us contains all human possibilities within ourselves. Nothing that we do comes from nowhere; we all have the capacity for great goodness as well as great selfishness and blindness. The choice, at every moment, is ours. What will we use out of our formidable repertoire of responses?

Most of us have a pattern of response that we are comfortable with. Our habitual behavior saves us from the discomfort of always having to make a choice. But in exchange for comfort, we give up a little bit of our spontaneity. Every once in a while, it's good for us to become aware of what our habits are, and what determines our usual behavior.

Today I'll take myself off automatic pilot and navigate the whole course in person.

You are reading from the book:
The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

 

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Most of us LIVE on auto-pilot. Becoming conscious is such a huge part of this journey. We function with a closed mind, going through the motions of life, without actually allowing ourselves to FEEL. Food and other addictions are a great way to keep the mind closed and shut down, precisely so we DON'T have to feel..............we wind up shutting out pain AND joy along the way. When we take ourselves off of auto-pilot, we begin to live as we were intended to live, allowing ourselves to experience ALL that life has to offer, the pain, the joy, and the emotions, good or bad.

For today, I'll take myself off automatic pilot & navigate my life in person.

Food for Thought: November 10th

Plan Plans, Not Results

Understanding that we do not have the power to control the results of our plans is an important step toward accepting reality. We do make plans, based on the information, experience, and insight which we have available to us. The outcome of our plans, however, is dependent on circumstances, which are frequently beyond our control.

When we accept the fact that the results of our plans are always in the hands of our Higher Power, we can relax and leave the outcome to Him. When we do not insist compulsively that life go according to our design, we are able to avoid the inevitable frustration produced by such an unrealistic attitude. However good our intentions, our designs are always finite and based on limited knowledge. We need to trust a Power greater than ourselves.

Our idea of what is best for ourselves and those we love may not always be right, according to God's will. The faith that He will carry out His design for us, even when we do not understand it, relieves us of much anxiety and frustration.

I leave results to You.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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I have one job: that is to stay abstinent and obedient to my Food Plan. If I do that, God takes care of my weight and my health and everything else in life. If I am a slave to the scale, then I will manipulate my Food Plan to achieve the results I think are best for me.  I am again 'dieting' and starving myself or having binges, based on a number instead of a principle.

I accept the fact the results of my plans are always in the hands of my Higher Power.  I can relax and leave the outcome to Him, after doing my share of the footwork required.

For today, I have no idea what's 'best' for me. God does, however, so I will leave my life in His care.

The Language of Letting Go: November 9th

Accepting Love

Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.

To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.

Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.

In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'

We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?

Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?

We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.

Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.

Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what his or her share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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Food for Thought

Where's the Party?

Most of us have early memories of birthday parties - our own and those of other children - and as compulsive overeaters, we probably remember the food more than anything else. For as long as we can recollect, parties have meant eating and drinking. The better and more abundant the food and drink, the better the party; or so we thought.

Maintaining abstinence means that we will attend parties where we do not eat and drink, if what is available is not on our food plan. In order to do this with serenity and enjoyment, we need to redefine our idea of a party. It is no celebration if we break our abstinence and go back to compulsive overeating.

Through this program, we come to see that a party is something more than an occasion for eating and drinking. Enjoying ourselves with other people requires goodwill, mutual attraction, and the effort to communicate with and affirm each other. If these elements are present, there will be a party whether or not there is anything to eat or drink. If these elements are absent, no amount of refreshments will ensure a good time.

Thank You for fun.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

Recovery Meditations: November 8th

~ DROWNING TROUBLES ~

You can't drown your troubles,
because trouble can swim.

Margaret Millar


My feelings have always been too large for me to handle alone. Whenever I felt troubled or had a problem too big to handle, I always turned to my friend and comforter...FOOD. This friend and I went everywhere together and with it, I figured that I could handle anything thrown at me. This friend made me feel good. I was drowning my troubles one by one.

Then someone said to me, "Don't you know that eating too much, drinking too much or even working too much won't solve your problems! Troubles usually reproduce themselves rapidly when you try to drown them."

I really didn't understand what she was trying to tell me but kept the thought tucked inside my hat. My friend food and I just kept batting these troubles deeper and deeper in my sea of tears, but sure enough, they would bounce right back up at me again later only twice as bad. What was happening? I was using my friend more each time and I began to hate it. Why was food trying to hurt me? I really thought it was my friend.

Finally, after many bruises, I realized what that person was trying to tell me. She was right. My troubles were swimming and I was drowning. I was using one of my addictions to try and fight the others, and was only going in circles. I was caught in a tidal wave and unable to get out alone. Each of my other addictions were throwing me back to my primary addiction of compulsive eating...my former friend, FOOD.

But where could I go? What could I do? The wonderful person who warned me led me to my recovery meeting and stayed with me. She helped me to find a Higher Power who was always there to help. I learned to share my experiences with my recovery family of choice. I got a wonderful sponsor who also knew me as well as I know myself. Together we looked at all the problems and troubles of the past and they weren't so heavy any more. I moved out of the deep sea that I couldn't swim in, and on dryer, more sturdy ground. What a relief!

One Day at a Time . . .
I remember that my troubles are strong and can drown me in the sea of food if I try to handle them alone. Troubles may be able to swim strongly, but they are NO MATCH for me, my Higher Power, my sponsor and Program. Together, we are strong, but alone we are weak. Together we can do what we can never do alone.

~ Jeanette ~

My Certified Health Coach Website

Food for Thought: November 7th

Food Is Not Mother

In the mind of a baby; "food" is synonymous with "mother." As the baby grows, the two concepts become differentiated, but perhaps never completely separated. We compulsive overeaters may still be confusing food with mother.

Often we feel a great deal of hostility and resentment toward our mother - she did not give us enough love, or she gave us the wrong kind; she over fed us, or she denied us what we needed. We may still be searching the refrigerator for the perfect mother! Isn't it about time to realize that she is not there?

No matter what we eat, or how much, we cannot turn back the clock and again become part of our mother. Perhaps instead of being inadequate, our mother was such a great source of comfort and satisfaction that we do not want to face life without a substitute for her presence. Our Higher Power intends that we come to depend on Him even more than we once depended on our mother. He daily offers us a relationship of even greater love and closeness than the one between mother and child. To grow in that relationship requires abstinence from compulsive overeating.

I turn over to You my relationship with my mother.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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I think I've spent the past 5 decades searching the refrigerator for the perfect mother? And yes, it IS about time to realize she's not in there.

I was overfed continuously as an infant and child, then sent to Weight Watchers at 12 years old because I was overweight. I had to eat eat and EAT, and if I didn't, then I wasn't a good girl.  Then when I became overweight as a result of all that overeating, I STILL wasn't a good girl. What a vicious cycle.

Every time I am in my mother's presence, I feel the need to overeat. If we are at the grocery store, I've been known to run down the junk food aisle and place a bag of pretzels in my cart, just to feel 'safe' and to have my trusty old 'friend' food to help me cope with the chaos of the moment.  Wherever mother goes, chaos follows.........and my old coping skills STILL kick in, to this day. I've been known to throw the pretzels out when I get home, but they provided me with comfort for the moment, because I knew they were THERE.
Ridiculous, but typical of COE behavior.

For today, I rely on my Higher Power as a source of comfort, regardless of any chaos that may surround me.  Pretzels cannot provide the comfort I seek...........even when I think they WILL. Only God can provide me with the inner peace I seek.

Amen to I turn over to You my relationship with my mother.

Recovery Meditations: November 6th

~ FREEDOM ~

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

The Bible, Book of John


In the past, when I was threatened by another person's thoughts, beliefs, actions, or desires, I simply deemed them completely unacceptable and worked hard to convince the other person just how wrong they were. I cited all kinds of religious doctrine and politically correct ideas to try to convince the other person why their ideas were unacceptable.

This "convincing" was nothing more than an attempt to control another so I wouldn't have to face myself or any of the things that caused me anxiety and fear. All I succeeded in doing was forcing others to help me lie to myself. Of course, this also created its own anxiety and fear, so I had to do something to cover it up. What did I do? I compulsively overate, I binged, I purged, I exercised, I starved myself, I abused laxatives, and on and on.

Today, because of my Higher Power and the gifts of this program, I can look at why some thoughts, feelings, beliefs and desires threaten me. I can be gentle with myself as I look at which of my "boo-boo buttons" have been pushed. I can ask myself how I've been hurt by these ideas in the past and learn how those "boo-boo buttons" were produced in the first place.

Just like a wound, exposing my hurts to the sunlight helps them heal. Bringing them out into the light helps me see all the truth about them--not just the distorted parts I felt in the darkness. I can see what my part was and I can see what the part of others may have been. Through working the Twelve Steps, I can find peace with these hurts and experience the promise of not regretting or wanting to close the door on the past.

One Day at a Time . . .
I can set myself free from the darkness by looking at past hurts in the light of truth.

~ Sandee S. ~

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The Road to Freedom (Blog May, 2011)

If you’re like me, you’ve tried a hundred different diet programs looking for ‘the answer’ to permanent weight loss.

If you’re like me, you’ve successfully lost weight & regained every single pound back, with a couple of extras, to boot.

If you’re like me, you’ve felt like a failure with every new diet venture you’ve taken on.  With every new diet scheme, I lost a little more of ME along with some poundage I managed to regain.

I set myself up for failure & disappointment for the past 40 years as I’ve tried to manage my weight, unsuccessfully.

I thought all my problems would magically vanish if only I could get my weight under control.

When the diet ended, and I STILL had the same problems, I wondered what went wrong? And so the regain began as I went back to the old habits that enslaved me for 40 years.

What went wrong was this: I didn’t like ME. After I’d lost the weight & managed to get my body looking good, I still didn’t like the person I was on the inside.

Because weight loss doesn’t change who we are on the inside. It only changes what we look like on the outside.

Little did I realize that the only thing that had to change for me was EVERYTHING.

When I took on the 5/1 (Medifast), it was to be my last formal diet. At 51 years old, this was IT. I was so DONE with all the weight loss schemes and false promises. I’d either lose the weight AND keep it off, this time, or I’d live out the rest of my life obese & resign myself to it.

But, I wondered, what would be different This Time? What could the 5/1 teach me that I didn’t already know? After 40 years of dieting, I was an ‘expert’ on all things food-related, wasn’t I? I knew all about calories & carbs & fats. I knew all about exercise. I knew all about which foods were ‘fat burners’ and which foods weren’t. Yada yada.

I was, after all, The Diet Queen. Wasn’t I?

Yep, I was the Diet Queen alright, but I really didn’t know anything at ALL about weight management.

Staying committed to the 5/1 100% taught me a great number of things.

While staying true to the food plan, I wasn’t able to overeat & satisfy myself emotionally with the ‘comfort’ of excess food.

 My Certified Health Coach Website

What did THAT do???

That taught me some new coping techniques to deal with my emotions, rather than stuffing them BACK with too much food.

I discovered I didn’t have many good coping skills at all! Who knew? 

Had I not stayed OP all the time, how would I have discovered those truths about myself??? 

I wouldn’t have. And I would’ve stayed ON the very yo-yo diet cycle I was so desperate to get OFF of, once & for all.

I discovered I could eat small amounts of food all day long & still lose weight!

I discovered what was lacking in my life was Structure. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to, and that pertained to eating, to exercise, and to life in general.

I had no formal routine to follow to keep me on track with my life.

That’s what the 5/1 did for me: it taught me the importance of structure & routine when it comes to food. 

If I know that I can eat at 8, 11, 2, 5, 7 & 10 pm every day, I don’t feel the need to overeat any one meal because another one is coming up shortly. This is what keeps me going in Maintenance now, for the past 4 years & 11 months.

Eating on a regular basis.

While I stayed committed to the 5/1, I learned quite a bit about myself. I dwelled in the negative. I found reasons to feel miserable instead of to feel grateful. If I dwelled in misery all the time, didn’t that ENTITLE me to overeat?  

I felt an awful lot of resentment for others.  And, as Nelson Mandela said, "Resentment is like drinking poison yourself and then hoping it will kill your enemies."

I learned what my triggers were/are for overeating. Aside from the usual HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired…..boredom drove me to overeat, BIG time. I needed something to DO and if I didn’t have something to DO, I wound up wanting to EAT. Food for entertainment was/is another big trigger for me. HOW could I go out and NOT overeat or have cocktails?? HOW could I possibly have a GOOD time without all that excess?

Staying committed to the 5/1 for a long time forced me to slow down....to look at my life and how I'd been living it.....in super high speed without taking the time to savor the moment.

Staying OP all the time taught me I COULD go out and have a good time without overindulging. I involved myself with the company instead of the calories.

Staying OP taught me that I could get through ANY situation on earth without overeating! Staying OP empowered ME to become a whole NEW me!

Staying OP all the time allowed me to see that I was living the Victim mentality, and wearing my scars like a badge of honor. Didn’t those scars entitle me to overeat? Didn’t the fact that I had lived a less-than-awesome childhood give me the Right to eat & drink to excess? That was the mentality that kept me fat AND kept me miserable. If I was to change my body size, I KNEW I had to change my whole way of thinking.

Staying OP taught me that I COULD commit to something and be successful.

When I was obese, I thought I was lazy & unable to commit to anything long term.  By staying committed to the 5/1, I found out otherwise. If I could stay committed to a Food Plan, I could also stay committed to lots of other things. Like keeping the house clean & orderly; staying Positive instead of Negative, dwelling on the Good instead of the Bad, listening more & talking less, giving Back instead of taking, sticking to a household budget & not overspending.  I worked on my Resentment of others by learning to speak MY mind & to stand up for MYSELF instead of stuffing back all that emotion. All sorts of good behaviors resulted from staying committed to the Food Plan.

I PROVED to myself I wasn’t a worthless person. I PROVED to myself it was my behaviors that needed changing BIG time, in many areas, not just with my food intake.

And it all started with ONE commitment: the Food Plan.

And it flowered from there.

And every day, I’m becoming the person I want to be, and the person God intended me TO be. I finally feel my worth as a human being & thanks to feeling worthy, I no longer feel the need to draw comfort from food.

Staying committed to the 5/1 may not sound like such a big deal for many.  But for me, it was THE biggest deal of my life.

And it all starts with ONE commitment: the 5/1. Stay committed to IT, and find out how to pave YOUR road to freedom, one day at a time, one packet at a time.

The Language of Letting Go: November 5th

Let's Make a Deal

The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was okay. I just couldn't see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality.
  —Anonymous

One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In barraging, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.

We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.

Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.

"If I try to be a better person, then this won't happen...If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won't have to face this loss, this change."

There are stories from members of Al Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic's drinking: "If I keep the house cleaner, he won't drink.... If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won't drink... If I buy my son a new car, he'll stop using drugs."

Adult children have bargained with their losses too: "Maybe if I'm the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be." We do big, small, and in between things, sometimes-crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.

There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.

Today, I will give others and myself the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable, but I will give myself permission to be human.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

The Language of Letting Go: November 4th

Anger

Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.

As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.

It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.

Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.

God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

Food for Thought: November 3rd

Learning Moderation

If we had known how to practice moderation, we would not have become compulsive overeaters. Following the abstinence guidelines enables us to eat moderately. Working the Twelve Steps teaches us moderation in other activities.

Knowing when to quit involves knowing ourselves. We tend to get carried away with our determination to finish a job today, to explain our life history to a new friend in one afternoon, to complete a major project in record time. The tendency to devour life rapidly in huge chunks can be as damaging as compulsive overeating.

It is the serenity we acquire from contact with our Higher Power that saves us from wearing ourselves out compulsively. An awareness of the quiet Power and order, which sustains all life calms our over, stimulated personalities. Dependence on God as we understand Him gives us the support and confidence we need to be content with moderate efforts and accomplishments.

Teach me to practice moderation.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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I've struggled to find 'moderation' my whole life, with everything, not just food. I have an 'all-or-nothing' mentality, lack of patience, and the desire to put in the least effort to achieve the best result. I leave projects unfinished, then dislike myself for lack of commitment. This is the story of my life in a nutshell.

Finding abstinence was the key to getting my entire LIFE under control, through structure.  The strict structure of the Food Plan leads to the desire for structure in other facets of life as well. For the past 5 years, I've worked on ALL of the areas that need attention: my house, chores, obligations, etc.  I've recently incorporated gym exercise into my structured lifestyle, and I'm finally getting my body in shape physically.

Knowing when to quit, or what constitutes 'Enough', has been a process of trial & error. The 12 Steps gives me a blueprint of how to live my entire life moderately, focusing on peace & acceptance rather than chaos & struggle.

For today, I will not devour life rapidly in huge chunks, but partake slowly, in small & patient bites.

The Language of Letting Go: November 2nd

The Grief Process

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief."

How do we grieve?

Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate. Ultimately, by surrendering to the pain.

The grief process, says Elisabeth Kubler Ross, is a five stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much back and forth movement - until we reach that peaceful state called acceptance.

When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we are usually referring to losses about which we have not completed grieving. We're talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief process. Usually, for adult children and codependents, the place where we become stuck is denial.. Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn to help others and ourselves by understanding and becoming familiar with this process. We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.

Today, God, help me open myself to the process of grieving my losses. Help me allow myself to flow through the grief process, accepting all the stages so I might achieve peace and acceptance in my life. Help me learn to be gentle with others and myself while we go through this very human process of healing.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

The Language of Letting Go: November 1st

Transformation through Grief

We're striving for acceptance in recovery - acceptance of our past, other people, our present circumstances, and ourselves. Acceptance brings peace, healing, and freedom - the freedom to take care of ourselves.

Acceptance is not a one step process. Before we achieve acceptance, we go toward it in stages of denial, anger, negotiating, and sadness. We call these stages the grief process. Grief can be frustrating. It can be confusing. We may vacillate between sadness and denial. Our behaviors may vacillate. Others may not understand us. We may neither understand our own behavior nor ourselves while we're grieving our losses. Then one day, things become clear. The fog lifts, and we see that we have been struggling to face and accept a particular reality.

Don't worry. If we are taking steps to take care of ourselves, we will move through this process at exactly the right pace. Be understanding with yourself and others for the very human way we go through transition.

Today, I will accept the way I go through change. I will accept the grief process, and its stages, as the way people accept loss and change.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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In order to arrive at the Acceptance stage of Recovery, we must first go through all the other stages of grief.  We're saying goodbye to those 'comfort' foods as our drug of choice, and having a funeral for all of our favorites. It's only natural to feel denial, anger & sadness along the way. And it's only natural to start bargaining for what we want.  That's the "I'll eat today & start the diet Monday" mentality.  Bargaining keeps us mired IN the disease and using denial to STAY there. 

The only way out of a situation is THROUGH it. When we allow ourselves to experience the stages of grief, that is when we finally reach the Acceptance phase and life gets a whole lot easier.  Unfortunately, most of us waffle back & forth through the first 4 stages, and we can STAY there if we're not careful.

I reached the Acceptance phase of my journey after acknowledging the fact that I cannot eat sugar and stay abstinent at the same time.  This comes, mind you, after 5 years! I'd regained 15 lbs after having my teeth pulled out in December, and it took me 7 months to get back to plan!  I came back, finally, after issuing the following statement:

I DO NOT EAT SUGAR PERIOD

Uttering that statement forces me to accept the fact that I am an addict, and cannot tolerate sugar 'in moderation'.  So.........as long as I don't eat sugar, I'm golden.  It's been over 3 months since I've had sugar, and my mind and soul is in a much better place NOW than it was before I decided to eliminate sugar from my life.

Abstinence requires brutal honesty, and the willingness to pass THROUGH the stages of grief as they come.

For today, I will accept the way I go through change. I will accept the grief process, and its stages, as the way people accept loss & change. And finally, I will not poo-poo this grief process away, saying it's not applicable to food. As long as I am abusing food, it IS applicable.  Sugar is more addictive than cocaine.  

Recovery Meditations: October 31st

SERVICE

“Service is the rent that you pay for room on this earth.”"
Shirley Chisholm

Midway through my first fourth step someone asked me to sponsor her. I was thrilled and eager to share my experience, strength and hope. As my work with my sponsee progressed, something began to happen in my own program. All that I had learned and was sharing with my sponsee reminded me of where I came from and how far I had progressed. I found that my recovery was strengthened through this process of giving away my experiences in program. This service allowed me to keep what I had received.

It is vital for me that I serve the program of OA in all different manners: as a sponsor; as a leader of a step meeting; as treasurer of a local meeting; and by reaching out to newcomers, people in relapse, and others in the OA fellowship. The more I give, the more I receive.

One day at a time...
I will give service to the OA fellowship so that I may remain in recovery.

~ Cindi L.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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It's true........we can't keep what we have unless we give it away. Once I became involved with like-minded people who share my disease of compulsive overeating, I was finally on the road to recovery, after many failed attempts in the past.  Only by giving BACK can I keep my own recovery intact.

Giving service replenishes the soul.  Giving service keeps me out of my own head, and thereby, out of the food/addictive behavior.  Compulsive eating is a disease of isolation, where we live inside of our heads and become obsessed with ego. There is a whole wide world that exists OUTSIDE of ourselves, and it's vital to join the human race instead of to isolate and stay self-absorbed.

Coaching others has been a gift to me, unlike any other.  Sharing my experience, strength & hope with others who suffer is priceless. It enables me to keep MY program intact while encouraging others to find their OWN strength and hope.

For today, I will give service so that I may remain in recovery.

Food for Thought: October 30th

Accent on the Present

When we were obsessed with food, we were often obsessed with the past as well. We would rehash old hurts and resentments, old fears and desires. Our dreams, along with our waking hours, may have been filled with people from our past. Such preoccupation with the past prevented us from focusing on the present.

By realizing that compulsive overeating is a nonstop trip back to the hurts of the past, we become more determined to maintain abstinence. If we are to be alive in the present, we need to let go of the past. What is over is over and cannot be replayed except in our minds.

What we can do is turn our memories over to our Higher Power for healing. The creative Spirit, which is not bound by time, can take away old hurts and resentments. Then we are free to deal with the present and concentrate on doing God's will for us now, today. Living in the present keeps us in touch with the Power, which restores us to sanity.

May I remember that You are always now. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.